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By | May 25, 2012 27 Comments

Life Happens

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

It’s recently been pretty trying around our little “hole in the woods.” A dog we loved dearly “disappeared” out of the yard, and we’ve been able to find neither “hide nor hair” of him, dead or alive. Not knowing what happened to him is sort of disturbing, but we are dealing with the thought that he got close to the road and someone picked him up, or that the plentiful packs of coyotes that circle our yard got him. He was brave enough (and dumb enough) to attack them if they came into his territory. Whatever happened to him, he is gone, and at this point not likely to return. His silly little ways are greatly missed, even by the other animals in the house.

Then I broke my heel in a really stupid accident and the doctor put my foot in a hard (non-removable) cast for a month. I’ve put hard casts on other people, but never had one on myself, so I am having to “learn to be a cripple” and get other people to do things for me that I can’t do now.

I could go on with the list of problems around here, but you get the idea. However, as we drove back from town yesterday (with the cast on my foot, I can’t drive for a month so will depend on others to drive me!) my son and I were enjoying the beautiful wildflowers that my state has planted along the highways, the perfect sunny spring day and we were laughing our heads off at this or that as we talked.

I stopped mid-sentence and said to my son, “Can you believe how much we have laughed in this past month?” Everything in the world has gone wrong, but we have laughed more than we have all winter. I think I know why, too. The things that happened to us from—flat tires delaying us getting to a meeting that was time critical, to dealing with a company that billed us incorrectly—all the things that have happened are just “life happening.” They are not betrayals; there is no one trying to hurt us; there is no one trying to delay us; there is no one telling us that we are worthless ”¦ it is just “life happening.”

The more I thought about it, the more I saw that now that my son and I are further along the road toward healing (I believe healing is a journey, not a destination), we can see that we are not dealing with a psychopathic heel bone, and no one purposely tried to hurt me by making my dog disappear, and the flat tire wasn’t maliciously trying to delay us—it is just “stuff happening.” Being further along the road toward healing allows us to weather these small storms without letting them destroy our day. When you are raw from the betrayal by the psychopath, even these “life events” may throw you for a loop, but as you heal, the “bad things” that happen to good people, even some pretty bad things, are things that you can weather and still keep laughing.

Sure, I’ve wept for the loss of my dog, and I’ve cussed because the heel hurts and getting around on crutches is a pain in the butt, but nonetheless, I am not letting these things ruin my life. The floor needs sweeping and I’m not letting it bother me. I had a living history event this weekend that my son and I had been looking forward to for months because it is one of our favorite events and we love camping with this group of people. Due to everything that has happened we weren’t able to get ready and go, but he went out just to visit, and I stayed home enjoying several cups of coffee with real cream out of my favorite bone china coffee cup, feeling very pampered. I’m going to go sit on my front porch here in a minute, drink another cup of coffee and look out at the flowers in our wildflower garden that are blooming profusely and finish reading the book I started a week ago.

Stuff happens in our lives ”¦ flat tires, cars going south, bones breaking, pets dying or being lost, even people being snarky to us, but we can still keep laughing and say “life happens” and I’m gonna keep laughing even if it does. I’m gonna enjoy a cup of coffee with real cream and be happy and contented, and let it roll off my back like water off a duck’s back. Our best revenge is to live a good life, so live that life and laugh your head off!


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newlife08

HEY OXY!!!!

Well, that explains your absence !!! I’ve never read a new post without seeing your comments and I was concerned.

Sorry for your recent trials but glad to hear you are bouncing back – with a contented heart and real cream in your coffee !!!

Truthspeak

OxD, I’m so sorry to hear about all of the challenges you’ve been facing – no wonder I haven’t “seen” much of you around, lately.

Thank you for the uplifting article – I needed to read this today, particularly.

Hugs to you and healing blessings

G1S

Oxy,

I found it a relief to deal with “life happens” incidents. After having the Ps in my life, they were put into perspective.

They were manageable. They were not the end of the world. We could get through this because we had gotten through much worse.

I honestly believe that if there is a silve lining to having had a P in one’s life, it is how “normal” everything else looks and becomes.

It’s easy to laugh then because you know there are no hidden dangers. There is nothing that is going to blindside you or come out of the shadows.

Yes, life is good.

Living well is the best revenge. Nothing would have pleased the Ps more than to have seen my life go belly-up. Oh, they tried their best to make that happen, but they failed.

We’ve gone on, we’re doing well, and what can they say now?

The really sweet part are all the outsiders involved, the ones they had tried to convince that we would crash and burn.

alivetoday

So glad you are here…you are appreciated:)

slimone

Oh Oxy,

This is wonderful! Really sweet and true. Sorry about your doggie and your heel. But GLAD to hear the laughter in your words.

I have an emotionally charged job. Many people ask ‘HOW can you DO it?’. But, like you, after so many spath attacks, real life is manageable and, for the most part, a relief and joy by comparison. Even sorrow and loss are REAL feelings and I can take comfort in them.

This article makes me want to give you a big ole’ hug!

Slim

MoonDancer

Oxy, I am sorry your feeling puney. I enjoyed reading your article. It is best to enjoy the simplest of pleasure’s. This must get easier as we age. I always try to find humor in life, laughter is good medicine.
I am so sorry Bud just disappeared, that is worse than death sometimes, not knowing. I had a wiener dog that got lost for ten days, I was so distraught.. I posted ad’s in the paper, nailed signs on every post in sight..then ten days later she comes home, almost dead but she was home. Get well soon…

Ana

Hi Oxy,
I liked your article, it rings true. I hope your feeling better and looking forward to your return to posting. 🙂

Yes Oxy, laughter is the best medicine. When you can’t laugh, just smile. Thanks for the inspirational post, ((hugs)) get well soon.

Shelley

Oxy,
I had been thinking about you and your missing dog the last few day…and then you post….a sad update, but…ah well….
I haven’t posted in a long while, but I’ve been reading…and noticed that you hadn’t been posting…glad that you’re back and out of bed and on the porch…coffee and real cream…bliss.
I’ve been dealing with my own ‘live happens’ things…and also have acknowledged that i’ve been laughing a lot more these past few weeks.
Perhaps because I’ve found some strong support regarding work issues…and that is a blessing…and also because of that, I have been able to switch off the anxiety/fear reaction…and just stand firm in regards to my rights…odd how things happen.

god bless Oxy

Ox Drover

Well, glad to know I’ve been missed…I sent this article to Donna a couple of weeks ago…I’ve got the cast off my leg now, but been down with what I am pretty sure is pneumonia, and like most medical professionals I kept treating it at home,not thinking far enough ahead that this is a holiday weekend and the doc’s offices won’t be open again until Tuesday, but found some antibiotics socked away that I think will help and I’m improving somewhat, fever’s down, and I took my first shower since monday and ate my first meal of real food iinstead of pop cicles and orange juice.

Son D has been at my beck and call, taking care of the house, the critters, feeding and watering me….etc.

I really haven’t been this sick in a long time! I’ve watched every good and bad DVD in the house (a bunch) but you know this was I guessw a good time for this article to come out because really, as sick and miserable as I’ve been, it is JUST LIFE…just STUFF HAPPENS and just germs doing what germs do.

Oh, yea, and the engine died in one of my trucks and it is in the truck hospital getting an engine transplant!~ LOL

Glad to see you back Shelley!

But this weekend my son D’;s bestest friend from childhood a lovely young lady that I wish he’d married (but there’s just lots of reasons why that’s not gonna happen unless they do like my late husband and I did, marry later in life) Anyway, she is down for a visit fort 3 days and so they’re off galavanting and catching up and I thinK I have decided I’m gonna live! Fever’s almost gone and I need a shot of Love Fraud!

Ana

Oxy,
So glad to see your back! I’ve missed you on this blog. Please take care of yourself.

Yep, life happens but your still here, YaY!

Back_from_the_edge

Welcome back Ox…hope you are feeling much better.
Get Well soon!!! You are so blessed to have your son.

Prayers and thoughts to you ~ Dupey

Ox Drover

Dear Ana and Dupey, thanks for the kind thoughts, yea, I am blessed to have him (at least for a couple more weeks til he goes to camp for the summer) but with the cast off I’m doing pretty good and have a friend and neighbor who is there is I need her, so I’m not alone in the middle of the woods! LOL

Like most medical professionals I’m not a good patient, I’m tired of being in bed, tired of feeling badly and tired of inactivity!

callmeathena

Welcome back Ox.

libelle

Oxy!! Welcome back! Take care of youself, think of yourself as being someone you REALLY care for and act acordingly 😉 ! I know from own experience that it is difficult to be “on the other side of the clip board”. Glad you have help in your house. ((((Hugs))))

What is “real cream” by the way? Like “real” love au lieu of faked love? (my imagination is fat thick double cream on top of the creamer, is it correct? Very fattening but GOOOD in small doses 🙂 )

halkim

Hi Oxy,

Glad to know that you are recovering. Very sorry about your dog.

I posted a few times in the past (~4 years ago) with the name of “chaos”. Now, I am writing this using a new name as my life is not chaos any more.

Realizing my ex was a sociopath (and my father has NPD), my life was hell at that time. Having you, Oxy, at this site was great support for me.

Last four years, I focused on my recovery, especially trying to be successful in my career. Thankfully, I will be promoted with tenure (I am a academic) this summer. I always wanted to have someone special in my life, because I was unhappy somehow. After I found out that my ex was a sociopath (and my father has NPD), I worked so hard to understand why and recover. Lately, I finally feel genuine happiness within me. I feel that it is OK if I will never get this someone special. I will find another way to make myself happy.

To be honest, I have not visited this site very often, since the nuclear plant accident happened in Japan, my home country. Witnessing the way my government badly treats my fellow Japanese people (even children, not protecting their health) once again made me realize how deeply sociopathic traits run in the majority of politicians.

Well, I just wanted to say hello you, Oxy, Donna and everybody on this site. After 4 years of hard work, I can finally say that there is a life after sociopath. A good one. You can definitely recover!

N

Hi Halkim, thanks for stopping by and sharing your story of recovery. It’s very encouraging.

I’m sorry about the tragedy in your country. Hopefully, your fellow citizens will follow your example and focus on healing, learning why they were vulnerable and how to rebuild even better than before.

You are right about sociopathy in government. Maybe the tsunami washed their mask away? 🙂

callmeathena

Yes, sociopaths are everywhere.

I just watched a biography of Douglas McArthur, a famous name in American Military History.

Check it out. He was engaged to multiple women at the same time, so, his mother regularly intervened and disposed of the “excess”.

Sigh.

halkim

Hi Skylar,

Thanks for your kind word. I like the way your saying, ‘the tsunami washed their mask away.” Yes, many layers of them.

A lot of people are now forced to be in a situation in re-evaluating their relationship with husband/partner, friends and family members.

It is heart-breaking, but not necessarily bad. They are re-building a new life with those who are keen on protecting a safe environment and children’s health.

Ox Drover

Dear Halkim,

Welcome back and glad that you are doing well. I think all high up politicians in most (all?) governments are high in P traits and N traits or they would not have climbed so him without “selling their souls to the devil” to get fame, power and fortune. Some are worse than others.

Glad I was able to help you in your recovery. Keep in mind that recovery is a continuing process and we all can continue to learn and grow.

Thanks for your kind wishes and concerns, I am recovering and have had no fever today and breathing is better. As Libelle (a physician) said it is difficult to be on the wrong side of the clip board and we do not make good patients. It is a holiday weekend here and getting in to see a physician is only available in emergency departments which are hours of waiting and exposure to more germs but apparently my treatment at home is working so I am better, but will check in with my doctor tomorrow. (Tuesday rather)

Ox Drover

JUST A NOTE: Wanted to let you guys know I will be off the blog for some time (not sure if a week or a month). I am having surgery in the morning on the Achilles tendon I ruptured in January and I will be “down” for some period of time, just not sure how long.

This is one of those “stuff happens” episodes and it always happens at the time there are other things going on….the roof blew off my art studio and my deep freezer went out! When it rains it pours, but we did get an inch and a half of rain in the drougth! So is an ill wind that blows no one good.

I know you guys will “keep it between the ditches” and keep on supporting one another. See you soon!

strongawoman

Ox,

take it easy “the drover”

wishing you a speedy recovery. hugs x

Truthspeak

Oxy….recover like lightning. Positive and most healing thoughts go with you, tomorrow.

Love, hugs, and most sincere brighest blessings..

kim frederick

Oxy, Please recover quickly…we will miss you so much!

Take care Ox. Speedy recovery.

MoonDancer

Get Better Soon Oxy …113 degrees and no rain for weeks and weeks here….

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