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By | August 8, 2015 20 Comments

My mother was bent on turning us kids against our father

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Lobelle55.”

My mother was a sociopath. She was the sweetest, most beautiful and doting mother on earth. Very talented.

But she had a dark side. She was bent on turning us kids (5) all against our father – especially me. I was her favorite hand picked target.

As a child she indulged me a lot and I was very dependent upon her. She manipulated aggressively, always telling graphic stories to me about my dad’s unfaithfulness and anger (she could really push his buttons), even at a very young age around 6 – 8 years old.

Of course I did not have any idea that she was also telling awful lies about me to my dad! I had been carefully groomed and was completely unaware of the ways of a pathological. When in my late 20’s – 30’s, I figured out she was playing games, and tried to confront her a few times with no results.

I did not understand exactly what she was until after much therapy in my 50s, long after she passed away. Everybody who knew her thought she was so perfect and wonderful. She was very good at projecting that image and fooled everyone.

She was driven. I remember even on her deathbed, her last dying words and gestures involved pitting my father and I against each other, behind our backs while we cared for her.

Although she did a very good job of hiding it, I see now that she had such an empty life.

I couldn’t share any of this with my siblings. Nor my father, our relationship was irreparably damaged.

Only recently have I been able to share with a couple of my siblings. But most of them believe the image she projected and not me. In fact, they have pretty much rejected me in general.

I noticed on Lovefraud most of the stories are about romantic relationships. Indeed, I suppose that is where pathologicals cause the most damage, especially where children or divorce are concerned.

But what really messed me up were a few close friendships, and an almost-affair, where I was drawn to similar relationships.

It seems like the world is full of these people, in any workplace or institution —schools, churches, clubs.

In my case these are people who are not they way they represent themselves no one ever had any idea. They were outwardly friendly and responsible people. Not the high risk-takers so often read about. But they had one thing in common they took pleasure in setting me up and stabbing me in the back repeatedly.

I will say, I thank my lucky stars every day for my wonderful husband of 27 years who is not pathological at all.

I am working through strong feelings of guilt, confusion, and a lack of self worth. I mourn that any relationship with my father was taken from me.

I have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for many years. Fortunately I also have a great therapist who has been helping me unravel this problem for about 7 or 8 years. Still, I have a very long road ahead of me.


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winifred

My husband’s children with his sociopath ex are now almost 20 and almost 25, they not only don’t want anything to do with their dad(my husband), but they still try to lie, manipulate, control and guilt my husband out of everything! Their “mothers ” mission throughout their entire lives from birth has been to alienate them from their father, and she has succeeded! People that have gone thru “normal bitter divorces” say they will realize it someday…not these kids, she is IN THEM! She spends every waking moment getting everything for free by coning innocent people, and the kids have learned the trick also! They feel no guilt or remorse for anything, the only thing that they know is that we owe them all 3 for the rest of their lives.( by all three I mean the 2 kids and the ex).He will never know his grand kids…..! He has missed out on one of them getting married, both of their graduations from high school…ect.He has had to let go to save himself! I just want to have the front row center seat when Karma comes their way! Winifred

TenTanToes

Perhaps I am way off on this, but your step children are HALF the age most of us who have had our awakenings about our mothers are.
Some children are doomed to be like one parent or the other seemingly a genetic curse.
In my 20’s I was away from both but for visits.
(My mother then just concentrated on hurting my feelings by coddling my sister into stupidity in my presence.) My parents lived separately though married. Dad was past his anger for the most part and would show up at mom’s where I unhappily stayed to keep peace. She would pout and insult over dad and I going sightseeing around together. But we did anyway!
It sounds like that ex is an in place GRIFTER and I just feel so so sorry for your husband.
I wonder if he got them off separately and just told them he loves them equally but the pain their mother has caused him THROUGH them is getting to be too much to bear? Would he consider it or just needs to get away from them all?
At least he could put his feelings and thoughts over a period of time in writing. Meaning no rushed letters. Things they can read say…5 years from now?
(Do be sure grandchildren are taken care of or call Children’s Services.
And if you have children…I hope they can fill as much of that hollow spot with him as possible.
Blessings to you both.

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