The story is shocking. On Friday, Leo Moran, 75, of Chester Township, New Jersey, was charged with the murder of Charlotte Moran, who was 74. They had been high school sweethearts and were married for 54 years. A man who grew up with Leo Moran described them as the perfect couple.
So what sparked the violence? Moran’s wife and son repeatedly insisted that he get counseling. He finally agreed to go, and then, according to his family, was not honest with the counselor.
Please stop now and read Chester man accused of killing wife of 54 years believed she was unfaithful, working against him, on NJ.com.
Sometimes we see cases of an elderly person killing his or her spouse of many years because the spouse is gravely ill and unlikely to get better. It’s almost an act of compassion rather than murder.
In this case, a few crumbs of information indicate that Leo Moran was not suffering from despair or anguish. Rather, if the reported facts are accurate, they may indicate that the man was a sociopath:
- Some neighbors thought the Morans were the perfect couple. Others thought Leo Moran was “a surly man quick to bicker.”
- Moran offered his wife a kiss, which she refused, so he beat her with a baseball bat.
- Moran said his wife was unfaithful and his family was conspiring against him.
- Moran said his wife initiated the attack and hit him in the back with the bat, but he had no bruises.
- Moran said his wife suggested they commit suicide together.
So the mask slipped, Moran became outraged by his family’s affront to his control, he allegedly beat his wife to death, and then blamed everything that happened on her. This is sociopathic behavior.
But for me, what is important is how this case disproves two generally held perceptions about sociopaths and mental health.
First, many therapists believe that sociopathy diminishes with age. I believe sociopaths never become less manipulative, although I was willing to concede that perhaps they became less violent, simply because they run out of steam. But maybe that’s not true either. Maybe they never lose their capacity for violence.
Secondly, many people, and perhaps therapists as well, have far too much faith in intervention. This is one of the most important things that we, as a society, need to thoroughly understand about sociopaths: Once they are adults, they are extremely unlikely to change.
Anger management classes won’t work. Restraining orders won’t work. Sometimes, the only sane and safe thing for people around sociopaths to do is escape.
But it’s too late for Charlotte Moran.
UPDATE:
Joyce Alexander notes that Moran’s actions may have been caused by dementia rather than sociopathy. See comments below. It turns out that she may be right—that is exactly what Moran’s attorney is saying. Read:
Attorney: Chester Township man accused of bludgeoning wife to death with a bat had mental issues, on NJ.com.
With this correction, this case brings out another important point—behavior that appears to be sociopathic may, in fact, have another cause.
STJ:
It sounds like you also need to read the book, “The Gift of Fear.” I think that’s what it is about…learning to trust ourselves to keep ourselves safe…trusting our instincts.
I guess that reason right there is why I can’t get past this. I am extremely intuitive almost to the point of being psychic and I was always a good judge of character and didn’t allow people in my life very easily so why him? That is what I keep questioning myself. I know it’s because he is that good at duping people…it’s a pity. A shame. But all the more to make me realize that I obviously wasn’t dealing with a normal person; if so, I would have never let him in.
Louise, I recently read a book called, “The Shame That Binds Us.” With regard to why we let certain people in when we normally wouldn’t, it explained a great deal to me about my own experiences and choices.
Some of these spaths are so good at what they do that it’s such a shame that talent of that magnitude is ruined in the pursuits of harming others. Imagine what a different world this would be if that “talent” were used to affect positive changes!
You weren’t dealing with a normal person, Louise. The spath was good at what he did – plain and simple, and nothing positive can be had by questioning yourself – you trusted, and that’s all. He doesn’t live in the same universe as you (and, other empaths) do.
HUGS
Louise, while you may not believe it, contact, even back door contact like talking to your friend about what this guy is doing is NOT A GOOD THING…it reinforces the trauma bond.
I sincerely suggest that you do not talk to others about him, or allow them to talk to you about him.
Secondly, I suggest that you stop renting him space in your head.
When you find yourself thinking about him…CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
The brain can only open one “file” at a time, and if you do not allow it to open the “SPATH file by opening another file instead, the SPATH fil must be closed. The brain can open files and close them rapidly so at first you must be QUICK…but you CAN accomplish this so that you think of ANYTHING except the SPATH.
Sing “happy birthday” silently in side your head if that is what it takes to keep from thinking about him….count your multiplication tables, do whatever you have to to keep from thinking about him.
Emotions follow thoughts not the other way round and so you can minimize or stop the emotional turmoil that goes along with THINKING about him.
If you are still ruminating about him this much over time I also suggest you consider professional therapy as well, at least for a short time. (((hugs)))
skylar:
I got the “Gift of Fear” today. I look forward to reading it.
Oxy:
I know. I know all about back door contact, etc. I think I have done an extremely good job with not contacting him as much as I have wanted to…it’s been a very long time. And I mean absolutely nothing…no texts, no emails, no phone calls, not a peep and it’s been almost a year. I had no idea whatsoever this friend would bring him up when actually, she doesn’t even know him! She has never met him in her life…she even told me that if he was sitting next to us at lunch she wouldn’t even know him. She was told this info by someone who DOES know him. So even though this was “back door” contact, it’s not like I seeked it out and the person telling me doesn’t even “know” him so it will likely not happen again. I normally purposefully try not to talk about him because I know how it makes me feel.
As far as trying not to think about him, I have tried EVERYTHING you have said. I have tried to do anything and everything to get him out of my mind. Now I see why some people are alcoholics…they drink to forget, but I don’t want to do that to myself. He is an alcoholic…a very highly functioning one and I don’t want to do that with my life so I try to deal with it in better ways, but nothing works. I have done everything you said when he comes into my mind…I pray, I try to distract myself, I sleep, I exercise. The other day a song came on that reminded me of him while I was at the gym and I was ready to leave anyway so I just got out of there as fast as I could.
I probably am going to end up needing professional help, but I feel stupid even having to go there. I did go to a therapist early on in the game, but it was only two sessions as she wasn’t helpful at all. I am not sure what they can do to help. The only thing I think may help might be some type of reprogramming of my mind like EMDR or something. We shall see.
Truthspeak:
No kidding! This guy could probably solve a multitude of the world’s problems if he would put all that charm and duping to good use! Seriously! I’ve never met anyone like him.
You are right; I trusted and therefore I was duped. That is not my fault plain and simple; end of story. I really need to stop beating myself up about that part of it. He doesn’t live in the same universe as me…good way to look at it…so true!
I need to read the book you suggested. Maybe it will answer the question for me as to why I let him in when I don’t leave anyone else in? I can only hope.
Louise, big hugs to you, girl.
“Moving on” from the damages of an spath is probably one of the most difficult things that any human being can attempt. While other people can specifically point to something that says, “This person was Bad, and that’s all there was to it,” spath encounters leave victims/targets feeling like they’ve been blindsided by a tobasco-sauce-covered-handsmack-in-the-face. One minute, we’re doing just fine – the next minute, we’re gawking at our surroundings and wondering how the hell we got where we are.
Talking it out is good – but, only with a select individual or counselor. I know a number of people don’t want to engage in counseling because they’re afraid that it might mean that “There’s Something Wrong With Me.” Well, if we make the effort to seek a counselor who is familiar with PSTD, abuse, and sociopathy, we can get some REALLY valuable tools and techniques that can help us to move forward. LoveFraud is one of those places where ranting, raving, and venting is safe (for the most part).
One of the things that helped me SO much was when my counseling therapist told me 2 things: FEELINGS are not FACTS; and, I cannot predict the future, others’ behaviors, or outcomes. I didn’t like it because it meant that these were things over which I had no control. But, these observations were true for me. What I feel are not facts – my feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, foolishness, and damaged trust do not necessarily mean that every other human being out there is an spath. What I feel is related ONLY to what the spath did. And, as for Court proceedings? I can’t predict the outcome of any situation….and, all of my attempts to do so have resulted in surprises and affirmations rather than the imagined worst-case-scenarios.
We HAVE been blindisded by the spath. We can’t necessarily process what we’ve experienced on our own. Finding a counseling therapist does not mean that we are flawed – it means that we are recognizing our own personal limits and asking for help is NOT a symptom of insanity. Most localities offer no-cost counseling through domestic violence/abuse centers. The emotional affirmation and tools that are provided can be priceless, and life saving.
HUGS, Louise…..you’re just fine, dear heart!
Louise, don’t feel “stupid” for going there….feeling stupid because you need a doctor to set your broken leg would be the ultimate “stupid” in fact, so why is it different to need a professional to help set your broken heart?
Believe me I felt really out of place, stupid and weak and you name the emotion because I was on the “wrong side of the clip board” but you know I go to a physician for my medical care and I don’t feel stupid about that so I shouldn’t feel stupid for going to a counselor for my PTSD/broken heart.
The stupid thing is to not seek needed help because of emotions.
I actually know a guy who is so afraid of dentists he pulled his own infected abscessed tooth…and it is a wonder he did not die from the infection. Talk about STUPIDDDDDD!
I did profit from EMDR and for some things I think it works great. Talk therapy may help or not, but if you are not in cync with your therapist get another one…I would not hesitate to get another doctor if I didn’t gee haw with the one I have, I wouldn’t just quit going for medical care because ONE doctor didn’t work out. Use logic in this not emotions. (((hugs)))
((Louise))
*sigh* I know exactly how you feel. Spaths haunt us.
When I first left him, I expected to bounce right back. But I didn’t. Trying not to think of him is like telling yourself not to think about a pink polka dotted giraffe. The more you try not to, the more you do.
So instead, I delved right into studying spaths. If it’s going to be on my mind 24/7 I might as well use it to my benefit, right? Instead of allowing the ghost to haunt me, scare me, destroy my life etc… I’ve decided to study the paranormal (and boy are spaths paranormal!!)
Some people have told me that I spend too much time obsessing with spath and I should get a life. That’s THEIR WAY of seeing it. MY WAY is to understand that I’m not obsessing about ONE SPATH, I’m studying all spaths, all humanity, why people are the way they are, understanding myself, understanding compassion and empathy, finding connections in humanity and creation, and finally, by blogging with you I’m helping educate people and protect people from spaths. In other words, I’m finally growing up.
Louise, if you haven’t “gotten over it” it’s because you instinctively know that there is something still for you to learn and your brain won’t let you just ignore that important something.
Louise;
I am at the airport right now and on my phone so I need to be brief. I will respond in detail later, but I want to relay an incident that may provide you some hope.
I have not been out of the USA in over two years. I booked this trip to Prague because a friend has free accomodations there and it is off season, so even the airline ticket was very inexpensive.
My xspath is a flight attendant. He often flies to this airport, so he was on my mind. Then, when I get to my gate, across the way at the next terminal is a plane from his company getting ready for a flight. A year ago, this sight would have left me crushed, wondering about him, is he on that plane…
Today, I just shake my head. Yes, the thought of him was there, but not in the same way. I will soon board my flight, and he will be out of my mind, at least in any sense of me longing for him.