Living in Secret with the Sociopath

Are Things Really What We Think They Are?

Things aren’t always what they seem, that’s for sure. And sometimes things aren’t always what they seem when they are right in your face. People can’t really be persuaded, even if something is right in their face.

For whatever their reasons are, people have to come to their own conclusions about things. And most of the time it’s difficult for family and friends to watch someone they love continue in a path that is harmful to them.

Living In Secret

Those of us who fall into the victim category, well, we live in secret. We live in secret about what is really going on for a lot of reasons. We are in denial of our own circumstances even though we know what we know.

I personally knew for a long time something was wrong, something was strange, something was “off”. I couldn’t put my finger on it, I couldn’t make sense of it. It was bizarre at times. I had to ask myself if what I thought I was seeing, I was really seeing.

Of course, the convincing manipulation of the sociopath will successfully pursuade you that what you are seeing is not what you think it is, but it is in fact, all made up in your head. This is where the mind games begin. These are the early stages.

Why Do We Stay Quiet?

There comes a point in time where you begin to feel embarrassed about having put yourself in the situation that you are now in, while at the same time you really have no clue what kind of situation you have put yourself in. But you keep it to yourself. Why? I don’t really know.

I never told anyone about anything. I guess I didn’t really know what to do with it; I didn’t know what to make of it. Am I talking about the shadows he lived in? Yes. Am I talking about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome? Yes. Am I talking about the pathological lying? Yes. Am I talking about the complete disregard for me as a human? Yes. Am I talking about the emptiness and inability of that person to be able to feel anything? Yes. Am I talking about the twisted manipulation to make you think you were loved? Yes.

And yes to a lot more things that we know aren’t normal, we know aren’t right. Yet we live in secret as we sink further and further into confusion, then frustration, then despair, and ultimately complete rage.

Looking Back

If I had to look back, I knew that there was infidelity for sure when I was pregnant with my first child. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it was continuing for years after that as well.

I remember walking through the pet store pushing the basket reflecting on what I knew that I knew. I knew how difficult it was going to be to leave. I told myself, “I’m just going to leave it like this for right now, I just don’t have the energy to fight this right now.” And then I began to take those thoughts and cover over them, for years.

Dangerous Territory

And you know what? This is the scariest part of this whole thing: By the time you realize what you have gotten yourself into, you are too destroyed and depressed to have the engery to get yourself out.

It is a combination of an act of God himself, a small spark of a human drive to survive, and a little push from a few outsiders that love you, to get you to the point of even having the ability to make a decision to remove yourself from the insanity.

Our Own Personal Fight

But until then, you are in secret. A volcano ready to erupt. A quiet, secret volcano. A rumbling in your spirit begins to steam out the top; lava starts to ooze out and rush down the sides, buring everything in it’s path and then, the explosion. This is road that is ahead of us that live in secret. We must make a decision to make a decision.