My name is Jonathan L. Spear. I serve in the United States Marine Corps. All my life I have considered myself a strong minded person who is kind hearted and loving of the world. I help all I can, I give strangers rides, I take in my friends who have fallen on bad times and help them get back on their feet and am willing to die for those I love and even people I don’t know. I am currently stationed near Baghdad, Iraq and well we don’t have a whole lot to do out here so I was watching a movie and there was this girl in it who said she has been called a sociopath by doctors but before they said that I had noticed that this girl had acted a lot like one of my ex’s. So I decided to do some research on the topic I went online and Googled it and came across this site and one other. Well I read the other one first and it gave a break down of what a sociopath was and it fit her to a glove. Then I came to this one and got more information on it and decided to share my escapade with a sociopath. My story is this:
Well my ex’s name is”¦ (well I’ll leave that part out), and she had dated some of my friends before, and I had seen her at parties and thought she was a extremely attractive girl (who did some low scale modeling in her time). I had heard about her and how she was an evil girl and that all of my friends had horrible times dealing with her and her baggage. Well I was out one day and ran into her and she recognized me from the parties and started talking to me. Well me being a young male who wasn’t in a relationship at the time, saw a chance to get a really hot girlfriend so I jumped at the chance, ignoring what my friends had told me about her, and giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Everything started out fine, she tore down my walls and she gained my trust and my love, which is really hard to do, and I just let the little things slide, like always needing some money for gas and or something like that, and the fact that she was always throwing herself at me made things really easy to accept. Then she cheated on me the first time. It absolutely devastated me, tore me into a thousand pieces, but somehow she talked her way out of me being angry and I gave her another chance. It just seemed like she cared so much and she cried like I’ve never seen before. Well a little while after that I started having my doubts about her cause she started acting weird and well I felt like she was always using me for something be it money, a place to stay, a warm body to play with, a way to get into parties, and for a social life in general cause well she didn’t seem to have any real friends other then me. So I told her that I was unhappy and she talked her way out of it making me forget about it and into the bedroom, well she said she had started birth control the week earlier (thinking back on it I never ever saw her take it even when I was with her every waking moment), so we hadn’t been using protection. About another 2 week goes by and I decide to break up with her, well I sit her down and start talking about what we were doing together and that I thought she had some problems and that I couldn’t take it any longer”¦ then she trumps me with “baby I’ve been acting weird cause I’m pregnant” and I knew that she had used this line on one of my other friends before so I didn’t believe her, well she showed me the test and I told her to take another one. She had another one with her because she said she knew I wouldn’t trust her. She took it and it was positive. So I said alright we were going to stay together and fix things between us and make our relationship work until we figured out what we were going to do. Well I did a lot of soul searching and I knew I wasn’t ready for the baby and didn’t want it. I told her, and that it was her choice on what she did and that no matter what it was I would do the right thing like a real man should. She decided that she was too young and well”¦ it still hurts to think about but she had an abortion about 2-3 weeks later.
We stayed together and I thought I fell in love with her or maybe I really did who knows, and I was bound and determined to not let things fall apart between us. But as soon as I said that to her she cheated on me again”¦ she cried said she loved me and I forgave her again. Then she did it again, and again. It seemed like if she wasn’t standing right next to me she didn’t care a damn bit about me, but when she was there her love seemed so real and she seemed so crazy about me that I would believe her every time. I realized then that she had a problem and I was damned sure I was going to figure out a way to fix her. I tried everything I could think of but nothing worked and I wasn’t willing to give her a list of do’s and don’ts (such as, you cant see him, hang out with her, or go anywhere without me) like most men would cause I hate that and am not that type of man, but nothing worked. Being a Marine I have a lot of determination and an “I will do attitude” so I couldn’t give up on her. Well I got word that my unit was leaving to go to Iraq and that I might be going. So she being my girlfriend was the first to know. She started crying and said she would miss me and didn’t want me to go and (it didn’t strike me as odd then) where was she going to stay etc”¦ well I later found out the list of people who was going and I wasn’t on it so I told her. She was happy. I was happy.
Then she cheated again”¦ I wasn’t willing to give up still but I slipped into a deep depression. All the misery she had been causing me finally caught up to me. Everyone that knew me noticed. The relationship I had with her ruined some friendships and began jeopardizing all of the rest, because they all knew what she was doing to me and didn’t understand that I was addicted to her and stuck in a cycle. Nothing they could do would cheer me up or get me to break away from loving her, until my roommate knocked some sense into me. She (roommate is female) made me realize that I was in fact stuck in the same cycle and needed to find a way to break away from it”¦ So I went to my unit and volunteered to go to Iraq as soon as I could because I knew she would just keep reeling me in if I didn’t just drop her from my life. As it turns out one of the guys on the list of people to deploy got into a little trouble and was taken off the list that day so they needed a replacement and they were leaving in 2 weeks to start predeployment training in VA. I went home and lied to her (my ex) and said I was told to go. So I spent the 2 weeks with her and she got me loving her again before when I left. The training was about a month long and when it was done I could go home for 5 days before we left for Iraq.
Well when I got home one of my buddies told me that she cheated on me again. Well I knew he wasn’t lying so I snapped and had to figure out what I was doing. So I went to see my “little sister” (I call her that because we she has been my best friend since my sophomore year in high school) and I told her that it happened again and she got really angry with me for putting up with it for so long and that she couldn’t stand seeing me do this to myself anymore, and in the argument we had she told me that she loved me and has been in love with me since high school. I stormed out cause I didn’t know what to do and I was so confused at that point I couldn’t think so I went home and downed a bottle of whiskey trying to chase it all away. I was the only one home and then guess who came up to my door not knowing I knew yet, that’s right my sweet little sociopath, well I was very drunk and very angry so I started yelling and screaming at her smashing anything I could grab against the floor. But nothing I could do at that point could show how angry at the world I was, girlfriend who I loved constantly cheating, best friend who just admitted to being in loving me for like 5 years, and leaving in 3 days to help fight a war, it’s a lot to have on your mind. Then I just stopped I calmed down and told her it was over and that maybe in the future her and I could be something but she had a lot to learn and had to fix herself first. She threw herself at me and we had sex (I shouldn’t have done it but I did) and when we were done she tried to get back together with me but I held my ground and said no”¦ she threw herself at me again and then afterwards she tried again. I let it happen one more time and then kicked her out for good.
Now I sit here in Iraq finally understanding what caused her to do those things to me realizing it wasn’t my fault and that there’s nothing I can or could do to save her from herself. I now know that to fully heal from the things she did to me I have to never let her in my life again and cut all contact from her and warn my friends about her. This was an awful experience and has scarred me deeply and I hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I hope I can recover and trust again fully because now I know I have a very great girl waiting for me at home. Thinking about it now I would go through all that pain again just for the chance to say I love you to my “little sister” in a whole new way.
That’s the end of my story. I hope that it can do some guy out there some good, knowing that if it can happen to a Marine it can happen to them and to be careful in those you love because the venomous sting of a sociopath can be very painful. So in conclusion please don’t ignore this letter. Let me protect the people in my country in more ways then one. Let me fight the battle and take the wounds whether it be from a bullet or from a fork-tongued female, so that you the people of America don’t have to.
MRNICEGUY: The reason I ask is that my S ex-wife did exactly the same thing to at least 2 other guys before me (non-married relationships). One of them I briefly met, and he was a very nice guy – a pilot and flight trainer. I now understand what he went through. She dumped him abruptly like a hot worthless rock when she met me. Just cruel. She gave an elaborate b.s. excuse in which this nice guy was made out to be a bad guy. Empathy. All i can say is deep empathy.
Dear Burned,
I think that humans are “naturally” spiritual in some way, shape or form. I think that is just part of “human nature.” Even people who don’t believe in a “higher power” can be spiritual, so I don’t think that “spirituality” is necessarily connected to “one god” or way of looking at things.
I am a Christian, and I seek guidance from the Bible, but I also read the spiritual writings and philosophies of other religions and I find them much the same. Do good unto others, be kind, caring and giving. Don’t HARBOR anger for long periods of time, don’t take revenge against those that hurt you. Pretty basic stuff really. Each religion or philosophy has something unique to offer and different people connect with different aspects of various spiritual or religious teachings.
TO ME, now this is just my own thinking, not trying to “preach” to anyone….yes, I think that just as there is an “all powerful God” who is GOOD, there is also a not quite so powerful “Satan” who is EVIL. I think that there are people who “worship” evil, and people who embrace GOOD (in whatever form) I believe that even the psychopaths have a CHOICE (they DO know right from wrong) but that they openly CHOOSE evil over good.
True, I believe that they are genetic mutants BUT, and this is a BIG but, I think they still have a choice.
Just like a person who has the genes to be an alcoholic or addict is MORE PRONE to those “sins” than someone who does not have those genes, but even the person WITH THE GENES can CHOOSE NOT TO DRINK. It may be more difficult for him not to drink than it would be for me, since I don’t apparently have any problem with light drinking and have never tended to be an alcohol addict or drug addict. But they still have a CHOICE.
Looking through the Bible stories about different people we come into contact with many different psychopaths and there are some good descriptions of psychopaths and their exploits in the Bible, as well as “enablers” (co-dependents) who enable them to get away “scot free” with their bad behavior. King David is a good example with his son Absalom (that story is found in the books of Samuel in the old testament.) After King david has enabled his psychopathic and narcissistic son for 40 years not checking his behavior, the son revolts and DAvid has to flee his kingdom to remain alive. Eventually his army wins, but the son is killed. King david instead of being grateful to the army and the people for saving his life, goes into screaming deep mourning for his dead son that HAD TRIED TO KILL HIM. David, though a fallible man always took rebuff well and changed his ways was approached by one of his generals who said “I perceive that if the young man had lived and we (the soldiers and the people) had died, you would have been well pleased.”
David realized the general was right and that HE was the one who should be ashamed for grieving openly and loudly for this psychopathic son who had tried to kill him, and had actually led an army that had caused a minimum of 40,000 deaths on just one side—so he got up, washed his face, put on clean clothes and thanked his people and his army for their sacrifices.
I have no doubt that David was disappointed that his son was a psychopath and had done such evil things, but David had indulged that son and had never chastised him for doing bad things all along. It probably wouldn’t have made a great deal of difference if he had, but the son should have been put to death for murder long before the war.
Yes, I believe some people choose to be evil. I think they are still “human” but they have “sold their souls to the devil” as it were and there comes a time when they are nonredeemable because they don’t want to be redeemed.
Dear Burnedbuns,
I think OXD’s post has so much wisdom… I agree that they do have a choice and they have chosen evil…
Whether a sociopath is “possessed” or “lacks a soul” or is “mentally disordered” the results are the same..
They leave a wake of ruin and grief in their destructive paths…
Thank God we survived them and the people who do have souls greatly outnumber them!!!
Another comment:
Just going through the process of learning about sociopaths and their horrifying character traits (lack of empathy or human compassion, etc…) leads me to strive to release my own humanity in a huge way – to be the exact opposite of a sociopath. I find myself focusing more on others less fortunate (homeless in particular), and pausing to consider their situation and allow myself to feel compassion for a few moments rather than just sprinting through life, self-centered as I’d been. A total realignment of perspective and getting more in tune with my own humanity. My encounter with a sociopath, and this disorder (horrifying as it’s been) brings a blessing in disguise. I hope all victims have this profound experience – it will beautify our world – a big counterbalance to sociopathy.
AWSOME!
REALLY GOOD! Burned I agree evil hates GOOD and wants to/enjoys the persuit of misery/fear/chaos/madness !
Burned; I live in one of the Scandinavian countries and English is my 2nd language.
You know, because we are good guys, we tend to believe that others are like ourselves. That is the big mistake in dealing with a sociopath – they don’t play by our rules. They play by their own rules and we don’t get to know what those rules are! (Well, we sort of do now that we’ve educated ourselves).
I agree that this experience can be a blessing in disguise. For me, I can now deal with issues that led to the sociopathic encounter in the first place and perhaps go on with life in a more positive way.
Psychopaths are like machines, robots. Some authors have called them the living dead. And when you suddenly one day look at them, and see that there is nothing there, when they let their mask slip, this will be an anxiety-provoking experience.
Although I am almost complete again, psychopathy has developed into an interesting subject. You know, the more you study a subject, the more interesting it gets. That was the way it was at University anyway. 🙂
If it is good or bad I don’t know.
Perhaps true healing can take place when you stop focusing on it, reading about it and thinking about it.
Any comments on this one?
Mr nice
Yup I totally agree at some point I am going to have read enough and chatted about it enough and go back to loving life and who I am ! thanks to all here love jere
mrniceguy: You are right … they do not play by our rules … further, they do not play by any rules … that’s how they win … temporarily. They loose in the end because they distance themselves from God and do not truly LIVE … which is another reason to focus on God and all the positives … so we continue to LIVE.
Yes, it is interesting to figure them out … get to have a handle on what makes them tick or not tick … but that’s it … focus on something else … to make them a career is gloom and doom. You can make it a “minor” instead of a “major” … but, I would never make them my primary goal or focus … just because that ooze of EVIL is constantly surrounding you by doing so.
As Indigoblue and Henry and others were blogging the other day … spell LIVE backwards … and what do you have?
They are the opposite of life!
Peace.
Amen my name is jere and I approve of this mesage ! :)~
stormee: I think they are so miffed that they didn’t create the universe … that their ego constantly goes against anything that is good in life because God created us … not them.
I think they are all doing the EGO spiral … the same spiral as Satan did … not wanting to be # 2 … always wanting to bump God out of position …
It is the same game, over and over and over again … generation after generation … same moves, same play …different time zone, different dumb, dumbs joining Satan’s team …
Peace. Like I stated the other day … evil was eradicated from Heaven … it’s just the game hasn’t played and burned out on Earth yet … but the results are the same …? Oh, dumb, dumbs … did you hear … the results are the same … YOU ALL ARE ON THE WRONG TEAM? Now we should pray for them, cause if we don’t – who will?