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My life with a sociopath

Editor’s note: A Lovefraud reader who calls herself “The Front Porch Talker” is sorting through her devastating experience with a sociopath through her creative writing. Following is her introduction. Tomorrow, Lovefraud will publish one of the satirical pieces she has written based on her experiences.

Part One: My Life with a Sociopath
By The Front Porch Talker

The Sociopaths in my life:  “MP,” “DI” (both women), and “JP,” (a man)

PART ONE:  (I can only imagine telling this story in small parts. I hope that works for you).

I have tried to see this whole picture of what happened to me from a psychological standpoint.

Then, I tried to see it on a philosophical level.  But in the end, it did NOT matter that: MP had had very serious incest issues in her family,  (now I question that too), even before the age of 3.

It didn’t matter that both she and DI had chronic illnesses and unexplained illnesses  that ran the gamut. So what if they were drug addicts! I still cannot work my way through this whole issue.

I NOW know that their illnesses, however real or imagined, were the perfect cover for being Psychopaths.

Think of Ted Bundy, posing as a man with a broken-arm to target women victims.  It is the same cover.

I’ve taught in every prison in the state, including the Women’s Prison, and I still find it unimaginable, abject, and horrifying to meet women who do not have a conscience. I’ve taught male rapists, and there is no comparison to women Sociopaths in my book.

I’ve written several of my “Front Porch Talker” essays about this subject. One of them is a satire about “Reality shows.”  It’s called: “From Reality Show Central: Desperate Meth-lab Operators of S”¦.. County;”

The other one is called “Committed,” which is about my 2 week stay in a mental hospital, which is another related tragedy.

All the Front Porch Talker essays I’ve written I did so for humor, and yes–for my survival.  I didn’t think that I would survive this ordeal. I know that that sounds dramatic; but then again, I never imagined being “committed” either.

Then, I found Love Fraud.  It feels like home here, at last. Thank-you for discussing subjects such as “Gas Lighting,” which is what kept me in it for so long.  Also for the many intelligent discussions about this subject, I am grateful.

Okay, here it is: Part One of my story, as I sit on the “virtual” front porch with y’all, drinking my “virtual” cup of double-espresso with you: (sorry; I can’t tell it all at one time)

I usually tell people that the sociopath in my life who victimized me was a man, instead of a woman. This is because people can’t fathom that women can and are violent.

We think that women are more “civilized” somehow than men because fewer women commit violent crimes, overall. In my case, the women got men to assault me, and other things  too painful to discuss right now.

I am only now just recovering, from panic attacks, PTSD and Acute Stress Disorder.
Humor, humor and more humor….That’s why I began writing The Front Porch Talker essays….just to amuse myself and my friends.  I don’t know if I will ever decide to publish them, or not. It doesn’t really matter.

And, because we, as women ourselves, we can’t imagine anybody without a conscience. To do so is so abject and horrifying that it upsets everything we ever knew about humanity.

On television and in movies, the psychopaths usually get caught, so that an internal order and safety are returned to us, and we are once-removed as watchers.

But in real life, especially since the police—nor any other agency—ever investigated these crimes, they still go on. The state agencies, like the F.B.I. are busy with Homeland Security.

The women, MP and DP were violent, manipulative, and dangerous. Not to mention all their crimes against me of Identity Theft, Fraud and forgery, which left me broke, and eventually left me without my job as a tenured professor of 20 years at an Arts’ college, due to the severe PTSD and panic attacks.

I have spent the past five years putting my life back together, which I have only begun to do.

I am on disability because of this. Oh yeah, and all my liberal, well-educated friends I had? (attorneys especially) They ducked away and told me to just “get on with my life.”

My best friend, “MO” had me committed for two weeks, which is yet another related tragic story. They confused my panic-attacks and PTSD hyperventilating for being “psychotic,” so I was sent to a mental hospital for two weeks. I had to fight my way out of there.

Where are DP and MP?   They have (once again) changed their names, gone underground and are still committing crimes, and could conceivably still be using my identity now.

Yet, the women were not only manipulative, cunning and ruthless; they were also violent and dangerous.  They still are.  My address has been changed back to their home town numerous times, so they can steal my mail.  My SSN has been compromised. My license is being used–MP dyed her hair blond and uses my name.

These are only a FEW of the things they did and still do: they steal identities.

“JP, the man,  was just an afterthought to them. There are others in this drug/id theft ring, too.

(sorry: this is out of order here)

MP and DP were both mothers (and MPis a grandmother), who’d been married numerous times. They were bright, funny and well-spoken.

And, neither one of them had a conscience. They were like empty shells of people mimicking what they thought would appear “Human.”

MP always bragged to me that she tested “like a Midwestern housewife.”

Whereas , I, a somewhat quirky professor and writer, have lost my professional life as a professor; have had my identity stolen, have been not believed by doctors, have been committed to a mental hospital because they thought I was “psychotic” and “delusional,” which I wasn’t.

My friends, for the most part, see me as a weak person, somebody to be pitied, or who can’t take care of themselves—ie. They are superior to me!

I will end this little segment by saying this: we who have had our lives turned topsy-turvy, and have lost all our possessions, our jobs, our savings, and yes—our dignity—we, are in the same parallel universe.

Only people who have been through such a tragedy recognize each other.  We, here at LF are members of an elite club that we did not choose, but now that I am here, I do see life differently now: poignant, detailed, precious somehow.  I am hypervigilant now.  I have become very choosy about the friends I choose.

My heart goes out to all of you, too. I know you understand all of this too, having become a member of this elitist club.  I hear it when I read your posts, too.

We are conscious of the fact that there is evil in the world, after all.  And, as far as I am concerned, I won’t stand idly by while these criminals victimize me, or others, anymore. I will speak my mind.  I will tell the rest of my story, as I can.

My heart goes out to you!

Because of this, though, it does sound like a movie on the for “The Life Time Channel For Women” in this way:  I am a better person for it all.  I am now writing, after 20 years of only teaching college.

And now, I know who my friends are.  I can imagine, MAYBE, trusting humans again.

Maybe I could imagine meeting a man”¦”¦marriage?

Well, I won’t push it!  I’ll just say that my life is more poignant than ever before, like a blind person who can suddenly see all the colors in the rainbow”¦.that’s a corny reference to “Women’s Lifetime” movies!
And Reader’s Digest Stories, which always end on a positive note!

In Part Two, I’ll tell more of the actual story, okay?

BTW, I am open to any and all comments, of course, as long as they’re “civilized.” Ha, ha.

Thanks,

The Front Porch Talker, a.k.a. Smarty-pants professor.

Posted in: Cases, Female sociopaths

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41 Comments on "My life with a sociopath"

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Dear Imfree,

I think the healing path starts out on a rocky road learning about THEM, but as we progress it get to an area where we are learning about OURSELVES. That’s where the major healing comes in I think.

Sure, they are heartless, no conscience, glib, superfiscial, etc. but how could I continually put up with the DEVLUATION of my worth? How could I tolerate the trivalization or ignoring of my needs, my feelings, my self? THOSE are the 64-thousand-dollar questions that need answering!

I can’t control them, but doggone it I can control my REACTIONS and my own thinking and validate my own reality.

Hang in there, you are on the RIGHT ROAD, just follow the light!

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