By James
A few days ago while watching television with my oldest son, he turned to me and said, “You know, Dad, what biggest lie she ever told us was?”
I said, “No, son, I don’t.”
“When she told us nothing was going to change, and how much everything has changed.”
“Guess so, Son. Maybe that was the biggest lie she ever told us.”
I remember that day so well, as if it only happened yesterday. It was the evening of May 22, 2006, between the hours of 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. The cold months were ending and summer would soon be here, only this summer would be much more different than my children and I could ever imagine. I just finished with the washing, trying to help out more around the house, after my ex and I had a big fight on Mother’s Day, when she decided not to come home, after telling me about her going to a hair demonstration with her sister and mother. I know now that was a lie, and that she left the state and went to spend the night with the person whom she left her children for. In fact, I was even at this time still trying to work on our relationship, again and again, trying to satisfy her by doing whatever it took to somehow make this relationship work. To somehow save our relationship and save my family. After finishing the washing, my ex out of the blue informed me that she had something to tell me and she believed that I wouldn’t like it, as stated by her own words.
I looked at her and, without her saying one word, I replied, “You met someone and you are leaving us?”
She only shook her head yes to reply.
“Do you love him?” I asked. And she only shook her head yes to reply.
For some reason after she informed me of this, the time she didn’t return home on Mother’s Day came flooding back to me. Her telling me a few days before how her mother and sister wanted her to go with them to some kind of hair event. I remembered calling her cell phone late that evening, the day before Mother’s Day, and asking when she was coming home, and her telling me that she was going to spend the night at her mother’s home and then return home on Mother’s Day. I remembered asking her what time on Sunday would she be getting home, and she informed me that it would be late. I reminded her that it was Mother’s Day, and I wanted to spend some of the day as a family with her and the boys. She told me that she would return home early, and this too was a lie. In fact, she didn’t return home on Mother’s Day until very late that evening.
After telling me about leaving us, and how she would move in and live with her parents (that too was a lie), she told me that she would leave in a week. Now, dear readers, please understand what kind of emotional state I was in, trying hard to deal with this. I told her NO! If she wanted to go she would have to leave tonight, believing this was best for the children, her and myself. I demanded that she get what property she needed and leave as soon as possible. Soon both children were alerted because once again we were fighting. They asked me what was wrong and I informed both children that their mother was leaving us for another man and would be living with her parents. My oldest was 15 at the time and glad that she was leaving, in fact he told me, “Dad, I am glad she is leaving!” Still my other child, 12 years of age, was in tears. My heart was torn…
For some reason my 12-year-old wanted to know the name of the person she was leaving us for. He begged her and I told her to just TELL HIM! The name she gave him was also a lie, which we didn’t learn until a few weeks after she left. But you see, dear readers, that still wasn’t the biggest lie. I also remember when she told us the she was willing to stay for one week before leaving, and my youngest son begging me to let her. Where was she standing while my 12-year-old was begging and crying out to me? She was standing right behind him! Looking at me, while my youngest was begging me, with a slight grin on her face! I remember that grin so well because I saw it many times before on her! She would smile like that when she knew she had me over a barrel, but this time it didn’t work! I replied to him, “No Son, I believe it would be best for her to leave tonight.”
I remember her telling me she wouldn’t leave the house until she used our house phone (I never really knew who she called) to call her mother to tell her she was coming over. So I told her to use her cell phone. She replied that she didn’t have any minute left on the cell to use. This too was a lie, because a couple days later my oldest told me he remembered seeing her add minutes to her cell that day. But still this wasn’t the biggest lie.
Then at one point during this nightmare, she told both the boys, “Nothing was going to change, only your dad and me won’t be living together anymore.”
I, of course, yelled back at her, “THAT IS A LIE AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE!” As I told her this, I was looking straight in her face, and this is what I saw: Nothing!
Dear readers, please allow to me explain. I saw this plain, emotionally detached look on her face many times before, but for some reason, maybe because this would be the last time I would see “the look,” it took a different shape and a new meaning for me.
What I witnessed were two children in emotional turmoil. Me being torn between wanting her to leave and still wanting her to stay. The oldest yelling at me to let her go, “Dad, just let her GO!” He had enough of her and her BS. The other child crying, begging her not to leave and begging me to let her stay for the week she requested! I, too, was torn, but knew the best thing at this moment was to get her out as quickly as possible, believing her lies about living with her parents. I witnessed three people in anguish. But in her blank expression I saw absolutely nothing! No emotions, no feeling! No empathy or compassion for her own children. No tears from her! No regrets from her! I witnessed from her not one single emotional expression, other then that grin, when she was standing behind my youngest son who was begging me to let her stay for one week! I saw nothing in those eyes!
At the time I didn’t know what a sociopath was. Never knew anything about people that suffer from personality disorders. Narcissistic behavior was just a word I heard from a movie I watched. A borderline personality disorder? What was that? I knew nothing about any of these terms. So why, when I saw her expression during this time did it chill me to the bone and throw me for an emotional loop I can never explain? Out of all the fights we had during our 17 years together, how does this one stand out so clear in my mind? The reason I believe, dear readers, is because I looked into the eyes of a sociopath and saw the deep abyss of someone who could tell her own children the biggest lie, and not even blink. I saw in those eyes nothing, empty of any emotional connection between her children and herself. I SAW NOTHING! I SAW THE EYES OF A SOCIOPATH FOR THE FIRST TIME, BUT THIS TIME I REALLY TRULY SAW IT AND REMEMBER IT! EVEN TO THIS DAY!
Iwonder: I feel it’s our right of passage to post our EXs on as many sites as there are to expose them as the frauds they really are, using and abusing people, that is their business. So as many decent people as possible can read the sites and be warned. The more people that kick them to the curb and don’t allow them into their spaces .. maybe then, they’ll all get responsible and rent an apartment together or something. That first step of being responsible for themselves.
My EX gave me such a line of crap how his ex wife did him in, stole all the money out of their bank account, spent out his credit cards to the max, didn’t pay bills etc. I bought his sob story, hook, line and sinker … to find out, he’s the one that does all the damage.
Wini: Amen sister! I liked the dontdatehimgirl site because I could post a picture. I put in his profile how old he is & where he lives so there should be no question of a mis-identification.
Iwonder: Yes, you did that and I did that, but read all the other people that are on there … you can’t make heads or tails what state’s they are talking about, what the guy looks like, what’s his nationality, age … guessing game. To me, they wasted their time posting … cause it doesn’t warn anyone in any state what we are dealing with.
i have such trust issues. i have self esteem issues. i have alot of inscurties.
Wini: Oh great. I could just imagine the line of BS he told the OW about me. I don’t know how he did it, but he got the OW to take him and his son into her home.
Iwonder: Because he’s lying to her just like he lied to you. My EX lied about his ex-wife … she’s probably a really nice person … I wouldn’t know, she’s never talked with me except to say to lines … first line when I met her “you must be Wini” as she looked me up and down, second line she said to me was at our EXs mom’s wake in 2006 after she gave condolences to her ex husband she said to me “Wini, I’m sorry for your loss”. I thought that was nice of her … then several months later, he was exposed as the fraud he was. Weird, at his mom’s grave sight he made a scene of crying … I rubbed his back and tried to comfort him … as I looked at his face, there were no tears in his eyes or coming down his cheek. They all should be in Hollywood were the belong … acting, acting, acting.
Make no mistake, he is telling lies about you to make her feel sorry for him. That’s the name of the game with all of them … you can be Mother Teresa … and he’d dog you to anyone that will listen. That’s why when you work with the likes of them … they run up to the bosses and lie about everyone … and then you get treated badly, from there on out from your boss and you have no clue why. Well, now you know. Cause psychos work all over the world, in ever office, sabotaging everyone’s careers. Especially if you are a conscientious worker … fear no more … you got dogged by not one, but many psycho co-workers. And they all lie. Lying to them is like us telling the truth.
Some day you’ll meet some of his exes. You can all go out to dinner and swap stories … You’re head will spin the lies he told about each and every one of you.
Yes, I’m suppose to be some nasty person … as far as my EX is concerned. He only took me for $250,000.00 I wonder which dollar amount made me evil?
Peace.
Wini: I know. I already spoke with the wife..she’s really nice. He never said she was a bad person…just that getting married to her was a mistake. He said, “it wasn’t that i didn’t lover her but..”…..he never finished that sentence.
He never trashed any of the ex’s to me. That’s why I wonder what BS he told her…or didn’t tell her. Whatever. Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies. They probably never talked about me at all. That’s his style. When I found out about the OW, I asked, “did she know about me?” He said, “yes.” I said, “when??” He did not answer. I said, “so you never spoke about me at all? It was like I never existed??” He just sat there..silent. Idiot.
Dear Iwonder: As different as “real”, “normal” people are … so are our EXs. They all have their way of living their lives, and they are all the same, the con artists, the flim flames, the me, myself and I and who cares about the rest of the world. They don’t live within society’s rules and regulations of decency and respect. They cross over the lines, just because that’s how they want to live. Above the law. Better than the rest of us who abide by rules and regulations of honesty, decency, respect for others in society. They use and abuse everyone, for anything … to get their own way through life. They step on (with a smile) or over (with what they call love for the other person), but it’s all the same … using and abusing others for what they want. Period. Hey, your EX and my EX are smooth talkers … they know they get more bees with honey. Play the game of being responsible, respectful, loving, kind … if he treated you like crap from the beginning, would you have stayed? I don’t think so. They use whatever they can get away with – – with who they are working on at the time. They can go from thugs to gentlemen in an instant. It depends on who their victim is (and yes, you and I, as well as the rest of the bloggers were their victims) and how they have to play their con. If you were down and out … they play down and out. If you are professional, they play professional. If you are down to earth, they play down to earth. If you are artistic and creative, they too are artistic and creative. It’s who they meet and how they want to play the con, is what they are all about. They are like tumbleweeds blowing in the wind … which ever way that wind blows them … they show up and wreak havoc and chaos in everyone’s life. Just be glad your EX hasn’t advanced his skills as well as mine … for my EX should be wearing an orange jumpsuit for the rest of his life. He’s 59 y.o. now … another 20-30 years … and he may die in prison. That’s where he should be. Period. I feel for his current wife … if they are still together. He’s playing her, like he played me and his ex-wife. He has no contact with his two daughters … is a deadbeat dad, took the money I gave him to pay his ex-wife and spent it on horses, saddles, a rinker boat, condo, new Ford Explorer for his other fiance, wined and dined her and himself, bilked up my credit cards, had my house in another state foreclosed, stole money out of my bank account while I was licking my wounds from what my bosses did to me … all with a smile on his face, professing his love for me … holding me, pretending to stand by my side … so not only did I deal with my bosses, all their cronies, my attorney for my lawsuit, the other attorney for the foreclosure of my house… they are all criminals and they all played me for everything I was worth. But, I am strong and I will (have for the most part) get over all their nonsense and crapola. Because I live my life righteously and never play people … just respect others and that is it. Harmony, not havoc is what I seek.
Bottom line, just because they walk like ducks and talk like ducks and look like ducks, doesn’t mean they are ducks.
Peace.
Wini: you summed it up so well in the above post. And, you know what is SO bad about it. For the most part, we willingly did everything they wanted, or at least I did, with very little resistence. I’m glad my ex left when he did. I was slowly losing everything I had acquired before I met him. It wasn’t like he stole my credit cards and went shopping. I bought him what he wanted either out of pity or love. However, he certainly had me convinced that he was a hard worker and would help pay for it. That was a joke. I ended up bankrupt and with a second mortgage on my house! Then, he was real quick to remind me that it was MY house and MY credit cards. I should have known something was wrong–how does a grown man of nearly 40 years old with NO cash make it through life without an ounce of credit? I learned how he managed it the hard way. Why establish credit when he could use everyone else’s?
tami: We are their work, they were working us. Sad but true … which makes them all pathetic, cowardly, and no guts for living life on their own. Everyone is given what they are needed by God. Need more, ask him. But, they don’t know they are children of God and God will provide for them if they prayed to him. They believe … I guess that they created the world, not that there is a God. Thats why they do what they do … believing in themselves and not realizing there is a higher power than them, them, them and did I mention “them”. Pathetic. All of them. Whiney, sniffling, little babies. All thinking they are an extension of Brad Pitt and the rest in Oceans 11, 12 or whatever sequel they are on now … all playing up that it’s glamorous to be anti-social, anti-establishment, criminals. And criminals are what they are, except they are all cowards … stealing from others instead of having balls and robbing a bank. They don’t want their butts shot off, that’s why they nail us. You know, come to think of it, I’m glad they have NO CONTACT with their children … allowing the mom’s to raise them … cause they don’t need to cause more injury on what they’ve done already to adults, never mind playing mind games with their kids. I know my EX’s kids and his ex-wife ignored him at his mom’s funeral. I thought it was just being miffed that they were divorced from each other … now I know what they know. He’s an a@.......#hole.
I wished everyone would get it into their brains that these folks (men and women) who play people for their own benefit are NO GOOD. Absolutely, positively no good. I hate seeing people still waffling and believing it was love … yeah, it was love, love of money and possessions and a free place to lay their head. I believe they’d steal the fillings out of their old granny’s mouth if they could. Disgusting, absolutely positively disgusting… and I feel bad for folks that have to leave under the fear of them, keep their heads down and side step all the time because the work for the likes of them. In the state I’m from, we are loaded with them. I believe they out weigh the normal folks in our state. I know I want to move out of this hell hole. It used to be a great state … now it’s psycho heaven. Everything I tried to do with my suit, met residence. Everything I try to do getting him arrested meets me with residence. Brick walls, they all put up brick walls. So I knock and knock and knock on the next door until I find a “real and decent” person to help me out, simply by doing their job. The others like “them” but walls up for you or make you jump through a zillion hoops … done it, completed it … here’s another few hoops you have to jump through. It’s boring and they are crooked to you know where. But, that’s ok, every single one of them that I encounter … I let appropriate folks know who and what they are. Keep an eye on this one or that one … they may be anti-social, not doing their jobs … giving everyone lip service, but collecting their paychecks.
I’ve got to catch my breath.
Peace. I’m glad this hasn’t gone over your head. And, don’t be ashamed for being a lovable person. We have the right to be the way we are. And don’t be afraid to love again in the future. That’s what they want, for us to keep licking our wounds and not living a full life … cause they can’t. There lives are worthless and they know it.
Peace.