The beautiful young woman in the photo above is dead. On October 7, 2008, in Odessa, Texas, Kelsi Miller was murdered by her husband, Jarrett Weaver, a young man who fit the profile of a sociopath. He, too, is dead. Lovefraud just published their tragic story: Jarrett Weaver shoots his wife, then he shoots himself.
It’s heart-wrenching, worst-case scenario of what happens when people don’t understand the evil of a sociopath.
Kelsi Miller had everything going for her. Besides her obvious beauty, she was accomplished and caring. She was studying to be a nurse. Jarrett Weaver, however, was a manipulative drug addict who couldn’t hold a job. He was violent on the eve of their wedding, and the violence escalated to the unthinkable.
All the warning signs were there, if Kelsi had known what they meant. Jarrett rushed her into marriage. At age 22, he already had terrible credit, and all the bills were in Kelsi’s name. He erupted into rage many times. When his rage turned into assault and he was arrested, he pleaded for Kelsi to take him back, promising he would change and dedicate his life to God. He isolated her from family and friends. He threatened to kill her tiny pet Chihuahuas.
But Kelsi behaved as many women caught in domestic violence situations behave. Wanting to believe Jarrett’s promises and not his actions, she took him back. She didn’t tell her parents, who were justifiably concerned, what was really going on. She believed her husband, who so often proclaimed his love, would never harm her.
Kelsi Miller was wrong.
This case also shows what happens when sociopathy mixes with drugs. Sociopaths live to exert power and control over others. This makes them aggressive. Sociopaths also lives for thrills, which often makes them drug abusers. Jarrett Weaver was using alcohol, marijuana and Xanax. He was also abusing steroids, which probably made him even more aggressive—to the point where he lost control.
Or maybe he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. We’ll never know.
This tragic story illustrates why the world needs to understand sociopaths. The messages we all hear about “there’s good in everyone” are false. In fact, those messages are dangerous. And to whom are they dangerous? To the people who truly are filled with good.
Read Jarrett Weaver shoots his wife, then he shoots himself.
Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers—-Kelsi would have graduated from Nursing school about a week ago—-she said she wanted to make a positive impact on someone’s life and she went into nursing to save lives—-I guess through her death she still does this through her story—I just miss her so much
Kelsis mom: Your loss is so profound, and I know nothing I say can begin to heal the pain. But I want to let you know that I also see that Kelsi, in her tragic story, may help to save the lives of people who otherwise would never have listened.
You are also profoundly courageous to step forward and speak in this way. I know that Kelsi was trying to take the best, most loving, most responsible course she knew when she continued to stay with this young man who was so terribly uncontrollable.
I hope for the day when people can recognize those who are disordered or otherwise out of control, and know that they can step away without violating their sacred vows. I hope for the day when people like Jarrett can get help that can make a meaningful difference, long before they are in the lives of a sweet angel like your daughter.
My heart goes out to you.
Kelsis Mom,
My deepest thoughts for your, and your family’s healing. I am so very sorry that you lost Kelsi.
Catherine
Kelsis mom: Are you here hoping for answers as to why Kelsi stayed? Oh, my dear fellow mom, she stayed because she was GOOD. And she didn’t have the information that would have let her know that she could step away, and she would still be the wonderful, caring person that you raised her to be.
I married at 18 and within a month my new husband was pointing a loaded gun at my head. I know why I stayed in the marriage for another six years. I know the conflicted feelings, I know the manipulation. I know why I stayed, and it was all the goodness, the strength, the responsibility, the caretaking that was part of who I am that kept me there long after I should have left. My mother-in-law actually tried very hard to get me to not marry her son. She didn’t have a name for his “oddness,” but she cared for me as a person, and — now that I look back — I see that she did not trust her own son.
My husband was volatile, but his threats were so large, that he didn’t use fists or tear things up. The gun was plenty of coercion to keep me in line. And, I had sworn to love, honor, and cherish — before God — and I took my vows seriously.
Kelsis mom — you did nothing wrong in raising her to be this kind of person. You raised her to be exactly the kind of person we need to help hold society together, to heal the broken souls, and to nurture us through the hard times. Her husband had a twist in his psyche so that he could use her best qualities against her. Who would expect that from a fellow human?
I hear your concern for your younger daughter. My youngest, my daughter, just turned 20, so I’m familiar with that territory as well.
I can say more, but for now I just want to honor you as a loving, caring, wonderful mother who raised a daughter to be the noble person that Kelsi is. You did nothing wrong. Much more of society would have to rally around to see the danger signs and shout them out for Kelsi before someone with Kelsi’s true heart would have been able to step away.
For the sake of your younger daughter, and for the sake of your own heart and for what Kelsi would have wanted — to save lives — I am glad that you are here and that you are asking hard questions because you still want to learn.
I hope for you tonight that you can take a deep breath, and breathe in the comfort and love from all the people who you have touched with your story. As you breath out, breathe away a little of the grief that you carry. Breathe in our love and respect and concern, and breathe out a bit of the pain that is more than you should have to carry.
Your younger daughter still needs you. And you can learn, and help her to be more aware and self-protective — now that you know of dangers that no mother should be expected to imagine.
I will hold you in my prayers.
You should proof-read, Donna. But of course, that’s not the point here–not to proof-read, to check spelling, make sure this isn’t completely biased–is it? The point here is to share your sob stories of how people desolated and violated your being and to warn people of the oh-so-horrible (read slowly for the effect) sociopaths.
Knowing how the human brain focuses on the negatives more than the positives, you have disregarded all the good non-violent sociopaths, I assume?
Well, there you go. There’s your problem, you have been disregarding the fact that not all sociopaths are evil. I’m not saying they’re amazing awesometakular charity workers, but you get the point–some are not evil.
And so I’d also infer that since you’ve disregarded that fact, you have been spreading your bias [bias: a partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation] of sociopaths throughout this site of your’s.
But hey, I’m a sociopath, what does what I think matter anyway? 😛
Sincerely,
Life.
Goodness me the above post is amazing; A spite filled, arrogant and derogatory note to say that sociopaths are not all bad? hmmm. What an interesting reminder ( if anyone needs one) of the nasty and contradictory mind-set of the sociopath.
But – on a positive note – it blows the theory for the trend for high IQ’s in people with APD.
Dear Kelsi’s Mom,
I totally agree with Rune’s post to you, and I so appreicate your coming forward with your daughter’s story for others to learn from.
My son is a Psychopath and he murdered a young girl. He is in prison, as he should be and I will do my best to keep him in prison by testifying at his every parole hearing begging the parole board to NOT let him out, after I am gone, there is a DVD of my testimony that will be played to the parole board at every parole hearing as long as he lives.
My other son married a psychopath and SHE TRIED TO KILL HIM when he discovered her affair. I thank God that she did (unsuccessfully) try to kill him, because HE WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT HER OTHERWISE. Part of the reason he would not have left is that he was ASHAMED to admit failure (I had tried to keep him from marrying her on short acquaintence and to get to know her better) Part of it also was that he was committed to his marriage vows, even though he had been very unhappy for most of the 7 or so years because of her abuse.
I’m not sure if you have read the book recommended here on LF, but there is a review of it in the archives of the TRAUMA BOND, which is an extremely good book about why we (humans) tend to bond with the very people who abuse us. I would suggest that you read this book and maybe it will answer some of the questions you have about why she stayed.
As a mother of a murderer and the mother of one who barely escaped with his life from being murdered, my heart goes out to you. I have unfortunately seen both sides of this bad penny. I also have great compassion for the parents of your son-in-law. Words fail me further, I just wish I could put my arms around both you and his mother for your terrible losses. God bless and keep you all.
Blueskies: That individual is not part of this community. I’m sure that’s clear.
Some of us can see through the so-called camouflage. None of us should need to be distracted from our greater work — HEALING from predators.
I was living with a homicidal, violent psychopath for about 14 years. I married him and had children. He often beat me, punctured my ear drums, broke my nose several times, broke my ribs several times and I can’t count the number of black eyes and swollen lips I had.He had done eight years of a 12 year sentence for rape (unbeknowns to me until much later), before I married him. He has murdered since and I have told the different police and detectives on four separate occasions and they have done nothing. I am VERY grateful they have done nothing because I would probably be dead otherwise! I am the only one left alive of all the people who knew. I would never testify in court or I would end up like the other victims (that was why they were killed). I am sure that its because the police have no evidence and they would lose in a court of law, that he has not been imprisoned.
I stayed with him all that time because of two reasons. The first seven years I stayed because i was naive. He beat me and I thought I deserved it. Additionally, the next day (like Kelsi ) I totally believed all his crap. Yes, I did feel BOUND.
The second 7 years were a combination of FEAR and FEELING NOT GOOD ENOUGH ABOUT EVERYTHING and still believing a lot of his stories.
When he finally beat me to a pulp, tried to kill me by strangulation, then chased me threw the bush for miles I finally left. But not that day.
I hid under a bed at a young girls home I knew. He knocked on everyone’s door in the neighborhood and told them I was on LSD and to bring me home if she saw me. I heard him at the door telling her. She promised to bring me home to him if she saw him. Lucky she didn’t or I wouldn’t be alive.
I got the kids and left for good shortly after that. He told me if I tried to get any money or the house or ANYTHING whatsoever that he would back up in ten years time and kill me, when everyone had forgotten about it. I knew he would.