In February 1999, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, was finished with me. I had no more money, no more credit and no more earning capacity, because my business was ruined. So Montgomery arranged for me to find out that he’d had a child with another woman during our marriage. With this, I left, as I’m sure he expected.
Oh, he made a few attempts to reel me back in. “It’s not what you think,” he said. “Let me explain.” I didn’t. I kept driving.
I never saw him again. And now, after hearing so many of your stories about the sociopaths who won’t go away, I realize how lucky I was. I didn’t have a child with him. I didn’t have to attempt to co-parent with a sociopath, while the sociopath tried to turn the children against me.
My heart breaks for all of you in this unwinnable situation, stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Not long ago, I heard from a woman who is in this position. We’ll call her “Marsha.” Marsha was married for 16 years to a guy who she now knows is a sociopath. They’ve been divorced for two years. They have five kids—two teenagers, three younger. Her ex has regular visitation times when he’s supposed to pick up the kids, although he hasn’t shown up for his Saturday afternoon time in months.
Marsha sometimes sees her ex at events for the kids, which is uncomfortable for her. She writes:
The last one was particularly upsetting for me, as he came over to my mom and gave her a hug, asked her how she was, and appeared to be very moved to see her. I know it is all bs, but the cognitive dissonance it creates…
How should I “be” around my ex? Do I speak in a friendly tone, similar to the way he is speaking to me, do I keep everything monotone, do I try to avoid speaking to him altogether, or is there some other option?
I don’t know how to advise Marsha. So, Lovefraud readers, especially those of you who are coping with similar situations, what do you suggest?
learnthelesson
Erin B – Right on!
And its so true that it depends on the situation. If your ex is coming to your childs school and sports events and even going up to your mom and hugging her hello – you can always just busy yourself on the sidelines. If it is your goal to be cordial around your children because things have calmed down a bit – then I suggest doing to the S a bit of mimicking – he says hello — you say hello and then take a phone call, or find another parent to chat with — simply busy yourself and get through the event. You owe him nothing. Again – just set whatever boundaries you would like to have in place for your well being and that of your children.
If the situation calls for ZERO interaction because of unresolved issues, court hearings, total disrespect for you and your family members – treat them like Oxy says “as a potted plant in the room”….
hens
very good post miss erin .. good for me that I am one of those that does not have to have contact in anyway..but if i do come across him somewhere sometime I will not give him the chance to engage me in eye contact or a chance to speak to me because it wont be pretty if I do…still have my paint ball gun ready just in case he comes a knockin tho…
onelukygurl
Yeah…ErinBrock:
Alone time with me…uh huh! At one point after we had broken up in June he sent me pictures of us on our second trip when things were still ‘good’ and said…’do you think we can get back to this baby…to the love we had our first year together?”
It almost made me sick cause I thought to myself “I DIDNT FUCK SHIT UP!” And he’s right…our first year and a half were very nice…and then he ‘met up’ with his ‘ex’ during a time he was pissed at me…and it went ALL DOWNHILL from that point on…
He tried asking ME if, in essence, I could change myself back to when we were dating in the beginning…you know, to the time when I believed what he said to me and he could do no wrong in my eyes. Unfortunately for him, I got ‘on’ to his game and the shit…and yes, I was different!
What a f*&%tard!
onelukygurl
And by the way…my internet name has NOTHING to do with beign someones “ex”…
It means aerobics pycho babe…robxsykobabe!
Dont want anyone to think Im bragging about him…TRUST ME! 😛
ErinBrock
ROTFLMAO…..ROxsykobabe…….
I totally thought you were robs X pyscho babe….
My interpretation of your name….
Rob=the ex
X=x
sykobabe=what he used to call you…..psycho babe.
I’m cracking up….and I”M SO GLAD you clarified this for me!!!!
NEVER would I have gotten the aerobics connection…..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
🙂
ErinBrock
Hens….
Was that purple and green to go with his black truck?
And BTW….I love the MISS part……I felt my whole life…I was mrs…..so MISS is a real honor!!!
THANKS!
ErinBrock
We talk about the ‘eyes’
Check out this clown……OMG…the eyes just pop right out atcha!
http://www.rgj.com/article/20100202/NEWS01/100202026
This is my ‘thing’ lately….the eyes….even the kids say….OMG…mom did you see his eyes….I notice everyones eyes now.
onelukygurl
ErinBrock:
NO, no…Im a group fitness instructor, a therapist and, well, a BABE! AHhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
ErinBrock
YOU GO GIRL!!!
I’m still laughing though…….
Rosa
Oprah is interviewing the children of Wanda Barzee on today’s show.
Wanda Barzee and Brian David Mitchell are the ones who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart.
Speaking of creepy eyes, those two definitely have “psychopath eyes”.
Once again, the words “mental illness”, “monster”, & “master manipulator” were used, but not the word “psychopath”.
And, as far as I am concerned, these two are textbook psychopaths. The worst of the worst.
It’s scary because apparently Wanda Barzee is in a mental hospital getting “help” for her mental illness.
It’s truly a miracle that these kids turned out OK, because their accounts of childhood abuse are horrific.
They said they wanted to appear on Oprah, because the media mis-characterized their mother as a victim of Brian David Mitchell’s abuse.
They said that she is no victim.
Instead, they claim that she is a monster in her own right, and they wanted everyone to know it.