In response to my last video about sociopaths and love bombing, a Lovefraud reader asked a question: Why do sociopaths marry? In this video, I answer the question. For more videos, visit the Lovefraud Video Page.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
@Divorced from Gaslighter
(I am coming in late because I work crazy hrs to make up for the wages I lost when I relocated.)
Mine did the same thing. You buy a little shelter with your money and I buy a mansion with the money I hid from you during the divorce. But, since I still love you and just can’t live with you, you can come on weekends when my married girl friend and my back up secretary and my boss are with their husbands and do the laundry, change the sheets, pre-cook all the meals for the week, maintain the mansion, garden your heart out, empty the litter box, and enjoy my drunken, substance abusing presence. Don’t push me about what the viagra and the economy box of condoms are doing on my side of the bed.
I guess that was his way of love bombing. I wish we could publish their names and locations like they do with sex offenders or list them like they do hurricanes and predict their strenght and paths.
Thanks Donna,
I asked the question, since I see them destroying their spouse why bother with marriage and then go through divorce etc..
But your explanation is right on the target again. Something I felt.
Exspath told me, all his friends left him alone once his first wife was gone. And he can’t wait to wear weeding band saying my name on it in his finger. He can’t wait to show me off to his friends. He pushed for marriage very fast and told me whoever is saying don’t marry so fast are the people who are trying to exploit me.
It was kind of amazing once marriage was done he was a different person right in the weeding reception. He was like in a trans, more trying to impress his guests then paying attention to his new bride. It was weird, but I thought may be he tired, or don’t know why.
Pretty soon I knew I provided him a social life with rich people, who were his friends and didn’t have any relationship for years. We threw big parties, and suddenly his life was full.
Then why did he screw up. What I think no matter what he is a spath, and he can’t help it, like snake can’t move straight.
And on top of that I question him on all his disparity, I challenged him on ground of logic. He hated that, he wanted my commitment 200%, I asked what about him. But he had none. He played games with me asking for my loyality, when I had, but he would ask for proof, it was all made me very confused.
As your video shows he had none. These were last words I had with him, that he can’t commit, and I know that, and I can’t have anything with someone who can’t commit. He asked for a divorce in the return of lifelong relationship with him, which is a lie.
ErinBrock, I can understand why this woman is doing whatever for your exspath.
Been there done that. O ognored my children for his child, because he kept telling me what kind of step mom I was to his kid, when he did nothing for mine, I took care of his. To show I am a best step mob, I ignored my own kids, who were younger than his.
They keep you so confused about responsibilities, loyality, commitment, when they have none towards you. There makes such a spider web around us, that even sound mind can’t think properly, and we commit crime towards helpless, like by ignoring young children, And guess what they are not happy even then…..
Sisterseven, I’m grateful for you that you didn’t adopt with the spath. The thing about having a child with a spath is that the child isn’t viewed as a vessel containing a human soul – they’re simply A Thing that can be used, abused, manipulated, or whatever.
I’m also grateful that I didn’t have a child with the exspath, as well. He’s drawing this divorce out to punish me and I can only imagine how horrible it would be if there was a child involved!
Brightest blessings
My thanks, also, Donna! Your video series has been very insightful, as well as extremely helpful. So many people have told me that my husband, at some level, must have loved me “as much as he’s capable of loving.” It’s because of this site that I can honestly respond, “He’s a sociopath; he’s incapable of loving at any level.”
In my case, the Dept. of Justice, FBI, and IRS Criminal Investigative Dept. all worked in concert to haul his sorry ass out of my life—but not until after he’d deceived and stolen trust and treasure from almost 125 people, including me, my friends and family. (Earlier this year, his business partner committed suicide.)
My sociopathic spouse was sentenced to almost 20 years for money laundering, illegal monetary transactions, and mail fraud. (That’s federal crime code for Ponzi Scheme.) Most certainly, he will die in his federal prison home, even as he continues to appeal his sentence for being more than another slap on the wrist. It was his third offense, yet he believed himself smart enough to get off with a minimum sentence.
Sociopaths come in all shapes, colors and sizes: the guy who slaps his wife and kids around; the woman/man who uses sex to manipulate; the power-hungry politician who abuses his/her office and constituents; the corrupt cop or executive who betrays his/her responsibilities for self-enrichment. There’s an endless list of deceivers and deceptions that trusting people don’t even know exists until they find themselves living in the middle of someone else’s lies.
To my dying day, I will regret that I did not run a criminal background check on the most important person to enter my life in almost two decades. I’m a very smart woman who was incredibly dumb in love. I totally believed in the person who believed in me, but for a very different reason: I believed in love; he believed in opportunity. (The “target” logo chosen for this site was plainly visible on my vulnerable forehead.)
Marriage afforded instant respectability and access to my lifestyle, credit rating, business contacts…and trust. He knew I would always, always “have his back” even as he was stabbing me in mine. Marriage is the ultimate commitment a worthy victim can bestow upon a sociopath and provides evil a fertile ground for growth and exploitation.
I haven’t posted in quite some time, but I visit/read here often, as it’s the only therapy I can afford. And no matter how bad I feel on any given day, I am always aware of the “targeted” others who have/are experiencing much worse every single day.
To all who have had your lives turned upside down, inside out, or all-but destroyed by these evil people, I applaud your courage and endurance as I always try to applaud/accept my own.
As I am reading about some of these relationships with older sociopaths I am reminded of a picture on my x sociopaths mantle of his father and wife number 6. If what he told me was true, his father was a chronic cheater. Obviously he was a sociopath also. His father was smiling that smile I recognized and his wife…not so much. She looked pretty sad and lost. I wonder if she is on this blog and realizes she is married to a sociopath.
2TimeSurvivor – I am so sorry for what happened to you and the others, but at least the guy is facing consequences. So often they don’t.
I’m glad Lovefraud is helping you.
Hope52, DivorcedFromGasLighter & WifeNo5: My former husband was running a $22 million Ponzi scheme and, thankfully, had been under surveillance for several months prior to a federal raid on our home last year. After he was hauled away in handcuffs, I found out that our phones had been tapped and my innocence was determined by my frustration and complete lack of knowledge during personal conversations. I also discovered that the Feds had questioned my friends and his assistant as to my knowledge or lack thereof, since, initially, I was considered “guilty by association.” Once they realized that I was his biggest victim, I was treated very well and with compassion by the agents who were charged with seizing jewelry, cars and other items of value. My husband had used my identity on one of the companies that was instrumental in his scheme, but the IRS interviewed me and reported that my identity had been used fraudulently and without my knowledge; however, I was advised to file my own tax returns as quickly as possible. I’m hoping that the “Innocent Spouse” rule will protect me if either of two joint tax returns are ever subjected to further scrutiny.
Donna: Thank you…and thank you for LoveFraud. The healing that takes place from the information, understanding and compassion found here is unquestionably the best to be found anywhere online. As much as I dislike “victimhood,” betrayal dished out by sociopaths is the very worst type there is and, 16 months later, I’m still cleaning up messes and working on “moving on.” If only all sociopaths could be imprisoned and locked away from caring, honest people. In that, at least, I consider myself very lucky.
2TimeSurvivor, welcome to LoveFraud and I am horrified by your experiences. I’m so grateful that you weren’t involved in the spath’s activities as so many victims/targets are often drawn into their deviant underworlds.
I’m also grateful that ONE spath is being held accountable. Holy cow…..
It hasn’t been all that long for you to process your horrific experiences, so be kind to yourself. Although I had bad experiences and was literally wiped out on every level, I was not raided by any agency and didn’t experience any of the unimaginable carnages that you must have.
Brightest blessings