Editor’s note: The following story was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Emilie.”
I was married to one. I left him for another one whom I’ve dated for over a year.
My marriage ended with a violent incident. He is awaiting a criminal trial and is out of jail on bail.
He is facing two child endangerment charges and was still awarded 50% custody of our two young boys. He fired a shot while we were fleeing to safety and the judge denied my restraining order, believing his testimony that he fired the shot to get me to stop and go back to talk to him.
The case was appealed and again I was denied a restraining order.
He is now harassing me by exploiting the legal system to control and manipulate me. He has filed motions against me, filed tax forms causing me to pay more income tax than I should have had to, he called Child Protective Services and alleged that my boys were being abused.
I have been a professional educator for almost 20 years and have graduate credits beyond my Master’s degree. I believe he is trying to make me lose my job, go bankrupt, and take my children away from me in an effort to avoid prison time for his crime.
The man I left him for is a veteran police officer who fits the profile of an s-path perfectly. I basically went from the frying into the fire.
Currently my ex continues to make my life a living hell on a daily basis.
He interrogates my sons each and every time they talk and he tells them they don’t have to listen to me. He uses them to try to manipulate me and my time.
He has lied to all of our former friends and wormed his way back into their lives. He has manipulated my sons’ teachers and other school professionals into believing that he is the better, more involved parent.
He shows up in my supermarket even though he has to drive past two major supermarkets between his place of employment and his home. He wanted to rent an apartment in the same development that I live in and he is apparently dating a woman who has a child that attends the school in which I teach.
I’ve caught him driving around my development. I believe that if he is convicted of his crimes, that he will feel he has nothing left to live for and willcome after me and or my boys and put himself in a suicide by cop situation.
He is a coward and a bully who cannot take blame for his own actions. He is 100% committed to destroying my life.
UPDATE:
Thankfully, with the help, love, and support of friends, I am in a better situation now. Unfortunately my ex is still the same.
I actually spoke to his current girlfriend and warned her. She told me he has begun looking through her phone, accusing her of things she hasn’t done, and most frighteningly, showed up at a bar when she was out with her sister.
My older son is having major problems, and I still suffer from PTSD.
It’s been a long and difficult road, but Jesus has seen me through. I am confident in Christ, and that is very comforting.
The Boston bomber liked cats and dogs – does that mean he’s not a psychopath?
Emilie – what a nightmare. I am so glad that things are getting better for you.
What kind of judge thinks it is logical to “fired the shot to get me to stop and go back to talk to him”.
Does this judge think we live in the Wild West days still?!? This judge’s thinking is not rational!!!! If you want to talk with someone you ask them politely to talk not shoot a gun in the air to force that person to talk all the while still holding the gun while talking!!
In this case shooting the gun was about controlling another person (you) and to put fear into the victims mind so that you did not leave him……abusers want power & control over their victims. This incident is classic abusive behavior. I am so sorry this scary situation happened to you.
If it wasn’t a gun he would have used his hands to prevent you from leaving. My ex h would corner me in a room/bathroom and would not let me leave so that I would not leave the house & tell someone what was really going on. If I tried to walk out of the room he would grab me throw me down/or just push me a way (both forms of abuse) & if I tried to use the phone he would break the phone…it was very scary…this is what my ex wanted he want to put fear in me so that I would not leave and he wanted to have time to manipulate/brain washing/mind control me so that he had total control over my mind once again. Yours too.
You should think about putting a formal complaint into your state/country Attorney General Office (USA office name) about this judge and ask for a “Special Prosecutor” to review your case file for the restraining order. PROTECT YOURSELF & YOUR SON!!
Once this is done file a new restraining order of protection with a new judge (you can ask for a change in judges with the court) & put in the papers that you believe your ex is a “sociopath with narcissist personally disorder” & you fear for your life because of his erratic behavior.
Also in your divorce/child custody motion ask the court to order a full mental evaluation on your soon to be ex h (one moms battle site will explain how to do this – see below) this will help you with your child custody case now but also down the road with your ex will keep taking you to court to gain control over you still and the judge will then review the mental evaluation and see his behavior id a personality disorder and favor you in his judgements.
Sociopaths love to drag the ex wife into court long after the divorce is over and break the victim down emotionally, mentally & financially more. Also in divorce papers list everything that your ex did to you all & put specific terms which you have learned here on lovefraud in the papers too (ie gas lighting abuse, reward & punishment, pity play, love bombing etc) dont put them in the first filing of the motion papers wait till your ex response to the first papers then in your last motion response papers put this info that way he can not say you are the crazy one and look things up on the net. There are three response to court motions (USA) the first by the person A then the second by person B then the third response by person A.
Emilie, I am so sorry that you are dealing with the devil himself x 2…so evil…so scary!
Check out the site Onemomsbattle. com, the site creators books and also their facebook page is an excellent site to ask about court cousdy cases etc. Open a new fake email account then open a fake facebook page with that name so that you can chat freely without your ex(s) seeing what you are chatting about and also their friends/family will not see.
Your gut is CORRECT with regards to the fact your ex is trying to destroy you this is why it is so important to get the mental evaluation court on him asap.
Wishing you all the best!
Take care
I just divorced my sociopath ex husband 2 months ago after 14 months of marriage! Exactly after 2 weeks of marriage, he took his mask off! I was caught off guard. He abandoned me 7 months after marriage for no reason. He would surface back once a month just to have sex with me and disappear again. When I asked him where he was living he would start a fight and threaten to leave me again. His behavior let me know that he was living with another woman. My stomach ached each time he came around because I was suffering so bad. I put up with it for a whole year until I got fed up. I finally decided that I was going to file for divorce. When he got served the divorce papers, he begged and pleaded for me to work out our marriage. I refused because I was tired and I knew I deserved better, and it was in my best interest to get him out of my life In his crazy thinking, he felt he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He had 21 days to respond to the divorce complaint. During those 21 days, he begged, pleaded and brought me flowers, candy, etc., but I was strong and I didn’t fall for the game1 Once he saw that he couldn’t win me back, he went for the jugular in court! He stated that I had 2 affairs, and he requested to be awarded my home that I had before we met, and he asked for alimony. It was 4 months of hell! Finally, we settled in court, but only after I signed an agreement stating that we were to never communicate with each other or each other’s family members. His mind is so sick and twisted that he thought he was hurting me with that little document!! Heck, he was doing me a BIG favor! I never had intentions on talking to him ever in life. But I guess he had to feel like he had a little “win” in the divorce. But I have the biggest win in that I don’t have to EVER deal with him again! The day the judge said we were divorced, I ran like hell to my car and called my friends and family and told them that SATAN was out of my life forever! During the 4 months, he said that he will destroy my career and my life. He said that when he finishes with me that I will be suicidal! He threatened to contact my employer with lies to get me fired. I know that he thinks of ways he can cause me harm everyday because he has no life!! He is consumed with bringing me down!! For me, the only time I think about him is when I think of how happy my life is now that he is out of it! I have peace and I’m taking care of me for a change. I don’t miss him or anything about him. I realize that sociopaths don’t take responsibility for anything. They are happy seeing you unhappy. They enjoy hurting other people and they are only satisfied when they feel like they are using other people. That is my ex all day long! I have to feel sorry for him because his life must be a very sad existence. Before we divorced, he said he has a new woman and he is happy. I said, “Good, now you are someone else’s problem!” I feel very sorry for the new woman because she will be in the same situation as I was. He will continue to have one failed relationship after the other as he always has.
Hi Msang27,
CONGRATULATIONS OF YOUR NEW FOUND FREEDOM!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉
What a blessing to not have to talk to him or his family ever again!!! I wonder if his lawyer caught on to who he was and suggest that agreement be signed to protect you???
With regards to him threatening your job, you might want to set up a meeting with your local abuse center to see what steps you can take to stop his sociopath bullying.
Wishing you all the best with your new freedom!!
Take care
for your PTSD look at sites like adrenalfatigue. org & drlam.com (see their symptoms list) get tested for hormonal imbalance, vitamin/mineral deficiency & cortisol levels all issues with PTSD that need to be healed.
Great advice Jan7.
After dealing with 5 years of my husbands sociopath ex wife, and all the drama she would cause – I am talking EXTREME DRAMA! Obviously we all know here what it feels to suffer extreme drama at the hands of a soulless & cruel sociopath.. That’s why we are all here…
Anyways.. with my husbands ex wife literally doing the most insane things to me EVERY SINGLE DAY (I became the target after I married my husband) I had no idea how to handle any of it. I had never in my life experienced such confusion, chaos, anger, deceit, and trickery.. It became a part of my unconscious thoughts to be on the defense and I was completely stressed. I felt sick, but because I was in a constant flight or fight mode 24/7 I didn’t have time to think of the turmoil it may be taking on my physical health.
My husband and I decided to take a small vacation to a tropical area, and it was there my arms could no longer hold the weight of all the crap I was carrying ( metaphorically speaking) and I had a breakdown. I was broken in every way possible. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc…
When we returned home I went to my doctor. She did blood work and referred me to an endocrinologist. After lots of test, I was diagnosed with Addison’s disease. I didn’t know what it was exactly. I was shocked when I really came to full understanding of it. I am now on synthetic steroids, and will be for the rest of my life.
I am not saying that the stress from my husband’s ex-wife cost this condition. But my doctor came to the conclusion that I had adrenal fatigue for at least the past 4-5 years. And because I didn’t take care of myself (getting adequate rest, food, nutrition and I was under so much stress) that my body had enough. It was the biggest wake up call of my life I have an 11 year old daughter. She needs me! All the stupid things my husbands ex wife had done were exactly that. Stupid. Immature. She has spread horrible rumors, brainwashed my step children into thinking I was the reason for HER problems, stalking me online, impersonating me unfavorably online, sending me on wild goose chases on the day the kids were suppose to go home with us. There is not enough time to even waste on telling every detail.
Now I have detached. I am focused on my health. Unfortunately addisons is a disease that you will not recover from. No cure. But I am determined to take care of myself, so that I don’t go into a adrenal crisis shock and die. I no longer engage at all with the BS. Since the children are 16 and 15. My husband communicates directly thru them. And has no contact with the ex wife. Things have gotten better since
Kay, I am so sorry that you have dealt with a sociopath & that sociopath broke you down. This is what they love to do push their victims all over their emotional edge so they have full control & you look like the crazy one.
I wish society would see all of this but most importantly see the truth!
Your health issues were caused by her…most definitely…yes you probably had some other stress in your life but a stress of a sociopath is like no other stress…the mind games are unbelievable you have no idea that you are in a F5 tornado when you are around them and when you are not around them they still have control over your mind because you are trying to sort out their crazzzzyness!!
The same thing happened to me Kay with my health although I only ended up with a very sever case of adrenal fatigue had I stayed with my ex h I would have ended up with addisons.
Check out Dr Fuhrman’s book Eat to Live and google “Dr Fuhrman PBS you tube” to watch how good clean food heals the body.
His methods work wonders…and I think you might be able to get off your life time meds (hopefully) with his methods. He has an office in Flemington, NJ but works with patients all over the world via phone including professional athletes. He himself was a professional skater in the National Championships but ended up eventually going to med school & now is an internal medicine doctor who specializes in healing the body.
He also has another book on healing the immune system (see his site). His site is Drfurhman. com. He is a very passionate doctor who practices what he preaches. One of the few doctors who really takes good care of his patients and wants them to heal. Although he is very successful with selling his books he is not about the money he is about healing people.
It’s good that you learned to detect yourself from her & that your husband has no contact with her too = peaceful life.
Cheers to good health!!
Wishing you all the best!
ps thank you for sharing your story.
Kay, Dr Furhman’s other book is “Super Immunity: The Essential Nutrition Guide for Boosting Your Body’s Defenses to Live Longer, Stronger, and Disease Free”
this book is on amazon. com for $13.00 but check your local library for this one and his book “Eat to Live’ they are both at my local library.
Kay, here is Dr Fuhrman’s PBS special part 1 “super immunity”. There are 4 parts to this lecture so just look at the side bar to see part 2, 3 &4 plus his other lectures. He has been on CNN, Fox, Dr Oz etc. I went to him without knowing he had written books etc he really is a very caring doctor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyhoMNxOhWw
Thank yall so much. Its been a long bumpy road with everything. And addisons diesease was a wake up call for me to take care of myself.
I am always looking for anything holistic or healthy to help me better manage my addisons. So very much appreciate the links! 🙂
Kay- welcome to Lovefraud. I am sorry that you had to endure the insanity, but glad that you are now taking care of yourself.