The story is shocking. On Friday, Leo Moran, 75, of Chester Township, New Jersey, was charged with the murder of Charlotte Moran, who was 74. They had been high school sweethearts and were married for 54 years. A man who grew up with Leo Moran described them as the perfect couple.
So what sparked the violence? Moran’s wife and son repeatedly insisted that he get counseling. He finally agreed to go, and then, according to his family, was not honest with the counselor.
Please stop now and read Chester man accused of killing wife of 54 years believed she was unfaithful, working against him, on NJ.com.
Sometimes we see cases of an elderly person killing his or her spouse of many years because the spouse is gravely ill and unlikely to get better. It’s almost an act of compassion rather than murder.
In this case, a few crumbs of information indicate that Leo Moran was not suffering from despair or anguish. Rather, if the reported facts are accurate, they may indicate that the man was a sociopath:
- Some neighbors thought the Morans were the perfect couple. Others thought Leo Moran was “a surly man quick to bicker.”
- Moran offered his wife a kiss, which she refused, so he beat her with a baseball bat.
- Moran said his wife was unfaithful and his family was conspiring against him.
- Moran said his wife initiated the attack and hit him in the back with the bat, but he had no bruises.
- Moran said his wife suggested they commit suicide together.
So the mask slipped, Moran became outraged by his family’s affront to his control, he allegedly beat his wife to death, and then blamed everything that happened on her. This is sociopathic behavior.
But for me, what is important is how this case disproves two generally held perceptions about sociopaths and mental health.
First, many therapists believe that sociopathy diminishes with age. I believe sociopaths never become less manipulative, although I was willing to concede that perhaps they became less violent, simply because they run out of steam. But maybe that’s not true either. Maybe they never lose their capacity for violence.
Secondly, many people, and perhaps therapists as well, have far too much faith in intervention. This is one of the most important things that we, as a society, need to thoroughly understand about sociopaths: Once they are adults, they are extremely unlikely to change.
Anger management classes won’t work. Restraining orders won’t work. Sometimes, the only sane and safe thing for people around sociopaths to do is escape.
But it’s too late for Charlotte Moran.
UPDATE:
Joyce Alexander notes that Moran’s actions may have been caused by dementia rather than sociopathy. See comments below. It turns out that she may be right—that is exactly what Moran’s attorney is saying. Read:
Attorney: Chester Township man accused of bludgeoning wife to death with a bat had mental issues, on NJ.com.
With this correction, this case brings out another important point—behavior that appears to be sociopathic may, in fact, have another cause.
Skylar
You just said something that hit home for me.
They call them PEOPLE OF THE LIE for a reason.
Yup.
Hi everyone. I’ve not been here for a while. Just thought that I would share this with you.
Last night I watched a program on the TV about psychopaths. Some of the documentary focused on Bob Hare’s findings.
Basically the program showed that with spaths there
are 2 (or 3) ’physical’ factors.
1. Brain studies show that the front lobe and the temple lobes are different in spaths.
2. There is a gene which can be passed down the generations (not always directly)
3. There may have been some form of abuse as a child
So my conclusion is, that if it’s a gene and a brain abnormality, then these cannot be ’made better’.
Therefore spaths can never be cured in my book.
There was an example of how people can have these characteristics but keep them subdued. Usually if they were well nurtured as a child this somehow helps to over-ride the spath becoming full blown.
Brain patterns of the group studied showed that they demonstrate the same reaction to a word like rape as they do to the word tree. It is not in their capacity to feel the emotions as we do.
Well those are my findings for what they’re worth!
One year and 3 months spath free. Whoop whoop!
Thank you so much for sharing your awful experience with me, Skylar. I am so sorry to read you have had to go through such a horrible ordeal. I do not understand people like this. My H too has mirrored me, in many ways. He leeches information from me as far as how to best interact with other people, in an effort to appear normal. It took him a few years to learn this. I can feel that it is not sincere, and that he only performs those acts of kindness to make himself appear in a more favorable light. Anything deceitful he does, that he thinks he gets away with, gives him an obvious rush that I can pick up on, even if others can’t. I am tuned in to him more than I’d like to be.
He has recently begun working on my oldest son, in an effort to create an ally and to “look good” to the family. This began to happen shortly after I uncovered my H’s stealing scam fall of 2011, that the family does not know about. Though I’ve had some of my symptoms off and on for the past 3 years, what also happened around the same time was not only a resurgence of my symptoms, but also, a few new ones. They were not severe enough to cause me to go to the ER, but they were alarming enough to cause me to make an appointment with a neurologist.
I have researched all of the poisons and heavy metals, but I cannot conclusively say I feel it is one or the other, or perhaps a little of this and a little of that, like your H did. I currently take a daily inventory of my H’s psych meds, b/c the other night, I had a very strange symptom that I’ve only had once before. I had what I believe was akathisia ”“ an inability to sit still. It was extreme for me, and it was not normal anxiety or anything like that. It’s almost as if I had to move, without wanting to move. While I was researching side effects as a result of discontinuing the psych med H takes (b/c he has recently talked about going off it, and I am very concerned that he will have a psychotic episode in the process), I came across the side effects that can be experienced while on it”and my symptom was one of them. It only lasted an hour, but it was quite pronounced. I could not help but wonder if he slipped me one of his pills.
The symptoms I experience are varied, all over the place, and usually include pain, both skeletal and muscular, that moves around my body, from lower back, to hips, to legs, to knees, sometimes ankles, wrists, or elbows, and back around my body again. Sometimes it will settle in one part of my body, mostly my back, for longer periods of time than in the other parts of my body. Sometimes I feel more achy than in “pain”. Sometimes I also experience strange sensations such as pins and needles, prickling/tingling, stinging, crawling, burning, stabbing, you name it. I’ve had speech, cognitive, swallowing, bladder, bowel, and GI symptoms. I have “flare-ups” during which I will experience many symptoms at or around the same time. Sometimes my skin feels as if it is burning, sometimes itchy, but the itch does the same thing as the aches and pains”it is transitory and travels around my body. Sometimes it feels as if there is a “hole” in my throat”sometimes I easily choke”sometimes my lips burn”sometimes my tongue itches. Sometimes not for all these things.
The newer, more alarming symptoms that appeared Nov. 2011 were difficulty standing and walking, due to extreme weakness in my legs, preceded by the migratory pain, achiness, numbness, etc. And, bladder incontinence, which I had not experienced before. I felt as if there was a disconnect between my brain, my legs, and my bladder”and as if I was losing control of my body. My whole midsection was numb at times. The GP started me on an antibiotic in the event of infection, but none showed up on the lab culture.
Sometimes, I experience severe abdominal pain”sometimes severe nausea”sometimes bouts of diarrhea, altering with bouts of constipation. I know I’ve also had other symptoms which I am not remembering at the moment, b/c there have been many. The GI doctors all told me that my symptoms do not fit neatly into any one category, which is also what the neurologist told me. But, my sister has mixed connective tissue disease, and that’s what they told her, too.
So the question remains, is there a medical explanation for some or all of my symptoms”do I have rheumatoid arthritis, Lyme disease, MS, or something else? Or, has my H been up to no good? If he is, I am not convinced it is arsenic”it could be any one of a number of toxins. But the neurologist wanted to begin with that. So we shall see. I am trying to give my H the benefit of the doubt, but he has lied to me so many times about so many different things, some of which has been totally unnecessary. I feel he gets off on doing things behind my back”I feel he does not care if he gets caught by me, though he would prefer to elude the authorities and not pay any legal consequences, if he can help it. If my H is up to no good, is it b/c he wishes to control me in this covert way by slipping things to me”is he trying to make me sick, so that I cannot work, and therefore, will forever be reliant upon him?; or is he systematically trying to kill me, and since I now have enough information on him to get him into trouble with both his employer and the law, he had stepped up the activity to speed things up? All I know is that my symptoms became far worse a few weeks after I confronted him about his stealing scam, but once I began getting tested and seeing the neurologist, they mysteriously subsided again.
In the meantime, I am hypervigilant when H is around, I look over my shoulder all the time when he is around, and I do my best to keep him away from anything I eat or drink. But it is really hard to stay on top of him at all times. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and I am sure he would find a way if he really wanted to.
Other than the other night with not being able to sit still for an hour, and the night before my neurologist appointment, my “flare-ups” have mysteriously ceased. I can’t help but wonder if my H is now on his best behavior, since he knows I am now under the care of a specialist who is trying to get to the bottom of what’s going on.
How do these people get their hands on such toxins? Not that I would bother looking, but I would not even know where to begin looking. I guess in my H’s case, it’s easy”he gets them from work, or from a business associate who does not know any better (he often talks about all the pest control they have to do at his job, that he is directly responsible for). For all I know, he’s been feeding me rat poison at times. Not enough of anything to send me to the hospital, but enough to make me sick regardless. Then he lets up, when my symptoms accelerate too much. That is, IF he is slipping me things to begin with. Some moments I am convinced he is; other moments, I am in denial and utter disbelief. I also know this is typical, when you are dealing with something you cannot get your head around, such as this. I am just sick about what has been going on, not knowing for sure one way or the other.
Thank you so much for your reply, Skylar. I am glad you are away from him now.
Louise
First of I want to say that I can relate to where you are. But all I have is first hand expereience with my beloved Granny. I played it by ear and fought many an internal battle- this is how it unfolded.
She brought me up and I was very close to her.
Hearing your own and other’s contributions begged me to add my small bit.
All you can aim for is a journey that starts with tears in your heart and a happy ending for the one you love.
When dementia first hit my Gran I fought just as hard as her. Both of us didn’t want to believe it.
We started arguing-something both of us rarely did and if we did so- it was important. Despite the 50 age year gap-we were best friends. After a year I realised something was wrong.
Heart break.
When it finally dawned on me that my Gran was a danger to herself and that I needed help–I got doctors involved. Drugs were given
Diagnosis. DEMENTIA.
Heartbreak. She always told me the losing her mind was her worst fear.
A home help was enlisted against her wishes and she was mad. But she was a lovely person and they hit it off.
This went on for a while. Then the form of her dementia took the shape of malignant forces out to get her. She started carrying a big stick to protect herself.
Scared.
I told her I had booked a holiday for her at 3 am one night as I had just come quickly from a phone call from a local junkie who had found her wandering the streets. We were lucky.
I had booked her into a psychiatric facility for stabalisation although I did not know what I was really doing, again against her wishes as she had a fear of hospitals and at 84 this was her first time in in 30 years.
Heartbreak
I just wanted help for her demons. It just seemed unfair that this wonderful woman could end like this.
We got her out and settled her once again at home with 2 carers they called in 10 times in 24 hours. We took shifts and roughed it out. Out of all the family we decided to abide by her wishes to die at home. We roughed it out.
Hard work.
The form of her dementia changed and it was beautiful to experience. She was a young girl again and we would wait together for her horse and cart to arrive to take her to the dance. In the meantime, I helped her pick her outfit and put her earings in. I played old tunes and we would dance.
I was happy for her.
She became quite fragile and it became apparent that we were not coping. She started falling. This period went on for quite a while as we were considering going against her wishes and put her in a hospice. She was terrified of this pre- dementia.
She was happy and we got her settled at her holiday hotel and she could just ring this bell and get anything she wanted. She loved the idea but was too frail to use it. She felt special.
The hospice was local–in a house with only eight residents. Being in her own age group was a joy to behold. She was right at home. I wish we had done it earlier. We were less stressed and could enjoy her more while she was well looked after by experts.
We were happy.
My best friend passed away peacefully in hospital. Not a demon in sight.
All I can say is aim for a happy ending no matter what it takes.
Forget reality=Humour them.
Always be guided by love and common sense even if it is going against their wishes=which is really tough.
Indulge them in their happy fantasies and get help for the negative ones.
I was honoured to take part in my Gran’s last experience on Earth.
You are in my prayers every step of the way.
Take care
STJ
xxx
Looking for truth,
I suggest that you see a psychiatrist and a neurologist as well, your symptoms are disturbing to me (I am a retired registered nruse practitioner) and I would get them seen ASAP
Rat poison now is not arsenic or anything like that, but now contains warfrin which is a blood thinner and in rats it causes them to bleed to death internally. Vitamin K is the antidote.
I sincerely suggerst that you get out of that house ASAP if you even suspect that he is poisoning you. Go to a shelter if you must b ut GET OUT!
Looking for truth
I really need to say-never underestimate your gut feelings and please get yourself to a safe distance from this man.
You seem sane at the moment and this is the best time to go.
Don’t leave it too late.
From a distance the best that can happen is that your fears are unfounded and you can then make a decision to return or not to the relationship.
On the other hand the worst that can happen is that your fears are true. And you will be safe.
keep quiet-plan and get out ASAP.
Thinking of you
Stay safe
STJ
xxx
STJ:
Wow, thank you for that beautiful post about your Granny. I know I was supposed to see it as I have not been on here really at all for quite awhile and just happened to be reading through and saw my name at the beginning of your post.
Sigh. Things are about the same as they have been. My mom is putting a lot of pressure on me to move home and live with her. My brother is also. I had a huge fight with him at Christmas time that ruined my holiday. It was horrible. He wants me to come home and take care of our mom, but yet, he doesn’t want to do anything to help her. It’s all on me. It’s just very frustrating and disheartening and is making me depressed.
Anyway, thank you again for your beautiful post. I got so much from it…mainly the part about humoring them and going along with their fantasies. You are right…I just need to do whatever it is that will make her happy.
As far as the X spath who I have not written about in a very, very long time, I haven’t had any contact with him for almost a year. But I still cry over him. I think I am nuts to still have these feelings for him, but I do. I just don’t talk about it anymore, but it hurts almost as badly now as it did two years ago. I don’t think I will ever be truly over it. It is just something I have learned to deal with.
Dear Louise,
Welcome back….and don’t think that you must ALWAYS feel this way…you have other stressors on you right now, your brother’s unreasonable demands that YOU care for your mother without his help….commmmmme on! Get real Brother! Oh, and Louise, if you were to leave your life,, go back there and move in with mom and take 100% care of her HE WOULD NOT BE PLEASED WITH THE JOB YOU WERE DOING!
He has a guilt trip and wants you to fix it…but you can take care of YOU…which is what you need to do now…you can get better and learn to Deal with, not LIVE WITH this pain about the X. (((hugs))) and God bless.
Hi Louise, Welcome back Dear. I was almost tempted to ask where you went. I missed by good buddy on the boards. I too come and go from LF. Sometimes I get real busy with home life and kids.
Other times I suffer from a light PTSD episode from my ex and have to give LF a rest till I get my bearings back.
I too took care of my grand mom for 10 years with dementia. It was a nightmare. We had her at home. She technically belonged in a nursing home but family wouldn’t put her in one.
Our large extended family lived in the house together. We took turns taking care of her but I would never take care of another dementia patient again. Too stressful.
Any how welcome back.
Joanie123
Louise
Dementia isn’t an illness that you can do alone. There were six of us caring for my Gran and also a team of carers. It was hard.
Looking back I wish we had put my gran in a home so much earlier-that would have been a wise thing to do. But of course when the heart is involved that sometimes rules the head.
Dementia is an illness that causes fear in loved ones. My gran’s only son could not accept it at first and would not visit. This too caused a lot of fighting in the beginning. He just wouldn’t play his part. Invoking that it was women’s work etc that made me so mad.
I meet a lovely woman who currently visits her dad in a home daily. She is always so cheerful. She is fresh going to her visits and comes home knowing that he is well taken care of. She recognised that she didn’t have the personal resourses to care for him alone. She is wise.
Dementia patients can be very hurtful. They don’t realise this. But it takes a toll on the carer. Professionals in a home are trained for this and it is not personal to them. Which leaves you to spend quality time with your mum.
Also-I found it so much healthier for my gran to be with people her own age rather than cooped up with us all trying to do our best. Sometimes I would visit and catch her in her lucid times reminising with another resident.
Louise-you can’t do it alone and it won’t get better-all you can do is make it easier for you both.
You are still grieving the spath and are vulnerable to being dragged down. And you will. So be wise and take care of you both in the best possible way and you won’t go wrong.
Thinking of you
STJ
xxx