My name is Jonathan L. Spear. I serve in the United States Marine Corps. All my life I have considered myself a strong minded person who is kind hearted and loving of the world. I help all I can, I give strangers rides, I take in my friends who have fallen on bad times and help them get back on their feet and am willing to die for those I love and even people I don’t know. I am currently stationed near Baghdad, Iraq and well we don’t have a whole lot to do out here so I was watching a movie and there was this girl in it who said she has been called a sociopath by doctors but before they said that I had noticed that this girl had acted a lot like one of my ex’s. So I decided to do some research on the topic I went online and Googled it and came across this site and one other. Well I read the other one first and it gave a break down of what a sociopath was and it fit her to a glove. Then I came to this one and got more information on it and decided to share my escapade with a sociopath. My story is this:
Well my ex’s name is”¦ (well I’ll leave that part out), and she had dated some of my friends before, and I had seen her at parties and thought she was a extremely attractive girl (who did some low scale modeling in her time). I had heard about her and how she was an evil girl and that all of my friends had horrible times dealing with her and her baggage. Well I was out one day and ran into her and she recognized me from the parties and started talking to me. Well me being a young male who wasn’t in a relationship at the time, saw a chance to get a really hot girlfriend so I jumped at the chance, ignoring what my friends had told me about her, and giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Everything started out fine, she tore down my walls and she gained my trust and my love, which is really hard to do, and I just let the little things slide, like always needing some money for gas and or something like that, and the fact that she was always throwing herself at me made things really easy to accept. Then she cheated on me the first time. It absolutely devastated me, tore me into a thousand pieces, but somehow she talked her way out of me being angry and I gave her another chance. It just seemed like she cared so much and she cried like I’ve never seen before. Well a little while after that I started having my doubts about her cause she started acting weird and well I felt like she was always using me for something be it money, a place to stay, a warm body to play with, a way to get into parties, and for a social life in general cause well she didn’t seem to have any real friends other then me. So I told her that I was unhappy and she talked her way out of it making me forget about it and into the bedroom, well she said she had started birth control the week earlier (thinking back on it I never ever saw her take it even when I was with her every waking moment), so we hadn’t been using protection. About another 2 week goes by and I decide to break up with her, well I sit her down and start talking about what we were doing together and that I thought she had some problems and that I couldn’t take it any longer”¦ then she trumps me with “baby I’ve been acting weird cause I’m pregnant” and I knew that she had used this line on one of my other friends before so I didn’t believe her, well she showed me the test and I told her to take another one. She had another one with her because she said she knew I wouldn’t trust her. She took it and it was positive. So I said alright we were going to stay together and fix things between us and make our relationship work until we figured out what we were going to do. Well I did a lot of soul searching and I knew I wasn’t ready for the baby and didn’t want it. I told her, and that it was her choice on what she did and that no matter what it was I would do the right thing like a real man should. She decided that she was too young and well”¦ it still hurts to think about but she had an abortion about 2-3 weeks later.
We stayed together and I thought I fell in love with her or maybe I really did who knows, and I was bound and determined to not let things fall apart between us. But as soon as I said that to her she cheated on me again”¦ she cried said she loved me and I forgave her again. Then she did it again, and again. It seemed like if she wasn’t standing right next to me she didn’t care a damn bit about me, but when she was there her love seemed so real and she seemed so crazy about me that I would believe her every time. I realized then that she had a problem and I was damned sure I was going to figure out a way to fix her. I tried everything I could think of but nothing worked and I wasn’t willing to give her a list of do’s and don’ts (such as, you cant see him, hang out with her, or go anywhere without me) like most men would cause I hate that and am not that type of man, but nothing worked. Being a Marine I have a lot of determination and an “I will do attitude” so I couldn’t give up on her. Well I got word that my unit was leaving to go to Iraq and that I might be going. So she being my girlfriend was the first to know. She started crying and said she would miss me and didn’t want me to go and (it didn’t strike me as odd then) where was she going to stay etc”¦ well I later found out the list of people who was going and I wasn’t on it so I told her. She was happy. I was happy.
Then she cheated again”¦ I wasn’t willing to give up still but I slipped into a deep depression. All the misery she had been causing me finally caught up to me. Everyone that knew me noticed. The relationship I had with her ruined some friendships and began jeopardizing all of the rest, because they all knew what she was doing to me and didn’t understand that I was addicted to her and stuck in a cycle. Nothing they could do would cheer me up or get me to break away from loving her, until my roommate knocked some sense into me. She (roommate is female) made me realize that I was in fact stuck in the same cycle and needed to find a way to break away from it”¦ So I went to my unit and volunteered to go to Iraq as soon as I could because I knew she would just keep reeling me in if I didn’t just drop her from my life. As it turns out one of the guys on the list of people to deploy got into a little trouble and was taken off the list that day so they needed a replacement and they were leaving in 2 weeks to start predeployment training in VA. I went home and lied to her (my ex) and said I was told to go. So I spent the 2 weeks with her and she got me loving her again before when I left. The training was about a month long and when it was done I could go home for 5 days before we left for Iraq.
Well when I got home one of my buddies told me that she cheated on me again. Well I knew he wasn’t lying so I snapped and had to figure out what I was doing. So I went to see my “little sister” (I call her that because we she has been my best friend since my sophomore year in high school) and I told her that it happened again and she got really angry with me for putting up with it for so long and that she couldn’t stand seeing me do this to myself anymore, and in the argument we had she told me that she loved me and has been in love with me since high school. I stormed out cause I didn’t know what to do and I was so confused at that point I couldn’t think so I went home and downed a bottle of whiskey trying to chase it all away. I was the only one home and then guess who came up to my door not knowing I knew yet, that’s right my sweet little sociopath, well I was very drunk and very angry so I started yelling and screaming at her smashing anything I could grab against the floor. But nothing I could do at that point could show how angry at the world I was, girlfriend who I loved constantly cheating, best friend who just admitted to being in loving me for like 5 years, and leaving in 3 days to help fight a war, it’s a lot to have on your mind. Then I just stopped I calmed down and told her it was over and that maybe in the future her and I could be something but she had a lot to learn and had to fix herself first. She threw herself at me and we had sex (I shouldn’t have done it but I did) and when we were done she tried to get back together with me but I held my ground and said no”¦ she threw herself at me again and then afterwards she tried again. I let it happen one more time and then kicked her out for good.
Now I sit here in Iraq finally understanding what caused her to do those things to me realizing it wasn’t my fault and that there’s nothing I can or could do to save her from herself. I now know that to fully heal from the things she did to me I have to never let her in my life again and cut all contact from her and warn my friends about her. This was an awful experience and has scarred me deeply and I hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I hope I can recover and trust again fully because now I know I have a very great girl waiting for me at home. Thinking about it now I would go through all that pain again just for the chance to say I love you to my “little sister” in a whole new way.
That’s the end of my story. I hope that it can do some guy out there some good, knowing that if it can happen to a Marine it can happen to them and to be careful in those you love because the venomous sting of a sociopath can be very painful. So in conclusion please don’t ignore this letter. Let me protect the people in my country in more ways then one. Let me fight the battle and take the wounds whether it be from a bullet or from a fork-tongued female, so that you the people of America don’t have to.
Jen2008. You are SO right. I will be the first to admit that my ex-S had a girlfriend (different than marriage yes, but with another yes) but you can’t cheat on someone who is in fact cheating. My ex used to tell me in one breath how he didn’t care what I did or who I was with in one breath and then flip out on me or make side comments about who I was with and what I was doing. Even after I put him out he would call me 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and I’m sure part of it was to see who I was with. To this day he has (5) of my old cell phones. I know that sounds crazy but two of them he claimed he threw away when he cleaned my house while I was away but I know he has them. And I know he took them so he could have the contacts that I had in them.
He was cheating on his girlfriend with me, telling me what I was not allowed to do and cheating on me and the girlfriend with an 18 year old. Laurna, Jen is right DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY. You still have time to get through this fairly unscathed. Keep reading these posts and you’ll see just what these cretins are capable of.
Peace!
Gemini
Thank you so much for your advise. I’m trying so hard to justify not contacting this man again,/ But as I’ve said. I worry for myself jen says she thinks I might be a S. I don’t want to be. I’d hate to think I could hurt someone and try make them love me. I’d never cheat when I’m in a relationship. Yes I’ve checked up on my man, but it was because i had a gut feeling he wasn’t being honest with me at times.It was because he’d turn his bad behavior back on me and blame me saying he didn’t have to tell me everything, it was because I too felt he has been playing me, and holding on to me till someone else comes along. BUT Ive never been able to prove my fears. Hence why after reading some of the letters on this site I question myself
Laurna, NO, NO, NO, I said I DO NOT think you are a Sociopath. There is absolutely NOTHING in your post that sounds like you even remotely have sociopathic traits. YOU are NOT THE PROBLEM. I think you are intuitively picking up the signals your boyfriend is sending, but you are questionning yourself, rather than his dishonesty. LISTEN to your GUT FEELING about the guy. I believe you are right on target with your doubts about him.
Me Too
Laurna, YOU DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!!!! HE DOES! Jen is right if you have that nagging, itchy, feeling there is a reason. Unlike what they say at the movies in this case it should be – “RUN, do not walk to the nearest exit”
Henry, Oxy wants her feet washed only because she’s been doing too much work at her place (LOL) and needs pampering to her aches and pains … maybe a massage wouldn’t be a bad idea too.
What a way to go Oxy.
Peace.
RE: FEMALE SOCIOPATHS
Hi all. This is my first post. I’ve read a very large number of these posts and they all seem to fit my situation. I just want to post to release a bit. I’m in the process of going through a divorce with my sociopath wife – an extraordinary nightmare experience that most ordinary people just cannot understand. This woman read about me in a well known female magazine and figured out how to get ahold of me. She is world class beautiful physically, and a well educated, well spoken woman. Instant sex bingeing after we met. However, after a few months I noticed her extraordinary lack of emotional substance / intimacy was really strange. I suggested tantra and any other emotional intimacy work she could think of to break through this wierd shell. She always found excuses to do nothing. Within 5 months, she became pregnant deceitfully “while on the pill” – miscarriage, but we decided to stay together and we married about 9 months after meeting. We lived in different countries of Europe, but dated almost every weekend. I moved in with her after she became pregnant. Living with her was a very strange combination of nightmare and beautiful dream – I totally understand what other victims mean by this! My most difficult hurdle is realizing that she was an illusion, not reality – that helps me to move on from the extraordinary emotional and financial devastation she’s left me with. Nightmares: A) she had an STD and lied to me about it, B) she has a father and sister with serious/major schizophrenia and never told me before marriage, C) extraordinary unfaithfulness – you just wouldn’t believe – I’ve found her dancing topless with other men at clubs, naked in a men’s restroom stall, partially undressed at a club in a stairway, sitting on a marble countertop in the men’s restroom of a very nice restaurant with her skirt hiked up and a man leaving saying “you’re bold!”, etc…etc… A sex freak. D) pathological lier. E) zero human compassion, empathy, or emotional intimacy/intelligence – it’s like she’s emotionally hollow inside – no emotional understanding or intelligence, E) beautifully eloquent speaker, but when you focus on the specific words/phrases, they can often be nonsensical and contradictory – this really threw me for a loop, F) things would be going along great for a few weeks, then all of a sudden, like a lightning bolt from left field, she’d start a very nasty argument then sometimes explode into a physical rage – normally, she’s calm, cool, collected – a moderately successful professional. G) she could never give you anything that you thought was genuine heartfelt love, even though she professed “soulmate” love and tried hard to give it – I could just tell it wasn’t the real deal since I’ve experienced it many times before – a hollowness. H) when one of my daughters from a previous marriage told her she loved her, I could see the hollowness in her eyes, and it killed me – at that moment I thought I was doing my daughter great harm in some way – felt very very bad about exposing her to this strange situation that I didn’t understand at the time – I just knew it wasn’t right or genuine, and I was exposing a beautiful innocent to evil. The beautiful dream (a false hologram that never really existed): good sex – she is extraordinarily beautiful and exactly what I was looking for physically – well spoken and presentable for my situation – we enjoyed similar things – we could talk for hours and spend unending days together – we had a baby. The unravelling: horrifying divorce. I went away on a business trip – we were talking on the phone every night – very loving texts and talks like usual. When I return, Dr. Jekyll has turned into Mr. Hyde and I experience one of the most frightening and evil experiences I’ve ever had with a person. She venomously tells me she doesn’t love me anymore, that our marriage is over, and that I need to leave the house for a few days to let her clear her head – forces me out of the family house venomously. I’m beyond shocked. Beyond devastated. Puking sick. Speechless. I go to a hotel and return after a few days – wouldn’t answer my calls or communicate. She’s changed the door locks and won’t let me in to see my child, etc… She then hires a lawyer, who freezes my only sources of living funds, and I am left penniless (I’m very well off financially) – no money to even hire an attorney, with my car, and a few bags of clothing. I finally convince a hopeless attorney to take my case without retainer. It’s all happening in a non-US country, so justice is slow to non-existent. I have to live in my car for weeks on end, and live off the charity of friends. Eating tuna fish – many times when I’ve had to skip meals. Times I couldn’t afford the gas to move my car. If this can happen to a liquid cash millionaire, it can happen to ANYONE, including YOU. I’ve finally got access to some funds through the courts and have been able to fire the hopeless attorney and bring on a good one to achieve justice. She’s been a nightmare on access. She wouldn’t let me see my child for 5 months. I’ve wanted to kill myself. My experience is beyond “bad”.
Question: Sociopath parents often create sociopath children: I need to do everything I can to prevent this. I need to prove her “sociopathic” in court. Are there any definitive tests (not subjective psych questionnaires) such as EEG / brain scans that can prove sociopathy without subjectiveness?
Burnedbuns We so BELIEVE
My delusion lasted six YEARS seems more like sixty
Dear Burned,
Welcome to lovefraud. I am glad you are here, this is a wonderful place for advice, knowledge (knowledge-Power) but I am very sorry that you have had such a horrible experience that you need to be here.
I suggest tht you go through all the archives and read the articles themselves, so that you can get a fairly quick over view, then for your child, you should see Dr. Leedom’s “parenting the at-risk child” (there is a big genetic component into psychopathic thinking) but it is not “predetermined” that your child will get all or any of those genes (it is more than one gene I am sure).
First of all. Take care of YOURSELF, if you are not whole, you can’t help your child. Take very good care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically so that you will be able to do what needs to be done to protect your child. When we are frazzled and obscessed with all of this chaos that doesn’t make “sense” to us, we do not do our best thinking. We RE-act rather than ACT, and you need to ACT logically, rationally, and learn how these people think as much as any normal person can. They are in some ways very predictable.
No, there are as far as I know, no blood test, or EEG or brain scan that can pin point one, but a GOOD psych doctor who is familiar with them can do the PSychpathic Chest list, Revised (google Dr. Robert Hare) and this is accepted in the US as diagnostic. Sometimes though a sharp well spoken psychopath can fool someone who isn’t reall yGOOD and experienced in dealing with them. Happens all the time. I’m not sure what country you are in, but that will also have a bearing on what is accepted. Remember how she fooled you, she may be able to “fool” judges, lawyers, and courts as well. Some of them are VERY good.
Good luck, Burned and God bless you.