My name is Jonathan L. Spear. I serve in the United States Marine Corps. All my life I have considered myself a strong minded person who is kind hearted and loving of the world. I help all I can, I give strangers rides, I take in my friends who have fallen on bad times and help them get back on their feet and am willing to die for those I love and even people I don’t know. I am currently stationed near Baghdad, Iraq and well we don’t have a whole lot to do out here so I was watching a movie and there was this girl in it who said she has been called a sociopath by doctors but before they said that I had noticed that this girl had acted a lot like one of my ex’s. So I decided to do some research on the topic I went online and Googled it and came across this site and one other. Well I read the other one first and it gave a break down of what a sociopath was and it fit her to a glove. Then I came to this one and got more information on it and decided to share my escapade with a sociopath. My story is this:
Well my ex’s name is”¦ (well I’ll leave that part out), and she had dated some of my friends before, and I had seen her at parties and thought she was a extremely attractive girl (who did some low scale modeling in her time). I had heard about her and how she was an evil girl and that all of my friends had horrible times dealing with her and her baggage. Well I was out one day and ran into her and she recognized me from the parties and started talking to me. Well me being a young male who wasn’t in a relationship at the time, saw a chance to get a really hot girlfriend so I jumped at the chance, ignoring what my friends had told me about her, and giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Everything started out fine, she tore down my walls and she gained my trust and my love, which is really hard to do, and I just let the little things slide, like always needing some money for gas and or something like that, and the fact that she was always throwing herself at me made things really easy to accept. Then she cheated on me the first time. It absolutely devastated me, tore me into a thousand pieces, but somehow she talked her way out of me being angry and I gave her another chance. It just seemed like she cared so much and she cried like I’ve never seen before. Well a little while after that I started having my doubts about her cause she started acting weird and well I felt like she was always using me for something be it money, a place to stay, a warm body to play with, a way to get into parties, and for a social life in general cause well she didn’t seem to have any real friends other then me. So I told her that I was unhappy and she talked her way out of it making me forget about it and into the bedroom, well she said she had started birth control the week earlier (thinking back on it I never ever saw her take it even when I was with her every waking moment), so we hadn’t been using protection. About another 2 week goes by and I decide to break up with her, well I sit her down and start talking about what we were doing together and that I thought she had some problems and that I couldn’t take it any longer”¦ then she trumps me with “baby I’ve been acting weird cause I’m pregnant” and I knew that she had used this line on one of my other friends before so I didn’t believe her, well she showed me the test and I told her to take another one. She had another one with her because she said she knew I wouldn’t trust her. She took it and it was positive. So I said alright we were going to stay together and fix things between us and make our relationship work until we figured out what we were going to do. Well I did a lot of soul searching and I knew I wasn’t ready for the baby and didn’t want it. I told her, and that it was her choice on what she did and that no matter what it was I would do the right thing like a real man should. She decided that she was too young and well”¦ it still hurts to think about but she had an abortion about 2-3 weeks later.
We stayed together and I thought I fell in love with her or maybe I really did who knows, and I was bound and determined to not let things fall apart between us. But as soon as I said that to her she cheated on me again”¦ she cried said she loved me and I forgave her again. Then she did it again, and again. It seemed like if she wasn’t standing right next to me she didn’t care a damn bit about me, but when she was there her love seemed so real and she seemed so crazy about me that I would believe her every time. I realized then that she had a problem and I was damned sure I was going to figure out a way to fix her. I tried everything I could think of but nothing worked and I wasn’t willing to give her a list of do’s and don’ts (such as, you cant see him, hang out with her, or go anywhere without me) like most men would cause I hate that and am not that type of man, but nothing worked. Being a Marine I have a lot of determination and an “I will do attitude” so I couldn’t give up on her. Well I got word that my unit was leaving to go to Iraq and that I might be going. So she being my girlfriend was the first to know. She started crying and said she would miss me and didn’t want me to go and (it didn’t strike me as odd then) where was she going to stay etc”¦ well I later found out the list of people who was going and I wasn’t on it so I told her. She was happy. I was happy.
Then she cheated again”¦ I wasn’t willing to give up still but I slipped into a deep depression. All the misery she had been causing me finally caught up to me. Everyone that knew me noticed. The relationship I had with her ruined some friendships and began jeopardizing all of the rest, because they all knew what she was doing to me and didn’t understand that I was addicted to her and stuck in a cycle. Nothing they could do would cheer me up or get me to break away from loving her, until my roommate knocked some sense into me. She (roommate is female) made me realize that I was in fact stuck in the same cycle and needed to find a way to break away from it”¦ So I went to my unit and volunteered to go to Iraq as soon as I could because I knew she would just keep reeling me in if I didn’t just drop her from my life. As it turns out one of the guys on the list of people to deploy got into a little trouble and was taken off the list that day so they needed a replacement and they were leaving in 2 weeks to start predeployment training in VA. I went home and lied to her (my ex) and said I was told to go. So I spent the 2 weeks with her and she got me loving her again before when I left. The training was about a month long and when it was done I could go home for 5 days before we left for Iraq.
Well when I got home one of my buddies told me that she cheated on me again. Well I knew he wasn’t lying so I snapped and had to figure out what I was doing. So I went to see my “little sister” (I call her that because we she has been my best friend since my sophomore year in high school) and I told her that it happened again and she got really angry with me for putting up with it for so long and that she couldn’t stand seeing me do this to myself anymore, and in the argument we had she told me that she loved me and has been in love with me since high school. I stormed out cause I didn’t know what to do and I was so confused at that point I couldn’t think so I went home and downed a bottle of whiskey trying to chase it all away. I was the only one home and then guess who came up to my door not knowing I knew yet, that’s right my sweet little sociopath, well I was very drunk and very angry so I started yelling and screaming at her smashing anything I could grab against the floor. But nothing I could do at that point could show how angry at the world I was, girlfriend who I loved constantly cheating, best friend who just admitted to being in loving me for like 5 years, and leaving in 3 days to help fight a war, it’s a lot to have on your mind. Then I just stopped I calmed down and told her it was over and that maybe in the future her and I could be something but she had a lot to learn and had to fix herself first. She threw herself at me and we had sex (I shouldn’t have done it but I did) and when we were done she tried to get back together with me but I held my ground and said no”¦ she threw herself at me again and then afterwards she tried again. I let it happen one more time and then kicked her out for good.
Now I sit here in Iraq finally understanding what caused her to do those things to me realizing it wasn’t my fault and that there’s nothing I can or could do to save her from herself. I now know that to fully heal from the things she did to me I have to never let her in my life again and cut all contact from her and warn my friends about her. This was an awful experience and has scarred me deeply and I hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I hope I can recover and trust again fully because now I know I have a very great girl waiting for me at home. Thinking about it now I would go through all that pain again just for the chance to say I love you to my “little sister” in a whole new way.
That’s the end of my story. I hope that it can do some guy out there some good, knowing that if it can happen to a Marine it can happen to them and to be careful in those you love because the venomous sting of a sociopath can be very painful. So in conclusion please don’t ignore this letter. Let me protect the people in my country in more ways then one. Let me fight the battle and take the wounds whether it be from a bullet or from a fork-tongued female, so that you the people of America don’t have to.
MrNiceGuy:
Another thing: you said – “because we are good guys, we tend to believe that others are like ourselves”. That’s a consistent pattern in my life and I’ve been burned many times, not only by this sociopath. I’m naive, and look for beauty in the world as my first response to people and situations. I’d rather die than change though. I don’t really have an answer for this problem.
Dear Burned,
“disregard the ugly,evil things/thoughts (etc) and transform your new understanding into becoming the opposite”
That is so wise! ”
“The living dead” is another great description of them.. They are empty and pathetic imitations of what they think a true human would be…That is why so many of the things they say and do “ring hollow” or fake… I had always thought that the word”sociopath” would only describe a murderer like Charlie Manson or Ted Bundy … I was horrified after a major”mask slip” episode to learn (from the internet) that my x-S had most of the qualities of a sociopath…
Right on the money!
I was thinking That I BECAME NUMB/ BRAIN NUMB !
And now I look back and start to count How many WARRNING SGINS and Flags and Whistles and Direct Inpute from My family and True Friends ! I Was in a Brainwashed State of Blindness
Perhaps because I Could’nt Believe (IT) that this was’nt some thing that my Prayers or Love could fix !
Don’t think ! I know God can Change (it)
Then when I finialy read KiKi Anistons Artical The Light turned on! I have not been the same since ! LOVE jere
Stormee said: “They are empty and pathetic imitations of what they think a true human would be”That is why so many of the things they say and do “ring hollow” or fake…”
This is so true. Occasionally, I would realize something my ex P said or did came straight from a MOVIE. I mean that literally, he would sometimes say things and I would later realize they were lines taken from a movie or a tv show or even a song.
Indy said: I know God can Change (it)
I, personally, don’t believe this. I do believe in God and that we can pray and ask for God’s help and guidance in our lives and I do believe God gave me guidance in dealing with the P and with ME changing . But with the S or P, I don’t believe they want to change and would never call on God for help or guidance to try to change themselves. For me, to believe that if I pray enough for God to change a s or p, it is just another false hope I would be deluding myself with.
I think it’s their egos that make them believe they have to get over on others. Read all the past blogs … everyone has their own stories … but it’s all the same, their EXs did not do right by them … just destructive scenarios in each and every case. I think we can agree on this … since we’ve all been blogging … and we’ve read many of the past posts that came on this site, plus their insights into what their EXs or family members did destructively to their lives … and of course, destroyed their own lives in the process.
All of us have an ego … it’s part of the human condition. It’s whether your ego is in check or not … that is what we are blogging about. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the least offensive, 10 being the most offensive … where does our ego fall on this scale.
Following God’s directives in how we should live, tells us to stay humble (scale of 1 – 10, that’s is to stay on the low end of the spectrum) …
To stay humble for a reason … that being, you can not follow a righteous path (path of Virtues) if you aren’t humble to listen to the advise (wisdom).
On the high end of the spectrum, egos being at the 10 mark … there is no getting through to someone/anyone who is living at that 10 mark. Period. They have gone beyond the humble mark and listen to their own egos in their heads than to be able to listen to wisdom.
How they get there … starts at a very young age. An age, where they have no clue the disadvantages to live this way will take … that’s why reconditioning them … getting their trust first … and quieting their minds is the first break through to getting through to any of them. They truly believe that they have to destroy others in order to survive … clueless to the fact that if they put one foot in front of the other … step by step, they too can do for themselves like the rest of us already know.
I’ve written it before and I will write it again … look at the list of virtues versus vices …
Staying humble in life you can learn the wisdom of the virtues of life … whether you read the Bible or not, the adults in your life are ensuring the virtuous ways to live .. and recommending that you do not take the vice avenues to live. Though teachers will not call virtues … virtues … you are still learning them in school … and your homes teach you virtues … it’s passed down from generation to generation … someone in your family read the Bible … and passed this wisdom down to you … whether it’s your parents or their parents or the greatgrandparents before them … someone at some time read wisdom from the Bible and passed it down to your generation.
Humility against Pride
Kindness against Envy
Abstinence against Gluttony
Chastity against Lust
Patience against Anger
Liberality against Greed
Diligence against Sloth
Therefore, if an individual is focused on the left side of the list, that can’t possibly be living the right side of the list … and vice versa.
One side of the list blocks out the other side of the list … it’s as simple as that … it’s just people make it difficult and if they are living on the Right side of the list … they will lie to your face and pretend to be living from the Left side of the list .. they are not stupid people, quit bright … they read too … it’s just they don’t know how to quiet their egos to truly understand the Left side of the list … to live it … experience it.
Peace.
Good Mornin Angels
So Indigoblue: How’s the tan coming (LOL).
My last contact w/(it) I was calming the storm ! I had erlier confronted (it) w/who or what it was ! This brought a barage of voice mails 10 that I have not listend to! I now had the double standard of I was not allowed to dump (it) but (it) had no quals about Dumpping me ($ ,time , damage,the complete dismay of my folks) so I played the game I told (it) i still wanted (it) Ummmmm NOT! no calls after that and no more texts Whew!
It’s frigging cold here today 49 early low and 66 high some time today :)~
Indigoblue: Life is tough down in the beauty state (LOL). I just got a full tank of oil delivered, now I have to shell out $500.00 … and this is just the first tank full, I’ll go through at least 2 more until Spring allows me to turn the system off.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrr..
Polar Bear Peace and Hugs.