The story is shocking. On Friday, Leo Moran, 75, of Chester Township, New Jersey, was charged with the murder of Charlotte Moran, who was 74. They had been high school sweethearts and were married for 54 years. A man who grew up with Leo Moran described them as the perfect couple.
So what sparked the violence? Moran’s wife and son repeatedly insisted that he get counseling. He finally agreed to go, and then, according to his family, was not honest with the counselor.
Please stop now and read Chester man accused of killing wife of 54 years believed she was unfaithful, working against him, on NJ.com.
Sometimes we see cases of an elderly person killing his or her spouse of many years because the spouse is gravely ill and unlikely to get better. It’s almost an act of compassion rather than murder.
In this case, a few crumbs of information indicate that Leo Moran was not suffering from despair or anguish. Rather, if the reported facts are accurate, they may indicate that the man was a sociopath:
- Some neighbors thought the Morans were the perfect couple. Others thought Leo Moran was “a surly man quick to bicker.”
- Moran offered his wife a kiss, which she refused, so he beat her with a baseball bat.
- Moran said his wife was unfaithful and his family was conspiring against him.
- Moran said his wife initiated the attack and hit him in the back with the bat, but he had no bruises.
- Moran said his wife suggested they commit suicide together.
So the mask slipped, Moran became outraged by his family’s affront to his control, he allegedly beat his wife to death, and then blamed everything that happened on her. This is sociopathic behavior.
But for me, what is important is how this case disproves two generally held perceptions about sociopaths and mental health.
First, many therapists believe that sociopathy diminishes with age. I believe sociopaths never become less manipulative, although I was willing to concede that perhaps they became less violent, simply because they run out of steam. But maybe that’s not true either. Maybe they never lose their capacity for violence.
Secondly, many people, and perhaps therapists as well, have far too much faith in intervention. This is one of the most important things that we, as a society, need to thoroughly understand about sociopaths: Once they are adults, they are extremely unlikely to change.
Anger management classes won’t work. Restraining orders won’t work. Sometimes, the only sane and safe thing for people around sociopaths to do is escape.
But it’s too late for Charlotte Moran.
UPDATE:
Joyce Alexander notes that Moran’s actions may have been caused by dementia rather than sociopathy. See comments below. It turns out that she may be right—that is exactly what Moran’s attorney is saying. Read:
Attorney: Chester Township man accused of bludgeoning wife to death with a bat had mental issues, on NJ.com.
With this correction, this case brings out another important point—behavior that appears to be sociopathic may, in fact, have another cause.
oh and Louise, if you have a car, I could run him over for you. 🙂
One/joy:
Yep, he’s delusional alright. I’m not sure how this will all play out, but I trust God that it will all work in the end.
I got a fast car! 🙂
Louise;
I am sorry to learn about your mother. I could not imagine anything more difficult, having seen the mother of a close friend suffer from dementia in her last days. As others have said, under these circumstances, there is nothing wrong about hospice care. In fact, the situation demands it for all parties.
BBE:
Thanks. My mom is still in the early stages thank God, but we all know how progressive this disease is; it only gets worse; it never gets better unfortunately.
I hope you are well these days.
Louise. 🙂
Louise;
I noticed your comment regarding your x-spath and your inability to keep him put of your mind. If I remember correctly, our situations are somewhat similar in that we both had only short-term relationships but were deeply affected. Thus, we both feel bad about “not getting over him” which we find frustrating and embarrassing. Here are my thoughts:
1) It is well documented that even brief contact with a sociopath can be damaging.
2) Regarding a short-term relationship, mirroring by a sociopath causes use to feel that we have met a “soulmate.” There mirroring is so effective that nobody we meet afterwards seems to be right for us. Given this, we must continue to remind ourselves that everything about the sociopath was a lie. They are not our soulmate as they have no souls. If we knew the truth about them, we would have avoided them.
3) The loss came a time when we were still in the normal bonding process and the swift end was like having the rug pulled out from under us. The resulting emotional damage causes us to lose interest in our activities and friendships and we withdraw. Alone, we have nothing to do but think about the x-spath.
4) I forget your exact details but I had health and employment issues that left me further alone, with even more time to think about the x-spath. Once my life became fuller, I found myself thinking about him less.
5) Time does heal. Due to unique and tbh, almost bizarre details regarding my relationship with the x-spath, I will never fully forget him, but he is fading.
BBE:
You will never know what your comments mean to me and how timely they were. I became teary eyed when I read your post.
I say timely for a few reasons. First of all, I had been feeling like I was healing. I have not heard from him in such a long time and I also have maintained complete NC; it’s been almost a year. With each passing day, it has become clear to me that he has forgotten about me and I truly think I never meant a thing to him. Well, today I had lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a long time and she said she heard (I won’t give details of how she heard, etc. as it would give it away if anyone would ever happen to come across this post…they could figure it out) that the X spath is still creating chaos at work…imagine that. My heart immediately started to speed up and my mind started racing…what was she going to tell me? What type of chaos…another woman? She said that he was causing one of his direct reports to leave because he (X spath) has all these grandiose ideas that he wants implemented and the employee can’t or won’t follow through. He is miserable and wants out from under him. The employee said that X spath is extremely Narcissistic…haha! She said that he said he even Googled Narcissistic Personality and that X spath fit every category! He also said that he has noticed that a few females in the department have started dressing differently because of him…all to entice him I know. I know because I did the same thing. Can you believe it? They never change and he apparently is still using his wildly charms on these women at work even though he is still married and living at home (as far as I know). The woman who was mentioned (who apparenlty has started to dress differently) is single and has even been warned about him, but apparently like all the rest of us who have been warned, she is ignoring it. My friend said she debated for a long time whether she should even say anything to me as she didn’t want to dredge up all the old feelings. I told her that I was glad she told me even though it DID dredge up all the feelings and now once again I feel like I am never going to get over this. It’s horrible. I have felt all along that my life has been changed forever, but I was getting somewhat better, but this has made me realize again that I am just never going to get past this. And he doesn’t even care! He could care less about me. He is going on with his life while mine is forever changed. So not right.
Anyway, in response to your observations above:
First of all, it is frustrating and embarrassing. It’s so embarrassing to admit that I can’t get over something that did last for a short time. Although I will say, it was longer than the “initial” dating period…that was only three months, but we were in contact for a year and a half.
1) Thank you for reminding me that even short contact with a spath can be extremely damaging. No one can understand. I think I feel even more validated now knowing that one of his employees is currently miserable and trying to escape his Narcissistic ways. It proves what I have known all along.
2) Thank you for reminding me that everything about him was a lie. I did feel like I met my soulmate…how sad for me. He left me in the “idealization” phase that I feel like I will never escape. My problem is I keep telling myself things like, “Yeah, but he can’t be that bad…after all he is a dad and a husband.” I mean, he picks his kids up from soccer, etc. and he has been married for 20 years…it can’t be all that bad. I need to stop doing that. For all I know, life is miserable at home and the wife just puts up with it. But even when she kicked him out, she wanted him back so then again I tell myself that he must have some endearing qualities OR she is trauma bonded which is what I am suspecting. He has everyone charmed.
3) I agree…this is like what I talked about above. I was left in the idealization stage and I think he did it on purpose. He is extremely smart and I think he knew to dump me when all was still rosy so I would think the best of him.
4). Well, BBE…I have to tell you…being busy does not help me. That is why I think it is hopeless for me and it scares me terribly. I just spent an entire month in Hawaii and even though it was fantastic and I love it there and will always cherish the memories, I never forgot about him. Sure, it was a little easier, but the thoughts of him never totally went away. It’s so scary what he has done to my psyche. I want to destroy him the way he has destroyed me. But…I did think about him LESS while I was there. I guess that’s the key word here…less. Less is better than more.
5) Yes, time does heal. It’s been over two years for me since we very first had any contact and I AM better than I was two years ago. I am. Yes, it is fading with me, too, but just when I think I am close to having it licked, something happens to make it bad again.
I know someday he truly will be a figment of my imagination…it will seem like another lifetime that I knew him. I will be glad when that day comes so I can be in peace. Or I may die first which will bring peace.
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. This really means a lot to me. Take care, BBE.
Louise, Dont beat yourself up for being human and loving someone. I have come to realize that ‘the xspath’ represent’s what I would love to have and have alway imagined a wonderful relationship would be.. His image represent’s my longing to love someone and be loved in return. I had these longings and imaginings long before he filled in the ______blanks. Slowly his image is fading and the dream’s and desire’s of that elusive love are becoming ___blank again. And I mean that in a good way because for the longest time I had no desire to love anyone that way. Even though most of the time with him was dramabonding it was better than being alone – for awhile, until the dream became a nitemare. There is a place in my heart that will always wonder what if, but my resolve to live will prevent me from ever letting him back into my life. There is someone out there for me, I just have not met him yet, maybe I wont in this life ..but thats ok too.
Thanks, Hens and I understand. There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, but why did I throw my pearls before swine? Why him? And mostly, why can’t I forget?? It’s OK to love someone and move on, but I just can’t seem to move on. It makes me feel like I must be extremely mentally ill to not be able to get past this.
You hang in there. There IS someone out there for you I just know it! You just haven’t found him yet, but you will…I just know you will! 🙂
Thanks for responding to me!
Louise – It has been almost four years since I laid eyes on my x..I am also emabarrassed to say I still think of him all the time. But I dont think we are supposed to forget thing’s like them. It really was a life lesson for me. My encounter with him DID change my life, I have stopped trying to forget him..Time fades the misplaced love I felt for him.. And one day I will stop thinking about him, that will happen for you also..