By: Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed
There may be a correlation between psychopathy and malingering. Some studies support that increased PCL-R (psychopathy checklist) scores correspond with an increased potential for malingering, while others are less conclusive. Regardless, if psychopathic individuals, or those with such features, seek to gain or avoid something through manipulations, they are good at bringing their intentions to fruition.
What is malingering?
Malingering is defined as intentionally making up or exaggerating medical or mental symptoms in an attempt to avoid one or a variety of responsibilities. It is an intentional misrepresentation of facts in an effort to appear unable to work, or to fulfill other obligations. Additionally, with this avoidance, comes an external reward or some form of perceived personal gain. Often, malingerers see no other ways to achieve their avoidance goals.
Why do they do it?
This external payoff may come in the form of “getting something for nothing,” through unemployment or disability benefits, avoiding punishments in some circumstances, or getting out of having to perform what they consider to be undesirable tasks, and more.
The specific reasons and presentations may be as numerous, but the motivations are relatively consistent. Mainly, there’s something they must do, but don’t want to or feel they need to.
How do they malinger?
It is common for malingerers to feign mental or psychiatric conditions over physical maladies. They may feel that these are easier to fake, since diagnostic methods may be more difficult to quantify.
If malingerers claimed broken arms, for example, x-rays could quickly negate any false claims. The same is true for many other physical ailments.
However, it is easier to claim stress or distress, or a variety of other mental afflictions, that may render malingerers “unable” to work or make good on their obligations. In fact, they may even blame us for their “illnesses.”
Pathological lying and manipulation
With a primary element of malingering being intentional deception, it makes sense then that psychopathic individuals, or those with psychopathic traits, may be likely to engage in successful malingering. Two prominent traits psychopaths exhibit are pathological lying and manipulative and deceptive behaviors. Both are necessary in order to malinger successfully.
Most of what psychopaths say is false, or laced only with grains of truth that are usually seriously distorted. Since they lie and distort with ease, and manipulate people and circumstances to achieve what they want, it is easy to see how they are able to manage malingering successfully.
Parasitic lifestyle
Furthermore, it is common for individuals with psychopathic traits to live parasitic lifestyles. They are often careless, putting us in situations that cause us distress for their own gain or pleasure. Initially, they may look like our soul mates, wonderful long lost relatives, or saviors. They may come bearing gifts and making promises.
However, we quickly learn that most of what they offered came with conditions. The promises failed to materialize, and that they, in fact, arrived on the scene to live off of us.
They may even put us in positions to pity them, fight for them, or defend them. Eventually, we realize that they view life to be about their needs, rather than those they are obligated to. Parasitic.
Why is this relevant?
When we unknowingly become close with psychopaths, we are going to be touched by this in some way, at some point in time. “The right thing” may be something they spend a lot of time addressing, but very little time actually doing.
Since it is common for individuals with psychopathic traits to fail to make good on their obligations and responsibilities, it is worth understanding.
When they find themselves in too deep, and it is impossible for them to shirk their responsibilities in any other fashion, they may simply choose to take themselves out of commission.
Practical application
Although malingering can take place for a variety of purposes and in a variety of different ways, let us examine the possibility of a parent doing so to escape paying child support. Many readers have probably experienced this, as it is a common challenge among those dealing with individuals exhibiting such traits. The motivations for attempting to eliminate the support may be numerous, but are less significant than the actual act.
It is true that many good people, who genuinely care deeply, are simply sometimes unable to adequately provide. However, in cases where we suspect malingering, it is critical to assess the big picture.
What is the history? What are some of their attitudes displayed prior to the malingering? Were there inconsistencies in stories or statements? Was it clear that elusive measures were being contemplated? Were the actions and the words, again, failing to match over time?
Are other bills going unpaid? Is there a telling history regarding who they are choosing to pay and who they are choosing not to? Is there a history of bankruptcies? Do most of the “explanations” begin with blame and end with lack of ownership and reasonable solutions?
Well intended individuals are typically not be satisfied with offering next to nothing significant for support, regardless of circumstances. Additionally, those who have genuinely lost the capacity to perform in their chosen careers often acquire new and different skills or do whatever it takes to contribute similarly and meaningfully.
Further, they do not lie about their intentions, indicating that they will provide in one respect and then not follow through when the opportunities present themselves.
When malingering is present, attitudes of complacency, or even satisfaction with the situations they have created may be present.
Is malingering possible to prove?
It is possible that medical professionals or evaluators can prove malingering? Like many other behaviors psychopaths display, the malingering is no different, in that they tend to lack the consistency that individuals who are truly suffering exhibit. Those too ill to work or perform duties, for example, may also be unable to recreate or participate in activities that would otherwise bring them joy.
However, successful malingerers may continue on with other activities, or even engage in things they would not otherwise participate in. In essence, out of work may translate into on vacation.
Actual symptoms of certain conditions they are faking often look much different, as well. They may go through the motions of doing what needs to be done in order to appear “ill” or to “recover,” but their actions still tend to look different than those who are legitimate.
Again, while assessing, it is important to examine the circumstances collectively. Does the individual have something to gain by malingering? If it appears that they may, that is a good indicator that they are malingering.
All the while, it is important to remember that a normal person’s interpretation of something to gain, and theirs, may look very different. Thus, making their intentions easier to conceal, unless reminded of the need for this awareness.
It may be necessary for providers and employers to ask probing questions, observe carefully, and gather pertinent outside information. The words cannot be trusted and taken at face value.
If clinicians consider all of the circumstances, and do even a small amount of research, they may come to know that further investigation may be necessary. Unfortunately, this is not always a priority until the issue comes into the forefront, somehow.
Who would do this?
It may seem odd that there are individuals who choose to engage in these behaviors. Aren’t they coincidentally harming themselves?
While that depends on individual circumstances, in many cases, they are. Nonetheless, the payoff that they are attempting to achieve may override logic and reasoning. Their eyes are on the prize, so to speak. Yes, that sometimes defies logic, which is another reason this may seem unbelievable.
Remember, we are not discussing a portion of the population that typically acts with anyone’s best interests in mind. Strangely enough, although they mainly act selfishly, sometimes, this even extends to mean their own.
As it is becoming my mantra, I will close with the suggestion that we take comfort in the understanding. It will allow for peace amongst disorder.
JustBree: I can relate to what you said about ‘keeping in touch’ with him to ‘know what his thoughts are and where he is coming from’….so relate! It’s a mindset we get trapped into.
I have had a psychopathic stalker for the past ten years. I made the mistake of paying attention to it, in the beginning; that was my mistake. Once it had that foothold on my life, I became doomed. JUST KEEP IGNORING, better yet, BLOCK and then you won’t be bothered…
You need to get to the point where you just block him and not take the messages at all. It is easier that way. Trust me, I know. I went NC five times, until this last time, the sixth, it was a charm. This ‘person’ is very dangerous and very violent and has made threats against my life because I spurned his attentions. So far, this sixth time, so good: the messages and the stalking has only stopped 12 days ago…although I implemented NC over a month ago, this sixth time.
I like to believe that it will stop now, but judging by past behavior, we are only in a ‘lull’ despite my ‘warnings’ to cease and desist.
YOU be careful…if you feel in danger, in any way at all, you go to the local authorities and explain your situation to them and how you are fearful…hear me? Don’t take chances and by keeping in contact with him, in any way at all, is very detrimental to you. Perhaps physically but certainly emotionally and you need to take that tool away from it. Stop being afraid to the point where it is ‘freezing’ you – you have to realize what he is doing to you by continuing with his stalking.
Each spath is different but a criminal psychologist told me once, a couple years ago, that if you just do NOT give them any attention, their interest will dry up and they will move on to their next victim and forget about you. That is the way they are…
Sooner or later they will give up if you just stop giving them the attention. I had, up until a month ago, been trapped inside this vicious cycle. I am HOPING this is the end but they really don’t like ‘letting go’ so make yourself secure and stand your ground. You won’t be sorry if you do. If you really and truly want ‘it’ gone, just ignore it; tighten up your quadrant and stay safe and offer NO attention. If you need ‘assistance’ in keeping safe, ask for it. Do not take any chances.
Mine likes giving a threat and then letting me stew on it. The fear and the doubting is almost as destructive as the actual act itself. It’s the ‘stressing’ and emotional upset they are after. They don’t care about us…they care about losing. There is a huge difference.
So, your question: “Will he ever give up or is this what I have to look forward to for who knows how long?” That is difficult for me to answer. I have been trapped in this for the past ten years. But: no more. I am finished with all of it, even the fear from the threats. NOBODY is stealing my life nor sucking MY SOUL away from me. This is MY LIFE; not it’s.
You just stay safe and stay away from him. Do like I have done, block his texts and his phone number from calling you. Stay away. Even just reading his texts is upsetting to you. It digs it’s way into your eyeballs and wrenches your soul; right? THEN STOP DOING IT. NO ATTENTION. FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO OCCUPY YOUR TIME THAT IS MORE BENEFICIAL TO YOU. Stop wasting your precious energy and life force on this person. I refuse to allow him to take my thoughts anymore and have been disciplining myself to just not care about this and/or give it any attention. I have police protection now and they are like Angels to me..allowing me to live my life in peace.
Remember who you are and what you believe in and stand for. Usually, if they see you mean business, they will stay away, but you have to REALLY MEAN IT and then NEVER break NC….unless they are a coldblooded, psychopath, like mine has been, where he has kept up the stalking and intrusions, the past ten years. You must NOT take any chances and you MUST NOT forget who you are and your value and worth.
I am sorry that you must go through this. Don’t let him keep playing with your mind like mine has done to me. I blocked all phone messages over two years ago now and I have blocked all the texts and emails. There is NOTHING this monster can say that is of any interest to me anymore. And it’s the lack of attention that they dislike the most. Empower yourself. Take back your life, Bree. That is usually enough to make them go away….Just be careful. YOU know ‘it’ better than anyone else.
Dupey
Dupey –
Thanks for the pep talk. You’re so right – even just reading the texts throws me off balance because I do let it get into my head, and then all i can do the rest of the day is think of what I want to say. I too have gone NC several times. In fact that’s what his name is in my contact list, “NO CONTACT!!” It has been over a month since I responded to anything, but the anxiety over when he will contact next is growing. Time to block everything. I guess I just thought his interest would dry up more quickly than this – his interest in everything else always did. Lol.
Thank you!
JustBree
Hi JustBree: yes, even looking at the texts can mess you up and you recognize that; right? Just throw it in the garbage without reading them; block him. If you don’t know, it won’t bother you anymore. I know that is difficult to do, being that you want and/or are driven to keep ‘tabs’, but that is what “IT” is hoping you will do. It’s keeping the abuse going. Just cut it off. Once and for all. Work on yourself and ignore it. It will go away…
Good one: you have him on your list as “NO CONTACT”. hahahaha “IT” needs to NOT be on your list, at all, Lovey.
Right, me too: it has been over a month since he has heard from me by way of ‘cease and desist’ and only about a week and a half since HE stopped stalking. And, “I” have him blocked from everything and he still seems to get through to me, somehow.
Nope, their interest doesn’t just dry up … you have to KEEP IT away from you. I understand that his interest in everything else always did before…hahahaha: I can completely relate. They bore easily and if you make it difficult for them, they will just move on.
You are welcome..if you need me, I am always here and around. I wish you health, happiness and safety, Bree.
Take good care of yourself. Find other things to keep your thoughts on…
Blessings to you ~ Dupey
Just Bree,
Dupey pretty much said it all! And I agree, totally. He may or may not go away. The more important thing is for you to disconnect in each and every way you can.
TAKE the POWER back. It belongs to you. It is YOUR life we’re talking about here.
Slim
Dupey,
You be careful. Your x it sounds crazy and dangerous. I dont want to alarm you but 12 days is nothing.
No contact does not mean giving someone the cold shoulder or ignoring them or playing games, no contact means you will never speak, listen or contact this person ever ever again.. It means your done, finished, ka-put…
it means, changing locks, phone numbers to unlisted , most phone providers will change your number free of charge if you tell them your getting harassing calls, no charge, no questions asked.
No contact means you are ready to let go – forever.
No contact is your only weapon and your ultimate salvation. No contact is not easy. When I went no contact I thought I was turning away the love of my life, maybe so, but better to be alive than dead.
years ago, i was living with a fellow who turned out to be quite dysfunctional, alcoholic and abusive. abused as a child, yada yada. i don’t even want to go back and look at him through the disordered lens. suffice to say, when i left him (running, in the middle of the night), he stalked me for quite a while afterwards, and mounted a pretty serious smear campaign. There were two arson (don’t ask) detectives who really stepped up and tried to and DID protect me, as did my employer and former employer. None of them believed shit that came out of his mouth. Wish i could say the same for the damn lawyers…but anyhooo….
the detectives warned me – if he came into the store i was working in, i had to do whatever i had to to not let him take me out of that store. they showed me what to grab on to and told me to holler like hell (I worked with many people) if he came in and tried to drag me out of there. THEY knew what kind of trouble i was in. I was 20 and i knew nothing. I am grateful to this day for their astute judgement of the situation, and for their ‘influencing’ him to give me back my stuff (something the lame lawyer couldn’t accomplish), and for ‘influencing’ him to leave me alone (something the peace bond (a voluntary restraining order) and beat cops didn’t accomplish).
My Dears slimone and hens: I am going to answer you both at the same time, if you don’t mind…..
Thanks slim for your vote of confidence. xxoo
It has taken a lot of tried and trued attempts to figure this out and I just want to share what I found has worked for me. I didn’t take a lot of advice I was given and I had to learn the hard way. I had to learn by taking the abuse. I was going to ‘save’ it – ‘help’ it; ‘fix it’; I loved the lie I was being sold…while the whole time, that’s just it: it was a lie and a manipulation. I allowed it to happen by not standing up for myself, thinking I was doing the right thing and it wasn’t at all.
Dear hens: Thank you for telling me to be careful. “IT” IS crazy and dangerous. Unfortunately, I didn’t figure that out for the first five years of our ten year acquaintance. I actually let a violent psychopath that close to me without an inkling all that time. When I started to spurn his attentions, as it were, that is when things got ugly and violent….when the threats on my life started and when I think I actually SAW his head spinning around in circles, a couple of times, if I am not mistaken.
I have basically been ‘hiding out’ the past 2-1/2 years, waiting for the fulfillment of these threats, until it dawned on me that by cutting myself out of life it was only continuing this battle of wills…he was still getting what he wants by threatening me and cutting a lot of life off and away from me, through that control.
I am not going to give him that much importance anymore. I have placed protection around me that leaves absolutely NO DOUBT on my part or on “ITS” behalf, that this security WILL PREVAIL. Make no mistake about that. NO BODY threatens my life and still sits in my living room and has tea, although he has tried that approach on me as well, from time to time.
Yes, 12 days is nothing…the last NC period lasted 9 months until I stupidly BROKE it relaying an important piece of information. It was never ME responding, MOST OF THE TIME but rather HIM STALKING ME….That was my fault, breaking it the last time. I admit that. AT NO TIME FOR NOTHING SHOULD A PERSON BREAK IT. FOR NO REASON. EITHER MEAN IT OR DONT. I HAD EVERY GOOD INTENTION WHEN AND I DID and all it got me was more of the same, so, I look at it like this: WHY SHOULD I CONTINUE TO TAKE ABUSE FROM SOMEONE LIKE THAT? We were not married; never boyfriend and girlfriend, not really, even though THAT was the bill of goods I was being sold. We never lived together or had kids, nothing..I owe him absolutely nothing yet he acted like I owed him everything. Amazing. And when I would not do his beck and call, I was threatened and scorned and put down…oh yes, there are people like this in the world…
I have blocked all the numbers, his and his ‘minions’ and there have been plenty along the way, all strangers that don’t really know me nor I them…they have harassed and stalked me as much as he has. His ‘tribe’ , his ‘worker bees’, which includes just about everyone he runs into and has bedded, most of them he has picked up offline and they are all older and most of them wealthy and/or financially secure….
I have blocked threats to him, through me, that has come my way just by association. Once I pulled his mask off and exposed him for the person I really know he is now, that is when things started to get really ugly. I have a little life left, after my massive heart attack and I really don’t want it filled with all this crap. Life is in serious mode now. I have spent the past 3 years, of the 5 that have been a nightmare – caused by a psychopathic and violent stalker, researching and reading and trying to figure out what this was that has plagued my world…
The last few threats before that 9 months NC was something just like out of a psycho “B” movie, seriously…but even though the stalking continued, it was peaceful except for the constant stalking. I have never really had a time in the past ten years that hasn’t been constant drama and chaos. Filled with ugliness, threats, inconsideration’s and a whole lot of things most movie makers wouldn’t even realize…you know, that “B” class psycho movie genre…that is exactly what it has been like.
A lifetime of non communication wouldn’t be long enough for me now. NOW that I know what this is about and what it is about is control and jealousy. Love and kindness has nothing to do with it. I was ‘targeted’ specifically but the one thing I had going for me was that I didn’t have enough money for him. He is used to having more…having as much as he can get…which is all of it, in control, domination and financially.
I know so much about him, it makes it dangerous for me. But I have a whole city worth of protection which he has came to be acquainted with on several occasions on his escorts out of town. He has threatened judges, lawyers and policing agencies, as well, and is not a very ‘popular’ person. He walks on the fringe too well. Very intelligent when it comes to law and finances. Has told me on a couple of occasions that all women are whores and as long as you bed them well, they will give you whatever you want….
I am not afraid anymore, hens. I am standing tall and strong and firm, NOBODY does to me what he has and then threatens me on top of it because he is afraid he will go to jail. NOBODY. I am not a person to cower but the things I have experienced can never be realized by anyone but myself and every single one was a nightmare. I am not one to usually be ‘afraid’ but this ‘being’ made my blood run cold. It has left me in shock. I was absolutely controlled. Absolutely. I never did anything illegal for him but he captured my soul completely and dominated me for a very long time through intense conditioning and manipulation and once the layers started peeling back for me, that’s when it got ugly; when I started standing up for myself and saying “NO”. I see how Charles Manson got away with controlling his ‘herd’.
Exactly right: No contact means you are ready to let go, forever. And there is no coming back or going back. It’s a final decision. I have made mine and I put “IT” on notice that the stalking and manipulation and contact, in any way whatsoever, from this moment forward is not welcomed and shall be considered criminal stalking and I meant every single word. And I have LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF BACK UP.
NO CONTACT IS the only weapon you have that will save you when you get involved with something like I have. It is not easy. It is difficult, especially when you have been ‘conditioned’ to react and live a certain way, slowly, over time, but you have to realize it for what it is and break free of those chains if you want to have any hope for survival at all. Because, believe me, if you don’t give them what they want, whatever it might be, whether it is ‘winning’ an argument; ‘your money’; ‘your sex’; whatever it is they want from you…if you don’t give it to them, you suddenly become something they hate and want to destroy. These are people who do not let ‘reflection’ of any kind whatsoever into their life. They are obsession driven and they won’t ever change. I have seen evil, firsthand, up close and personal like. Evil does not have a conscious nor remorse.
I can so relate hens: “When I went no contact, I thought I was turning away the love of my life, maybe so, but better to be alive than dead.”
No truer words spoken, my friend.
Love you hens; you hang in there…you so ‘shine’…xxoo
Dupey
Dupey, I have not endured anything like you write about. I just want you to live free of fear and find some peace and joy. At the same time keep one eye open and a cell phone handy to call for back up. gnite…
(((hens))) Thank you for your wishes.
I am starting to come out of the ‘haze’ now. It’s been quite a while. Always: one eye open…..
I rest absolutely assured in my back up….
G’Nite, hens….xxoo
Sweet dreams.
I finally did it. I blocked him. I didn’t realize until I did it this afternoon (with my daughter’s help) that as long as he was able to call or text me, he still had me. Whether or not I answered was irrelevant because I was still giving him permission to mess with my head. I actually had a hard time blocking him because I was worried how he would feel! Everything I’ve said up until now was only an excuse not to block him. Bless you all for pounding this into my head and bless my wonderful daughter for bugging me all afternoon until I put his number in the little box and pressed submit. I know this doesn’t mean it’s over, but it does put me another step closer.
JustBree