By | August 24, 2012 43 Comments

Lovefraud Lesson #9: Why do sociopaths marry?

In response to my last video about sociopaths and love bombing, a Lovefraud reader asked a question: Why do sociopaths marry? In this video, I answer the question. For more videos, visit the Lovefraud Video Page.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

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Donna……what a terrific explanation and it makes absolute sense.

The exspath married me for three reasons:
* I provided a cloak of respectability
* I provided a “safe” mommy-figure
* I provided access to financial assets

All else was taken squarely on my shoulders – to have, hold, sickness, health, and blah…blah…blah…..

You were 100% SPOT-ON about a spath using the empath’s sense of promise (goes to another article, as well) against their victims.

Wonderful, Donna – thank you for posting this!


So, when the marriage is finally exposed as a fraud, why is is so difficult for the targets to walk away? This isn’t a rhetorical question, at all. I’m quite serious.

The only reason – and, I do mean the ONLY reason – that I was able to go NC, instantly, was because of my exposure to this site and the priceless information that I had been reading prior to my discoveries. In all seriousness, I would likely have been unable to go NC because of the incredible betrayals that were uncovered. That is the only reason that I knew, on an academic level, that I had to either enforce NC or lose my mind.

Do I honestly believe that anything that I might say to the spath would cause him to feel badly for his choices? In MY world, a human being would definitely feel some sense of remorse. In the exspath’s world, the only remorse to be felt is by others for not meeting his needs and wants. I knew this to be true, but I also know that I would not have been able to go and maintain NC had I not absorbed that fact through reading and posting on this site.

Yes….the spath “values committment,” but only from their source targets. Pfffffffffffft….


Donna, EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY! Thank you, you are so right on! The spaths value commitment, only when it suits and “feeds” them. If they cannot find a better and more profitable arrangement, they stay-put, till they ( the parasite) can find their next “host”.


1000% true.

Just waiting to hear that my ex will get married to his rich widow. He is already living in her $1 million dollar home and driving the dead husbands luxury vehicle.

It is just a matter of time that they marry – he wants to ensure his “cash cow” does not get away.

The sad thing is she has no idea – she thinks he loves her for herself and that is so far from the truth….


Truthspeak, agree completely with you that this site has helped me greatly, to overcome confusion when I was not sure what my next move ought to be.

No contact seems kind of counterintuitive.

I’ll tell you why it was hard for me at first:

1. I am a polite person and I thought “no contact” would be rude.
2. The therapists and the courts have all instructed me to “cooperatively co-parent” with my ex, so I thought that’s what I should be doing (to do it “the right way” and with “the best interest of my children in mind.”)
3. I was told by many people that I was being “childish” and “petty” for moving towards a NC type of relationship with my ex.
4. My own father even tried to get in the middle and offered to “mediate” for us if only I would consent to have a Starbucks meeting with my ex! He SO didn’t get the situation.
5. I don’t like to give up on people and relationships. I have excellent people skills and a great track record in relationships of all sorts, do not take offense easily, am very interested in learning about the other person and where they are coming from and getting along with them and appreciating differences. I did not want to admit to “failure” with my ex! But everything I tried over the years to move closer to him, to come to some understanding or cooperative relationship, some getting along for the sake of the children, was met by these stupefying roadblocks that just drove me nuts! I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong…. it was bizarre. Until I figured out HE was doing it. But even then, the dissonance was so jarring (I mean, WHY would a person do such nutty things — it’s so weird my mind couldn’t even admit to the reality of what he was doing, for a long time) — it just took me a long time to catch on.

Those are a few reasons, anyway.


I agree in full with all comments above. I’m now waiting for next court session to extract decent money from spath (currently he pays peanuts) and restrict his access to our tine child to the minimum. He knows that it will be the game over and this vision pushed him to suggest the following: I’ll marry you, but you need to show me you love me…you need to committ properly and not take me to the court…time is ticking therefore his reason to get married is clearly to avoid embarrassment that will put shadow on his brilliant portfolio. Climbing up the executive directors leder.
All that naturally caked in sweettalking crap, pardone my french 😉
Obviously, not for a minute I believe he wants family, he created to hooked me up completely…
Donna’s post made me think again. We were engaged, I left him due to constant cheating and making me feel small, broken…the usual and so typical for spaths…so to speak…
I believe it is a part of their game and ability to create a mask of sanity. The need of having official partners is driven by long term goal: to make them look better in society/work environment, helps them to bridge the gap that in reality will never be filled with true warmth and care. They do it to show their family to prove they can build stable relationship. Families of spaths usually suffer, witness relationship after relationship falling down, parents tend to pretend they do not understand the hurt caused by spath to his parner or child, they are co addicted. We are just a meat, hands to help, nice label, cover, wrapping that completes their image. We also are bins, exercise mats, sewage system thru which they want to channel their toxic existence, behind the scene, out of public eye.
This is clearly for their benefit only… Not because they want to seal loving relationship and create family…

‘create a mask of sanity,’ how true LieToMeNoMore

I have been very stupid; Four years ago I threw my SPATH out and went no contact after he nearly destroyed me. This site was a lot of help and I learnt a lot. I was fine, getting better, then after he had a bad bike accident, guess what, I felt sorry for him. He gradually wormed his way back into my life, even getting down on one knee to propose. All the lovebombing etc. but, one clever thing I did – not letting him move back in.
To start with he appeared changed, I thought, ‘maybe it’s because of the accident, perhaps it’s really changed him.’
Last week after two years of him slowly turning back in to the spath, he came round, told me how he was going to make such a fuss of me, then by the next morning he had the cold look that is talked about on here and he was acting like an arsehole. Hot and cold, hot and cold – it gets so boring.
I threw him out and as he left he said ‘You’ll never get anyone else.’
He is now on Facebook saying he has met the love of his life and that he is like a dog with two tales and floating on air and his family and friends think it’s wonderful.
This is a week after he was asking why I wouldn’t marry him.
So, I finally have got shot of him, but why did I want to cry?
I feel sorry for his new woman, and as my son said, ‘Mum, he has done you a favour, get back out there and find a decent man.’
So all of you, why did I feel like crying? I’ve escaped again, I should be cheering? Not all of the people on this site get off so easy.


Thank you for the video and for this website. I just got married to a woman that sometimes I suspect might be a sociopath??? I can sometimes be gullible (Maybe O.J. didn’t kill Nicole….) I appreciate everyones comments here and I’m so sorry you were hurt by someone that should of loved you. I would like to tell my whole story someday…….Thank You.


Wow!! You really made it very clear for me!! I am now understanding that my ex is a sociopath. All of the characteristics are true for him. If you look up the definition, his picture would be there! I also discovered journals (many) that he had written that were hidden in the basement. He also has 12 personalities that he identified in these journals and described. There are numerous conversations to these “alter-egos” that he wrote about with answers from some of them (even in different handwriting).
He now lives with another woman (20 years younger than him — he is 69) and she has 4 daughters. Two live at home, and one is about 8 years old. Those children are in danger living with someone who has such mental issues. I have seen the anger many times. I have gone to the pastor at their church, but I don’t think he believes me about the danger they are in. My ex is very charismatic and uses the church congregation as his audience. Any suggestions?


What incredible timing! I just learned last week that my ex-spath is engaged. This just a scant 4 months after moving out and 3 months of NC. All week I’ve been walking around in a haze asking myself why he would do this. I know it’s crazy, but when I heard this news I was hurt – it was one more reminder of just how little he really cared for me. I don’t know why I would be surprised, he once suggested we marry so that he would have healthcare coverage – what a romantic…lol. Thank you for this video, and thanks to the universe for the timing. Even though I know better, I was going to send him a card congratulating him! I should be sending a sympathy card to his poor victim.

Divorced from Gaslighter

JustBree — I think that you have brought up a point left out of the video (which was very good.)

The spath often sees having a spouse as a bundle of goods and services. The spath can have a “hobby job” like playing the guitar or writing third-rate poetry while the spouse works full-time and provides medical & dental coverage, runs all the errands, takes care of the kids, the housework, (and in my case, the yardwork, too.)

After we separated following ten years of marriage and two children, and embarked on our horrible divorce and custody fight, the spath came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea — he would buy a house that I would live in with the kids, and he could come and go. We would be legally separated, so his rapidly increasing income (after years of getting a business started) would be completely his. I would be like a 24/7 nanny, except that I would also provide sexual services when he was between hook-ups, and I would not receive a salary, just enough money to run the household.

I asked him where he thought my next husband might fit into this picture, and he seemed genuinely surprised.

They really are wrapped up in their own world, and he definitely ripped me off financially the whole time we were married, but a big part of what marriage meant to him was that he was never troubled by the “little stuff” of life, since it was my job to handle 100% of that, since he was a Captain of Industry, and, as he told me, his time was TOO VALUABLE.


My x-spath, being a gay flight attendant from London, seemed to be looking for somebody not to provide a “cloak of respectability” but a posh party pad for his “jet set” lifestyle.

The first online profile I came across of his, contained an interesting answer to the question “where are you most likely to be on a Friday night?” His response: “passed out on a sofa in Manhattan.”

I do not know if this was in reference to my sofa in Manhattan, but it sure says a lot…


It has been years since I first came to this website, and I agree with many of you, if it hadn’t been for the information here, there is no telling when I may have figured out what was going on with my ex.

I wanted to comment on “Why Sociopaths Marry.” For my ex, the reason was legality. He robbed me and the others through ‘community property’ laws, and fraud. When someone commits fraud while married, the spouse is legally just as guilty, whether he/she know about the fraud or not. It is difficult for prosecutors to prove fraud, but it is even more difficult for a spouse to prove that they had nothing to do with it, and often get left holding the bag.

Quantum Solace

I’m with Truthspeak on those (3) reasons and they probably apply to everyone else as well. In my case, however, #3 did not apply since at the time we married he had more than me but because he was a confirmed loser who even attended his prom with his own cousin because no one else would be caught dead going with him. I was the second woman he ever dated, the first one dropped him like a hot potato after just a couple of casual dates. For the monster I married, having a wife validated all he thought he was (and was not) and was a symbol of his imaginary success and high status. Dude was even a virgin still living in mommy’s basement when I met him at age 30 (well not literally since she lived in a two-bedroom apartment). He’s been married and divorced one more time since we split and is on the prowl for #3. The pattern doesn’t change, he moves fast & goes straight for the kill. What amazes me is how anyone (particularly me) could stay with such a pathetic loser so devoid of human emotions for so long. My ordeal lasted 15 years, the second suckers’ was 8. However, the span seems to be shortening. Maybe the next one will only last 3 or 4 years, 1 or 2 for the one after that and then, he’ll die alone as he deserves. Coincidentally, he has an uncle who also went thru 4 wives before one stuck — of course, the “family” was very quickly to point the finger at all the wives and couldn’t understand why such a nice guy would end up so many wicked, wicked women. Hark, hark, hark!


I hope someone from my high school class reads this. They should know who I am referring to here…

Yes, everybody> “SH” was/is a sociopath. Very cruel and demeaning. Very exploitative. Sexual perv on top of it…she attacked me on the school bus.

Crazy bitchy conniving GREEDY…vain …hateful (these are weak words to describe a very sick individual)


Truthspeak – I think the reason I could not leave after realizing that I was married to a con artist was the huge debt we created over the last five years of our marriage.

PLUS, most of these men create the old “now you see it, now you dont” to their significant others. It’s kind of a combo platter with “love bombing” and “reality experiences.” They are “done” with you, but they are still playing the game. They dont want YOU to leave until they have another victim lined up.

This is exactly what my husband did to me. He kept doing the obligatory “nice” things yet behind my back he was ferociously looking for his new victim for his escape from my ever growing annoyance with him and his lies.

Not until he mover out did I discover most of the deception. I say “most” because I believe we never really know all of the “tricks” they pulled while we were involved with them.

After 18 years with this person, our divorce is final today. It’s a bitter sweet moment for me. The man I “thought” I married was an illusion and it literally took me years to figure out the depth of this deception. He has been doing it a long time so he was very good at the lies and deceit.

Moving forward, I will create a lecture business that targets college aged women. I also would like to work with our legal system to expose more of the tricks of the trade to this group that comes in contact with the victims.

My motto is – “I will never give up speaking my truth about these horrendous people – never.”

Divorced from Gaslighter

wifeno5: In certain business circles, men above the age of 30 need to be married to someone respectable in order to be taken seriously as a “stable” person who can be promoted to bigger and better things, and trusted to handle large sums of money, expensive projects, etc.

You are incorrect about the spouse being equally guilty of the spath’s frauds — one of the elements of a crime is that you have to commit an act (or fail to act when you have a duty to act.) If the spath “did it all” then the crime is all his, generally speaking, UNLESS you knew he was defrauding people and remained silent and enjoyed the proceeds.

The IRS has, or at least used to have, an Innocent Spouse theory under which they would only go after the spouse who cheated on taxes by underreporting income, even if the Innocent Spouse co-signed the tax return.

In nearly every case that I have seen where both spouses were accused of fraud, the husband was the “active” defrauder, while the wife knew, or should have known that fraud was being committed, and that the husband’s legitimate income would not come close to covering the couple’s lavish lifestyle.

The only other situations that I have seen where innocent, or relatively innocent persons got hung out to dry for somebody else’s fraud involved people who were married to crooked foreigners — the crooked foreign spouse runs a crooked scam, and when the government starts to come after him, he returns to his home country, and leaves his American brother-in-law or former wife holding the bag.

If you are being investigated for fraud committed by your ex, you need URGENT competent legal advice.

Quantum Solace: My ex used to tell people that he was “normal” because our marriage lasted well over a decade. His second marriage lasted about half that long, and that is fairly typical. Second marriages that fail usually do last about half as long as the first marriage.


Divorced from Gaslighter – wifeno5 – I filed the Innocent Spouse earlier this year when I discovered MAJOR fraud on our income tax returns.

I heard back from the IRS and they “could not find anything”????? Ok.

However, they did indicate that they would have a final answer after reviewing our 2011 and 2012 taxes. Well, the shit may hit the fan folks.

My CPA told me to GET AWAY from this person. I am now divorced from him and added some verbiage for fraud which he has now admitted HE did without my knowledge. He got all of the refund money.

My CPA also told me in his 30 years of practice he has had about 7 cases and all have been MEN. All of them did time in prison for their fraudulent behavior.

So many of these people will fly just under the radar their entire life. I dont know why more are not caught. My ex husband is VERY smart. Sadly, most men like this think they are smarter and most will never get caught.

Well, we shall see what happens. He is getting older now and I know he doesnt want trouble with the new GF. I am sure he is flying pretty straight for now, however, old habits are hard to break.


This video is a very good one.

Why marry?
1) A cover/mask/cloak/decent person to hide behind
2)Someone to be responsible (bills/housework/cook/garden. I even kept his car tuned and running
3)they enjoy the “good parent” that is responsible for children so they can go off and “work”
4)the unconditional love is a big draw

I would think most spaths desire marriage. If the “abused” is the breadwinner the spath will suck off of the breadwinner. If the abused is the spouse – they will be “held down” emotionally, socially, and many other ways, because the spath often dislikes the spouse to have more “power” or notoriety.

I was my spaths cover. He admitted it sort of once saying, “He appreciated my good will and interactions with our neighbors.” I always loved the idea of having friends over because he was WAY nicer to me than if we were alone. It got to the point that he mostly ignored me, but in my loneliness, if I sought out interaction he would fight me.

I put some effort into forgiving myself EVERY single day – now that I have finally figured out I was married to someone faking it, personality disordered, a flat out sociopath.
I treat myself gently, I get one more thing done toward organizing my life and comb through the house and get rid of something everyday that provides and reminder of “him.”

kim frederick

I always wondered why my x married me….I had no assets whatsoever. I was a single mother of two little girls. In a twisted way, this led credibility to the belief that he really loved me….added to my image of him as my hero…..exactly what he wanted.
He wanted someone with no resources…he wanted a hostage who would never leave him…that was safe for him.
He wanted a housekeeper and a cook, and that’s about all he ever saw in me, and even that was far below his expectations. He quicklyturned a blind eye and deaf ear to the real, inner me, that came complete with ideas, desires and dreams…simply not interested.
I think he wanted someone who would wait for him…He was in the Navy for 21 years, and spent a lot of time at sea, first leterally, and then figuratively. He reserved his sexual and romantic feelings for ideal woman he could never really have, but he would get lost in the dream while I’d be cooking supper.


kim frederick;

There is an old navy saying: “it ain’t queer unless it’s tied to the pier.”

kim frederick

Blue eyes, After discovering his affairs with women, I did have some reason to suspect he was on the down low, too.



Reading this helped me to figure out what he wanted from me. He often said I would be a great step mother. He had said that once we lived together he wanted to get custody of his son so that he wouldn’t have to pay child support. Piece by piece thanks to your information the picture becomes clearer.


Yes, spaths need a wife for status and job reasons, or at least they do in the US it appears to me. Private life of people never seemed an issue in Belgium at the workfloor, nor the managementfloors. We rarely ever see the wife or partner of a (prime) minister in the media even. It’s almost always a total non topic. But i can hardly imagine a bachelor even trying to get votes in the US. The image of the perfect family picture is important for credibility it seems in the US.


Dear JustBree,

You said, “I know it’s crazy, but when I heard this news I was hurt ”“ it was one more reminder of just how little he really cared for me”…. remember, he doesn’t care for her either.

Aloha :O)


Excellent video Donna!


She’s in for a lot of trouble. If by tropics you mean latin america… which are drug trafficking paradises, but also drug traffic war zones, where the last person they wanna see have a piece of the cake is an expat. And since police are so corrupt and they don’t do a thing unless you pay for their ‘gass’, … well you get the picture. 🙂 Her dreamland will soon turn into nightmare land with the business he’s in.


Hi Everyone!

This latest video was, along with all the others, another confirmation for me. Oh, not that I don’t believe my ex is definitely an spath, simply more unveiling of the “real” truth. Not her truth. I now refer to her as “crazy.” I no longer speak her name.

Crazy tried her best to talk me into having a child together. Being Lesbians that would have to be a foster situation or possibly adoption. I am 62. She is 52. Right? I would just laugh every single time she brought it up. She was the ultimate love bomber. I had never been so romanced. One of the first questions she asked me was what was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. And she tried to top it the entire time we were together. Well, when she wasn’t yelling at me. Or when she wasn’t snarling at me. Or when she was caught dead in a lie and refused to speak to me (which could be heavenly). She was always talking about us getting married. Ummm, she was already married, to her partner of 19 years. She left this woman, moved out while partner was on a cruise, and moved into her daughter’s house. Convinced me that she and partner had been only sharing a home. The relationship had been over for years. I won’t bore you with the details. Liar liar pants on youknowwhat.

I am considered by my grown children and my friends, co-workers, etc., to be a calm and serene person of peace. I am now over 25 years clean and sober. A Lightworker. I channel angels. I teach forgiveness and love. This is my truth, my path. And I was ripe for her pluckin! Ha! I completely loved all her romantic gestures, blah, blah and blah. Until I didn’t anymore. Until I began to notice the lies and deceit. And those stares! I would look back at her and throw her stares in her face. Thank God I had enough tools in my spiritual toolbox to fight back. And on that fateful day when she let the mask slip and I saw the evil, the monster, I was done.

I was with her off and on, in my home and out of my home, for 18 months. I found Donna by going online and asking what is a person called that exhibits these symtoms. Sociopath/Psychopath. And there was Donna’s name and her book, “Love Fraud.” I ordered it immediately. The book led me to this website. And to Donna’s second book and workbook. I have all of them. I am very grateful to Donna for all the work she has done and is doing.

At first, I too had a hard time with the No Contact idea. I am a civil person with good manners and a Christian attitude of can’twealljustgetalongforpete’ssake?? I am a quick learner though, and here is what sold me. I read on this blog that the spath ONLY views me as the “supplier.” Yep. It really was just that simple. Because I now truly understood that she did not care for me. She did not love me. She was and is an evil person. I have not seen her since May 5, 2012. She has tried and continues to try to get to me. I paid very close attention to what Donna said to do. No Contact. No response.

We all deserve a lot better. Thanks to all of you for sharing. It means so much to know I’m not alone, and neither are you.

Love you all, Elizabeth


@Divorced from Gaslighter
(I am coming in late because I work crazy hrs to make up for the wages I lost when I relocated.)
Mine did the same thing. You buy a little shelter with your money and I buy a mansion with the money I hid from you during the divorce. But, since I still love you and just can’t live with you, you can come on weekends when my married girl friend and my back up secretary and my boss are with their husbands and do the laundry, change the sheets, pre-cook all the meals for the week, maintain the mansion, garden your heart out, empty the litter box, and enjoy my drunken, substance abusing presence. Don’t push me about what the viagra and the economy box of condoms are doing on my side of the bed.
I guess that was his way of love bombing. I wish we could publish their names and locations like they do with sex offenders or list them like they do hurricanes and predict their strenght and paths.


Thanks Donna,

I asked the question, since I see them destroying their spouse why bother with marriage and then go through divorce etc..

But your explanation is right on the target again. Something I felt.

Exspath told me, all his friends left him alone once his first wife was gone. And he can’t wait to wear weeding band saying my name on it in his finger. He can’t wait to show me off to his friends. He pushed for marriage very fast and told me whoever is saying don’t marry so fast are the people who are trying to exploit me.

It was kind of amazing once marriage was done he was a different person right in the weeding reception. He was like in a trans, more trying to impress his guests then paying attention to his new bride. It was weird, but I thought may be he tired, or don’t know why.

Pretty soon I knew I provided him a social life with rich people, who were his friends and didn’t have any relationship for years. We threw big parties, and suddenly his life was full.

Then why did he screw up. What I think no matter what he is a spath, and he can’t help it, like snake can’t move straight.

And on top of that I question him on all his disparity, I challenged him on ground of logic. He hated that, he wanted my commitment 200%, I asked what about him. But he had none. He played games with me asking for my loyality, when I had, but he would ask for proof, it was all made me very confused.

As your video shows he had none. These were last words I had with him, that he can’t commit, and I know that, and I can’t have anything with someone who can’t commit. He asked for a divorce in the return of lifelong relationship with him, which is a lie.


ErinBrock, I can understand why this woman is doing whatever for your exspath.

Been there done that. O ognored my children for his child, because he kept telling me what kind of step mom I was to his kid, when he did nothing for mine, I took care of his. To show I am a best step mob, I ignored my own kids, who were younger than his.

They keep you so confused about responsibilities, loyality, commitment, when they have none towards you. There makes such a spider web around us, that even sound mind can’t think properly, and we commit crime towards helpless, like by ignoring young children, And guess what they are not happy even then…..


Sisterseven, I’m grateful for you that you didn’t adopt with the spath. The thing about having a child with a spath is that the child isn’t viewed as a vessel containing a human soul – they’re simply A Thing that can be used, abused, manipulated, or whatever.

I’m also grateful that I didn’t have a child with the exspath, as well. He’s drawing this divorce out to punish me and I can only imagine how horrible it would be if there was a child involved!

Brightest blessings


My thanks, also, Donna! Your video series has been very insightful, as well as extremely helpful. So many people have told me that my husband, at some level, must have loved me “as much as he’s capable of loving.” It’s because of this site that I can honestly respond, “He’s a sociopath; he’s incapable of loving at any level.”

In my case, the Dept. of Justice, FBI, and IRS Criminal Investigative Dept. all worked in concert to haul his sorry ass out of my life—but not until after he’d deceived and stolen trust and treasure from almost 125 people, including me, my friends and family. (Earlier this year, his business partner committed suicide.)

My sociopathic spouse was sentenced to almost 20 years for money laundering, illegal monetary transactions, and mail fraud. (That’s federal crime code for Ponzi Scheme.) Most certainly, he will die in his federal prison home, even as he continues to appeal his sentence for being more than another slap on the wrist. It was his third offense, yet he believed himself smart enough to get off with a minimum sentence.

Sociopaths come in all shapes, colors and sizes: the guy who slaps his wife and kids around; the woman/man who uses sex to manipulate; the power-hungry politician who abuses his/her office and constituents; the corrupt cop or executive who betrays his/her responsibilities for self-enrichment. There’s an endless list of deceivers and deceptions that trusting people don’t even know exists until they find themselves living in the middle of someone else’s lies.

To my dying day, I will regret that I did not run a criminal background check on the most important person to enter my life in almost two decades. I’m a very smart woman who was incredibly dumb in love. I totally believed in the person who believed in me, but for a very different reason: I believed in love; he believed in opportunity. (The “target” logo chosen for this site was plainly visible on my vulnerable forehead.)

Marriage afforded instant respectability and access to my lifestyle, credit rating, business contacts…and trust. He knew I would always, always “have his back” even as he was stabbing me in mine. Marriage is the ultimate commitment a worthy victim can bestow upon a sociopath and provides evil a fertile ground for growth and exploitation.

I haven’t posted in quite some time, but I visit/read here often, as it’s the only therapy I can afford. And no matter how bad I feel on any given day, I am always aware of the “targeted” others who have/are experiencing much worse every single day.

To all who have had your lives turned upside down, inside out, or all-but destroyed by these evil people, I applaud your courage and endurance as I always try to applaud/accept my own.


As I am reading about some of these relationships with older sociopaths I am reminded of a picture on my x sociopaths mantle of his father and wife number 6. If what he told me was true, his father was a chronic cheater. Obviously he was a sociopath also. His father was smiling that smile I recognized and his wife…not so much. She looked pretty sad and lost. I wonder if she is on this blog and realizes she is married to a sociopath.


Hope52, DivorcedFromGasLighter & WifeNo5: My former husband was running a $22 million Ponzi scheme and, thankfully, had been under surveillance for several months prior to a federal raid on our home last year. After he was hauled away in handcuffs, I found out that our phones had been tapped and my innocence was determined by my frustration and complete lack of knowledge during personal conversations. I also discovered that the Feds had questioned my friends and his assistant as to my knowledge or lack thereof, since, initially, I was considered “guilty by association.” Once they realized that I was his biggest victim, I was treated very well and with compassion by the agents who were charged with seizing jewelry, cars and other items of value. My husband had used my identity on one of the companies that was instrumental in his scheme, but the IRS interviewed me and reported that my identity had been used fraudulently and without my knowledge; however, I was advised to file my own tax returns as quickly as possible. I’m hoping that the “Innocent Spouse” rule will protect me if either of two joint tax returns are ever subjected to further scrutiny.


Donna: Thank you…and thank you for LoveFraud. The healing that takes place from the information, understanding and compassion found here is unquestionably the best to be found anywhere online. As much as I dislike “victimhood,” betrayal dished out by sociopaths is the very worst type there is and, 16 months later, I’m still cleaning up messes and working on “moving on.” If only all sociopaths could be imprisoned and locked away from caring, honest people. In that, at least, I consider myself very lucky.


2TimeSurvivor, welcome to LoveFraud and I am horrified by your experiences. I’m so grateful that you weren’t involved in the spath’s activities as so many victims/targets are often drawn into their deviant underworlds.

I’m also grateful that ONE spath is being held accountable. Holy cow…..

It hasn’t been all that long for you to process your horrific experiences, so be kind to yourself. Although I had bad experiences and was literally wiped out on every level, I was not raided by any agency and didn’t experience any of the unimaginable carnages that you must have.

Brightest blessings


When I read stories like 2TimeSurvivor I realize I got off lucky. Good luck to you.


TruthSpeak & Kmillercats: Thank you for your kind words. Now that 16 months have gone by and I’ve completed one major move, I am able to look back and realize how far I’ve come. At the same time, I look at the remaining messes and realize how much I still need to do before I can move forward. But I’ll get there! 🙂


2TimeSurvivor, your experiences and your resilience is an inspiration to me, personally.

From what I’ve read, you were able to accept the truths about the spath and detach yourself, quickly. Yeah, you were left with the “messes,” but your recovery and resolve are powerful. Even with everything that you experienced, I’m reading a serenity and acceptance that I aspire to.

Brightest blessings

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