LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I feel stupid that I was blind

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Roger.”

I am writing this from Tokyo, Japan and would like to tell you about my experience with a person that “conned” me.

Last year I experienced having a very short relationship with a lady that fits the description of being a sociopath: has no heart, no conscience and no remorse. In addition, now I know that she thought nothing of lying, cheating and stealing my money!

I met this lady, who is a full-time lecturer at a university here in Tokyo (as am I) at a dinner party in June last year. It was arranged by a person whom I know (and trusted) and his wife, and they were trying play “Cupid.” He, too, is a professor at a university here in Tokyo.

They knew that I had just experienced a terrible six months: the death of my father, the break-up of a six year relationship, the earthquake here in Japan, and that I was going through a very low patch in my life. Also, that she was single.

First request for money

After a month of dating, I received a call from her in a hysterical state that the local government had gone into her account and taken taxes that she owed (This has actually happened to friends of mine, so I had no reason to doubt it!) and this was money that she had promised her family.

With all her academic credentials, I thought I could trust her and I would do the right thing as a friend and offer her a short-term loan to help her family.

Well she agreed to accept my offer, however, this is where the first “red flag” came up, but I chose to ignore it! She asked for the loan in cash, as she stated it would be easier to transfer the money into her overseas bank account.

Now when I look back at the whole situation, I feel “stupid” and that I was “blind,” as I was looking for something that definitely was not there—a balanced relationship.

Trusting her and being in the middle of moving house, I did not think of asking her for an I.O.U, due to so much was going on in my life at the time. My mind was “all over the place.” I still do now know why I did not hand write one and get her to sign it.

Then for the next several weeks after this, when we met, there were several angry and hysterical scenes on her behalf and it got to a point that I had to say that we should just be friends. I could not tolerate her actions; she knew that I was exhausted and had no energy to argue back.

Here is where I should have completely cut off all contact with her, however, the amount that I lent her was too much to walk away from, so I tried to be friends with her.

Second request for money

Then after several weeks she informed me that she had work problems and health problems and did not have money to cover her medical and study commitments; she now asked for a loan and stated that she would repay all the amount owing in the following months.

When we next met, I asked her to give me an I.O.U., and she went into this trust episode and I thought that it would be disrespectful of me to create a public scene. My stupidity again!

We came to agreement that she would start repaying the amount back as soon as possible, and that she had a few other things to sort out.

Luckily, the second loan I made was via a bank transfer, so it has been documented.

As I did not hear from her for several weeks, I approached her and asked her to start repaying me, so that we can go our separate ways.

Denied the loans

This is when the “fun” began! She totally denied that any money had been loaned to her. She said she owed me nothing and that everything was finished, and that I should go on with my life and stop harassing her. She actually went to the police and filed a formal harassment complaint. The police have called me several times.

I am now in legal proceedings against her, and she is saying the first loan never happened and that the second loan was me repaying a loan that I had with her. Also, that I bought stamps from her (I have no idea where that came from) and that all the “crisis happenings” above never happened! She had never had any tax problems, health, work or family issues.

This is where I should have kept her e-mails (in my anger I deleted all her emails, however, luckily I kept the ones that I sent her). Now that we are in court, she has produced photocopied SMS dialogue that I can only assumed were Photoshopped, and when I (via my lawyer) asked her to produce the phone in court, I was informed that the messages had been deleted. (How appropriate!)

Here is where the whole matter can be clarified, as in the actual SMS dialogues we had, she mentions that she will repay the loan. However,the court will not subpoena the telephone dialogue, as in Japan there is obviously an amount before they will do that (the eyes of the law are not equal in some cases).

The legal proceedings are still ongoing and according my lawyer, because she is so vague and even though her credibilty is in question, she may get away with this “scam;” in Japan the law tends to be very kind to women and does not believe that they could be so calculating.