Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader, Ashley K, sends the following:
I recently went through an awful experience with a man who I truly believed was trying to be my friend.
A few months ago I woke up to what his true intentions were when his actions weren’t matching up with his words and he initiated a discussion with me regarding developing romantic feelings for me. I was targeted by a man who I strongly believe is sociopathic.
To complicate matters, he started dating my friend, who I think became the apath and I am the empath. I told my husband and my friend exactly what happened – my husband was upset but forgiving. My friend’s words indicated that she believed his story, which, of course, put all the blame on me he had told her I was the one hitting on him and making him uncomfortable for many months before he even made me aware of the “feelings” he had for me.
I went no contact with him a month ago and I am feeling better, but still angry and in shock.
I never thought this could happen to me, especially being happily married. Spaths seem to love the challenge of targeting married or taken individuals, as well as the added complication of creating a triad or triangulation by bringing a friend into the mix.
If they are able to destroy their target, which I think was his ultimate intent (to see how naive I was and if I would leave my marriage for him), I think he would have ended up discarding me. These people are truly sick individuals.
I saw some red flags from the beginning and wish I had listened to my gut. He is superficially charming, flattered me too much, love bombed my friend and bought her expensive things three weeks into their relationship, etc. Also he has switched jobs a lot.
The sign that I think really resonated with me was when I took a good, deep look into his eyes and saw a vacancy that I found calming, yet disturbing.
I would catch him staring at me intensely for longer than is normal. I admit I found this appealing at the beginning. However the last time I saw him in person after I caught on to what he was up to, I saw the reptilian like stare and I felt in my gut that he wanted to eat my soul. If this man even has a soul it is a very dark one, and he tried to steal the light in mine.
I am glad I got away and blocked him in every way. This is the only way one can truly heal.
I wrote a haiku poem and was wondering if you would like to post it. Being an empath and always trying to help others, I feel that it is people like you and me that can help share our stories with others to try to bring awareness to the issue.
Magnetic first gaze
Calmly he moves, eyes ablaze
LACKING”¦ her eyes daze
He sets scene”¦dog days
Unbeknownst to her he preys
Leads them through his maze
Fake freestyle cliches
And all consuming displays
His soul naught it weighs
Heart’s harrowing ways
All ears exhaust, now he strays
LACKING, his eyes glaze”¦
With her intense rage, lack of remorse and hate, she seems “possessed”
Donna Andersen
Ashley – yes, sometimes they do seem to go after people just for the challenge of it. Thanks for the poem.
EricA
Really great words Ashley. Wish I could pin them. In Love With An Illusion on Pinterest. Please share. My followers would benefit greatly.
Gaslit073168
Ashley,
Thank you for sharing your poem!!
You mentioned the whole challenge factor, which I think is huge for spaths. Once they conquer the challenge, they feel brilliant and so satisfied! You had an interesting element to your story though that was totally different from mine. You mention the challenge of adding in the third party – your friend. In my situation, the spath went out of his way to make sure I had almost NO contact with any other females in his life, and seemed to want to diminish relationships I had with my friends and family. He wanted to keep women who know him away from each other, I think because comparing notes would potentially lead to figuring out his game. He went out of his way to assure that everyone had bad feelings toward each other. And his interest in trying to keep me from my friends and family was about not wanting me to be influenced by anyone or to share what he was doing to me. It was all about isolation and maintaining control. So your situation was quite different by him actually wanting another party to be involved. I think this shows how arrogant he is, entirely sure he had everyone believing his lies.
Glad you have gone totally NC with him and blocked all avenues of communication. It’s not an easy task, but you are right, it’s the only way to heal!
SAMinaction
I looked at some of those sites where they teach guys how to seduce and get women in bed right away and one thing it said was to use that stare. Alternate with being aloof, …Yeah the dead eye stare…. really kind of evil
WildFree
chilling. my most vivid memory of the primary spath who ripped through my life was asking for a light and him turning around and those blazing blue eyes just caught me. i’ve learned since that anytime anyone looks at me with that special intensity they are to be given a wide, wide berth. they ALWAYS spell trouble, although thankfully having educated myself on the whole cluster b phenomenon since escaping that primary spath, i haven’t gotten in too deep and i learn more with each encounter.