By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
It’s recently been pretty trying around our little “hole in the woods.” A dog we loved dearly “disappeared” out of the yard, and we’ve been able to find neither “hide nor hair” of him, dead or alive. Not knowing what happened to him is sort of disturbing, but we are dealing with the thought that he got close to the road and someone picked him up, or that the plentiful packs of coyotes that circle our yard got him. He was brave enough (and dumb enough) to attack them if they came into his territory. Whatever happened to him, he is gone, and at this point not likely to return. His silly little ways are greatly missed, even by the other animals in the house.
Then I broke my heel in a really stupid accident and the doctor put my foot in a hard (non-removable) cast for a month. I’ve put hard casts on other people, but never had one on myself, so I am having to “learn to be a cripple” and get other people to do things for me that I can’t do now.
I could go on with the list of problems around here, but you get the idea. However, as we drove back from town yesterday (with the cast on my foot, I can’t drive for a month so will depend on others to drive me!) my son and I were enjoying the beautiful wildflowers that my state has planted along the highways, the perfect sunny spring day and we were laughing our heads off at this or that as we talked.
I stopped mid-sentence and said to my son, “Can you believe how much we have laughed in this past month?” Everything in the world has gone wrong, but we have laughed more than we have all winter. I think I know why, too. The things that happened to us from—flat tires delaying us getting to a meeting that was time critical, to dealing with a company that billed us incorrectly—all the things that have happened are just “life happening.” They are not betrayals; there is no one trying to hurt us; there is no one trying to delay us; there is no one telling us that we are worthless ”¦ it is just “life happening.”
The more I thought about it, the more I saw that now that my son and I are further along the road toward healing (I believe healing is a journey, not a destination), we can see that we are not dealing with a psychopathic heel bone, and no one purposely tried to hurt me by making my dog disappear, and the flat tire wasn’t maliciously trying to delay us—it is just “stuff happening.” Being further along the road toward healing allows us to weather these small storms without letting them destroy our day. When you are raw from the betrayal by the psychopath, even these “life events” may throw you for a loop, but as you heal, the “bad things” that happen to good people, even some pretty bad things, are things that you can weather and still keep laughing.
Sure, I’ve wept for the loss of my dog, and I’ve cussed because the heel hurts and getting around on crutches is a pain in the butt, but nonetheless, I am not letting these things ruin my life. The floor needs sweeping and I’m not letting it bother me. I had a living history event this weekend that my son and I had been looking forward to for months because it is one of our favorite events and we love camping with this group of people. Due to everything that has happened we weren’t able to get ready and go, but he went out just to visit, and I stayed home enjoying several cups of coffee with real cream out of my favorite bone china coffee cup, feeling very pampered. I’m going to go sit on my front porch here in a minute, drink another cup of coffee and look out at the flowers in our wildflower garden that are blooming profusely and finish reading the book I started a week ago.
Stuff happens in our lives ”¦ flat tires, cars going south, bones breaking, pets dying or being lost, even people being snarky to us, but we can still keep laughing and say “life happens” and I’m gonna keep laughing even if it does. I’m gonna enjoy a cup of coffee with real cream and be happy and contented, and let it roll off my back like water off a duck’s back. Our best revenge is to live a good life, so live that life and laugh your head off!
Well, glad to know I’ve been missed…I sent this article to Donna a couple of weeks ago…I’ve got the cast off my leg now, but been down with what I am pretty sure is pneumonia, and like most medical professionals I kept treating it at home,not thinking far enough ahead that this is a holiday weekend and the doc’s offices won’t be open again until Tuesday, but found some antibiotics socked away that I think will help and I’m improving somewhat, fever’s down, and I took my first shower since monday and ate my first meal of real food iinstead of pop cicles and orange juice.
Son D has been at my beck and call, taking care of the house, the critters, feeding and watering me….etc.
I really haven’t been this sick in a long time! I’ve watched every good and bad DVD in the house (a bunch) but you know this was I guessw a good time for this article to come out because really, as sick and miserable as I’ve been, it is JUST LIFE…just STUFF HAPPENS and just germs doing what germs do.
Oh, yea, and the engine died in one of my trucks and it is in the truck hospital getting an engine transplant!~ LOL
Glad to see you back Shelley!
But this weekend my son D’;s bestest friend from childhood a lovely young lady that I wish he’d married (but there’s just lots of reasons why that’s not gonna happen unless they do like my late husband and I did, marry later in life) Anyway, she is down for a visit fort 3 days and so they’re off galavanting and catching up and I thinK I have decided I’m gonna live! Fever’s almost gone and I need a shot of Love Fraud!
So glad to see your back! I’ve missed you on this blog. Please take care of yourself.
Yep, life happens but your still here, YaY!
Welcome back Ox…hope you are feeling much better.
Get Well soon!!! You are so blessed to have your son.
Prayers and thoughts to you ~ Dupey
Dear Ana and Dupey, thanks for the kind thoughts, yea, I am blessed to have him (at least for a couple more weeks til he goes to camp for the summer) but with the cast off I’m doing pretty good and have a friend and neighbor who is there is I need her, so I’m not alone in the middle of the woods! LOL
Like most medical professionals I’m not a good patient, I’m tired of being in bed, tired of feeling badly and tired of inactivity!
Welcome back Ox.
Oxy!! Welcome back! Take care of youself, think of yourself as being someone you REALLY care for and act acordingly 😉 ! I know from own experience that it is difficult to be “on the other side of the clip board”. Glad you have help in your house. ((((Hugs))))
What is “real cream” by the way? Like “real” love au lieu of faked love? (my imagination is fat thick double cream on top of the creamer, is it correct? Very fattening but GOOOD in small doses 🙂 )
Glad to know that you are recovering. Very sorry about your dog.
I posted a few times in the past (~4 years ago) with the name of “chaos”. Now, I am writing this using a new name as my life is not chaos any more.
Realizing my ex was a sociopath (and my father has NPD), my life was hell at that time. Having you, Oxy, at this site was great support for me.
Last four years, I focused on my recovery, especially trying to be successful in my career. Thankfully, I will be promoted with tenure (I am a academic) this summer. I always wanted to have someone special in my life, because I was unhappy somehow. After I found out that my ex was a sociopath (and my father has NPD), I worked so hard to understand why and recover. Lately, I finally feel genuine happiness within me. I feel that it is OK if I will never get this someone special. I will find another way to make myself happy.
To be honest, I have not visited this site very often, since the nuclear plant accident happened in Japan, my home country. Witnessing the way my government badly treats my fellow Japanese people (even children, not protecting their health) once again made me realize how deeply sociopathic traits run in the majority of politicians.
Well, I just wanted to say hello you, Oxy, Donna and everybody on this site. After 4 years of hard work, I can finally say that there is a life after sociopath. A good one. You can definitely recover!
Hi Halkim, thanks for stopping by and sharing your story of recovery. It’s very encouraging.
I’m sorry about the tragedy in your country. Hopefully, your fellow citizens will follow your example and focus on healing, learning why they were vulnerable and how to rebuild even better than before.
You are right about sociopathy in government. Maybe the tsunami washed their mask away? 🙂
Yes, sociopaths are everywhere.
I just watched a biography of Douglas McArthur, a famous name in American Military History.
Check it out. He was engaged to multiple women at the same time, so, his mother regularly intervened and disposed of the “excess”.
Thanks for your kind word. I like the way your saying, ‘the tsunami washed their mask away.” Yes, many layers of them.
A lot of people are now forced to be in a situation in re-evaluating their relationship with husband/partner, friends and family members.
It is heart-breaking, but not necessarily bad. They are re-building a new life with those who are keen on protecting a safe environment and children’s health.