By James
A few days ago while watching television with my oldest son, he turned to me and said, “You know, Dad, what biggest lie she ever told us was?”
I said, “No, son, I don’t.”
“When she told us nothing was going to change, and how much everything has changed.”
“Guess so, Son. Maybe that was the biggest lie she ever told us.”
I remember that day so well, as if it only happened yesterday. It was the evening of May 22, 2006, between the hours of 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. The cold months were ending and summer would soon be here, only this summer would be much more different than my children and I could ever imagine. I just finished with the washing, trying to help out more around the house, after my ex and I had a big fight on Mother’s Day, when she decided not to come home, after telling me about her going to a hair demonstration with her sister and mother. I know now that was a lie, and that she left the state and went to spend the night with the person whom she left her children for. In fact, I was even at this time still trying to work on our relationship, again and again, trying to satisfy her by doing whatever it took to somehow make this relationship work. To somehow save our relationship and save my family. After finishing the washing, my ex out of the blue informed me that she had something to tell me and she believed that I wouldn’t like it, as stated by her own words.
I looked at her and, without her saying one word, I replied, “You met someone and you are leaving us?”
She only shook her head yes to reply.
“Do you love him?” I asked. And she only shook her head yes to reply.
For some reason after she informed me of this, the time she didn’t return home on Mother’s Day came flooding back to me. Her telling me a few days before how her mother and sister wanted her to go with them to some kind of hair event. I remembered calling her cell phone late that evening, the day before Mother’s Day, and asking when she was coming home, and her telling me that she was going to spend the night at her mother’s home and then return home on Mother’s Day. I remembered asking her what time on Sunday would she be getting home, and she informed me that it would be late. I reminded her that it was Mother’s Day, and I wanted to spend some of the day as a family with her and the boys. She told me that she would return home early, and this too was a lie. In fact, she didn’t return home on Mother’s Day until very late that evening.
After telling me about leaving us, and how she would move in and live with her parents (that too was a lie), she told me that she would leave in a week. Now, dear readers, please understand what kind of emotional state I was in, trying hard to deal with this. I told her NO! If she wanted to go she would have to leave tonight, believing this was best for the children, her and myself. I demanded that she get what property she needed and leave as soon as possible. Soon both children were alerted because once again we were fighting. They asked me what was wrong and I informed both children that their mother was leaving us for another man and would be living with her parents. My oldest was 15 at the time and glad that she was leaving, in fact he told me, “Dad, I am glad she is leaving!” Still my other child, 12 years of age, was in tears. My heart was torn…
For some reason my 12-year-old wanted to know the name of the person she was leaving us for. He begged her and I told her to just TELL HIM! The name she gave him was also a lie, which we didn’t learn until a few weeks after she left. But you see, dear readers, that still wasn’t the biggest lie. I also remember when she told us the she was willing to stay for one week before leaving, and my youngest son begging me to let her. Where was she standing while my 12-year-old was begging and crying out to me? She was standing right behind him! Looking at me, while my youngest was begging me, with a slight grin on her face! I remember that grin so well because I saw it many times before on her! She would smile like that when she knew she had me over a barrel, but this time it didn’t work! I replied to him, “No Son, I believe it would be best for her to leave tonight.”
I remember her telling me she wouldn’t leave the house until she used our house phone (I never really knew who she called) to call her mother to tell her she was coming over. So I told her to use her cell phone. She replied that she didn’t have any minute left on the cell to use. This too was a lie, because a couple days later my oldest told me he remembered seeing her add minutes to her cell that day. But still this wasn’t the biggest lie.
Then at one point during this nightmare, she told both the boys, “Nothing was going to change, only your dad and me won’t be living together anymore.”
I, of course, yelled back at her, “THAT IS A LIE AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE!” As I told her this, I was looking straight in her face, and this is what I saw: Nothing!
Dear readers, please allow to me explain. I saw this plain, emotionally detached look on her face many times before, but for some reason, maybe because this would be the last time I would see “the look,” it took a different shape and a new meaning for me.
What I witnessed were two children in emotional turmoil. Me being torn between wanting her to leave and still wanting her to stay. The oldest yelling at me to let her go, “Dad, just let her GO!” He had enough of her and her BS. The other child crying, begging her not to leave and begging me to let her stay for the week she requested! I, too, was torn, but knew the best thing at this moment was to get her out as quickly as possible, believing her lies about living with her parents. I witnessed three people in anguish. But in her blank expression I saw absolutely nothing! No emotions, no feeling! No empathy or compassion for her own children. No tears from her! No regrets from her! I witnessed from her not one single emotional expression, other then that grin, when she was standing behind my youngest son who was begging me to let her stay for one week! I saw nothing in those eyes!
At the time I didn’t know what a sociopath was. Never knew anything about people that suffer from personality disorders. Narcissistic behavior was just a word I heard from a movie I watched. A borderline personality disorder? What was that? I knew nothing about any of these terms. So why, when I saw her expression during this time did it chill me to the bone and throw me for an emotional loop I can never explain? Out of all the fights we had during our 17 years together, how does this one stand out so clear in my mind? The reason I believe, dear readers, is because I looked into the eyes of a sociopath and saw the deep abyss of someone who could tell her own children the biggest lie, and not even blink. I saw in those eyes nothing, empty of any emotional connection between her children and herself. I SAW NOTHING! I SAW THE EYES OF A SOCIOPATH FOR THE FIRST TIME, BUT THIS TIME I REALLY TRULY SAW IT AND REMEMBER IT! EVEN TO THIS DAY!
LIG: I’m almost too old to have children. But I believe if 2 people really love eachother and want a child, there is always adoption. I wasn’t against that. He wanted a child to hook me. His reason to have a baby? He said he couldn’t feel the same love for a woman unless they had a child with him. That’s BS. Look at all the woman who had his kids and he abandoned. He never loved any of them.
Iwonder: well, maybe that’s not entirely false. my ex would sometimes defend his wife (who he treated like crap and cheated on constantly) if i ever said anything negative about her. ”she’s the mother of my children!” he would rant.
but it’s a property thing. he might as well have said. ”she’s my property and my property is of the best quality so how dare you speak negatively about it.”
see? so it may be true that he can’t ‘love’ them … unless they are property which is solidified with a child.
i dunno. who can figure it out, but that sorta makes sense to me.
LIG: The mom of the last 2 kids he has is a nice lady. Since the son lived with us for the last school year, her and I spoke many times. My ex S was an ass…even to her…the mother of his kid. One day he was yelling at her on the phone and called her a whore. The son was right in the living room. He started to cry. I screamed at my ex…”what’s wrong with you?” No matter how you feel about the woman, he’s still his mother and you don’t call his mom a “whore” right in front of him. He loves his mom. You have no right to do that!
I spoke with the mom not too long after that and she told me my x called her that. I told her, “i’m sorry.” “I know. I was right there and believe me, I told him what he did was wrong.” I also talked to the boy and told him not to be upset. He did nothing wrong, it’s just your mom and dad don’t get along.
I really like the mom. She was just another victim. He used her too. He was just about to leave her and tell her he didn’t love her anymore when she told him she was pregnant with that boy. Instead of leaving, he stayed so he could be with the 2 kids. He stayed for 6 years. Living for free. He said he didn’t sleep with her and the arrangement was that if she ever found a new man, he would have to leave. That day did come. She told him he had to go, he said he was devastated that he wouldn’t be with the 2 kids anymore. Oh well. she re-married and is happy.
Hey everyone. I just noticed something so funny. None of us want to type out the name of the S or the P. Why is that? Wouldn’t it be liberating to type the names out?
Dear Iwonder: It’s due to 1) we’re decent and still have respect for others no matter what they did to us.
2) The are presumed innocent until proved guilty … line of thinking .
Iwonder: Besides, you can post your ex, photos and all, on the cheaters site. I forgot the name it … so anyone else reading this blog … write Iwonder with the name of the site.
I already know…It’s dontdatehimgirl.com. I already posted the guy there. HEEE HEEE
That too. There’s another site if you look to the right while you are reading the articles in this site … they link you off to it. I put my EX on both sites… What the heck, anyone that’s knowledgeable about those sites will check in the future to see if the new guy they are dating is listed. I know I’ll check all avenues the next time (cough) I should dare to date. Haven’t gotten there yet … but then again, it takes me years after “normal” relationships end to get into the mood to date again. Then again, I’m not that compatible with most men out there. Never was … must have been a built in radar or something.
Peace.
Wini: Yeah. When i posted his profile, next to his name for aliases, I wrote “sociopath” “devil incarnate.” Hee Hee. His picture is there too.
Iwonder: Peep sheets … that’s the name of the other one. It’s a better site. The first one you mentioned has all these women listing their Exs name … no age, no height, weight, race, nationality etc. Like, yeah, we know who this guy is so we can watch out for him? Not thinking. To me the site you mentioned is worthless. I wrote them and told them to walk the “user” through the system, having to fill out the specifics … don’t leave it up to the user to fill everything out. The one of my EX on the site you mentioned is him while he was with me standing next to a plane. The other site has the photo when he was with the OW down in GA … he’s in a suit or tuxedo looking all arrogant. If I had seen that look when he was with me, he would have been history. Instead, with me he looked down to earth … so I suspect he looks the part of whoever he is with … plus I just found the OW photo … with a come hither look … desperately trying to look sexy (LOL). She didn’t make it in my opinion. I don’t feel sorry for her at all… I spoke with her numerous times and she kept lying to me saying they were just room mates… so she’s a user too.