By Dr. Karin Huffer, Marriage and Family Therapist
Jan and I sat in our first of what was to be many sessions dealing with her victimization from love fraud, followed by a twisted legal path in her pursuit of justice. She sobbed, holding crumpled papers in her hands revealing stabbing deceit. Her husband had blown the money she provided to pay bills and now her credit was damaged, bills were not paid, and the money was gone. She now suffers in isolation. Her friends are weary of the story, and she is tired of “I told you so” and “I thought something was wrong with him.” Shame digs deep into her heart and soul. How could she have been such a fool and now be so hurt and helpless?
So familiar to me as a therapist is the undeserved shame internalized by mostly women, but some men, when they have been led into the beautiful world of romantic love. It is intimacy with a most charming, intelligent, person, connecting in that special way. The birds sing, the bells ring, and the future brightens. The hunger in all of us that songs sing about, poems are written about, is finally promised to be fulfilled.
Jan tried to deny her internal alarms, but could not placate her fear when signs of deceit began to underpin destruction of every shred of financial security, faith, a loving relationship, and hope. She was dumbstruck. Unwelcome truth rolled in on her revealing serious crimes committed, but they all were clouded in the legal quagmire of marriage or romance. Somehow romance blunts law enforcement and society’s response to criminal acts.
Once theft, fraud, lies, and a string of abuses were revealed, Jan was confident that the next step was to turn to the judicial system for relief. Having been an independent career woman, she was wounded, but strong with moral clarity at hand. She got a lawyer, reported the crimes, and began divorce proceedings. She firmly believed that criminal and civil courts exist to restore victims of crime and help to fairly disengage marriages that have gone wrong and punish the criminal. That was her frame of mind as she paid a retainer to a lawyer from meager funds. It would seem like the story would end soon after initiating legal action, with the con artist being held accountable and the traumatized victim feeling some sense of justice. My experience and intuition guides me toward a more skeptical view. I always hope for justice but learned long ago to shore up the clients with counseling to head off disappointments.
I immediately know that, regardless of her legal success or failure, Jan will be grieving losses while working on layers of healing from traumatic stress. My fears are realized as Jan embarks on her journey toward justice. Over time, Jan is devastated in every way imaginable. The sociopath lies and dominates the very institution, the judicial system, that exists to help victims like her. She is being twisted into an emotional pretzel with all sense of right, wrong, and civility thrown to the wind. She went from anger, to indignance to outrage to appealing to Congressmen and regulatory agencies. All advised they could not help her and to pursue her case. If she got a small win, the sociopath would beg for her forgiveness and to resume the relationship sometimes softening and weakening her resolve to win. Then she would be more angry at herself.
Finally, she reached a point beyond rage. It is a state of implosion, usually Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from protracted, consumptive, and cruel legal action. This type of PTSD is called Legal Abuse Syndrome (LAS), and is not a mental illness but an injury. This wound resulting from the lies, losses, and physiological injuries that are part of one human purposefully devastating another, followed by failure of the judicial system to timely, efficiently, and correctly administer justice. The court wound up being one more expensive burden that Jan supports financially, while the sociopath charms and pays a prestigious legal team with money stolen from her. He actually gains sympathy in the court sociopaths are masters at doing just that.
Before she suffers further, I know I have to suggest using protection from the Americans with Disabilities Act Amendments Act (ADAAA). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder/Legal Abuse Syndrome may be the only disability, or it may exacerbate other conditions. They all qualify for protection under this new law.
Under the ADAAA, Jan never has to be alone in court and is not to be demeaned in any way. Even though the injury is psychic and not visible, it is an injury covered by this law, just as if she needed a wheelchair.
The ADAAA’s intent is to ensure equal and fair access to legal proceedings in the face of the cruel treatment under the guise of “zealous representation” by the opposition and their legal teams. Jan’s dignity, respect, fair and equal treatment becomes my main goal as I help intervene in her court case. This is an outrage that needs to be exposed to the court in the perpetrator/victim context. It allows the victim to have special alterations to usual proceedings, ensuring equal footing with the sociopath.
If you need assistance contact these Legal Abuse Advocates in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide:
Dr. Karin Huffer, Marriage and Family Therapist
Bill Ronan, Psychotherapist and Certified ADA Advocate
Dr. Karin Huffer will offer a Certified Forensic Disability Specialist webinar beginning February 5, 2013. For information visit www.equalaccessadvocates.com.
This sounds SO familiar to me as I struggle to pay bills for things he kept, purchased in my name. He claims he paid but trashed my credit so I know he didn’t. He charmed my lawyer as did his attorney. Since I was wife #4 (that I know of) so he knows the system very well. He and his girlfriend sleep in a bed that I am paying for. Oh and by the way….I was fighting Breast Cancer at the time. It makes me sick. I try not to think about it. The divorce is final so I guess there is nothing I could do about it. I wish I co uld get my money and credit back.
Thanks for this information on the ADA law possibly applying.
The truth of this story and the courts does not only apply to married couples, but to families of all kinds…my P son’s behavior as a teenager was of course because of his “abusive” mommy, poor baby…so his behavior was MY fault…and just like “all’s fair in love and war,” so what ever her husband did is just spite on her part.
Karin, I want to thank you for this article because I need SOME glimmer of hope that I will be protected from ridicule in my divorce trial.
I’ll look into this, ASAP, and anyone who is facing a legal action against a person who fits the profile of a spath would be well-advised to do the same.
Again, thank you for this article.
Brightest blessings
Thanks, Karin for this information. This is very valuable to anyone who may need it.
I have participated in Dr. Karin Huffer’s training. As she will be explaining in future articles, using the services of a legal abuse advocate absolutely changes the game for people who are going to court against a sociopath.
Many victims of sociopaths suffer from PTSD. This injury is covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act. What this means is that courts are obligated to provide the litigant with accommodations so that you have equal access to the court. Accommodations may include having a legal advocate with you during court hearings to make sure you can stay calm when your opponent starts lying and you begin a melt-down.
We’ll be talking about this a lot in the future. Many of Dr. Huffer’s clients say this service was the best investment they ever made. Dr. Huffer is training more people to be able to offer it. I think this whole program is a game-changer.
While I think this is a great start…part of the problem is though if the VICTIM is having to pay for this (much less FIND someone to advocate for them) that is going to limit it to those who can afford it.
In most ADA situations the company has to provide the service, like sign language interpreters etc at NO COST to the person needing the service.
So I think we also need to look at getting this needed service financed by the very courts which are causing the need. It also puts a push on the victim too prove they are ENTITLED to the service.
The VINE program for victims of crime in which the perp is in prison is a great program with wonderful counselors and when the Trojan horse went to prison I was notified every time he came up for parole and COUNSELED through my protests etc.
Donna,
I’m not sure if you or Dr. Huffer could answer this question because it is very specific, but this is something I am wondering about.
If you are in a child custody case with a spath and you have been diagnosed and are being treated for PTSD because of DM and stalking by the spath, isn’t it possible that admitting your PTSD could be used against you in a family court situation? Would the symptoms and the “effects” of the PTSD be used to say you were unfit to parent because of this condition?
Also, is there concern that the Judges/Magistrates that are hearing these cases are even aware of this law, let alone take it seriously? What if you are dealing with a Magistrate who still believes anything you say or do that attempts to show the “real” spath is considered parental alienation?
While, it sounds like, from this article, a tremendous service and one that is certainly needed, I would really appreciate an opinion on how this would relate to Family Court custody cases.
Thanks
MiLo:
The way this is set up, the ADA accommodation is requested through the court administrator office. The court MUST provide accommodations – the judge does not have discretion in this. And, the request is totally confidential. The reason for the accommodation is not brought up in court, not subject to discovery. The opposition can’t dispute it. And if the judge does not provide the accommodation, he/she can be SUED.
Yes, there are judges who don’t know about it, so sometimes the legal abuse advocate has to educate them. But the law does have TEETH.
Oh Donna,
Thanks so much, this really helps to answer my question. I have a dear friend who is going through sheer torture because her son is being abused by the spath father and no matter what she does or who she or the child tells it falls on uncaring deaf ears. It is a situation where she is doing everything right and nothing is helping.
Again, thanks, I will let her know what you said immediately.
I am so glad you posted this good news Karin!Thank you!It surely helps one relax when visualizing facing the socialpath’s fury in the court!Especially when you’re not only under stress and very likely PTSD…..but also epileptic!