By | May 16, 2012 42 Comments

Singing about sociopaths

One of Lovefraud’s readers is Joshua Noel Tanner, a young man who is a singer-songwriter. He has personal experience with sociopaths, and has written a song called Old Father Incubus based on his experiences. I found the song to be creative, haunting and accurate. Caution: It includes narration that some readers may find to be triggering.

You can buy the song, and listen to the rest of Joshua’s album, on his band website.

Joshua Noel Tanner band

Or, you can listen to it on YouTube.

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Very triggering,very painful, very true, very validating…
Thank you so much for posting.


Yah, that sounds just about right. Doesn’t it?
I am sorry that this kid has had to feel all this.



Thanks for posting this. I really like it.

Yeah, Dupey it does sound about right.

One thing I noticed is after the first rage…the sound of a pill bottle being opened.

While he is raging about the dirty dishwater getting on him…you can hear the kid laughing just below the surface.

Joshua did such a good job with song/subject.

Now this I’ll put on my facebook, in honor of fathers day, of course.


Wow……having been a musician in a previous life, this really resonates – it’s the WORDS that are so compelling and truthful.

Thank you for this link!!


Does anyone know the lyric’s to the song “Momma’s going to buy you a mockingbird and if that mocking bird don’t sing mamma’s going to buy you a diamond ring, and if that diamond ring dont shine….that’s all I remember..somebody help me get this tune finished and out of my head please….


Hens: Not sure if serious, but here:

There are several versions of the song, but the most common lyrics are:
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama’s gonna buy you a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke, Mama’s gonna buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat doesn’t pull, Mama’s gonna buy you a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over, Mama’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover won’t bark, Mama’s gonna buy you a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down, Well you’ll still be the sweetest baby in town.

An alternative version is:
Hush little baby, don’t say a word, Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Mama’s gonna but you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Mama’s gonna buy you a bottle of wine
And if that bottle of wine gets broke, Mama’s gonna buy you a billy goat
And if that billy goat runs away, Mama’s gonna buy you a Chevrolet
And if that Chevrolet breaks down, Mama’s gonna buy you the prettiest gown
And if that pretty gown gets torn, You’ll still be the prettiest in the world

Copy and paste FTW!


thanks near, I am very serious – for some reason I have been singin that in my mind and didnt know the words…..I never heard the second version lol thanks


You guys should be on that tv reality show for singers…hehehe

My goodness, the cessation of stalking is so very noticeable.
Unbelievably noticeable. It has been a week of absolute silence from all directions. I guess that last ‘adios’ did the trick.

I am starting to climb out of my shell a little bit now.
Not so ‘apprehensive’ – I started taking Lexapro a couple weeks ago and I am happy to report that it is working very well for me. There is no drooling or any weird side effects. It just helps me ‘focus’. They say the serotonin helps a lot and that is mostly what it is. I have been held captive in my own home for a few years now from the agoraphobia I acquired from all the threats and the ‘roadshow’. The stalking wasn’t just from him, either, it was from an assortment of ‘minions’ and other victims. It’s amazing to me how our emotions can really mess us up when we have the ‘right assistance’: a psychopath!!!

“…and if that diamond ring don’t shine, Momma’s gonna’ buy you a bottle of wine…” {hiccup!!}

mwahh! xxoo



Hens: Haha, it was just such a weird request, so I thought maybe you were joking. ^_^

No problem, dude. I’ve got your back when it comes to lyrics! I can search and copy and paste with the best of them. *victory dance*

Besides, having a song stuck in your head is the worst! 😛


Ok, thanks guys, now I have that song stuck in my head. Oh, well, not a bad song to have stuck, I always sang it to my kids. Ofcourse, they begged me to stop, but I sang it anyways.

Hens ~ how did your test go today? Are you feeling better? I hope so.

Dupey ~ glad you are getting a break from the stalking, I sincerely hope it stays GONE.

Wonderful that the Lexapro is helping. My doctor told me Lexapro is a go to drug for “situational depression” – Yep, that’s what we have all right, a real SITUATION – DUH

Have a good night – “if that mockingbird don’t sing”


NOW I am going to be singing that song the rest of the week!!!

Thanks ((MiLo)) on your wishes. I hope it stays gone too.
We’ll see; won’t we? Hm? Time will tell.

Yah, the Lexapro is helping and I have to admit it. I have been diagnosed with Major PTSD; agoraphobia and MDD. Lexapro is the only drug I have found so far to help me. For two years I struggled with such overwhelming depression because of all of this bulls*** that I should have been in a hospital, that’s how bad it was. I went from being a vibrant woman with full time career, to sitting in a chair, so out of it, sobbing; nothing but sobbing for two solid years; lost like 85 lbs and was a complete MESS. Until I had my heart attack and couple of surgeries and suddenly that captured my attention. Know what I mean?

haha: DUH is right!

YOU have a good night, Dearest MiLo: remember someone loves you and cares about you…




Now come on everybody, let’s not blame Near. I hear he’s a great, generous, gorgeous, genius marvel of humankind. 😀

Blame Hens!! He’s the one who did this to us. >:(


poor hens, it’s always his fault…

“…and if that mocking bird don’t sing…I’m gonna find me another thing…” (dog gone it, there it goes again!!!!) hahahaha

Near “IS” great, generous, gorgeous and a genius marvel of humankind. I just know that is true. mwahhh! xxoo


Back from the edge: Just stick with me,and maybe my greatness will rub off on you! 😀

Okay, even I’m disturbed by the amount of ego in this joke. 😛 Stop feeding my delusional humor!


Anyway, how have you been, edge? I’m calling you Edge from now on. 😀


Milo, I dont have the results back on the ultra sound yet. I am feeling much better, still on antibiotics for the tick fever. Thanks for asking Milo ~!
Dupey – You should of changed your user name to Back form the near Dead,,,but I can relate, not to your extreme but I did lose 25 lbs and half my mind thanks to that shithead…guess what – he was behind me at a stop sign today, I saw him in my rear view mirror, he had that angry squench and cold black eye gave me the willies,,,he’s not stalking me tho, I was just in his way again, he was in a hurry to get home to new option number 449, he was prolly running late because he had to stop by option number’s 447 and 448 on his way home..
Living alone is such a luxury, just think of the people that dont have that privilege.
And then there are the cluster bee spath o toids
that are afraid to be alone and act like they love somebody just so they wont be alone..ugh
Near I will be asking for song lyrics again as I crs…


Thanks Near, I will try to hang close from now on. xxoo
“Edge” is fine…makes me feel like a WWF wrestler…lol


hens: Yah, “Back from the Near Dead” would have been appropriate, for sure. TICK FEVER?! Oh my goodness, hens, where did you get that? Yikes. Take good care of yourself, hear me? Yah, my experience was pretty extreme.

At a stop sign today and you saw him…sorry hens…
You are probably right, I noticed that about spaths:
option number 449, option number 447 and 448 and 449 and so on and so forth. I am sorry “IT” gave you the willies and I am HAPPY “IT” is not stalking you. Oh my goodness, this past week, hens, has been the quietest of the past ten years. Takes some getting used to but it’s not hard if you just make up your mind to doing it.

Right; I do believe that living alone IS a luxury. My preference, actually. You are right, lots of people don’t have the options we do. I am breathing, still, and I find that a big benefit. hehehe

I know a spath like that: ‘..pretending to love somebody just so they won’t be alone…’ How does one sell their soul so cheaply?

Love you hens…you hang in there.
You are my buddy xxoo


Edge: O_O You know about Edge?! I wasn’t going to say anything about him, but AWESOME! *heart explodes*

Although, it’s WWE now. 😛 Oh well, best wrestler ever.

Hens: Tell me if you find some good songs, dude. I always like to hear new music. 😀 Although, I’m not exactly sure if I’m in the same age group music wise as most members here. 😛



Near: Yes, I know about Edge. hehehe
Oh really? WWE now; hm? Didn’t know. Haven’t followed them in a while….

I can’t hardly believe that after ten years of this crap, only the last week has been truly quiet, without stalking. Wow. I am tired folks. If I tip-toe away, real quietly, maybe the boogeyman won’t notice I am gone….

Hang in there hens…


Man, you guys have me scared just hearing about all of this stalking. I’ve never been stalked, well, I don’t think so! That must be a horrible experience. I’d be utterly paranoid after a week.

Edge: Ten years?! Boogeyman sounds like a fitting term.


Dupey – I am a hangin. I have a pair of cardinals in a holly bush just outside a window, I have watched the four eggs hatch and now the babies are gettin feathers, talk about dedicated parent’s ~! Things like this make me a happy man, it doesnt take much to enjoy and appreciate life, just like breathing Dupey, it’s a good thing…
Near , Anybody that can copy and paste is a genius to me..
CRS mean’s ‘cant remember shit’……lol
OK back to dancing with the stars – I am hoping that cuban hottie win’s – he melt’s my butter and flop’s my mop ~!


Oxy-if you around here somewhere, I really need to ask you a question. Since you are a nurse like me, but have more experience in years, I am concerned about something. My N uses physical ailments/illness as attempt to get me to come over. I remembered that she did it back in December when I was trying to avoid her. She even did it within the last few months when things were really great and we were getting close.

Example-A few weeks ago the husband of one of her “friends” died of cancer and she was really upset. I spent sometime during that week just holding her because she was “upset”. Several days after that she called me and told me that she was feeling really faint, lightheaded, shaky, and weak in the knees. She thought her blood pressure was low. She said that when she got like that she really needed something cold and asked her if I could go get her some ice cream because she didn’t think she could drive. I agreed. I was on my way home and I went over there and took her blood pressure and pulse, and of course she was totally fine. I had no way to check her blood sugar. I just sat down with her and she started crying again and told me that she was still really sad and wanted me to hold her-so I did for awhile until she stopped crying. Then I went and got her ice cream. When I came home I was feeling good and told her that she could call me for anything anytime she needed me-guess that was a big fat mistake now wasn’t it>

Anyway, I don’t think she has figured out yet that I am going NC. I am determined for it to stick since I am finally completely and totally 100% sure of what she is now-no more doubts-the mask flew off and she’s exposed. I know she has high blood pressure-it’s the only health issue she says she has. If it would be my luck that she calls me for one of these “ailments” and I don’t come, and she actually has something wrong-like a heart attack or stroke, can she try and hold me responsible for that? Can I be held responsible for that since I’m a nurse. I know that the Good Samaritan law doesn’t require me to stop and help someone. If she complains of chest pain or something else does that still apply-since I’m a nurse.


hens: good to read you. Right on: pair of Cardinals in the holly bush. I love stuff like that too. It’s those little things that make life so special and worth it. Yep, just like breathing…a good thing.

I can copy and paste too! Does that make me a genius? hehe
Yep, I have a bad case of CRS too hens, so we can start a club.
Have a good night and hope your Cuban hottie winds for ya…xxoo


Does anyone know if this kids parents are still living? Interesting to know this cause the father would not take this ‘insult’ lightly!


Nurse lizzy – i have tick fever would you bring me some ice cream, your a nurse and all ya know…i feel faint, hurry please..


Hens- I would totally bring you ice cream if you didn’t live so far away. That was a really weird thing. WHen it happened, I wanted to ask her why she couldn’t just tell me that she needed me or wanted me to be there and hold her and all that. She couldn’t or wouldn’t. I feel like such a fool but it felt so damn good holding her. I actually almost kissed her that night. I felt like she wanted me to, but now I’m so glad I didn’t. It would make it so much harder to get over.


Lizzy, The gal has issue’s that you can not fix, I would move far away if I was you..just sayin..
Thanx for the ice cream offer..hugz


Ya’ll I just feel scared, and I don’t feel scared hardly ever-at least if I am I never admit it, but I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to get pulled back in. I’m scared that I can’t get over her. I always thought she would be the hardest one to get over. I’m scared she’s going to do something to try and take me down when she figures out that I am going NC. When the mask came off I found out how vindictive she is. She doesn’t play well with others and she wears that like a badge of honor-like she’s proud of it.


Hens-I don’t wanna fix her. I cannot fix her. The only way to halfway deal with her issues would be to get a shovel, dig up Freud and have him work on her full time! Before we got close she was actually planning on moving. Maybe if she really is starting to date a guy that she’s looking to get married quick. She always told me she didn’t want that, but she is making so many enemies with her job with important people that she doesn’t wanna fight with. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she didn’t lose her job by the end of the year. If she lost it, in her business and at her age, no one else would hire her. She may sense that and thinks her only way to survive is to get married.

you will continue to be drawn back in as long as you have cog/diss. Even one tiny drop of cog/diss, in a thousand drops of certainty, is enough to drag you back when she turns on the charm and promises to make your dreams come true. Like a gambler in a casino, you can’t walk away if there is that tiny little chance that she might be your dream girl.

If I hadn’t realized that my spath wanted me dead and had killed others, I wouldn’t have been able to leave him. When the stakes are too high, that’s when I fold the cards and walk (or run) away. Otherwise, hey, why not roll another game?

What I’ve realized now is that there are different kinds of death. There’s the quick death and there’s the slow death. Slow is how they usually kill. It can be agonizing but, like the frog in boiling water, you really can’t tell what’s killing you.

Living next to her is dangerous for you. Have you considered therapy? Maybe someone can help you build better defenses against her so you don’t have to do this alone.


Skylar, spot-on. The “cog/diss” effect is a given in nearly all situations of abuse or sociopath entanglements, I think. To understand cog/diss is like trying to explain what happened before the Big Bang – for me, it was.

I know that I had to seek the help of a professional counseling therapist – I could not understand what was happening to my thought processes regardless of HOW many times cog/diss was explained to me. Sitting in her counseling room without any distractions, she was able to explain in layman’s terms why I was having these pendulumatic thoughts: “It was the worst thing that anyone could do to another person,” and, “Was it really THAT bad?” and, “He never HIT me or threatened me with violence,” and so on.

What I was trying to do was wrap my head around the things that the exspath had done in order to fit his actions into my core beliefs. Because I wouldn’t have done those things meant that anyone that I cared about wouldn’t have done them, either. Anyone that I cared about couldn’t possibly be “bad” people with a personal agenda, could they?

Liz, I completely understand the conflict. What we want to believe and what IS are a universe apart. Seeking out a good, strong counselor would probably be a very, very wise choice. A strong counselor can assist people who are ready to rebuild their boundaries, uncover the reasons that they allowed themselves to be drawn in, and help them to develop a reasonable system of defenses to prevent future victimization.

When our plumbing goes bad, we call a plumber. When our vehicle blows a gasket, we take it to a mechanic. When we have an infection, we see a physician. When we have emotional damage, we seek out a counseling therapist that “gets it.” The way to find a counselor that “gets it” is to contact your local domestic violence hotline and ASK for a list of counselors, nearby. Most of these counselors work pro bono. Ask for a counselor who has experience in abuse, PSTD, and the rest of the baggage that goes along with sociopathy.

JUST because this person is a neighbor does NOT mean that she isn’t resorting to abuse and could be considered dangerous! If relocating is out of the question, then speaking to a counselor will definitely help you to set forth a system of defenses.

Brightest blessings to you


I have to say that I think cog/diss is one of the worst emotions (or whatever you want to call it) I have ever experienced. I think it has almost killed me.


Louise, the cog/diss is an incessant LOOP that just keeps going around, and around, and around, ad infinitum unless I “do something” to interrupt that torturous loop. VERY destructive and very difficult to interrupt.



Can someone explain the cog/diss to me. I should get it ok.


Recent story from L.A. – thought it was worth sharing…

Unbelievable; just unbelievable…



I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who listened to my song. Back in November when I first released my album, I was really hesitant as to whether or not I should include this song because of the obvious ramifications. I knew it was only a matter of time that he heard it. But I decided that I couldn’t sacrifice truth for anything, and I needed other people–family, friends, strangers–to hear about this oppressive force that has caused and is still causing so much damage in my family.

My mother begged me to pull it down, telling me that I was disrespectful son and that I was “hurting” my father. She is a very good woman with a very good heart, but she is almost 50 and has been under his control since she was 17. At this point in the brainwashing process, she cannot think for herself. It’s like an extreme form of Stockholm Syndrome or something. I wish I could save her, and I’ve tried everything in my power to get her to see the light, but nothing works–not even this song that comes from the deepest places of pain and hurt in my life.

I am the oldest of 8 siblings, all of which have been screwed up in some way, shape, or form by the individual I reference in the song. I could go on and on about the damage, but everyone reading this blog is probably familiar with the universal nature of sociopathic damage. I’m 26, and I don’t live in the same home as the sociopath anymore, the situation never leaves me, and it’s like i’m still there in my mind. If I could save my siblings and potentially my mother, maybe I could move past it. Some people tell me that there’s a reason for everything, but if that’s true I guess I won’t know what that is until the next life. All I see is sociopaths warping, twisting, misshaping, and distorting otherwise bright souls. I’ve seen it in the lives of my siblings, my mother, and myself. And I don’t understand why these monsters exist in this universe. It’s the question that has caused me to question everything, including my own faith.

All I want is peace, but I don’t think I will have it until my family is free. If I could press a button, I would delete every sociopath in this world and save everybody else too.

Again, thanks for listening.
Joshua Noel Tanner


Joshua: Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. I am so sorry you find this pain and journey before you but know you are not alone. I came from a family just like what you speak of. An extremely dysfunctional environment so I understand a lot of the nuances and things you are referring to.

You are not being disrespectful by speaking your heart and your sadness and turmoils. If that alienates your father from you, I am sorry for that, but you are entitled to your freedom of expression concerning the ugly parts of life. It’s that freedom of expression that allows us the ability and inspiration to move forward.

You know who you are and your value and worth as a person. You are so young and vibrant and strong. I just know you would be a friend that I would be absolutely PROUD knowing. You remember that. You have gifts and talents and just need to stay on the path to yourself and stand up for who you are and you will be just fine. Don’t ever let that go…

I appreciate your feeling concern over leaving your family behind. (((big hugs))) Sometimes all we can do is ‘accept’ and move on lest we sacrifice ourselves and I don’t think that is required of us.

If I could press a button, I would make all of your confusion and sorrow just disappear and replace it with joy and sunshine.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
It’s amazing, just like you are.

Love ~ Dupey xxoo


I am irreversibly f***ed up in my opinion. I am so fed up with continuing to put myself in these situations with Narcissists. I am at the point where all I want to do is curl up with my dog and sleep. I don’t want to eat or smoke or do anything. I am totally emotionally and psychologically beat down. I have no self worth for myself and I guess that’s why I keep allowing myself to be psychologically abused by these people over and over again. I feel like I am in a downward spiral and don’t know how to pull myself out. Everything is too much for me. I have nothing left to give. I used to want to help everyone all the time and now I just don’t care anymore.

I started up smoking again when the shit hit the fan and the N uses that as a barometer for how much she is upsetting me. Moving is not an option for me right now. I have to work tonite and I just don’t want to go. It’s hard being in a job when you have to have compassion and I am so tired of faking it. I am just sick and tired of everything but my animals right now.


Lizzy: *huggles* Remember me, buddy? I’m sorry things are so bad. 🙁 Hang in there. I don’t know what to say… ;(


Near-thanks. I am about to go to work so I won’t be posting tonite. Thanks for your response-I really appreciate it.

Joshua you’re to be congratulated!!! You are only as sick as your secrets. I believe that because you chose to go forth and tell the truth or “expose” the monster that you personally have taken the first step on the path to healing and normalcy. I think it’s wonderful that you have chosen to look after yourself and your own feelings. Because the truth in life is that no one else is going to do it for you. In fact your siblings will all have a better chance of normalcy if you strike out and search for peace in your life. What you’ve done takes a boatload of courage. You should feel strengthened by your actions. Courage takes strength. I think it’s the cowards in life that are weak and Bullies. Your father is a big fat bully. Save yourself first young man. Continue forward in strength!


Elizabeth-“uses that as a barometer for how much she is upsetting me”… I found out the same about my nh. He got me to smoke when we meet. We both smoked for years. Then when he took the job that keeps him away, he all but quit smoking. Ha, he never was very addicted, just had to keep smoking so I would. Then when he took his new job, I am sure he all but quit to show me…”none of this is bothering me”. I just know he takes delight in watching me grab one cig after another. Ugh

Hang in there. In the end you’ll be stronger, smarter and oh so wise.

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