Psychologist Dr Scott Keiller from Kent State University at Tuscarawas conducted a study with 104 men to measure attitudes regarding traditional roles of men and women. He found that narcissistic heterosexual men are more likely to have hostility toward heterosexual women than toward gay women or men. The narcissists perceive heterosexual women as having more control over whether their sexual desires are fulfilled.
A man with attitude, from Science Centric
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
I don’t think they like the loss-of-power feelings that the sociopath gets from the inate power of women when it comes to sex.
The implications of this research are profoundly important to all women, everywhere: “Narcissistic men cannot love you. Narcissistic men are misogynists. Stay away from them; they will hurt you.”
This baseline knowledge is key in our everyday life. We must identify these types and avoid them. Especially avoid becoming romantically involved with them.
This is a proactive measure that will serve to protect ourselves from predators and kooks.
Treasure yourselves, everyone. Avoid the stress of haters!!
Be love!! Love and Light to All! Merry Christmas, Lovely Ones!
It seems the term narcissist is being used for everything. I agree there are cold hearted people who don’t seem to have empathy or feelings. But it seems there are a majority of immature people (both male and female) who just aren’t ready for love, don’t know how to love, haven’t learned how to love themselves, etc. They can’t all be narcissists! It seems to me at the present time, we are more isolated than ever, due to mistrust, are afraid to open up, and can come off as being narcissistic. It seems too common today that men use porn and pictures instead of a real relationship. I guess this is easier for them than to work on a real relationship. The point is, what brought this on? Is it because we no longer need men so they no longer feel validated? Has their role and existence in life become obsolete?
With many questions, one must begin to seek answers, Pattywack.
In your own life, you may find it necessary to determine the type of person you are associating with due to a sense you might get regarding their behavior.
Why reinvent the wheel when you can use tools already developed by experts in the field? I recommend Dr. Judith Orloff, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, who has devoted much of her professional life to bring answers to your questions by asking a few of her own. Please see
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/quiz-narcissist.htm
…and find five Q&D questions that can help you quickly assess who it is that you are interacting with.
With questions and answers, one gains knowledge. Learn and grow!
Be well!
Oh my gosh does this fit my ex husband to a tee!!! I actually called him a “woman hater” many times. There was something about the way he talked about his exes and even strange women and family members. And this article hit it exactly on the head. The reason he resented women? Because he felt they controlled who got sex and when they got it. He used to say a woman could get anything she wanted by offering up sex. When I told him that I never once used sex to get any material thing, he acted like he didn’t believe me. Oh how I wish I would have seen these red flags as something to worry about. When I met my husband I knew nothing about narcissists or psychopaths….and I certainly did not know the devastation they could heap upon your life! It’s funny though….even though I [thought] I was madly in love with my ex, I always felt as though something was not quite right…not quite real. But unfortunately I chose to ignore that feeling in order to try and satisfy my intense need for love and validation. Being a victim of extreme neglect as a child, I had no self worth….I was the perfect target. UUUUGGGGGGGGUGUUH! Ladies….PLEASE….listen…if it don’t feel right…100%, then it ain’t right…run.
My experience to a Tee! It’s as if they hate their own feelings of powerlessness in the face of their need for sex that propels them to hate everyone of the opposite sex.Instinctively, they seem to sense their own vulnerability vs. their needs and they hate this.
Yes Flicka…exactly. This article is so accurate down to how these narc men are toward gay people. I have a gay sister, and guess who got along with her just great? Yep the narc.
My ex said to me many times he didn’t understand why a married man would put up with his wife not giving sex on demand….he would always say, “I’d be down the road before I’d ever put up with that.” Then I would ask him, what if your wife was sick? Then he would reluctantly say, “well, I guess if she was sick…that would be o.k.”
Little did I realize at the time he was telling me this as a warning. I really did not take it that way because I thought he loved me. In the end it was the very thing that made him walk away from our marriage. He elaborately planned when he would leave (day after xmas), where he would go (hotel), and who he would start dating (he had ads up on all the dating websites the day he left). I was clueless and in shock. Needless to say, that was just the beginning of the hell and torment that would ensue for the next few years. But in the end, he left because sex was becoming a burden for me. I had hit menopause and my libido dropped. I did not stay in bed most nights because of the sweats. He was incensed by this. I tried explaining the menopause thing to him, even sent him medical paperwork and tried taking supplements for my libido….but to no avail, he wanted no part of a woman who would not make his sexual desires her number one priority. He told me once that I should not get out of bed at night and go to the couch. I told him about the night sweats and how awful they were and normally I had to get up and change my night clothes. He told me a wife belongs in bed with her husband. I told him I could not lie there and stare at the ceiling being so uncomfortable and sweaty. He said I should suck it up. I told him last I checked slavery was abolished in the 19 century…..Sorry to go on about this…it helps sharing my story. It certainly verifies to me that he was 100% psychopath!
Share away sweetheart; thst’s what we’re all here for… sharing does help dissipate the intense pangs a bit! My “ex” experiences are quite different. After getting me pregnant, he appeared to lose all interest in sex and being so young and naive, I practically begged him for sex, thinking it was a sign of affection! The last 10 years, when we slept in separate bedrooms, I was still so faithful, I thought he was just giving it to himself or abstaining. The thought never occurred to me that naturally, he was getting it elsewhere all those years. I didn’t even divorce the s.o.b. until he started beating the 5 kids to where Child Protective Serrvices were called by a camp counselor! How naive and caring I was…and STUPID! Even my grown sons had office “affairs” and were all divorced by their spouses. Beware the psychopath! A much happier New Year I sincerely wish for you! Never give up on love…you will find it after healing.
Hi – I’m fairly new to this site and absolutely fascinated by it. I came acorss the site when a close friend recently sent me an article on how to recognise a sociopath, with a her own large shouty capital letters saying “SOUND FAMILIAR???”
And yes, of course, it did. I think I can literally say, the blood drained out of me.
With regards our sexual relations, they seemed good to start with. He made me feel special when we met, put me on a pedal stall. But funnily enough his libido was not as high as mine – it seemed. I would often try and instigate sex and he would push me away, make excuses and turn me down. I put on a little weight after our children were born. Nothing horrendous but he used that as an excuse – he once told me “I may have put on a few pounds over the years but you have totally deformed yourself.” – I’ve never been able to forget those words. Eventually I lost confidence and began not to try. Sex became so ocassional it was only 3 or 4 times a year when I’d had a few drinks and would get enough Dutch Courage to ‘try it on’. It would always result in sex but the next day he would say I had ‘raped him’ – I used to believe it was in jest, but now I believe that he had to control sex just as he had to control me. He couldn’t bare my taking control in anything and that had to include sex. I also think the fact that my libido was much higher than his in some way ‘belittled’ him. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how it now feels.
Eventually after a really spiteful comment after we’d had sex one night, I made a pact with myself to stop trying and to see how long it would go on if I stopped instigating it. That lasted over 10 years (and now this would be 13 if you count the last 3 years in which time I realised he was having an affair, separated with him and then the 2 years it has taken to divroce him).
Over the years I had persuaded myself that he must have physioloical problems that he couldn’t bare to talk about. If the subject of the lack of sex would ever come up he would become vile and insulting – it was always my fault. I wasn’t deformed in any way what-so-ever and many would say still a very attractive woman (not sure I’d agree but….) But in the latter years I started to see how insulting he was about other women not just me. “oh look at her fat arse”, “God she’s got a massive nose” – “what a pig!” – that sort of thing. He never seemed to be that scathing over men – just women.
After buying a lap top for the family some 4/5 years ago, I noticed he started to stay up later and would often forget to shut down what he was watching. I was appalled by the type of porn he would watch. I’m no prude but it would be very young girls and often violent. I started to realise that perhaps he wasn’t so much disinterested in sex or sex with me but that he wanted something that I could never provide. I started to wonder when he had become like that or if he had always been that way.
Eventually in 2010 I worked out he was having an affair so my assumptions that he didn’t like sex or couldn’t perform, were totally incorrect. I had even thought at times that he didn’t like women much because of his scathing comments – but he just wanted a certain kind of woman on his terms, I guess. The woman he had the affair with and the others he had been messing with, I discovered, were none of them overly attractive but all very vulnerable in their own ways and all seemed to dote on him. This is obviously what he wants and needs. Good luck to him and even better luck to them as they’ll need it!
This was supposed to be a short comment but once you start it is hard to stop! The more I read on this site the more I know that I have finally be freed and had a very lucky escape!
So glad you found this wonderful site and are learning a lot about this mental illness. Yes, it is a scientifically proven illness; however, most psychpaths refuse testing or treatment as they feel superior (“there’s nothing wrong with me”!) so few are professionally tested. Keep learning and sharing through Lovefraud and you will learn a lot. Good luck!
Important research.