Looking for a date, I found a sociopath and a spiritual path

Back in the summer of 1996, when I logged onto the America Online Love section, I had no idea that it would be the beginning of a journey that would change my life. I was looking for a date. I found a sociopath — and also a spiritual path.

I was single, had never been married and was about to turn 40 — yes, I heard that biological clock ticking very loudly. I ran my own copywriting business and finally, after 13 years of struggle, I was making good money.  Maybe, I hoped, it was finally time for me to be happy.

I’d previously tried personal ads, back when we actually placed classified ads in newspapers or magazines and responded by sending physical letters through the mail. 

It was an okay experience. I met several men — they were all just trying to make a connection. None of the relationships worked out, but even if the guys weren’t good matches for me, I never felt threatened. 

So when personal ads moved online, I logged on to AOL and expected more of the same. All I wanted was a date.

Enter the sociopath

What I found was James Alwyn Montgomery, originally from Sydney, Australia. He turned out to be a con artist — a sociopath.

Like many Lovefraud readers, when this man crossed my path, I had no idea what a sociopath was. I did not know that human predators lived among us. I thought I could avoid trouble if I stayed away from gang members and drug dealers. Heck, I even stayed away from smokers. I assumed that I was safe.

I was wrong.

James Montgomery swept in and proclaimed his love. “You’re the woman I’ve been waiting for all my life,” he gushed.

I’d been single all of my adult life, and I’d never heard anything like it. Most men avoid the “L” word even more than the “R” word. If James Montgomery was telling me that he loved me, he must have meant it.

I was wrong.

Looking for answers

Now, before Montgomery showed up, I was somewhat engaged in trying to find answers to the big question of life. I strolled the self-help  aisles of bookstores. I listened to positive-thinking tapes. I even went to a few motivational seminars.

Was I devoted to the pursuit of self-awareness and enlightenment? No. Mostly I was trying to figure out how to find a romance.

But along the way, I became familiar with metaphysical concepts, such as everything in the universe is connected, and we attract what happens to us. The ideas sounded good, although I’m not sure I understood them.

So when James Montgomery crashed through my life with a battering ram, I wanted answers. What had I done to attract this?

Believe me, as I was going through the trauma, I was not serene and sanguine. I was angry. I was terrified. I was not interested in a spiritual lesson. But there was a spiritual lesson, and when I was able to take it to heart, it made all the difference in the world. 

Dealing with the betrayal

I tell my personal story in detail in my first book, called Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. Yes, I write about my husband’s outrageous behavior; you can’t make this stuff up. But just as importantly, I relate my internal journey, both emotional and spiritual. In my mind, that’s the real value of the book.

Luckily, when my life collapsed, I was already seeing a therapist, Elaine. Elaine started her career as a psychologist but eventually became an energy therapist. Why? It was more effective. When Elaine helped clients release energetic disturbances, she got immediate results. It wasn’t interminable talking that went nowhere. Something was fixed right away. 

I certainly benefitted from her approach. I would walk into a session totally agitated over my ex-husband’s betrayal, or the plodding pace of the courts, or the sorry state of my business — whatever. Life was a mess. When I left, my practical problems may not have been solved, but I released the internal tension. I was more relaxed and centered — which meant I could be more effective in addressing my problems.

I worked with Elaine perhaps once a month. It wasn’t enough to resolve all the internal turmoil I was experiencing. So I learned to release my energetic disturbances on my own. I asked for guidance, received internal messages, and moved more of the betrayal out of my energy field. 

Spiritual perspective

My Love Fraud book details the spiritual aspects of my experience, but I haven’t discussed much of it in my blog articles or videos. Until now.

I believe that a spiritual perspective can help in recovery from the sociopath. Now, spirituality has many, many dimensions and traditions, and I certainly don’t know or understand all of them. All I know for sure is what I’ve experienced. So that’s what I’ll share, in hopes that it will help you.

I learned that there was a purpose for my marriage to James Alwyn Montgomery. I’d tangled with the man over multiple lifetimes, and I kept wanting to make him pay for what he had done to me. Which kept me on the cosmic hamster wheel of running into him lifetime after lifetime.

I was carrying energetic wounds from all of those previous encounters, and my soul was tired of it. So my purpose this time around was to end the battle. And how did the universe make that happen? By having him betray me again, causing so much pain that I was finally willing to let go and remove his hook from my heart.

I explain all of this in Love Fraud, and also in my new video, called True Recovery from Betrayal. By the way, you can now get an autographed printed copy of Love Fraud for free at Lovefraud.com/LFBook. Just pay shipping and handling.

So am I some kind of guru? Should I stock up on flowing robes? No. I’m an ordinary person who found herself on an extraordinary journey. But along the way I was able to truly heal, and you can too.

Learn more: True Recovery from Betrayal