The story is shocking. On Friday, Leo Moran, 75, of Chester Township, New Jersey, was charged with the murder of Charlotte Moran, who was 74. They had been high school sweethearts and were married for 54 years. A man who grew up with Leo Moran described them as the perfect couple.
So what sparked the violence? Moran’s wife and son repeatedly insisted that he get counseling. He finally agreed to go, and then, according to his family, was not honest with the counselor.
Please stop now and read Chester man accused of killing wife of 54 years believed she was unfaithful, working against him, on NJ.com.
Sometimes we see cases of an elderly person killing his or her spouse of many years because the spouse is gravely ill and unlikely to get better. It’s almost an act of compassion rather than murder.
In this case, a few crumbs of information indicate that Leo Moran was not suffering from despair or anguish. Rather, if the reported facts are accurate, they may indicate that the man was a sociopath:
- Some neighbors thought the Morans were the perfect couple. Others thought Leo Moran was “a surly man quick to bicker.”
- Moran offered his wife a kiss, which she refused, so he beat her with a baseball bat.
- Moran said his wife was unfaithful and his family was conspiring against him.
- Moran said his wife initiated the attack and hit him in the back with the bat, but he had no bruises.
- Moran said his wife suggested they commit suicide together.
So the mask slipped, Moran became outraged by his family’s affront to his control, he allegedly beat his wife to death, and then blamed everything that happened on her. This is sociopathic behavior.
But for me, what is important is how this case disproves two generally held perceptions about sociopaths and mental health.
First, many therapists believe that sociopathy diminishes with age. I believe sociopaths never become less manipulative, although I was willing to concede that perhaps they became less violent, simply because they run out of steam. But maybe that’s not true either. Maybe they never lose their capacity for violence.
Secondly, many people, and perhaps therapists as well, have far too much faith in intervention. This is one of the most important things that we, as a society, need to thoroughly understand about sociopaths: Once they are adults, they are extremely unlikely to change.
Anger management classes won’t work. Restraining orders won’t work. Sometimes, the only sane and safe thing for people around sociopaths to do is escape.
But it’s too late for Charlotte Moran.
UPDATE:
Joyce Alexander notes that Moran’s actions may have been caused by dementia rather than sociopathy. See comments below. It turns out that she may be right—that is exactly what Moran’s attorney is saying. Read:
Attorney: Chester Township man accused of bludgeoning wife to death with a bat had mental issues, on NJ.com.
With this correction, this case brings out another important point—behavior that appears to be sociopathic may, in fact, have another cause.
Oxy:
Thank you very much for your kind words and concern. Hugs to you.
You’re welcome, Louise, dealing with dementia and all that goes along with it is terrible! I think part of the problem with the paranoia is the patient is in denial yet somehow knows that they are slipping, and fights against it being true….once they are completely “gone” things are many times much easier for the care giver than they are in the early stages, so it may be easier as time goes on. Hang in there.
I completely agree with Oxy on this. “Psychopathy” was the last thing to come to mind when I read this sad news story. Nor did I see any evidence that this guy Moran had an abusive personality of long standing.
Instead, the first and most obvious fact to emerge, from the very first paragraph, was that Leo Moran was PARANOID, to a delusional extent. He believed his family was “conspiring against him,” and suspected his wife was “no longer” faithful to him—after they’d been married over half a century!
The second fact is that Moran is 75 years old. In my own mind, that was all I needed to know! Senile dementia was the obvious explanation.
We all know how some elderly people get cranky and cantankerous, in ways they never used to be when they were younger. Not only that, but paranoia is a regrettably common accompaniment to this apparent change of personality. Not for everyone, thank goodness, but I’m sure we know how some elderly people start getting all suspicious of those around them, imagining that people are “stealing from them” or trying to “do them down” in some other way. Moran is a clear case of that, and his sadly deluded belief that his wife was “being unfaithful” to him fits that pattern perfectly.
Of course, there’s no actual proof in this news story that Moran didn’t have some kind of “problem” all along, but the indications point the opposite way: that his deterioration was relatively recent, consistent with the onset of senility.
The story suggests that his family’s concern for his mental health was comparatively recent, although they’d been pushing him to get help for some time. Naturally when he did go for the screening, he would be unable to give the counselor an accurate picture of his situation because he was to some degree delusional.
The wording also suggests he USED to have confidence in his wife’s fidelity—when he was in his right mind, that is—and it was only recently he came to believe she was “no longer” faithful to him.
His personality change would also account for the contradictory picture different witnesses gave of his character. Naturally those neighbors who only encountered him in recent years would describe a “surly man, quick to bicker.” It’s those who had known him and his wife for far longer, like Richard Newman, who had a better perspective on what Moran was really like for most of his life, describing a far more genial man.
This type of story is just an enormous tragedy, illustrating what terrible consequences the ravages of time and Nature on the human brain can have for those around. If Leo Moran ever could get back into his right mind (which is doubtful), I’m sure he would be just as devastated as everyone else by what he had done to the wife he had always loved.
Sometimes Nature destroys people by direct action: by sending an earthquake or tornado to tear their homes to pieces, and the occupants with it. Or by sending diseases to rot people’s bodies and kill them that way. And sometimes Nature destroys people by indirect action: by sending disorders to rot their brain away and turn them into insane agents of death and destruction to others.
I don’t think there’s much more to be said, other than may the dead rest in peace and the living have our sympathy in grieving over this tragedy.
Oxy:
What you said is exactly true. That is exactly what my mom is experiencing. She is in obvious denial and you can tell she knows she is slipping because she makes excuses all the time for what’s happening. But it’s pretty bad. It is so tough to deal with and extremely frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. It also makes sense about once they are “gone”…I have thought about that before…that once she gets to that point, it has to be easier as there is no longer the defiance and the fighting. But also very sad 🙁
Louise, I had a patient in a nursing facility once (I was the nursing director) and she was in a Wheel chair. Every morning she would come out to the nurses station and ask what bus her husband would come in on. The little nurse would tell her that her hus band was dead and that she was at XYZ nursing home and the woman would cry. The next morning same song. I found out about this, and the little LPN was doing what she had been taught “orienting the patient to time, place and person.”
Well, in this case, the woman was HAPPY when she thought she was waiting at the bus station and “orienting” her A) didn’t last long and B) made her unhappy so I told the nurse to just tell her “the bus has been delayed, it will be an hour or so late, just wait right here.” When Lunch time came the nurse was to take her to the dining room and tell her she should have some lunch while she waited, and he’d be in later, ditto supper and when bed time came, she got a “Motel room” for the night. She never cried again. She was happy in her delusions, her husband was not dead and gone.
Sometimes people who wouldn’t say feces with a mouth full start to cuss like sailors and become uncooperative in the afternoons or at night. This is called “sundown syndrome” and research has shown it isn’t light related at all, but after you’ve been around a patient for a while you can almost predict the time of day they will take a “dive”.
Google your local alzheimer’s association and see what you can get in the way of help, support, and information.
Also be aware that once they are “pretty well gone” you can also make a referral to hospice and get all kinds of helpl with aids to help bathe, home care nurses, and even household help as well as some respite help—and even if it does upset her—TAKE THE RESPITE HELP. I can tell you from experience if you don’t take care of YOU then you can’t take care of HER, so think of the respite as caring for yourself AND her. If it up sets her she will get over it just like a 2 year old may throw a tantrum but will get over it. So pay her tantrums as much mind as you would a 2 yr old’s. n((((Hugs))))
Oxy:
Haha, perfect solution! I know you are right. It’s just finding ways to deal with them and making them happy.
I have seen the “sundown” or “sundowner’s” syndrome in my mom. My cousin’s wife pointed it out to me. She gets more agitated and depressed in the evenings and even comments how she doesn’t like “night time.” She can’t sleep either, but will not take anything to help her sleep.
Thanks for the advice about hospice care, etc. I greatly appreciate that because as of now, I have had no idea where to start to go for help.
Louise, many thoughts and prayers out to you and your Mom. It certainly is a difficult road to travel.
New
Louise,
I work in hospice, and specialize in Dementia care at end of life.
Seek a hospice program.
Many hospice programs will improve the quality of life for a Dementia patient and assist the family with symptom management (agitation, falls, paranoia, anxiety, impulsiveness, lack of appetite, etc). They will also help you decide when it may be safer to have your loved one either live with you, or for you to find a memory care facility for them. It isn’t about getting someone to the end of their life as quickly a possible. It is about getting them there with as much quality and dignity as possible.
I have had patient’s on for years. If you would like to speak/email further, feel free to ask Donna for my email address.
I don’t have an opinion on this story. Too few facts. So it could go either way.
Skylar, I loved your post about how they weave and perform their ‘story’. Brilliant. And SO difficult to SHOW to people who are being duped.
Slim
Slim one, thanks for pointing out what I didn’t about the fact that hospice is not about “rushing” the patient toward the end of life, but giving LIFE to the days they have left, as well as helping the family members as well.
Thank for you for working in hospice, it is a special calling for special people! God bless you.
slimone:
THANK YOU so much for the hospice info. It means more than you can know! I may get in touch with you…thank you for opening up your help to me.