The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new results yesterday from telephone surveys of about 9,000 women and 7,400 men. One in four women reported being violently attacked by their husbands or boyfriends. One in five women said they were victims of rape or attempted rape.
Read Survey: 1 in 4 women attacked by intimate partner on NPR.org.
Read Survey: 1 in 3 women affected by partner’s violent behavior on CNN.com, which also includes data about violence to men.
National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, on the CDC.gov.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
my comments are not related to the mentioned articles, but to my own thinking spurred by a couple of reported ex or partner related murders reported in the last few days, the truth that a lot of violence takes place over the holidays, and my rumination over my father’s neglect of my mother.
This have left me thinking about the ‘risk’ of being married/ living with someone (this is one or the reports that has me thinking):
http://www.thespec.com/news/canada/article/640884–jealous-ex-followed-car-shot-three-dead-friends-say
In DV situations the most dangerous time is when the abused partner tries to leave (often you see the word ‘estranged’ in the reports of these murders.)
i don’t mean to offend anyone, and women kill other women in lesbian and men in heterosexual relationships – but the majority of men and women who die due to partner violence, die at the hands of men. it hurts my heart that men have this legacy, and that it is so dangerous to date, to love, to wed.
we are taught to believe that intimate relationships and marriage are ‘supposed’ to be about love, friendship, family – no one ever suggested to me that they would be the most dangerous things I would ever do.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
marcyII – sending your strength and peace.
skylar
One Joy,
In the book “Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry men.” Lundy Bancroft uses a good analogy to describe why angry men feel entitled to abuse women. He compares them to a young boy who has been told all his life that a piece of land belongs to him, and when he reaches 18, he can take possession. The land doesn’t actually belong to him, it’s really a park. When he sees people in the park, he acts like a lunatic and chases them out. He tries to share the park by putting up special areas for picnicking, but nobody follows his rules. He is left angry and frustrated because nobody is respecting his property rights. At age 18 he tries to take possession of the park and is arrested. He’s finally informed that it was never his park, he had been misled, yet it takes years for him to stop feeling possessive of the park because it’s what he has always believed.
We come from a culture in which women were considered possessions. Although this is no longer law, the attitude that one person has to be the dominating force in a relationship, still clings.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hi sky – it’s a interesting analogy (and a good one in as much as it has internal integrity). many people have interaction with the police for DV before they murder. they have been warned that the damn park isn’t theirs. it changes nothing.
some people have a greater tendency toward ‘entitlement’ (as WE all know), and I would posit that many of the DV abusers are spaths, narcissists or have high narcissistic tendencies.
Stargazer
Sky, that’s a very interesting analogy and it makes sense. And I would add that in order for a man to feel entitled to a woman, he would first have to dehumanize her and regard her as an object.
skylar
One and Star,
To be fair, people of both genders have been known to dehumanize and to feel entitled to treat others as possessions. The only difference is that men have a support system in place that encourages them. I’ve seen and heard it. The idea that a woman should be fooled, played and conquered is not just from spaths, it’s part of our culture. It takes a special man to “think outside the box” and reject his programming.
Stargazer
Sky, I absolutely had the non-gender bias thing in my mind when I posted. You are absolutely right. But I thought it might convolute the message if I put all the disclaimers in my post. I think about someone like Alex reading, who might interpret it as we are out to get men. Nothing could be further from the truth. Thanks for your clarification and consideration of others’ feelings.
skylar
Star,
I know you did. It would be hard to find someone on this site, more non-gender biased than you are.
The only reason I mentioned it is because, as you said, people who don’t know us could erroneously conclude that we are men-bashers. On the contrary, it is our culture at fault for not providing men with a support system that makes them feel safe without needing scapegoats.
It needed mentioning so that the solution could be found, rather than just laying blame.
Stargazer
Sky, I often forget that people reading could get the wrong idea. Thanks so much for making your point. I appreciate your posts so much, though I will stop short of love bombing. LOL
skylar
ohhhhh! bomb away! you’re so good at it!!!
😀