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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What Would You Do?

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as “SocioSibs.”

What if you have reason to believe that someone you know is a serious danger to others?  You’ve known this person almost all your life, grew up together in the same family.

Until recently, this person had a huge menagerie of animals housed on an acre of land, including a horse, 13 dogs, 5 cats, turkeys & peacocks and possibly a parrot or 2.  Yet when she abandoned the property, all but 2 dogs she took with her disappeared in a span of just weeks.  Subsequent to this person’s latest move (one of 25 or so over a half-century), you found a couple of canine carcasses hidden behind a barn and miscellaneous skeletal remains strewn about the former property, which conjured a memory of walking in on this person during very early puberty as she was holding a live wild bird over the bathroom sink with a knife to decapitate it, exclaiming upon the surprise encounter that she couldn’t cure it so was putting the poor creature out of its misery.

Then you locate childhood friends and others from this person’s past, learning that one witnessed her strangling or drowning numerous animals, with that same explanation, since age 12.  Another witness tells of repeated torture of animals, including punching & kicking her horse (one of 2 that a boyfriend bought her), savagely beating her dog daily, and crushing the skulls of kittens between her fingers and tossing them out of her car onto the ground, all during her mid-teen years.

You recall visions of her often hitting & kicking family pets, to the horror and pain of her parent and sibling, who tried but never could completely curtail it.  And then you find a multitude of accounts from witnesses and public records of this person accusing multiple people of stalking her from age 13 through recent years, along with reports this person has made of others poisoning her plants & pets, some of whom died as a result, which stirs memories of childhood pets that died mysteriously, healthy pets whom this person hypothesized at the time must have been poisoned by neighbors or stalkers.

An ex-spouse reports that when divorce became imminent she cooked him a “special” meal, after which he became quite ill and came down with a severe rash all over his body, never experienced before or since.  Concurrently this person was attempting to entice a former lover to relocate half-way across the country, unbeknownst to the would-be-again lover that this person was also accusing him of stalking and threatening to kill her due to his mad obsession.

This person has a now-young-adult offspring who has been plagued by mysterious illnesses since infancy, and ended up in hospital emergency rooms more often than most people who live to ripe old ages.  One disease that was actually diagnosed was touted to some as the first case in the state, but she may have had access to the bacteria while a biological science student at a major university in the early 90s (for which someone else paid and from which she did not graduate), prior to the meticulous tracking these days of contagious pathogens.  And you hear that her ex-spouse independently came to the same conclusion as you as to how your niece contracted it.

You recollect a tale she told of a male roommate brandishing a knife with the person’s then 10-year-old child present, and another when the child was 12 and sexually molested by someone’s 15-year-old son right in the next room.

You are aware of at least 2 occasions when Child Protective Services were called on this person, but in each case she wriggled out of charges.  Then, when you contact CPS yourself to inquire, the intake worker on the other end can’t tell you what, if any, reports there may be that have not resulted in convictions.  However, seeing it for himself on the computer screen, he urges you to call protective services in the state where this person’s child now resides, even asking you to hold on while he looks up the phone number for you and stresses that you speak with a supervisor there if you don’t get results during the initial call.

Indeed, other authorities whom you contact say they can’t do anything now that this person is no longer within their jurisdiction, while provoking guilt for your not having done something about her sooner.  Some suggest you at least try to do something where she is now, recommending entities to contact, even if it’s too little too late.

This person has vilified anyone who could threaten to expose her, portrays herself as a persecuted, sweet, innocent victim of her targeted victims, has been abusing & killing animals since childhood but has come to be known as an “animal whisperer.”  You have evidence that she’s been poisoning animals and possibly humans for years, has been lying & stealing and casting blame on others since early childhood, with a criminal record for larceny since at least turning 18 (juvenile records are sealed), and a felony arson record.

Then you find out that this person has fled to another state, welcomed with open arms by family into a home where a young relative resides, knowing that they implicitly trust and feel very sorry for her, for “all she’s been through.”

What if you, too, have defended, protected, and advocated for this person all through the years, because you, too, have been blinded by the bizarre stories she fabricates and sympathy she so ably elicits?  And you staunchly held onto the lifelong belief that every person has a heart.  But now you can no longer ignore that truly innocent people actually are, and always have been, in danger.

What if this person, knowing you could blow her cover, preemptively already got deep into the heads of the rest of your family and convinced them that you are crazy and evil and out to get her, even though there’s not a shred of substantiation of her claims, but she’s mastered the art of manipulation and has skillfully succeeded in obliterating your credibility & character?

What if you knew all this and so much more, and this person were still on the loose seriously harming others and getting away with it, invited and naively trusted to be alone around those most vulnerable, such as children and animals?  What if, having been the most consistently present over this person’s lifetime, with nobody else recognizing the danger or mustering the courage or possessing comprehensive information, you find you’re probably the best candidate to piece together the puzzle so that others might see the whole picture, thereby alerting & enabling them to protect themselves, too?  Would you speak up?

Now add that what got your investigative ball rolling was the death of the parent that resulted in the threat of losing your home. Because of a fluke when the parent helped save the sibling from losing her home several years ago as aftermath of a divorce, the deed ended up in the parent’s name, so that now both siblings own it 50-50 because there was no will.  The sibling can file a legal claim by which she may possibly regain title to her house, but with the family turned against her, they will likely help this person fight the sibling in court, viewing this person as the tragic victim of a greedy sibling.

Suppose this person attempted to get a sizeable advance of her presumed inheritance, prior to creditors being paid, and prior to the estate administrator discovering that she destroyed what she had been deceiving the family as being the largest asset the house she lived in that the parent bought her and made all the monthly mortgage payments on (in addition to paying most or all her other bills, even restitution & probation fees), so that now it’s worth less than the remaining note due on it. Third consecutive house that she irreparably demolished—the first being the one she burned down; as opposed to the sibling who originally purchased her own house, for the most part paid her own mortgage, whose house appreciated in value, and who certainly never caused destruction to anyone’s property.

Then it turned out that there will be no inheritance because this person depleted or destroyed all the parent’s financial resources already.  The only asset left of any value is the sibling’s house (a small cottage with 50K equity in a low-middle income subdivision, compared to her 4-bedroom 2 bath on an acre that she ruined), while outstanding debts leave the entire estate at a deficit that can force a sale by creditors, debts that can be traced back primarily to this person.  Despite these irrefutable facts, this person has convinced the family that the sibling is just trying to take everything, even though there is nothing to take.  All the sibling wanted was to keep her own house that she bought herself 2 decades ago and has been inhabiting, maintaining & improving, and caring for ever since.

This all started as a pursuit of the sibling to rightfully keep her home, make it a fair fight, sibling vs. sibling, without the whole family against the one sibling.  Now that so much devastating new evidence has since come to light, it has grown into a pursuit to enlighten family members so that they can protect themselves, including the sibling’s own life and that of her child, from this person.

At least one family member admonished that, under the circumstances, that makes you, the sibling, the worst candidate to speak up, condemnable for even considering it, no matter how much you’ve discovered that’s led you to acknowledge that this person is very dangerous and that people — including you and your child — are in harm’s way, because it only makes you appear to have a less than noble motive.

What, if anything, would you do?


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255 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What Would You Do?"

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Dear Sociosibs,

What would I do? Well, my situation isn’t quite as complicated as yours, but my house that I paid for and built (a lot of with my own hands) and is debt free, along with my airport, hangars and barns sits on “family property” (I am the only child) along with my egg donor’s home, and another house that egg donor built for son C an his (now) X wife. At my mother’s death, the title goes to me, in the meantime it is in a TRUST of which she and I are co-executors. I cannot separate out my house and buildings to sell or even rent them separately until after my egg donor’s death.

In 2007, I had to leave for my own safety because my egg donor was in cahoots with the P son, my son C and his P wife and the psychopathic Trojan “friend” of son P’s.–son D and I literally fled for our lives. I thought possibly forever. I left my house, bought an RV trailer and left. Taking only the things I needed to survive and a few keeps sakes and photos and my dogs.

It was a wake ujp for me…I grieved over the loss of my home that I had built with my husband, and my place here–but I came to realize that place and house–bricks and sticks—aren’t as important to me as my life, my peace and my safety.

I was fortunate that my attackers for the post part ended up in jail/prison and I could come home, but I came home with a new outlook. Bricks and sticks don’t make my home! I make my home by hanging my hat where ever I am.

I know you feel violated, how could you NOT FEEL VIOLATED, this woman is a violater—a rapist of souls, a monster of evil.

I wish I could tell you “what to do” in this case, because I wish I could say “do this and your problems will go away and she will get what she deserves” but I don’t know what that would be—but doesn’t keep me from WANTING to be able to say that though!

The frustration you must feel is only something I can BARELY imagine because I was able eventually to come back to my house, my “bricks and sticks” and make it my home again by being here.

In the “fleeing” my home, I spent about half my liquid assets that were part of my retirement needs, hiring lawyers, and assorted expenses, plus buying the RV, so my retirement is much less well funded than it would have been by 50%—and I must always be prepared to have enough money to hire another attorney to fight another parole hearing for my P son (that’s another something I hadn’t counted on when I figured retirement needs) so they are still effecting my life in many ways.

But I think for me, the best thing has been to realize that my “security” my “happiness” and my “peace” doesn’t depend on having this house of bricks and sticks—I could live in a TENT and have peace there with me. THINGS matter very little to me now. “Consider the sparrow….”

ps. I also no longer care what these others think or say about me.

Psps..I wish you peace and security, whatever that means or comes to mean to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by the psychopathic sib and their dupes. (((hugs))) and God bless you.

In

Heard a good joke today—

I saw a psychopath fall into an alligator filled pit today, and being the good citizen I am, I went ahead and notified emergency services….but it is now 6 p.m. and they’re still not here and I can’t hear any more yelling from the pit, and I’ve begun to wonder if I WASTED A STAMP.

Thank you for your kind words of support, Ox Drover, and for the funny that followed in your 2nd comment.

And heartfelt sorrow for the wretched adventure you’ve endured at the hands of a handful of malicious & disordered family members.

The question has more to do with the comprehensive picture that my investigation revealed than with the single issue that started it, which was preventing an extreme injustice via the loss of my home. Now realizing how much danger we’ve always been in—obviously there’s more that was left unwritten—I can’t help but wonder whether there’s a life insurance policy in my niece’s future, and possibly something as sinister in store for my son and/or myself.

Dear SocioSibs,

I don’t think your Paranoia is unjustified at all. I would be wondering the same thing if I were you, and frankly I DO wonder if my P-son will try to come up with another scam to have me killed. Of course the more money my egg donor gives or bequeaths him, the easier it will be for him to find someone to do his bidding and at least TRY.

There was a $$$ motive for my P-son for me to die before my egg donor did and I have reason to believe he told the Trojan Horse they would SHARE the inheritance he got if the TH-P could knock me off and make it look like I had committed suicide.

Then one by one the rest of the family members would have fatal accidents until no one was left but the P-son and his buddy and they “of course would have lived happily ever after with lots of money and women.” Well, I am sure until it was just the two of them, because in the end it would only have been ONE OF THEM. My P son wasn’t about to SHARE with anyone.

Now that I have prevented that (well up to now I have prevented my own death from their hands, but the egg donor is still alive so if I don’t out live her, then P son does get half the land trust and at least half of my egg donor’s estate) so he won’t be a poor man but if I’m gone, only has brothers will have him to fear and his desire for revenge.

The worst part about all of your situation is that UNTIL YOUR NIECE IS DEAD there’s nothing you can do. You can’t prevent your sister doing it. You can’t have your sister arrested for thinking of doing it. FRUSTRATING to the max!

Even with the animal cruelty unless you have more evidence that she wasn’t really “putting them down” it is a “he said/she said” situation.

As for her hurting you and/or your son, keep in mind that revenge is a powerful motive with some of them. Watch your back! God bless.

hidden video cameras everywhere, especially where there are animals and small children.

SocioSibs,

How awful that your sister is the way she is, sounding like a very dangerous person. Torturing animals (fortunately, I”ve never witnessed anyone doing this) is just sickening – they don’t deserve such cruelty. It’s sad that human beings have to be afflicted with this mental disorder. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone wanting to act cruelly toward animals, just being mind-boggling (I don’t get it). I feel badly for all people (and animals) who have crossed your sister’s path, being affected by her devious, destructive, sick ways.

Thank you for your empathetic words, Bluejay. Yes, it was and still is painful to know and to have seen some of what she’s done, and now to have those horrific visuals in my head from my conversations and written statements from witnesses. And, true, anyone crossing her path is in danger, if not already harmed.

Thank you for the suggestion, Skylar. Unfortunately my niece and sister are now far away since their move, and her daughter is completely snowed anyway, as are any other family members who otherwise might protect her. The only good news is that my niece is away at college now during the schoolyear, in the state nextdoor to her mother, but at least not living with her for months at a time.

And thank you again, Ox Drover. I appreciate your validation, especially considering the lack thereof from my family.

The local officials told me to contact CPS in the state where my sister and niece first went when I heard that they had moved in with family where there was a young child, and to call a mobile mental health services agency to check on her. By then I had some evidence, but not as much as now and none of the statements in writing yet. However, the threat was imminent with them in the same household and these officials were quite stern, chiding me for not stepping up sooner. So I did make those calls, those authorities did go to where she was staying, they never saw her because the family member whose home it was sheltered her and told them that this was just a matter of an evil greedy sister who had it in for her.

Sadly, they took this action as further evidence of my craziness, called me a monster, have shut me out completely, and have been spreading the shun throughout the larger family. To the best of my knowledge, this has never happened to another family member, but my sister has succeeded in making it happen to me. They are not bad people, just incredibly taken in by a master manipulator.

Among other reasons I’ve heard through the grapevine for their condemnation of me is that I should have spoken with the family member before contacting any authorities. Odd, since I did try exactly that, and my calls were not taken or returned. So I never had the opportunity to express my concern.

Probably the only good that came of my action was that it made it much harder for her to do anything awful and get away with it. So I think it did actually help keep the youngster and my niece safe, for awhile.

Hi all,

I’m new to this site and must say its been a great help to me since my S ex ran away and left me to mop up after him. To cut a long story short, I met him on Facebook (I know..big mistake!!), and then it went from there.

HOOKED

Basically I thought I’d found “the One”..he was unlike the others I’d been with in the past..sensitive, we could talk for hours, he was caring, couldn’t do enough for me, you name it, I thought the sun shone out of him..didn’t realise that all the flattery and compliments was the S way of getting you ‘hooked’ and I well and truly was!

HIS PAST

He told me he had a bad past, how his Dad was a drug dealer etc, and how his Dad conned him over some deal that went wrong..he mentioned he used to do “drug runs” for his Dad at age 12, and how his brother had been in jail as his Dad had set him up over something to do with guns!!! God, I should have ran a mile but I guess i was already hooked on him by then. I had a bad past myself and I thought “well, people can change”.. I should have known better. He was living with his ex’s grandparents at the time, him and his ex had been split several months. He mentioned a couple of times how he would go round and have sex with her and that he had said to her that he would drop her the minute he found a girlfriend. I wasnt happy with him being at her grandparents so I suggested he move out of there. He moved upstairs at the restaurant he was working at, and then all of a sudden he posts something on facebook ..”Needs a plan”…I wondered what this “plan” was. He asked if he could stay with me until he got himself sorted out..turns out the restaurant was closing down. Fool here said Yes, manly because I wanted him with me..how stupid! Things changed from there.

LIES AND MORE LIES

He moved in and I had a feeling something wasn’t right..he would blow hot and cold and become distant. I went through his phone and found texts from a friend inviting him to go to a lapdance show..he had indeed gone out and lied to me about where he went..he also lied about going to a party and instead told me there was a Greek night at the restaurant and that it would be an all nighter..when I confronted him with this he flew into a rage..his first words were “for F**** sake!!”..and then promptly calmed down and started apologising etc, saying hes sorry hes let me down..etc etc..Anyway, by Christmas he was suggesting buying “commitment rings”.,.which never materialised..but things were ok until a couple of months later when I caught him texting someone else he met on Facebook – he had discarded her for me..(she was twice my age and old and fat) and when I confronted him with this he starts gaslighting me, saying I was paranoid and that I had better not start contacting people and hassling them, and that I was a control freak etc etc and then he gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night..the next day i contacted this woman who denied all knowledge of him. I then told him I’d phoned this woman and he was totally cold, despite being caught out. I asked him why he lied and all he said was “because of the obvious”. Although I don’t think anything had gone on,it was the lies and deceit that got me. I had also found pieces of paper in his wallet with details of flats and apartment rental agencies written on..wonder if he had started to secretly plan his ‘escape’. He also used to keep mentioning that he wanted to move back to Spain and that he wanted me to move there with him, promised me a future bla bla bla..don’t really think he had any intention.

PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

Push came to shove in April when he walked out on me..half an hour after he walked out, police came to my door wanting to arrest him on suspicion of fraud and money laundering. He had basically done a runner leaving me to mop up and see to the police. I was so blinded by him at the time I never even thought he was capable of doing this, but as the months passed it all came out. It turns out he had been administrating accounts set up by a “boiler room”..a group of conmen posing as a legitimate company in order to defraud unsuspecting investors. He had set all these bank accounts up. No wonder I never met his friends! Not that he had many, and I found this unusual as everyone who met him seemed to like him! We had contact after he skipped the country, at the beginning he was all lovey dovey, wanting me out there etc, and then after 3-4 weeks he suddenly changed, basically not wanting contact, and told me on one occasion that I’m “not brave enough to end it”. After several weeks of this and me fighting back etc he finally cut me off altogether, did not reply to my calls or my texts.

THE MASK COMES OFF

He took his mask off when I saw him in Spain about 3 weeks after he cut me off..he knew when I was going to be there on holiday and according to a friend, he had actually gone to look for me at the place he knew I would be!

Now why cut me off and then go look for me???

I met up with him a couple of days later and I just didnt recognise hm anymore..he was so cold, like a complete stranger..he said we have no future etc, what am I going to do there with no job, bla bla bla, basically not wanting to take any responsibility for me. He also said that he had “always done this” and how “hopeless” he was etc etc, (he had fled the country at 15 to escape the police and also left two girls behind pregnant when he was 15 and 19, both subsequently had abortions) yet he showed no remorse for what he had put me through and didn’t even give me an apology. His friend had told me “oh, he was in love with you when he first came back here, he was very frightened but now no..he just wants easy money”..it turns out he’s drug dealing. What put the nail in the coffin was that he said he wanted to see me again before I returned home, so idiot me, I saw him again 2 days later and he totally ignored me, treated me more like a business associate than his partner. When I returned home I was in pieces and I told the police of his whereabouts, because I wanted justice, for the fact that he had done this and left me to deal with it all and also for his treatment of me the whole way through. He has not had any contact with me for 4 months and I have since discovered he has had someone else after I left Spain..she had become “friends” with his sister on Facebook and it was in my face which added insult to injury. Maybe I did the wrong thing but I texted him to let him know that I knew and that the game was up and that I had found him out ONCE AGAIN..I basically told him exactly what I thought of him, he didn’t reply to me but he dumped her like a hot brick 3 days later..dunno..maybe that was his way of ‘punishing’ her??

I had also spoken to his ex who said that they split up because she was sick of him scheming and scheming as to how to make easy money..she said she met him on holiday in Spain and got to know him by texting etc and that he had finally moved to England to live with her. She said he had scammed people before, once for £4000 and that the final straw came when he came up with another idea how to make easy (illegal) money and she had had enough. She said she was law abiding and that people should work for a living and was sick of him putting her and her house at risk. She said he was a “good person” at the bottom of him and that she really hoped he had straightened himself out but obviously he hasnt. The man puts money before everything else, even at the expense of his relationships. All he cares about is money and how much of it he has and it has become apparent that he will go to ANY lengths to get it, regardless of the risk of arrest and his own safety, and the safety of others!

AND NOW..

He is still wanted by the police and I know I have a long way to go before I recover from this creature fully. I have looked into socipathy in great detail since this happened and he meets ALL the criteria. Its alarming and really scary. I have came a long way in the last 6 months. After he left, I got so low that I even thought about ending it all, I felt as if I had been robbed of a future, I basically just ‘existed’ for 3 months, don’t know how I made it through some days..only in the last couple of months have I started to feel more like myself. This going on and also finding out my mother has cancer as well. The b****** couldnt even reply and ask how mum was, even though he had spent 6 months going on about how my family were his “family”! I wonder still, how anyone could do this to someone who loved them beyond all compare? Still trying to get my head around it and have spent a lot of time analyzing and going over and over it in my head, I think it’s probably down to not wanting to accept what he really is, but I know I have to in order to move on and get this freak out of my life forever. I think, how can someone promise me the world, go on about having kids, and getting married etc and all the while he was doing this and probably planning his exit, I mean, how can people be so EVIL!!!! I think they should be lined up and shot! But thats only my opinion..at least if that happened, they wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else ever again..at least now I have No Contact, and thats how I plan to keep it..

Thanks for reading,

CHRISTY 🙂

…just hard to accept that someone could be this way, I mean, he promised me he would never leave, helped with bills and the house and stuff, and, ironically, his favourite two words wwere “TRUST ME”….

At least now I know the red flags and will be able to spot one of these freaks a mile off! Suppose its been a lesson I have needed to learn and will never repeat again..

CHRISTY 🙂

Hi Christy, welcome to LF! I only have a second to write because I have to leave… I am so glad you found this website and so sorry you had to go through such a heartbreaking experience. There are so many great articles here about spaths… hope you will keep writing and posting, it really helps! A lot of good caring supportive people here. Talk to you again soon. God Bless.

Christy “trust me” and people who say it frequently are setting you up for the “kill”—“trust me” means in s-path speak “You are in for a screwing” just as a magician distracts you from seeing what he is really doing, so does a psychopath.

Welcome Christy,
This blog is the best. When I feel down or I need to know something, this is where I come. At first it was a relief to find out that there were more people like me…in my situation. And that I was not going crazy, and that my ex spath was the sicko and he was attempting to get me out of the way and planning to take my house and my kids.
Mine too was the most charming, handsome guy you would ever meet. he charmed me for almost 20 years, there were flags, but I was sooooo charmed that I thought I was seeing things where there should be nothing to see….I should have listened to my inner self…but after being here, I have learnt that that is why they are so nice and conniving to make you think we are “seeing” things, and shrug it off. My spath was loved by all, even his kids. I had two wonderful kids with him who are now 14 and 18. The mask dropped suddenly, because he knew I was on to something….I simply wanted to know what he was doing with his money…I was paying for everything and planning a holiday…and I needed his help. From that point on it was hell. I actually saw immediately the change in face, I had to look again, I thought I was seeing things, his eyes changed to “cold”, his expression changed, and he simply had a look of disgust towards me. he hated me deeply and utterly. He continued for weeks to pretend I was not there, treated me poorly, belittled me in front of the kids, and did things that devastated me. Who was this guy ? I kind of precipitated his departure because I needed to know what the heck was going on. I pressed him for answers, bank statements, questions, questions, I went to a marriage councillor, he could not take it anymore and left. And by doing this, he left his kids behind, big mistake on his part, a good thing for me. I now have my kids and they want nothing to do with their father. they call him sperm donor. My mission is to make them a life which they so much deserve and being their for them. We are so close the three of us that I am finally finding peace within myself and they are focused in school and the best kids ever…so so fortunate .
Before he left me, he already had another women, and her 4 kids, which are also his( he was cheating on me with a young lady for several years, and her kids range from 4 to 14, so you can do the math ) And four from his previous marriage, so in total 10. Has and never will see any of kids get married or gradutate, no one wants nothing to do with him, except for his older kids which he is now pleading insanity…I made him stay away from them…and they are now believing him. What a vampire. He entices and kills the soul, sucks the soul right out of people. I have not contacted him for 1 1/2 years, do not think I do not love him, but I keep reminding myself it is an illusion that I love, not the real him. That is the hardest thing to know that what I had is an illusion. But my kids are sane and kind and gentle, God has been good to me. Take heart, keep the no contact. Its the only way. I am in a legal battle with him, and I intend to secure whatever I can for me and my kids, and its messy, but I must do it. No contact means just that, but we cannot “gift” them money, we need to take care of ourselves. He has had enough “gifting” from me. So keep your faith, and stay with us on this blog, and we will overcome this bomb that happened in our lives…we will eventually prosper. We are here for you. Hugs

Sociopaths lack integrity to the nth degree.

I have a name for my ex..I call him “THE MUMMY”! Has anyone seen the film “The Mummy” where Imhotep tracks down his victims and then sucks them completely dry in order to regenerate? Well I can say the same thing applies to these creatures that we have all been involved with. And they are creatures. There is no shade of humanity in them at all. None whatsoever. I’m still reeling from what my spath ex has done to me to be quite honest. He promised me the home, the kid, the marriage, the future, and guess what, none of it ever materialised, he used to say stuff but never follow through with his promises. ..

I did kinda pick up on something odd about him..even his music of choice was 50 Cent, Public Enemy (“Fight the Power” ”“ authority hater or what? haha!!!!!) and Tupac, you know, all the gangsta crap..it made me think “maybe thats how he sees himself”..like his life’s dream is to be Scarface..or a gangster wannabe”he even kept a crossbow and a bulletproof vest in the house!! He constantly went on about how the UK Government controls what we watch on TV and how the law rules over all our lives etc etc..

There were some days where he would completely “go into” himself, like, withdraw, but I could see he was thinking, always ticking over”

And he had the “stare” too”he admitted himself that he did that to “dominate” people, to try and “read” people.. When I saw him in Spain he commented that he knew I was angry with him because “he could see it in my eyes”.. He was however still self righteous and took no responsibility for his actions..he thinks he can do what the hell he likes and not have to face the consequences..he even has a tattoo on his wrist saying “BECAUSE I CAN..”!!

This thing with the police is still going on and I’m going to fight all the way..at the moment my identity is concealed so that he won’t find out it was me that told the police of his whereabouts..but you know what?? If revealing my identity makes the difference between him being convicted or walking free, then I will let him know that it was me, as long as I get justice for what he has done….I think that is the main thing in my life right now..to see justice done…I said to myself last night, “No f____ more!!!”…just trying to understand and accept this situation..my goal is to eventually get to the stage where I won’t hate him, rather I’ll “nothing” him, thats how I will know I have fully healed…but either way I will never forget this experience..it has left a scar that nothing can take away..

Dear Christy,

I think we give them the benefit of the doubt because WE have a conscience, WE have caring and empathy, we think others are like us so we ASSUME they have empathy, conscience and consideration because WE DO.

They on the other hand I think either look at us as total fools, or think we WOULD get them first if we had a choice, so they are going to get us first.

My P-son, once when he was talking to my adopted son said to him “You’re just like me, I know you” Actually, my P-son was in prison before my adopted son came to live with us, so the only interactions they’ve had are in the visiting room of the prison. So P son assumes that adopted son is “just like him” and he is very jealous of adopted son for “horning in on his territory.” For the time he spent with my late husband, with the fact that adoptive son is loved and treated as a son. P-son wanted EVERYTHING in the way of inheritance and didn’t want ANYONE to get anything except him.

My husband has children, and my children were considered his children, and our adopted son was “our” child..so between us we had 7 children. All the “kids” in my mind were “equal” and I didn’t want anyone to feel left out, so I was going to divide the original keepsakes into piles, like dealing out cards, then number the cards and let the kids draw for numbers, like a lottery so no one got “favored” over the others. (and I was going to include P-son at that time—not now!) and I wrote this idea to him in a letter BECAUSE I WAS PROUD TO HAVE COME UP WITH A FAIR WAY and he immediately fired back and said
NO, DON’T DO THAT, YOU’RE HIS WIFE AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FAIR.

Well, what if I WANT TO BE FAIR? DUH?

Even from inside prison where he has essentially stayed since age 17 (except for a few months outside) he wanted (Wants) to run the family, AND have all the assets.

Christy you called it “nothing” him, and you are right —reaching INDIFFERENCE is “nirvana” if we can get there. Just NOT caring one way or another. Not wanting to harm them, but just “nothing”-ing them. I get there some days, most days, but other days, I “fall off the wagon” and have to get back up and return to indifference again. It is an ongoing process, but each step away from the wound you take, the closer you are!!!

The more we learn about them, and the more we learn about ourselves, the closer we can get!!! (((hugs))))

Christy, just read your story and wow what they get away with. I myself have been dealing with my dad’s / Grandmothers Estate both sort of overlapping an d well i could go on about all the crap they’ve tried to pull over on me. My brother alcoholic and possibly personality disorederd had a friend of my fathers left my dad’s entire estate 1/3 and this guy along with my step mother, brother, lawyer all blackmailed me for a year and a half. Now i ‘m finally settling the estate of my grandmothers, after tons of legal fee’s to greedy lawyers and im left holding the bag, taxes in arrears as my stepmother thinks she doesn’t have to pay. anyway im so sick of being walked on , new lawyer i know is charging me taking advantage again, but this time im not letting him get away with it. Im standing my ground with certain issues, willing to blow the deal on a substantial amount for the farm/house because i want what should have been done when my dad passed honored , because i was right all along, they just bullied me and threatened. Now im fighting back and i don’t care if im shooting my foot off with offer, i want to do what any honorable person should have done with my grandmother’s estate, not what all these greedy jerks think was right. My lawyer looked at me when i pressed for the lease monies from 2009 , that they think they can hold back , he said are you trying to use the purchase as leverage and i said, look lawyer (300 an hour which by the way i know he told me 200) the estate is owed the money and im doing my job, in essence i will blow the deal if they don’t do right by what they should have done. Might sound like im foolish but i made it clear that i am doing what should have been done, not doing what’s easiest for this lawyer , he knows now i will not pay him if he doens’t get his chit together. I haven’t heard and im waiting to see and im refusing to see my lawyer unless he has something pertinent to show me. Enough is enough. luve kindheart

Dear Kindheart,

Too many times the lawyers end up with it all, because they get a psychopathic greedy “heir” or would-be heir to get a fight going and the lawyers get the bulk of or all of the estate, the psychopath gets little or nothing and the legitimate heir gets little or nothing.

Sometimes though you just decide what outcome you are willing to take and go for that, even if it means you get nothing. You may not get justice but you prevent them from robbing you and getting away with the loot at least. Good lluck (((hugs))))

Dear Sociosibs,

Your story is a chilling one. Having read nearly every Ann Rule book, it reminds me of one of hers…and there are never happy endings.

What would you do?

There are several things.

1. I would write down everything you can remember, and keep your notes in a safe place (i.e. a safe deposit box). I would document, document, document, including names of others who can substantiate your allegations. I would take pictures of the animal carcasses, dates of arsons, poisonings, etc. I would literally create a timetable, to the best of my ability, regarding the sibling’s actions.

2. I would check with the bar association in your state and (in my state for $35) you can consult with an attorney. I would check with a couple for their recommendations.

3. I would speak with a counselor for support and recruit the help of trusted friends and family members.

4. Depending on the advice of an attorney, I would check with local police and/or speak with family members with whom your sibling has associations.

Remember this: Sociopaths are very cunning, conning, and maniulative. They are compulsive liars, but very believeable. They will begin a smear campaign against you (you are crazy, you are the bad one, etc.) so others are prejudiced against you even before you speak.

5. I would also seek self protection as sociopaths are very vindictive, whether it is a self-defense course, an alarm system, or a weapon.

Be prepared for a difficult journey.

Blessings and Peace,
Peggy

Hi Everyone here,
Peggy, you said something that hit me like a ton of bricks! That they will start a smear campaign against you so others are prejudiced against you before you even open your mouth. WOW! Indeed he did. I couldn’t understand why people, like people who he worked with, etc…, treated me as though i was a vixen even after they saw what he had done to my face, after he had beat the crap out of me. You know i am so grateful for this site and the posts here. They seem to show up at the most needed times. When i start to feel weak. My sp is in jail at the moment for corporal punishment on a spouse (me) but i found myself buying 5 post cards so i could send him a few. Post cards are the only type of mail that inmates can get where we live. What could i possibly have to say to him????? Duh! I am sorry that all of you are and have had to deal with such traumatic events and people. You know i never subscribed to lovefraud and out of the blue i received an e-mail from them in my mail box. Divine intervention, had to be. This is where i started to read about sp’s and their behavior. My sp had alot of the same personality traits but at the time that i started to read about this type of person he lacked 2 major traits but it was only a few weeks before the other 2 showed up. He had finally physically attacked me and i did find out that he was already married even though we had been planning our wedding. No contact is the only way and i need to be reminded of this. Looking back on my life i can tell you that there are alot of sp’s in my life going all the way back to my dad, step dad, sister, lovers, etc…. Now to my surprize and understanding i can put pieces of my troubled life together and i can see that i have been a victim to these type of people alot. Scary to think what they are capable of and that i am truly lucky to be alive. It is quite sobering to here stories like this one “what would you do” and the following stories also. I had done alot of healing from past traumas that had left me paranoid and anxious and after this relationship i am sensing my paranoia coming back. I don;t want to relapse into a full blown basket case because of this one bad apple. I really need to learn how to be descernful without being paranoid and fearful all of the time. Reading all of these stories is alittle bit scary because there are really people who kill, hurt animals, lie, and otherwise want to see you suffer, which is disturbing in itself.
Question; if anyone would mind answering this for me. Why do the sp’s get to the point that they hate you? really hate you? I look back and so many things that i loved, like special painted plates, jewelry, eye glasses missing (he was jealous of me and the computer)Just little things that i cared about he would destroy or sabatage or take from me, very sneakily try to hurt me. Even if all you have done is help them? Is it because they know that they will never be able to measure up to the person that you think they are? Is it because they feel threatened because you are starting to see through the mask? Is it because someone has dare to stand up to them? I really don’t understand that. But my sp must have really hated me to have done everything that he had especially breaking my face up the way he did. Thanks ahead of time for the responses. Baffled!!!! Light and love to all, Caylin

I had a situation that has some similarities with yours, although it was probably not as severe and intense, since the sociopath was not a relative. He was a co-leader in an organized religion, using trust in his leadership position to seduce me and many other women.

He spread lies and rumors about me and they were believed, and I had to accept the consequences of that.

Honestly, it was the worst thing that ever happened in my life and I have never gotten over it. Today, 3 years later, I can’t stand the sight of those people who refused to believe me. I have been gradually cutting off contact with them, one by one. It has changed my life drastically.

He had a long history of similar behavior, and the evidence in my case was very clear and obvious. I feel they were morally obligated to at least some minimal level of investigation, but they did nothing. They took the path of least resistance.

The sociopath went on wreaking destruction. I just got as far out of the path of that destruction as I could get.

It’s a difficult transition now, but I hope and believe that in the end my life will be better and happier.

Caylin:

You are entirely right about the smear campaign. It is a venue that Socipaths (in my experience) always use (as well as BPD of which I most recently have experience).

It is so fascinating that all of these Sociopaths have the same (cookie-cutter) charactistics. Utterly amazing.

Caylin,

They do the same things to all of us in different degrees, depending on the depth of the spath illness.

They will tell you how beautiful you are, how much they love you then, WHAMO, try to get you sent to the nearest institution. Tell their friends that you are crazy, etc. I was always wondering why his friends would look at me like they pitied me, well he probably told them I am mentally ill. I fed into his fantasy by becoming depressed, also having my thyroid fly south made me feel foggy and wonder why I couldn’t get a grip.

The key to these people, don’t cry and show emotion, they feed off of it. They love it when we are weak. Also, do not send those postcards to the abuser. They have a way of getting us to feel sorry for them. Why the heck should we feel sorry for them? Are we trying to be malicious or just be rid of them? Mine starts the freaking pity play daily.

Why should I feel sorry for him if he was being inappropriate with our daughter? She hates him and he says poor me. He brought it on himself. He was so sad, my wife wants to divorce me and my daughter hates me. TOOO BAD, SOOO SAD. He did it all to himself so why should I pity him. He has lied, lied, lied and still looks at me with his puppy dog, feel sorry for me look. YUCK

I am so sorry that you met such an individual and you did not deserve what he did to you. There are decent individuals out there, we just need to be more discerning and get them out of our lives if they are toxic.

Most of us here have had bad role models that taught us a distorted version of ‘normal’. We no longer need to settle for mr. wrong, a loving person does not break anothers face, EVER! If he were to suddenly find God, I still would not trust him.

I disagree with OxDrover on the above statement.

It was WRONG to waste that stamp!

Hi All,
Smear campaign, boy am I ever getting one ! My ex spath is dragging my name in the mud with his kids from his first marriage, I am actually the wicked witch of the west ! Little do they realize that it was I who MADE him pay his child support every month while I was married him.
My smear campaign is also running rampant with my ex-inlaws who are also spaths, they hate me to death, I guess me and my family are everything that they cannot be, they hate each other, but yet, because my kids are with me, and want nothing to do with their father and grandparents, they think its me. Does not matter that my daughter (18) who had directly told them that they want NO CONTACT, they do not believe her, its always me who is making them say or do things. I can feel their anger even from miles away. I do not trust them, they are the grandparents who enabled their son to do what he is doing. All of a sudden they have taken an interest with the grandkids, and they could not give two hoots about them previously. Go figure. Its all about winning, how do we remain sane ? How do we get on with normal life and let these people go on with their drama, which they love ?

Dear Survivorlady,

It’s so good that your children can see how horrible the grandparents are. Sometimes, if they have too much influence, they can turn the kids away from you. It is terribly unfair when they play dirty and have no morals.

Spath husband said I ‘coached’ my 16 year old daughter into saying she was uncomfortable around him and that I gave her my books about sex addiction and that is why she doesn’t like him. What the heck? She doesn’t need to know that information, she calls it sexual harassment. And who the heck would ‘coach’ their kid to say those sorts of things? If he really felt that were true, he should have divorced me a long time ago. If I were really the nasty person he has made me out to be, why is he kissing my butt?

Yea, whatever. Yep, they just want to win and they can never admit they are wrong. Sounds like his family is messed up and the less you have contact with them, the better. It is necessary for piece of mind and surprising when we detach from them, we find out how sick they really are.

Dear Caylin,

You are so RIGHT, NC is the only way to survive them.

Why do they hate us? It is about CONTROL. They want, they need they demand CONTROL and if we threaten that control then they become ENRAGED.

Love and connectedness is impossible for them, but RAGE, anger and vengence, all are very possible for them.

Get away from this guy and stay away from him. NC. TOTAL NC.

BTW “physical violence” is not necessary for them to be a psychopath and they can “miss” one or two qualities and STILL BE A PSYCHOPATH, so ‘IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK, QUACKS LIKE A DUCK, LAYS EGGS LIKE A DUCK….you better figure it is a duck!”

Dear PEGGY!!!!!

Hey, GF, where you been!? Glad to see you back here!!!! ((((Hugs)))) Yeap, I agree with you about some BPDs being almost if not exactly like a psychopath, and just as dangerous as well. I think there is a lot of overlap there. There are “levels” of all different diagnoses though, so some are toxic and some are SUPER TOXIC and some are SERIAL KILLERS.

Glad to have you back!!!

Caylin, I think I know why he hate and detest us so much. They are insanely JEALOUS of us. They are attracted to the LIGHT in us, but cant manufacture their own light so they suck our light out of us.
Then when they have tortured and destroyed us,they discard us, and move on to the next source of Light, and start to suck THEM dry too.
Secretly the HATE LOATHE AND DESPISE THEMSELVES but they project this hatred onto us, as they cant face the truth about how sick they are.
Thats my take on these sick creatures, and they are all the same!
Mama Gemxx

geminigirl,

I don’t know if spaths are truly attracted to the light in us -I personally think that sociopaths (and/or psychopaths) are insane. They just do what they do, irregardless of the consequences. When I remember the h-spath’s outrageous lies (covering his butt for whatever the latest crisis was), he comes across to me as completely nuts. The man takes the time to make up some asinine story to get out of or avoid something that would make him uncomfortable. Their brains are wired differently, causing them to be wacky. I have reviewed some of my experiences (brought to me courtesy of the h-spath) ad-nauseum in my mind and have concluded that these folks are insane (though they can come across as seemingly “normal”).

Looking back over the span of 20 years, and most of them were quite good. I was married to my spath and was involved in working and bringing up my kids, that life took over….alot of red flags, but was too busy and in love to see them. Thought they were personality quirks, not everyone is perfect I thought, making excuses for him. After his mask fell, I think I rushed the ruin of the marriage, becasue as much as it hurted, I did not want, or could go on. While still living under the same roof, he used to sleep downstairs, I would lock my door, that is how much hate I sensed from him. I guess, that after almost 1 1/2 years since he left home, I have reflected, on my whole relationship for the past 20 years, and every day, I find out something that I never noticed before. I guess its my mind processing 20 years worth of data, and finding errors and analyzing the grey areas, I guess 20 years has alot of memories and I need to come to terms that they were an illusion, but I think about my great kids (whom I have full custody and they want no contact with the ex and grandparents) and I realize that those memories are what counts, that was not illusion, the good thing is that had I not married the spath, I would not have them….so that part is acceptable, not an illusion. The spath, was all smoke and mirrors, when I look back even his lovemaking was not a normal bonding. I envision him as a “hollow” person, walking, very tranparant, like a ghost, you can put your hand right through him, and there is nothing. I still hurt inside, dunno if I will ever heal, I carry on and I know that I will eventually release all the anger, I simply have no time in my life for him. I look at both my kids, and cannot help think how lucky I am.

survivorlady,

Your children are fortunate to have the mother that they have, you. Your love for them comes across loud and clear.

Dear Survivorlady,

I look back over my entire life, all 63 11/12ths of it and am processing the memories and relationships and I STILL have things pop up that make me go “Ah ha!” I think maybe that is why I am still here every day at LF, I still find NEW REVELATIONS about things I saw at the time but didn’t realize what it meant.

It is like I am “translating” the text of my life one page at a time. The difference now is that it no longer HURTS SO BADLY when I realize a “truth” I didn’t see before even though it was plain before my eyes.

Sure, I had some good memories during those times too, times I thought I was loved, thought things were “going well” but looking back (20:20 hindsight) I can see that I was living in la-la land as far as seeing what their agendas were. I was “fat, dumb and happy” at the time, now I am still FAT, but NO LONGER dumb and a heck of a lot happier than ever before! TOWANDA!!!

BTW I got some salt substitute while I was in town today and it makes a world of difference in the taste of food. LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN!!! LOL Doesn’t take much to please me these days! LOL

Good Evening All, I am glad I found this site. I have not been as traumatizes as some of you here, I consider myself extremely lucky for getting out as soon as I did. It was unraveling fast and I knew it would get nasty.
He first lavished me with praise over my accomplishment(this did not go to my head) at the end he started to berate me for having so much and not “sharing it” with someone (him) when he clearly needed help. LOL. I told him I would not apologize for my FAT WALLET (his words). That my husband and I had worked hard for what we have and I would need it when I am older.He blew up at me when I told him I would not insult him by offering my help or money to him. That he should be able to help himself. He showed me the door. THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Then I started the search. Just to make sure I was not being paranoid. Now the fog is lifted and I am Seeing Clearly

Welcome Seeing Clearly and others who finally found this site! I’ve been through much and LF has helped me find my sanity and taught me more than I can ever express!

Aaaaaaaah, the smear campaign. I heard someone say once the gossip is nothing more than oral bullying and in a very large sense, it is. Spaths PLAN a smear campaign just as they did when working their way into our heart. It is their intent that we hear of these things, be accused of things not done and blamed for others. To me, at least in my case, it was done out of retaliation for not wanting him around anymore. And for awhile, it worked.
I spent far too much time justifying myself against what had been said. I am still amazed at their ability to get others to believe something that if one were to sit down and think about RATIONALLY, they would see it wasn’t true. The spath operates on emotions. And all too often, they will find a way to get someone to believe something totally irrational based on human emotions and their abuse thereof.
I do not defend myself anymore. I know what is truth. I wasted a LOT of oxygen on trying to explain. No more. I know what’s real and what isn’t and I can walk into a room now and stand tall.
I’m the first to say I’m not perfect. I AM a human being and quite capable of making mistakes. One of the tactics of the smear campaign is to take an ounce of truth, twist and turn it and then it’s entirely believable. It’s important for me to remember that if I could fall for his line of bull, so can anyone else….

Dear Seeingclearly,

GOOD ON YOU, GIRLFRIEND!!!!

I laughed when you said he was so angry that you would not share your “fat wallet” with NEEDY HIM! That is actually FUNNIER’N heck!

If I had a dollar for every psychopath, mooch, or greedy arsehole who has wanted me to SHARE my abundance with them, I’d be a lot richer!!!!

I’m glad you got out when you did and with your “fat wallet” intact!

The lavish praise at first is what we here call “the love bomb” and is a typical example of how the hook us in by praise and showing “love and care” to us–AT FIRST. Cults work the same way!

You set appropriate boundaries for him, and that is your biggest asset. I did not have appropriate boundaries and felt compelled to SUPPLY my psychopaths (mostly relatives) with “help.” NO MORE!!! I’m an old dog but I am learning new tricks—to set appropriate boundaries and not allow others to use me like a tick on a dog’s ear!

Glad you are here!!! Thanks for sharing, I needed that chuckle!

Dear Cat,

Glad to see you back!!!

You are so right about the smear campaign! Defending ourselves is usually futile, but many times like ErinBrock has done, they trip themselves up with their own lies.

so many great posts, so little time!
Caylin, I think Gemini is right, they are insanely jealous of us. But they are jealous of the trees, the birds, the sky or the moon and sun. They feel envy 24/7. It’s like a horrible itch and when we rebel and don’t placate that itch by not being subservient or standing up for ourselves, they hate us soooo much more! then they want vengeance for an imagined transgression. But the entire time they were baiting us so that we WOULD finally rebel and that would be their EXCUSE to strike harder than ever and say that we deserve it. My exP told me this – not verbatim but it was definitely expressed: “keep that up, so that I can hate you more.”

Survivor Lady,
yes, I know what you mean, I’ve been processing 25 years from my spath and 44 from my parents! OMG. we are blessed to have survived, it was a God given gift that I want to share each day with all the other people who need this knowledge. I’d like to encourage you to write or keep a blog about the details of what you remember. It will serve as a way to process but also you may one day help someone else open their eyes when they see the template of sociopathy. If I could, I would hug you and help you release the anger. You are sooooo much better than he was.
I’d like to share a link to a blog from my doctor who runs the community accupuncture clinic. HE IS AMAZING. as you will see from his writing. As much as his accupuncture helps me, reading his writings are just about as healing. Please check this out from Jordan:
http://communichi.org/blog/?p=511

Here is the best part of it:
No, thank you mother. Thank you for all that gives nourishment. Thank you for this breath, for the mysterious life force that pulsates through my veins. Thanks for the fox and the great blue heron and the ducks in Kelvingrove Park. And thanks for the hassles too ”“ the headaches, bug bites, the nurse who gruffly evicts me out for being in violation of visiting hours. No, seriously, thanks for the pain and suffering. Without you, my mind would wallow ever stuck in a narrow range of subhuman experience, lacking any resiliency, or wisdom.

i watched Ricky Martin on the oprah show tonite. i am so happy for him.

OX Drover,
You should also be known as (aka) WISE OWL. You are very giving and supportive. I hope I can be the same.
I have always told friends and relatives that I would not lend them money however I would be more than willing to show them how they could have a second income. Not many takers, I told sp same he said he didn’t have the time la de do la de doe, I would never have given him or anyone money unearned. I use to call these persons parasites now I see them for what they really are. It’s really a shame because it causes us to feel that all men(for women) or women(for men) are all the same and they’re not. We need to protect ourselves and our loved ones from these frauds. I had a very strong and loving marriage of 35 years, and we both had a strong sense of self worth.
I am not putting anything past him, we do not run in the same circles, so not likely to see him. I have strong family and friend bussiness associates who know me well. As Dr. Phil says People who have nothing to hide….hide nothing. I am here to learn and hopefully support others in their recovery.
Stay Strong, Stay Safe and Stay Sane.

Dear Seeingclearly,

Thank you very much, I’m learning my “wisdom” LATE about psychopaths but I have been enough of a Scots woman to not be taken too badly to the cleaners financially by any of them.

I will occasionally loan someone a small amount of money (no more than I can stand to lose) or just GIVE it to them, but don’t repeat that often or get taken in by sad stories.

Once years ago I loaned my then best friend $200 for a big emergency and we were both broke so it was my last $200. I told her that she could pay it back if she cold but if not, that was okay too. It wasn’t about the money, heck I would have given her my last pint of blood. I loved this friend like a sister.

After that she started to treat me badly, and several weeks later she came to my house and acted really an ass and as she drove way (forever) I cried and cried, totally heart broken, and I realized at that time even that she had decided to be hateful to me so she could get mad at me and not feel guilty about not paying back the money. She lost a FRIEND who would literally have died for her, and I lost $200 so tell me who lost the most in that deal?

A year and a half ago, a “friend” since my college days cheated me out of $56—a man I trusted very much and would have done just about anything for, and he “won” by cheating me out of $56. But I told him to leave my house and never come back because he broke his word over $56—he said, “No, he didn’t BREAK his word, he just CHANGED it.”

To me, you don’t “sell” or “lose” a friend for any amount of money, but at the same time, if someone wants to cheat you even for a nickle they are NOT your friend, you are still better off losing the money than keeping on thinking they are your friend. If you can keep your money and still find out they are not your friend, that’s even better! LOL

Hey Ox! Nice to be back around again!
Every time I come back to LF, there’s so much good stuff and I love reading through so many of the posts and threads.
Yes, E.B. is right. Wait long enough and they will indeed trip over their own two feet…

I have made the mistake(s) of lending money with the full expectation of having it paid back. I don’t lend anymore and I don’t expect either. My ex took a lot, financially. That, however, is nothing compared to what he took emotionally. I am in the worst financial position I’ve been in in years. As bad as it is, I’ll recover from that. Emotionally, he took far more and for me, healing is all about taking my life back on an emotional and soul level.

“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
Mark Twain

The above quote is one of my favorites. It is SO true! It’s also one of the tools the spath uses to his/her advantage. And did you ever notice the first one they go to with their lies are the ones who have already been critical of you as a person? They go for the weak link.
I am open to and welcome honest criticism from one who truly cares. That, to me, is healthy and should be listened to. It’s a far cry from those who simply criticize, especially without knowing the facts. And in all of this is the opening the spath needs to go for the throat. I have learned this one the hard way, by not listening to that voice within that says, DO NOT TALK. What you tell others can be easily twisted and turned to come back and slap you in the face. And it’s all part of why I no longer respond to the smear campaigns….
I must say that I am lucky enough to have a couple of friends that I trust and that trust is shared both ways. And I have this site, which has helped me beyond measure.

survivorlady, I have to say KUDOS!!! to you for raising children who are not afraid to stand up for who and what the believe in. It’s hard at times to NOT respond to the insane garbage that some people spew, but you’ve done an awesome job! I’ve a feeling they will go far in life and already know how to spot a spath.

Hi Cat,
Thank you for your compliment, it really feels good to hear it from my friends on LF.
My daughters grandparents (me ex spaths parents) emailed my daughter and told her “its about time you stand up for yourself instead of letting your mother call the shots”. My daughter was infuriated at her remark, and has figured out that all they do is provoke, provoke, and they cannot live with no contact. My daughter had not contacted her grandmother at all, but she was not letting up with her emails….my daughter rationalized and thought…in a court of law, the grandma can say that she did not understand my grandaughters wishes…and to clarify finally said to her via email” Look, in case you have not understood, …..”NO CONTACT” is what I want, and I am standing up for myself….but its not what you want to hear therefore you are blaming it on my mom. Stay away, or I will get legal help. Good bye” We have not heard back from her since, however I am expecting alot more from her. She could not give two hoots about the grandkids, its the winning that she wants, just like her son. Amazing how it runs in the family. My son wants no communication, nada from them. However he has stated that when he grows up he will become something important so he can go back to my ex and his family and say “And you thought I would not amount to anything ” You know what its working….he is doing fine in school, his grades have improved and is much more focused. Not one day goes by that I do not try to double the love for them both. I am soooo grateful for the turn of events and having my kids. The legalities continue and the stalking is now taking place, but we are working in unison with my kids in protecting ourselves, and I have contacted so many help groups and filed police complaints that I feel that I am covered for the “finale” and there will be one. Not sure what it will be but I feel it in my bones. I have alerted my family, and close friends. They all know he is a sick man, and also the new women he is with, she is also a spath and on drugs, not sure when the volcano will erupt, but I am sure I am the center of attention, cause I am the root of all evil (this is what they think).
thank you all for your support, and everyone please take care. they are unpredicable and evil. God bless you.

Dear Survivor lady,

I agree with Cat, you are doing a good job with our kids, and they have rights too. I am sure the pathological family will try to use your kids RIGHT to not want contact with an abusive father to paint you with a bad odor, but so be it….I think you are right to respect your kids wishes. I hope the courts and the judge will respect that as well.

Your kids will in the end, know that you did the best you could for them. But tell your son that his “auntie” Oxy said that he needs to keep up his grades for HIMSELF and become whatever he wants to be for HIMSELF, that is the BEST revenge, to live a good life and BE HAPPY for HIMSELF, not just to “show them” because whatever he becomes, “tinker, tailor, lawyer, sailor…” it won’t matter to them because they have no love for him or anyone else. ((((hugs))))

So I think I was targeted today. Getting out of my pickup at the casino this evening ( I go every couple of months or so and blow 20 bucks ) a man comes out of nowhere, right up in my face and ask if I can give him a jump. Well first i was startled that he just appeared out of the air it seemed and then the predatory stare..I felt threatened, that tingling feeling I get when I feel unsafe. His clothes were to big, he looked menacing. So I looked around and did not see a vehicle with the hood up, something a person needing a jump would do first I think. Well I lied and said Sorry I dont have battery cable’s… I felt bad for lying but my gut was saying get away from him….So I went on inside the casino and watched out the window as he walked out of the parking lot and down the road…If my battery was dead in the casino parking lot i would ask security for a jump or a call a wrecker service….anywho I was thinking my instinct and gut feeling was right this time… I am the first to offer somebody a jump if I see they really need one but this was off – he looked dangerous in a dark evil way….just thot i would share..

Hens-I think that was a wise move on your part and I’m glad you didn’t get hurt. You remind me of myself when you went inside and made sure you watched him walk away. Honestly, everyone may not agree with me, but that’s why I have a conealed gun permit-especially since I’m a single female who is usually alone. It makes me feel a little safer.

Hey Cop2B – He was the kinda guy that makes me want to watch the 10 oclock new’s tonite to see if their is a escaped convict on the loose….

Hens-that’s actually what I got from your description of him too. I guess I really do watch Criminal Minds too much! LOL. He seemed very menacing to me-like a really bad dude, from what you described.

Yep – Nice looking really bad dood…….

Hens, I’m glad you are okay and that you had the presence of mind to do what you did. I would be very upset if something happened to you, so be safe out there!

Hens,
good thinking. Sometimes people like us, who have too much empathy, will jump at the opportunity to be helpful. That tingling feeling was your intuition keeping you safe.

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