A paper recently published in the Journal of Zoology says that great white sharks hunt in a highly focused fashion, just like serial killers.
According to a report on ScienceDaily.com, the researchers used geographic profiling—a criminal investigation tool used to find serial killers based on the locations of their crimes—to examine how the hunting patters of great white sharks off the coast of South Africa.
Sharks establish well-defined hunting bases in strategic locations. The researchers noticed that smaller sharks searched further, and had less success, than larger sharks. They surmised that great white sharks refined their search patterns with experience, and concentrated their hunting in locations with the highest probability of success.
For more information on the study, read Geographic profiling works: Great white sharks’ hunting skills as refined as Jack the Ripper’s.
Rosa,
Yes thank God for laughter, and that my Grandma locks up her pills!
justabouthealed,
Don’t give me too much credit, even though it’s only been 2 months NC, I have known for years that something was just not right. It took me that long to finally make up my mind to have NC, and really he made up my mind for me. If he hadn’t announced that he was “in love” with this woman he was apparently sleeping with I most likely would be living with him and that underlying feeling of guilt/self disgust due to settling.
I know he has shallow emotions, but it would be nice to hear from him. Not actually hear from him, but to see his # on the caller ID. In the past when I tried to leave he would always sneak back in and has never gone this long without calling. I just can’t believe he hasn’t tried to call. I guess it means him and his new gf are ‘happy’. I will count it as a blessing, and tell my hurt ego to toughen up. It hurts when I start to doubt myself, thinking things like ‘what if he really CAN love and just doesn’t love me, and is happy with the new girl?’
Also, we always used to fight about sex. He would make up all kinds of excuses not to have sex it used to baffle me, I’m 10 years younger than him, and I may not be a model, but I can turn some heads and for him I was the best he could ever hope for (except his new gf has bigger boobs even though she’s 20 years older than me yuk). So anyway, I think that was his way of devaluing me, because it would make me very insecure and rejected feeling to have to beg for sex all the time. Point of all this is, the last time we spoke he told me that “A-He was in love with this other woman, B-He never had any fun when he was with me (sure seemed like it when he was living off my dime) and C- That the reason that he never wanted to have sex with me was because he didn’t find me attractive.
So I try to brush those things off as just a few more lies, but sometimes I wonder if maybe he just didn’t love me anymore, and that his new girl is more attractive and fun to be around and that he doesn’t miss me (that’s true I know) and that maybe I’m just making up this S thing in my head as a defense mechanism so I don’t have to deal with the reality of being rejected.
Also since NC I have gained nearly 10 pounds, and since I moved here to be with him I had already gained 10 just from the stress of him…so that’s 20 pounds I’ve put on this year. I know it will take months to lose it, and I feel so disgusting, which feeds the thoughts about being unattractive to him, which in turn makes me feel like eating EVERYTHING!
Does anyone else suffer from the emotional eating thing? Any tips? I had been doing so well until all of this and I feel like I’ve backtracked in several aspects of my life. I’d hate to run into him somewhere and have him see me all fat and icky. That would be the icing on his S cake.
Arhg if I could only shut off my brain!
Done – When my X left me, or lets say when I kicked his butt too the curb, I changed phone numbers, not only to prevent him from calling me but also to prevent me from sitting and waiting on him to call, I think it would of been worse had I known he didnt call at all. So I knew I had to do this to begin healing from years of (something isn’t right). Your X does not love this girl with big boobs, he just went to someone new that does not know he is empty and shallow. If anything they get bored with us, they never had intentions of being with us forever, just until we see them for what they are and then they move on to greener pastures and they will graze that green grass until the pasture is bare and then on to the next and the next. I know how you feel about not believing he didnt love you, well guess what – he didnt, but dont take it personal, youwere just at the right place at the wrong time. I too get weary of him still in my mind but if I could just turn off the thoughts of him and the feelings I had for him then I would be just like him.
Thank you Henry. I’ll consider changing my number. I hate to do that bc I’ve had it since 1998 and that would be a lot of people to notify. I know you are right that he never loved me, and doesn’t love the new girl–but sometimes it’s easy to still be upset that he didn’t.
In the mean time, I have found something else to worry about. I think that my boss has it in for me. I had a review yesterday and she made all these claims, when I asked her to provide specific examples she was unable to. She also stated that I had a good attitude and performed at a consistent level, met all deadlines etc. but made other contradictory statements. Long story short my probation has been extended, if I can’t figure out how to make her happy I guess I may need to look for a new job in six months. If that happens, I will definitely move out of this city and far away from the S. I’m so frustrated because I don’t know how to improve at my job without any feedback, and I think that it is personal. I don’t know if I should just work my ass off for the next six months and hope I keep my job, or give up and start looking now. If it’s personal I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do, and I don’t know if I should talk to her superiors about my suspicions or if she’d find out and it’d be more awkward.
I just mention this bc I am already exhausted from dealing with the S, I don’t know how much more I can deal with. If she knows she doesn’t want me for this job I wish she’d just tell me now instead of keep me hanging for six more months.
Done,
Know how hard it can to change yet another part of our life albeit a phone number job etc..
We must do this to separate ourselves from that which is making us weak and emotional sick at times but still wonder why we need to do it all and yet so little about them changes. In fact so many times they go down their little path of life with little or no change at all. Maybe a new source but that’s about it. Just like when we were with them, we had to carry the ball of responsibility, cleaning up their messes behind them while at the same time dealing with our personal struggles. But each door we do close if we make sure it stay closed we gave yet a little more peace a little more distance and a little more self-esteem.
I too see change in my horizon soon, a new town a new job but if I keep my eye on the prize I know in the end I will triumph knowing God is with me and that my children are at my side.
Good luck Done!
Dear Done,
I am a retired Registered Nurse Practitioner (advanced practice nurse) and yes, STRESS DOES MAKE US EAT MORE, but it will also make you gain “fat” molecules adn loses muscle tissue. In fact, research with mice has shown that with the same number of calories and the same amount of exercise that stressed mice will gain weight around their mid section.
The hormones of stress cause our bodies to change in many “strange” ways and not any of them good (at least in the long term). Research has shown that stress decreases our life span, craps out our immune system, messes with all kinds of balances in our bodies and generally messes us up physically and mentally….I felt that I was somewhat immune to othis because I knew all about it, but believe me, I AM A LIVING EXAMPLE OF WHAT STRESS WILL DO TO YOUR MIND AND BODY. Take it easy on yourself! DE stress as much as possible.
Thanks James,
It is helpful to ‘keep my eye on the prize’ and I share the belief that it will be okay in the end.
OxDrover,
My mom is a nurse and I know about the stress/fat thing. I think I mentioned before that my hair actually fell out I was so stressed, it is amazing how destructive it can be. I guess I need advice on how to DEstress. Especially now that I feel as I’ve just been fired from my job, but they still expect me to work another months. I have NEVER been in trouble at a job, at school, etc. Never got a bad review, and NEVER had to fear for my job before. I really think this woman has already made up her mind to let me go six months from now and I don’t know what to do next. I love my job, now I’m afraid to go in on Monday. I think normally I would be able to better deal with a difficult boss, but I already have been emotionally sucked dry by the S, I don’t know if I have the energy to deal with another difficult person at work. =(
Done:
I have been reading your post on the fly. One thing that came to me from a legal standpoint. You should bring up, in writing, the point that you have requested from your supervisor, and thus far not received, constructive criticism, on ways to improve your job.
You should file this in response to your review. If you have already filed your review, send in the response, by certified mail to make sure it is in your file. I was given this advice by my employment lawyer (yes, even lawyers need them sometimes) because you need to start laying some kind of employment discrimination foundation if you think they are gunning for you. Also, the letter will definitely get their attention and make them think twice if they are gunning for you, since the first thing your employer’s employment attorneys will tell them is “she’s been to see an employment lawyer.”
Matt,
Part of the problem is she didn’t even have me sign the review. I have the copy she gave me, but I don’t know who I would file my response with. I don’t feel like it would be safe to give it to my boss, and am afraid to go to her boss. I feel like this whole thing started when I confronted my boss about a mistake she made. I was very careful when I confronted her, but I feel like since that day she has had it in for me, like she was mad that I questioned something she had said and ended up being right.
I wasn’t even asked to sign the review, do you think it would be smart to go to human resources or employee relations with my statement, so that it doesn’t look like I’m going over her head, but then they would have that info if she does end up letting me go after the six months?
Also, I know that there is an intern they had before I took the job that graduates in December. I don’t have any proof, but just a feeling that she might be extending my probation so that she can fire me in December and hire him, but doesn’t fire me now because she needs me.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
If you are going to do anything, go to an employment lawyer. Unless you are working in a progressive gov’t office or something, usually the human resources or employee relations dept. is actually on the side of the employer, not you. My friend who filed a response to her review (doesn’t matter if you signed it or not, that’s just another thing she did wrong), got fired a few days later. And it was a VERY professional response, with no blaming, just stating verifiable facts, and ended with optimism about the future. THEN she got a lawyer, and a settlement.
But Matt is right, I think. If you are going to do anything, go to an employment lawyer. The lawyer will advise you if you should go to hr before s/he sends a letter. But you need legal help. You are describing a “hostile work environment” which is also grounds for consulting an employment lawyer, regardless of your review.
Oops…didn’t mean to come across so “bossy”. You will need to do what your heart tells you. Sometimes we just aren’t “up” to do battle. I’m just passionate because of what my friend went through.