An open letter to lawyers who have clients involved with sociopaths

Dear Mr. or Ms. Esquire,

When a client tells you his or her opponent is a sociopath, please be aware of the ramifications for your legal case.

First of all, do not disregard the statement just because the opponent hasn’t killed anyone. A common perception is that sociopaths are all deranged serial killers. This is not true—only a small percentage of sociopaths commit murder. But all sociopaths are social predators, and live by exploiting others.

Frequently this is financial exploitation—many sociopaths are skilled con artists—but not always. Sociopaths also target people who can provide them with a place to live, business connections, sex, housekeeping or other support services, children, or a respectable image in the community while they live double lives.  The point is that sociopaths intentionally use manipulation and deceit to hook their target. They continue the manipulation and deceit to keep the exploitation going, bleeding the target until there is nothing left. At that point, some sociopaths abandon the target, moving on without a backward glance.

Sometimes, however, the target gets wise to the sociopath, and wants to end the involvement. At this point, some sociopaths become enraged at the possibility of losing control, and set out to crush the target. They are not interested in compromise or equitable distribution. They do not want to give the target whatever he or she is entitled to. They want to grind the target into the dirt.

What you need to understand about sociopaths

1. A sociopath’s prime objective is power and control. All they want is to win.

2. Sociopaths love the drama of court because it gives them an opportunity to win. They do not consider the possibility that they may lose. If they do lose, they view it a bump in the road, and figure out how to attack the target again. Forcing the target to incur steadily mounting legal expenses is considered a win.

3. Sociopaths lie. They lie convincingly. They have no qualms about lying in court documents or on the witness stand.

4. Sociopaths manipulate other people to lie for them. These witnesses may not know they are lying—they may simply believe everything that the sociopath has told them, because sociopaths are so convincing.

5. Sociopaths feel no obligation to follow court orders or the law. They only follow court orders or the law if they perceive an advantage in doing so. But they are experts at figuring out ways to use the law to further their objective, which is to crush your client.

How people become targets

Most of us believe that people are basically good inside and everybody just wants to be loved. Because we do not know that there are exceptions to these beliefs—namely, sociopaths—we have huge blind spots that these predators can exploit.

No normal person intentionally becomes involved with a lying, manipulative sociopath. So when your client tells you outrageous stories of the sociopath’s behavior, and also says he or she never knew about the behavior, or accepted the sociopath’s explanations, your client is most likely telling the truth.

How do these entanglements happen? Sociopaths are always on the lookout for people they can use. When they encounter someone through any social interaction, they quickly evaluate whether that person has something that they want. If the answer is yes, they assess the person for vulnerabilities. Then they figure out how to exploit the person’s vulnerabilities to achieve their objective.

Sociopaths engage in calculated seduction. If you’re handling a divorce case, the seduction was romantic. If it’s some other type of case, the seduction may have involved shared beliefs, aspirations or goals. Either way, in the beginning of the involvement the target is subject to a wonderful honeymoon of admiration and promise.

Once the target is hooked, the sociopath begins the exploitation, while simultaneously ramping up manipulation to keep the target under control. This may involve:

  • Isolating the target from his or her support network
  • Emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, sexual or financial abuse
  • Gaslighting—making the target doubt his or her own perceptions

What you need to understand about the target

1. Involvement with a sociopath is like living in a black hole of chaos. Your client, the target, has probably had every aspect of his or her life disrupted:

  • Career interrupted
  • Finances ruined
  • Health compromised
  • Home and property neglected
  • Relationships shattered

By the time the legal action commenced, your client may have already been in free fall for a long time. He or she may feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the issues that need to be addressed.

2. Involvement with a sociopath can cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). At one time PTSD was diagnosed only in relation to a single traumatic event that involved risk of serious injury or death, coupled with intense fear, horror or helplessness. A new definition identifies a type of PTSD that results from cumulative trauma and long-term injury.

3. PTSD is a psychiatric injury (not a mental illness). PTSD causes biochemical changes in the brain and affects certain areas of the brain’s anatomy. Common symptoms include intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating and exhaustion.

4. The litigation against the sociopath makes your client re-experience the underlying trauma and triggers the symptoms of PTSD. Dr. Karin Huffer, in her book Unlocking Justice, explains what happens:

Mentally reliving the trauma during legal proceedings simultaneously activates parts of the brain that support intense emotions while diminishing the functions of the central nervous system that controls motor output, regulates physiological arousal, and impedes the ability to communicate in words. Memory fails and intrusive emotions sabotage concentration on the task at hand. Litigants feel incapable of the spontaneous verbal response and interaction required in typical courtroom exchanges. As a result, the litigant with PTSD might be driven to avoid topics. They literally do not hear them. They disconnect when they need to engage. And, at times, they clearly are nonfunctional and are unable to communicate their symptoms and needs in a formal manner accepted by the courts.

5. Targets of sociopaths have been deceived, betrayed and perhaps subject to violence. They approach the courts expecting justice, which sociopaths actively thwart. When justice is denied, and targets instead experience profound and prolonged injustice, their PTSD takes on another dimension, which Huffer identifies as “Legal Abuse Syndrome.”

Your client’s experience

The goal of this letter, Mr. or Ms. Esquire, is to help you understand what your client has experienced. My objective is to explain why he or she may be having difficulties with the litigation process, and difficulties moving on in life. The sociopath intentionally used your client—perhaps for years—and may be intentionally attempting to destroy him or her now.

Your client is not irrational, lazy or obstinate. Your client is having a normal reaction to profound betrayal.


Donna Andersen
Author, Lovefraud.com, and a former litigant against a sociopath

Comment on this article

64 Comments on "An open letter to lawyers who have clients involved with sociopaths"

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OMG – this is all so true. I wish I had known it earlier.

this is so VERY TRUE… he walked into my life with nothing…and walked out of it with it all…everything was mine…now his ? How wrong is that !! He had his lawyer and the Judge believe his lies… !! He now has my house that I paid cash for with MY money BEFORE we were married…! Now I am living in a HUD apartment, living on welfare…!!!!
He is a con= a lier= and a cheat… he is 62 years old, and his rich little girlfriend is 31…. GROSS…. I warned her, and wish her luck…. hope she hides her money !!!

It’s been three years since my bout with my SP,and this site is still helping me overcome the emotional damage she incurred on me. thank God i didn’t marry her! I am still dazed & confused about my feelings of any future relationship possibilities, it’s just so hard to be able to trust for the fear that I may fall prey to another SP. I can definitely say I still have a lingering PTSD and am working to resolve it with the help of this site and these informative posts. Thanks, to all, for your advice and experiences which is helping others deal with this ordeal.

I recently found lovefraud.com. I have been the target of a sociopath and his family for twenty years. I lost primary custody of my youngest son last week. In the last two years I have experienced physical attacks, betrayal of loved ones, I have lost my home and car and finally the the ability to protect my child. I was devastated at the loss of home and car, horrified by the physical attacks from my oldest son, the betrayal of people I trusted the most turning to the man that everyone in my life has referred to as”the devil” out of spite or confusion…. There is no words to explain how I feel about losing the trial, the ability to protect, love, damage control, hug and kiss him on a daily basis. He is alone in that world with no defense. No one to tell him that he is okay. Someone that appreciates his smile and sense of humor and loves him just the way he is. No want or need to change him into something else or make him be something he is not. I have learned enough to know that he has some characteristics of a sociopath but that he is still young enough to help but in that environment it will not take long, I am afraid, before I do not see “him” as I know him. If for some reason I am allowed to continue visitation, I know that it is only for the ability to watch my pain and suffering as “Noah” drifts away.

I agree with you! The judicial system is part of the problem. It appears to me, that when you do end up
in court, it is the same story. The victim is the spath, and the real victim is still being victimized by the judicial system. The entire system must be revamped, and the judges need to be astute to people with personality disorder. The attorneys make the monies, win or loose, and today they barely look at documents, yet they do not want to get involved, when they hear psychopath, or borderline. I read the blogs that have been written, and my heart aches for everyone. I want the victims to be heard. All of us have been hit hard, but I believe everyone is accountable for their actions. The spath must be held accountable for the actions he/she caused on another. We leave this to the courts, but this is a no win situation.

Thank you for writing this. I only hope enough lawyers read it and take it seriously. This is the very reason that I am hoping to prevent going to trial with my sociopath. I don’t think I could stand to relive all that happened and it will make it even worse to hear the sociopath lie, deny doing anything wrong, and blame it all on me. I have no doubt that she would pretend to be the victim and say that I did horrible things to her when in fact the opposite is true. I wish that a simple diagnosis of being a sociopath or borderline would carry a huge amount of weight in court and that the court would then know that this person is almost definitely lying and almost definitely at fault for what they are being accused of.

Thank you for such a wonderful letter!I copied it so that if I go to court later,I have a letter to explain what I have been through.One of the reasons I have stayed away from any legal situations is because of what I know one can be put through!I have a sister who went through a court case to get a divorce from her husband who is a sociopath and whose mother is one.Because she has money and influence(including a son who is a policeman)she had all the “witnesses” she needed.It was a long,dramatic ordeal.My sister got her divorce,but lost custody of her daughter.My sister’s health suffered;she became a heavy smoker.And she aged a great deal.

I know that spath has been to court before and knows exactly how to “deal the cards”.He has been divorced before.He actually bragged to me how he dressed up for court and talked so respectful…told the judge he was unemployed,was unable to pay any alimony,etc.He has bragged about being a good actor;a good con man.

Excellent letter outlining the real identities and motives of sociopaths, Donna! Sociopaths know how to manipulate so well, they con the legal system and in my experience, investigation turned up that all 3 of the sociopaths had frequent contact with law enforcement to enhance perceptions of “being good citizens”! And, like magnets, they can find like-minded sociopaths who work within a system as well.
Again Donna, thank you for this telling outline that describes the real perspective of the targets of sociopaths! You’re a beacon of light!

Donna, thank you for this article that is exactly on target and for creating this place of support. You described both sides of my situation perfectly. My years in a relationship with a sociopath resulted in me being abandoned by him less than 60 days after buying “our dream home” together, with me fronting most of the money. Of course he stopped paying his share of the expenses and left me holding the complete financial bag in a state where I know no one and found a job making a fraction of the income I was in my home state as a licensed professional. It took over a year communicating through an attorney to get him to agree to sign a listing agreement to put the home on the market. I talked to my attorney about suing him for the tens of thousands of dollars he now owes me (and growing each month), and she wisely advised against it, saying it would cost me much more than he owes, since based on her dealings with him, he would do everything he could to make it as difficult and costly as possible for me, and even though it was likely I would win the judgement, it was unlikely that he would ever pay. She said that in “letting” him seem to win, I was actually coming out ahead and saving myself further trauma. Such good advice!!! I still have the hurdle of finalizing a sale with him when a buyer comes, but, after almost two years since he abandoned me cruelly and completely unexpectedly, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the freedom beyond. I’m dealing with the devastation he caused and feel more like the “pre-sociopath” me all the time, but there are scars that I think will always remain. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that there will be no justice but in making the choice to avoid more certain pain, we win.

With strength and determination you can prevail in court against a psycopath. I have done it twice. First he stalked me, then started filing fraudulent lawsuits against me. He attempted to make me look unstable to the judge, but I vowed to tell the truth from day one and remain calm, since his claims were lies. The first lawsuit was in small claims, he was suing me for photos and videos from when we dated. This lawsuit proved how truly obsessed he is. He lost. Then he went much bigger, filing a mechanic’s lien against my home, suing me for just under $50,000. This lawsuit went on for 3 years. He lost again and I was awarded just under $15,000 in attorney’s fees. So far I’ve received $40 since he is now in prison serving 21 years for stalking and many other crimes he committed against my family.

The money I was awarded doesn’t come close to covering my attorney’s fees but it could have been much worse had he won.

Don’t give up!

Great article-thank you so much for addressing this to a client’s attorney. I sent this to my attorney as I have impending mediation coming up next month.

Ever since my divorce in 2003, my ex has been relentless trying to take over custody of the children. One is emancipated now and in the Army. The other is home with me as I have the custody of her. She does visit one night a week and every other weekend with her dad.

When our son was emancipated last April, child support would need to come into play, as before it was not an issue as he had the son and I had the daughter. So for a year now, I’ve gone through a domestic evaluation and an MMPI test. My ex is trying to say I have a hostile enviornment for my daughter. What it is is she is genetically taking after him and goes over and complains and makes us (my husband and I) out to be bad guys.

I don’t think it is in my daughter’s best interest to live with him, however, she is becoming more and more like him. She has uncontrolled anger, bitterness, jealousy, wants to control me and keep me all to herself from my husband. She couldn’t stand it that we only had one dog, so she wanted her own dog. She bought her own dog and is very upset that it likes me and my husband but shuns her. She is rough with it, she yanks it around and yells at it and scolds it for not doing her bidding. She took it to her dads and he tolerated the dog and said it is untrainable. She, the dog, was a resuce, a chihuahua and Chinese crested mix. She is 1 1/2 yo, very sweet, just wants love and affection.

My son told me that if his dad did receive custody of our daughter, he’d send her 1 1/2 hours away to a private school -she is a 10th grader right now-so it’s not college. That tells me he just wants control, not her.


My spath was always so good in a law/legal situation. There were several instances where he had to go to court about something (not to do with us) and he got off. I don’t know how as he should have been put away but he did. He viewed the law and officers as a challenge lol.

However I discovered that he was a coward. When I decided I was going to finish it, I went to see a solicitor. I didn’t know the spath was an spath at that point, just that I wanted rid of him and he wouldn’t go. The spath was away from home and the solicitor wrote him a letter giving him 2 days to pack all his stuff. If he wasn’t gone within 2 days we would seek an injunction against him.
I stayed at my parents for those 2 days. When he got back home he found the letter from the solicitor and went ballistic! he tried calling me, emailing etc but on the solicitor’s advice I didn’t answer.

When I went back 2 days later he was gone, but the flat was a mess.

A few months later I got my revenge on him. Letters lept arriving for him from debt collection agencies. I got fed up and opened on and spoke to the company. I gave them his new address and also the aliases I had discovered for him! They were very pleased lol I later heard that the police turned up at his place with the baliffs and arrested both him and his new girlfriend and took away loads of his stuff including MY brand new laptop which I was still paying for and he had stolen. Apparently I was the bitch from hell lol Made me feel good though, as though I’d managed to finally get my own back in some way 🙂

Great article. Clear, succinct and validating! I would add that attorneys who represent spaths should beware also, because they are master’s at getting even attorneys to feel sorry for them and then getting the attorney to do unethical/illegal actions that could get the attorney into trouble. If they can get their own attorney to cross legal and ethical lines — what great thrill and power to dominate even their own attorney. They also thrive on attention as well as the drama — it is also how they manipulate!!!

so next, how about a similar article for therapists — most of whom are targets for spaths –and because most therapists don’t “get it” — it doesn’t even occur to them what may be going on — they can do a lot of harm to family members who seek help! Thanks for this great article!


Prison counselors need an article of their own too. I have a transcript from a sentencing hearing where the prison counselors gave over-the-top reviews of what a wonderful prisoner the person who stalked me is. When cross examined by the county attorney one of them admitted that he met with the stalker for less than an hour. The female counselor who worked with him, but not much longer than the male one, talked like she had a crush on him. They were both very obviously charmed and manipulated by him.

Many lawyers really don’t care about their clients and actually use an opposing side’s mental illness to generate more income for themselves. I hate to sound cynical but it’s true that lawyers generate income by whipping up fear and can easily use the opposing side’s mental illness to their own benefit.

The court system’s all about money, not justice at all. It’s just a highly rigged game with insiders covering for themselves. You need to know that there are many ill sadistic personalities in the court system and to stay away if possible. Judges who sit on the bench can easily be psychopaths as well since they are attracted to their position of power and judgment over others.

Lawyers are taught in law school and by their firms not to form emotional bonds with their clients for fear of being manipulated by them not to follow the law or procedures as they should. Consider this as well that lawyers know if there’s a problem judge they must act towards them accordingly not based on what their client wishes for them to do but what they need to do based on particular circumstances.

The victim needs to find a decent human being to represent them if possible but I beg to differ that many would care or evaluate the opposing side’s psychopathology. Courts actually like the mentally ill who they use to generate income for their business operation. It’s gotten that bad in our judicial system.

If you can find a Christian lawyer I’d highly recommend someone who has demonstrated clear ethical and moral values in their history. Just realize anytime you get ensnared in the system, it’s Satan’s territory where psychopaths can easily thrive.

P.S. The court system doesn’t determine someone’s mental state of being a psychopath unless they have committed a crime requiring a psychological evaluation. Even when there’s obvious signs of the opposing side being a psychopath, the court will ignore it or not seek to recognize any psychological state since everything is viewed through and by the law in your case. The law sees no legal requirement to analyze the opposing party as being a psychopath unless he or she has been involved in a crime against the victim.

Silentstorm your advice is absolutely spot on regarding finding a decent person to represent you. My attorney saved my sanity by never lowering her own dignity to address the insults, financial fraud and threats perpetrated by my ex and his attorney. I too did not have the children’s custody at stake or I truely would have lost it!!!! As it stands I have maintained my dignity and my truth. lost out big time financially….but that seems inevitable given who we were married to. Ladies and the men who have been hurt…the most important thing is to be less rather than further traumatised during legal proceedings. No amout of struggle is going to get you more…remember liars lie and cheaters cheat.Its what they do and who they are. We don’t want to go there.

I am constantly in awe of the info provided on this site. By Donna herself and then the tribe of people whose lives have been affected by the LoveFrauder’s.
My story is too long and unsettling to get into – however, it wasn’t until after I had asked for the divorce that all the craziness made sense. I stumbled across this site while looking online for info on social misfits and then I read all about the toxic brew of sociopathic behavior. Then my ‘crazy’ marriage to him ALL made sense.
Thank you to the many out there who give both vocal and silent support and for the many of us who feel safe having a voice. So many in our lives don’t really understand what we went through, and i am actually kinda grateful for that as they don’t need to go to that dark place of trying to digest this disorder. It’s not for the weak of heart!
Blessings to you all. I am incredibly at peace and have joy in my soul again for the first time in many years.


You’re right – having a spath in your life is “not for the weak of heart.” We all have crazy stories – I personally think that these people are insane. My kids’ dad (who’s in his mid-50’s) has not been the greatest role model (especially during the past several years) to his children, hearing from me about that! It’s in one ear and out the other, tuning me out. Oh, well, at least I’ve spoken my mind to him.

Donna, sometimes its good to write out your crazy story. I was so reluctant at first, and when I first posted it I re-read it questioning myself to people on here if I was the sociopath! Or if I was the one that’s crazy!! I truly was so brainwashed and trauma bonded at the time (back in November) and I was waiting for someone to tell me I was off my rocker! But the exact opposite happened and people here quickly tuned me into what was going on. I thought I was making excuses by “labeling” him a spath to cover for all of the “craziness” I was seeking answers and the response I got was UNREAL and the things I read were so SPOT ON to how my spath was, and I quickly learned that it was HIM and not ME! This site has been amazing to me to! Glad you’re here and don’t be afraid to share.

I totally understand your disbelief at first and the shock later on when you realized that you were a victim and not the “crazy” person. For months I questioned my own sanity when I was involved with a sociopath. In my case, it was a woman, but there are far more men possibly who are.
They all, however, are after only one thing, and one thing only. They want to control your life in some way to make them feel better. My sociopath wanted as much money as she could fleece from me. After I had her arrested, I found out that I was only one of many other men, almost all of whom, were in similar situations as I was at the time. She preyed on us knowing exactly how to appeal to us in a way that we would do what she wanted us to do.
This site is Godsend to those of us who have been victims of these vicious people who prey on us. We can read others stories, Donna’s comments, and write out our own stories. All of these things help us each day to better live with ourselves. I was so down on myself as to why I let this woman control me the way she did. Why did I keep seeing her over and over even after I was sure she was not at all what she was telling me she was. I continually was determined to never even speak to her again after she would leave, or quit talking to me on the phone, but each time she came back, or called me, I was happy to see or talk to her again.
She was good at what she did. She had never worked a day in her life at an honest job, unlike some of the men who can appear normal to most people, but she had been manipulating men since some time during her junior high school days to get what she wanted out of them. Almost always older men, but occasionally men her age, or even younger.
Just never get down on yourself; you were a “victim” like the rest of us on here. It doesn’t feel good to know we allowed someone so ruthless to do what they did to us, but at least we can understand that it was them, not us, who was abnormal. We were all pretty much honest, decent and very trusting people who were taken advantage of because we were those things. You are not alone; there are more of us than anyone knows. Just be happy you are no longer associated with him. Best wishes.

tnvictim, your sociopath sounds like mine. I’m in TN and I’m assuming you are too. Does her name start with an N?

I only wish we would have discovered this site years ago. It wasn’t until late last year we became familiar with term sociopath, now a lot of things we couldn’t understand make sense. My husband and I could never understand how his ex, with whom he shares a child, could be so evil and heartless. We often asked ourselves, how can a mother behave this way? My husband has spent pretty much the last 18 years in and out of court. It started off with visitation, she never followed any of the courts orders and even tried convincing them my husband was an aggressive abusive man, and sadly people did believe her. There was so much drama and chaos on a regular basis looking back I don’t know how our marriage survived it. She married another man and tried to cut my husband completely out of the picture brainwashing the child to believe this man was his dad. When she divorced the other man, and I might add, took him to the cleaners. She decided to give up the child, at first he was with the “other dad”, then he came to live with us, but at this point he was 14 and we were the enemy so it only lasted a little over a year. My husband still goes to court but now it’s all about the money. Last year the child moved out my husband stopped paying support and a judge actually ordered him to pay 13000.00 back to her because she lied to the judge and got the child to sign a statement lying as well. There is nothing she isn’t willing to do or say. The saddest part in all this is that the child says he hates my husband and wants nothing to do with him. As heartbreaking as it is for my husband to accept, his son seems to be following the same path as his mother and whenever he gets a chance he tries to hurt my husband. It has been an exhausting journey never knowing what to expect next from her, we have now moved thousands of miles away to get some peace but I know my husband is full of guilt about his son. It’s really sad how people like this go through life thriving off making others miserable.

I am so sorry to read what you and your husband have been put through!It’s good that you’ve finally put some distance between you and “the situation”.

Your husband has nothing to feel guilty about!He is a victim of sociopathy,just as the rest of us are.We’re here to gain an understanding of it,so that we can salvage what is left of our lives and make the best of it!Although the “ideal” situation between a parent and child is a loving bond,that isn’t possible with sociopathy.But the two of you deserve to be happy.Best wishes!

Thanks for your comments, that’s why I find this website to be a great help to us, people here understand, I have found that unless you are involved with a sociopath it’s almost hard to believe the crazy stories of things they do, some days it was unbelievable even for us. We have 2 children together and my husband is a wonderful, loving father, I try to remind him there was nothing more he could have done to prevent what happened with him and his son, she was just too strong of an evil force. With the information we have gained about sociopathy and the support I feel from this website, even though these are my first comments I have been reading for a few months now, it really does make a difference to how you can handle what’s being thrown at you.

Thank you so much for this article. It hits home because I am currently battling in court with a sociopath for custody of my daughter. The lies he tells are so convincing that I sometimes even doubt myself and I feel that my lawyer might even start to doubt my character also. It is good to get a proper insight into the minds of these people because I would not feel so frustrated anymore. I see it as a mental illness for which he requires a great deal of help. My approach is not to say too much to him directly and to not let him see how his lies affect me. Thanks again!

I was absolutely amazed by this letter, I read it over 20 times. I emailed it to my therapist, and all he could say was “WOW”.

I my case the spath was the person I was married to (I refuse to use the term husband, as we had no marriage in ANY sense of the word since 1986). Divorce was out of the question because of his threats.

My spath was a lawyer and I did not know about the fraud, forgery, and lies he told my mother’s stock broker until the he (the spath) died. He was, as I was to find out, an expert in creating false documents. Of course the brokerage swallowed everything the spath told them as gospel. Very long involved story. My mother’s name was the ONLY name that appeared on the account, but the broker saw no reason to contact her.

The litigation to get my severely handicapped mother’s money back was a nightmare, no worse.

When I explained what happened to various lawyers to try to get representation, I was turned down by lawyer after lawyer.

The arbitration (cases against brokerages go before a FINRA board) last 6 and a half days and the legal costs were just shy of a half million dollars.

While I won, I got way shy of the 1.3 million that the spath stole, no not stole, that the brokerage gave him control of.

A naive and self arrogant stock broker and a brilliant spath led to a disaster beyond belief.

If you think fighting a live spaht in overwhelming , try fighting a dead one.

What the spath did with the money is a book/movie.

The spath not only conned the broker, he conned a long practicing psycho analyst, and 2 communities of very street wise people; not to mention many others in the real world.

I am in the process of writing Donna a condensed version of my story. It’s hard.

Hugs to you all.

Omg….I feel for you so much “lost everything”, knowing what I was subjected to with my s’path Lawyers after getting out of a 25yr marriage to a Physcopath.

The position of power & control that these Lawyers hold cannot be underestimated. Some are sadly predators themselves who prey on the vulnerable women they are meant to help and poor you, married one.

My ex thought he was above the Law and is not answerable to anyone…..so did my Lawyers. I am so glad you were vindicated & won your case. God bless you and good luck for the future.

Dear Donna,

This open letter should be sent to all family Lawyers, it is nothing short of brilliant & so true.

I had a shocking court battle for nearly 2 years that has only recently ended with my Physcopathic ex. He put us in court & thankfully, our children were old enough that there were no custody battles. We were together over 25 yrs.

I stressed to my Lawyers how much of a s’path my ex was & that I really did not want to go into a court battle with him. My Lawyers however had an agenda to get us into the court system so they could make money off an already vulnerable & extremely distressed woman. They deliberately held a file I had provided to them at their office & gave every excuse under the sun as to why they hadn’t forwarded it onto my ex. There were phone calls made without my knowledge between my Lawyer & his & threats were made by them to start litigation if my file was not handed over immediately.

Despite the fact that the file had been sitting in their offices for over 6 weeks, they still didn’t react to the other sides threat to commence court proceedings if the file was not handed over to the ex. I spent months getting that file ready. I was not told of the threatening phone call to litigate, the first I knew of it & a letter that had gone out was after I received a bill from the Lawyers, nearly a month after the event. Meanwhile my ex had already commenced court proceedings.

I now fully believe that this Law firm knew full well that I was vulnerable & dealing with a Physcopath that they in turn, deliberately held an important file of documents from my ex (even though I had painstakingly provided it to their office)just so they could make money off our court battle because they knew this personality typeI was dealing with, would definately put us into the court system if he wasn’t given what he was demanding. And he did. My Lawyers then told me it was quote “a good thing” he had lodged court documents because they now had his affidavit & financial statement so they knew what they were dealing with.

It went from bad to worse after that. The court case went on for over 18 months. I had a breakdown. I now suffer from severe depression & extreme anxiety and was unable to even attend court (like you say in your letter) as my health was so unstable. So not only had I been used and abused by a Physcopath for over 25yrs, I then had horriffic Lawyers to deal with on top.

One of the Lawyers at this practice actually even asked me why my case ended up in the court system (when it was thrown in her lap when my Lawyer took leave) as she was just as shocked as me that it ended up in court. It was all over a binder not being supplied by the date my ex demanded it, even though it was in their office the whole time. Lawyers are in a position of power and control and should be helping the vulnerable women they represent & especially listening to them if they say they were married to a Physcopath.

My Lawyers instead used & abused me further by taking advantage of my extremely vulnerable position & emotionaly instability at the time. Has anyone else had to endure such a horrific experience with their Lawyers after first suffering at the hands of a s’path then being done over by the Lawyers as well?

My case with the ex has settled but at the expense of my already fragile emotional health after a lifetime of abuse at the hands of a s’path, I ended up dealing with more “snakes in suits” who were just as bad as my ex. This open letter to Lawyers really struck a cord with me and was so true in my case…..I’m so thankful you wrote this and brought light to the subject.

This post has helped me immensely and I thank you for that Donna.

Has anyone else had their Lawyers disregard the importance of knowing you are dealing with a s’path or worse still, taken advantage of that fact so they can make money off your misery?

I’m so thankful I have found this website…..and to everyone who shares their experiences because it helps others to hear you are not alone in this. Thank you Donna, I am buying books right now (yours included) to aide in my recovery back to normality.

God bless all of you who are dealing with s’paths in your life right now…stay strong.


My attorney actually used the term “attorney whore” in a conversation with me after a three year civil case, admitting that they are all attorney whores at times. There were times during the case that I wondered if he wanted it to go to trial for his own financial gain, but I’ll never know for sure.

I wanted to attempt what’s called a summary judgment, which if granted, would have avoided going to trial. My attorney said they are very rarely granted and it could end up being money spent only to be turned down and go to trial anyway. I still wonder if I should have tried it. The two day trial at $170 per hour was a lot of money.

I do know that my attorney has a new understanding of how psychopaths operate due to my case. I could tell he didn’t have much understanding of victimization in the beginning, but he knows all about that now too, since the person who sued me was also stalking me during that time.

After the second day of the civil trial my attorney commented that he lost all objectivity in my case, which means that they do try not to get emotionally involved with the cases they deal with, but it got to him.

The book Without Conscience is a good one for understanding psychopaths from a doctor’s perpective. Some law enforcement officials thought the stalker had bi-polar disorder, but the description didn’t fit. When I read the book and this web site I knew exactly what was behind his behavior.

I’m glad you are recovering and found this web site. Take care and stay strong!

Im so sorry you went through this hell….I’m also burned out by living in a “black hole of chaos” while raising the kids to be good citizens,I cant believe I survived so far. I can sooooooooo relate to every word .How can we report them from this abuse and distruction that they cause? Im very concerned for the children,and how they will cope in their adult lives in normal relationships..

My judge is a female sociopath that harms women and children intentionally.She lets the male sociopaths(especially rich ones) get away with any story, they want to sell her. She has squashed countless women with her cruel rulings, even when there is loads of money to go around to both parties,when no one needs to suffer further.

I thank God I found this website. How horrible can people get?

Totally relate to the whole ‘victim’ scenario. I kicked my spath out of my life right after high school…she wormed her way back in again…but not for long.

Unfortunately I had to pretend that my parents and sibs cared about me (they did not). I put words in their mouths that should have been there in the first place…and I really ‘let her have it’…in “their words” (that they never said).

I wish I could be more positive about the legal community when it comes to dealing with a sociopath/psychopath, but sadly it’s quite discouraging.

My experience is that their are either disordered themselves or they just dont give a crap.

One of the largest impediments to domestic abuse in our culuture is our legal system.

It’s a fight that we are losing. Still.

Truth be told, even judges can be sociopaths.

My case came under the destructive control of Judge Hortense Gable- now deceased. She was the judge in the case of Andy Capasso who together with his girlfriend, Bess Meyerson, allegedly bribed her into reducing his child support payments. It made front page news in the NY Times. Ms. Meyerson, a former Miss America, was reported to give a job to Judge Gable’s daughter.

Capasso lived at 990 Fifth Avenue, in New York City, a 12 story structure that houses a total of 6 apartments that all overlook Central Park and The Metropolitan Museum of Art. All the apartments in the building are duplexes that take up two entire floors. Capasso, who pleaded his case to reduce his obligations of support for his child, built a Juliet balcony to step out on and gaze at his magnificent view.

Ultimately I learned that my husband, who feigned being homeless,lived in the same building with his extraordinarily wealthy girlfriend, the heiress to a music fortune. Gable awarded me $30 per week in child support. His address was untraceable at the time. His income was untraceable at the time. He barely paid his child support until he disappeared entirely when my son was about 6 years old.

Gable was removed from the bench, but not until she horribly impacted so many lives. They say that the deeds of our lifetime create ever lasting life. The name of Judge Hortense Gable lives on in infamy!

If you are in a case with a judge who hands down horrid decisions, try to reach the Supervising Judge and remind them of the history of Hortense Gable.

If you need more information, you can reach me at [email protected] or at my blog, http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com


Is it common for a lawyer to charge you $10 every time they call you and leave a message and to charge $150 to read an email asking for an invoice, prepare that invoice, and email it back to you? This is insane.

It is very common. As I said my post, my legal bills were just shy of a half million dollars. Yes fighting the incredible damage that a dead spath did is difficult.

Lawyers will bill you at their regular billing rate for travel; back and forth to opposing lawyers offices for pretrial matters, traveling to court. That is in addition to the mileage for their car. They will bill you at regular rate for lunch.

If expert witness as necessary, the experts will charge you for the travel time in addition to travel expenses. I my case, my attorney found an expert for across the country. I had to pay for his plane fare and all expenses (he booked them, I did not have a choice as to where he stay or how he flew) plus charged me a “reduced” fee for his flying time. Oh yes, I had to Fedex him the costs of his expenses before he would even come. I had no say in selecting the expert witnesses. One of the experts would not even take a call from me.

There was more than one month that I got bills for $30,000.00 plus.

Don’t forget you will be billed for every photocopy, costs of postage, and every other cost involved in you case.

Please everyone, not all lawyers are bad/evil/a rip off.

I am not talking about the dead spath. Yes he graduated from Ivy League in the top of his class with all the honors that go with it. BUT he worked less than 6 years in 3 jobs over the 28 years since he graduated. YES, no job was ever good enough; no one appreciated him. Whether he quit, was fired, or was asked to leave, I was never able to find out.

When the spath died and I discovered at least some of his fraud, forgery, and lies within a week, I knew I would need legal representation(on my mother’s behalf). I contacted law firm after law firm. 7 in total. After hearing what I needed, all turned me down. Reasons ranged from “it is a movie not a legal matter”; I wouldn’t know where to begin” to “when is the book coming out”.

The brokerage house I going up against kept pressuring me to get a lawyer. Eventually I was recommended a small local firm, that I passed for years. I gave them a call. These people are wonderful. They could not represent in the suit against the brokerage as that was not within their field of expertise.They did do everything that was in their practice field. But they held my hand throughout everything, listening and really caring. They still do today, even though the brokerage suit is over.

As a matter of fact I emailed a copy of Donna’s ‘open letter’ to them and here is the reply I got:
“The blog article is interesting. Unfortunately, we have seen and/or heard about too many of those kind of people over the years (including but not limited to XXXXX).”

I Xed out my spath’s name.

There are caring people, the gift is to find them.

I really lucked out by not having kids…my first spath wanted them when he could barely pay the child support for his first three…and that was my answer to him.

I would like to tell a little about my story because I got divorced twice and never had an attorney. With the first one, we refinanced the house to what it was worth when interest rates were down a seven years after we bought it. A few months after the refinancing, I knew it was time to get out. The house would not have brought one penny and he would have probably had to pay to sell it. He wanted me back, so I sat on the porch with him when he came over to talk me into staying with him. I told him I loved him and that I would marry him again in ten years if he wasn’t remarried. I then asked him why he would want to live in my small town around my family when he could live in a “cool” place in the city where he worked. I then offered to type up an agreement and have it notarized saying that if I sold the house within 3 years, he would get half the profit. Then, I hung onto my house with everything I have had. That was 18 years ago. I will have the house paid off in ten years or before by having a room mate. Spath @2.

As I have perused and written at this great website, I have written a lot about the spath room mate who has lived here twice now. As I have read more and more, I realize that my second husband is insane in some way. I am not sure what way. I don’t think he is a spath, but he will cross into abuse way too often for little or no reason and I think I am coming out of denial about that. I have been juggling two men somewhere on the spath spectrum. I had thought that, as I dealt with room mate spath 2, that my second husband was my real best friend. He’s not. He will do nice things and he will say nice things. But, if he is made unhappy or he is not allowed to tell me what and how to do things, his voice begins to rise. I get anxious and try to diffuse him and it is no use. He goes off like a boiling tea pot. He screams. He cusses. He calls names. He does not let me talk and he hangs up when HE is finished abusing. He is the evilgelical which makes it either more sad or more comical. He certainly can screech and come up with some ugly name calling for a man of Christ with a secret language.

When I divorced husband number 2, I offered his all of MY tax return minus the divorce fees. I met him in a parking lot and didn’t get out of my car. I passed the papers to him and the money. I had my divorce from him two weeks later. He had blackmailed me to get his tax information so I could do our joint taxes for the last time. I just kept being friends with him because I am sick and agoraphobic and have PTSD (from many things before, during and after him) and I could call him day or night in an emergency. I don’t have any money as I try to finish paying off this house. I felt I could juggle two spaths and I can’t. I just can’t.

The reason I am posting on this article is to let people know that they can be outsmarted to get your divorce. My sister had to end up using a DHS advocate to get her child support. No attorney. A free advocate I believe is available in every state. Just some ideas for people here to see if you can do your own paperwork, get the help from DHS, and get out without an attorney.

I left my husband two and a half years ago. And I have to say that the way my case was handled I would not recommend a woman to leave her abusive husband and I am in a profession that this is likely to happen. My husband WAS also clergy as well and he managed to play the charm card and won the magistrate and guardian ad litem over before they even had a chance to meet me. He got custody of our kids in huge part because the only police report was the one the day I left (I knew he would be fired and he was), and I lost the protective order. From then on I was told that I had kidnapped the kids by taking them to the shelter with me and I would never have custody or more than visitation.

My lawyer lied to me in the court house and told me that he had worked out a deal for me get the kids 51% of the time so a social service organization could help me get housing. A letter stating as much was sent to this agency. But my lawyer never filed anything in court. My lawyer “forgot” to tell me about a hearing, I heard about it from my ex, because a doctor’s appointment for our son had to be changed. The lawyers secretary knew nothing about the hearing and I got a call at 5pm on Friday to arrange my own witnesses for Monday morning. My lawyer demanded I pay another $1000 with less than 24 hours to go in order to represent me at a hearing. He tried to get me to sign a letter that was not on letter head, that did not list an amount owed or an end date again to represent me at a hearing (This the day after I was actually able to come up with the $1000). He messed up the witness list at the main hearing and subpoenaed 10 people (the wrong people) and then subpoenaed the right two. 11 people showed up and he interviewed them all which made the magistrate mad. He actually walked out of the court room once after the magistrates opening statement and went to another trial, until the magistrate called him and demanded he come back. He misfiled the final divorce decree and it did not get signed for 4 months. And then only after I called my old legal advocate from the shelter I had been at and she got the mess straightened out. He filed two motions dismiss, even after the first time he was told it was too late in the case to do so. The second motion was accepted and then overturned when the new judge realized the old magistrate had rejected his first motion. I have many other instances I could lift up about this lawyer who was supposed to be representing me!!!

The guardian ad litem point blank told me I “Must like living in the shelter and was not trying hard enough to get out”. This was on the day I started a full time job, six weeks after I left. He also would not allow my children to visit me at the shelter, not even for day visits.

The magistrate even put in the divorce decree that I had made a “very poor decision” in leaving my husband. He was fired part way through our case, I do not know why. A retired judge from another county was put in charge of our case.

My ex’s lawyer called me an “unfit” mother and my lawyer did nothing to refute him.

The court mandated counselor point blank told my youngest she did not believe her when she told her that her dad hit her. When apparently my husband admitted spanking her, at the next session she told her she believed he had spanked her, but she never wanted to hear the word hit again. She was also fired, and I do not know why.

When I had to turn the kids back over to their dad near the beginning of this whole mess,I was told that the exchange had to happen in the parking lot of the shelter we were staying at. And it DID happen there! In all fairness this was in part due to a snow storm, but I had been told even the police would not be told I was staying there. Much less the man I was hiding from!

The police forgot to take pictures of the bruises, so no pictures were taken until 5 days after I left.

My case is the ultimate example of how things are not supposed to happen. I have stumbled my way through. I love my ministry and I am also about to graduate from a program I have been in throughout this whole ordeal. I hope to use the training from this program to help others going through similar things. At this point I do not have the strength to even consider entering another relationship with another guy though and I have grown to very much distrust every aspect of the legal system in this country.

A friend of mine is from Uganda and she has told me that she thinks that women have more rights there than here from what she has experienced through my case.

Trust me through this whole mess I must have made 200 phone calls trying to find a new lawyer. I heard every excuse under the sun as to why no other lawyer would take my case. The most creative was “we are going out of business.” I have put together everything I need to turn my old lawyer into the supreme court of the state I live in. And I finally found a new lawyer two weeks ago!

I do have custody of my kids again. But only because my ex was homeless for several months. We have a court date pending at the moment with yet another motion for custody on his behalf. Two weeks ago his lawyer subpoenaed my church for any document related to me, even my pension. The subpoena was received on a Thursday and everything was due to his lawyer 4 days later. It was pure harassment. But the leaders of my church did not want to hire a lawyer, they did not feel like they needed drawn into my divorce at all. So everything was quickly put together and mailed off. I had a clear feeling if it happened again my ministry could be in peril. My ex seems to believe he should get the kids simply because he now has a job earning more than twice what I am. The courts are again buying his argument enough to consider the hearing, even though nothing has changed in my circumstances or that of the children. (AND he is in arrears with child support).

I continue to receive harassing emails from my ex constantly, where he calls me names and makes all sorts of legal threats towards me. Since I left he has threatened me with bodily harm and I even got him on a voice recording threatening to kill me (The police said it was a figure of speech and they could do nothing). Even this far out I keep bars on my downstairs windows and my doors at night. I lock my car constantly and am hyper vigilant outside.
I am very aware that he will never let me out of his sights, at least not for 9 more years when our youngest is 18.

I agree with everyone elses comments. Sociopaths attract to law like flies to ****. Very few are in it because they are honest and want justice. The rest of them love the manipulation, lies and financial gain, it feeds them. My daughter want to be criminal lawyer and I told her to take care, because you dont know the client your representing. You have to be unfeeling and detached to your client. Its a job.

The truth be known…many lawyers are sociopaths. I was married to one. What other kind of person can have a career where winning is more important than justice. There are of course exceptions but the entire legal system is stacked against victims. That is what our so called justice system has become. People without ethics or morals are attracted to law school where they learn deception and schemes to avoid worries about ethics or morals and learn to focus on winning at any cost. They learn nothing about justice except that it is blind and they interpret that as meaning it doesn’t matter. It is not even the law that matters, it is winning the case to make themselves look good in their community of reprebates. The bar indeed, you will find more ethics, honesty and justice in a typical barroom. BTW, Donna, excellent article for those in the field who are real human beings.

It’s true what some people on here have said. Lawyers tend to be evil and it’s no surprise that many sociopaths can be found in that profession. As I am currently in the process of working with a lawyer regarding my run-in with a sociopath, I am learning that this lawyer is not on my side, only concerned about the money she is getting, and is a liar. I was lucky enough to know someone who works in mediation who is willing to help me with this case. My lawyer told me at first that we should be getting a lot of money from this case, and after just two emails and a phone call with the other side’s attorney, she gave up and tried to pressure me into taking a very small settlement. My advice to everyone is to either attempt mediation first before hiring a lawyer or to ask around and get reviews from friends before using a lawyer. As others have said, they charge you for every little thing they do, even calling you and leaving a message. It’s sad because people have been so traumatized already and the lawyer who is supposed to help them just hurts them even more.

I have to say I have seen both the good and the bad lawyers. When my child informed me of inappropriate behavior I borrowed money from my sister and hired an attorney. She was a lifesaver. When my retainer ran out long before the court case ended my attorney kept going pro bono. My case went on for almost 4 years. My attorney saw what I was up against with my ex and saw the danger he posed to my child and myself. She told me that with the education and training she had the privilege of having that it was useless if she couldn’t help someone like me. She actually got 2 other attorneys to jump on board with her on this case. My case has been over for 2 years now but I am still in contact with her I consider her a friend. It was because of her that I found out that my ex had been accused of molesting several other children over the past 20 years. Nothing has been done to him yet for the abuse of my child, who was only 3 1/2 years old at the time of the abuse. He still has visits with my child now unsupervised, which brings us to the other kind of lawyer. The attorney that was appointed for my child is evil and may be a sociopath herself. This attorney was ordered to transport my child to the trauma evaluation that had been ordered. My child told the evaluator what happened to her. The evaluator filed with dcf that dad not have contact with the child due to the disclosure made by the child. The attorney for my child, threatened my child telling her what to say to the evaluator. My child was told she would never see me again if she did not tell the evaluator what the attorney told her to say. My child then went back and recanted the truth, my ex got what he wanted to make my child look like a liar and to make it look like I made the whole accusation up. I can only hope and pray there are more decent attorneys out there like mine.

Atozmom – MONSTERS!!! unbelievable – Im so glad you had a good atty – but the appointed one.. obviously got into the profession to cause more chaos – I could never imagine hurting a child on purpose.. I hope that person burns in Hell and is given the mind of a helpless and abused child for eternity. Come to think of it, that wouldnt be punishment enough!! God bless the victims of monsters everywhere. God help them.

I had the good fortune of meeting an incredible woman recently who is a civil rights attorney. I met her from Craigslist of all places. She is buying my Italian leather furniture set from me. We talked for several hours when she came down to give me the deposit. She often represents battered spouses and wrongful employment victims. She takes the cases on a contingency and has a very high success rate. She is very sensitive and compassionate but knows how to handle sociopathic attorneys in the courtroom. If anyone here lives in Colorado and needs a civil rights attorney, I can forward her information. This woman is amazing. I’d hire her if I had any cause to.

HI, could you forward the attorney’s information to me, please? Thank you so much.

I have been cyber stalked and gaslighted for so many years and the FBI nor police can seem to help. I have had to relocate and go in hiding and now it has stopped. However my children can’t reach me and my life has been turned upside down. I want to file a civil suit against my x and he resides in Colorado. Can u please forward me the attorney’s contact info

Thank you

Could I please get this attorney’s contact info from you as well?



Includes dozens of Manufactured Witnesses, Identity Theft, Even from a supposed family friend who is a retired Appellate Court Judge, whose name was used to manipulate other Judges, without his knowledge of course. Video evidence of scenes setup and carried out to manipulate (so called friends) into thinking something false, therefore, voila, a witness. All caught on tape and in transcripts, and in voice-mails, and in false criminal filings.

What happens when you have more than one Unconscionable at work?
What happens when you have many, like the attorney and others?

What if the entire event, still going was documented, with over 4,000 pieces of evidence all ignored for profit?

What if they extorted around $500,000 in fees, when evidence (dozens and dozens of video clips, emails, etc) was provided in the beginning, proving every single allegation was not only false, but proven to be? Kind of hard to prove a negative, not in this case.

What if all of the “evidence” is so overwhelming, and they can’t turn back from the “financial profiling”, and for almost 3 years, they kept driving the fraud train, day in and day out?

What if everything they did and didn’t do, said and didn’t say (like speaking on behalf of the kids) was meticulously documented.


Being off the grid until this post and only for this post.


What if I told you they are stealing children and using the entire community to assist, without their knowledge of course, however, fully documented.

There are over 1,500 documented counts of perjury in this case.

What have we in the corruption net? Poison Ivy, the Joker (attorney), Mr. BIA and Dr. VDP (Voodoo Psychology), Judges and more, promise. It’s a live show, you can see for yourself.

What is currently happening will shock even those that think they have a clue about Unconscionables. I don’t like the word “sociopath”. Psychopath is fine as it properly resonates. Sociopath, on the other hand is basically the same exact thing, yet has the crazed part removed. The real scary part. The part that has most people assume, are the ones in prison. Besides, the one saying it to anyone not familiar as you all are, looks like the possible problem. Many hear a sociopath being mentioned, which winds up equating to white noise.

You see, CON-ARTISTS constantly roam the streets. Very few are realized by society being behind bars. Pathological liars, same thing. The word Sociopath, moved too far to reflect it’s true meaning. In the public’s mind, it underestimates the reality, therefore, counter productive.

It needs to be simplified and direct. Unconscionables. Simply described as; “Does not possess a Conscience, Con-Artists and Pathological Liars”.

What else does anyone need to know?

They are invisible rats.

It’s way too much to post on someones site, no doubt. It will go on http://www.covertcounty.com which they will swear in some court somewhere, they are being harassed, and basically the reporting of their crimes and corruption is bad for business, but they are simply committing another crime by lying in court, again. The fact is, they are trying to prevent those they used for their scam to find out about any of it.

Evidence times ridiculous was presented to the Judgetice. Who has old friends in that town, who were too roped into this scam and could not get out, so she jumped in. So, she was knighted Judgetice. There is Justice, then there is Judgetice. All documented.

Ongoing 3 year research is very interesting in how it relates to the Psychology industry (who are the least likely to spot an Unconscionable). to legal aspects and and useful tools. A free seminar is being offered which will be placed online soon.

I’m going to the lawyer tomorrow and will carry this with me. Thanks, Donna.

Many times I wondered if i could take my sociopath to court and get some retribution. When I first met him he borrowed $300 for tires. Shortly thereafter, he needed an emergency tooth extraction and no one in his family had the where with all to take him, nor expend the funds which were nearly $800.00.

The first year he lived on and off at my house and was fed well. I would have to drive to pick him up as he feigned he did not know how to get to my house. I made him drive to get accustomed to the road and because he does not read English so I would point out the names of the roads. So I was put many miles on my car and of course exhausted gas. He had expensive taste in food and we would go to specialty stores and he never paid for anything (my bad). Once he realized I would pick up the tab he never paid for anything. He never had money in his pocket other than an occasional few dollars. He began asking me for a few dollars here and there and I would be somewhat resentful. We went to many fine restaurants and some less expensive ones. He frequented two clubs and we would go there and it was always my credit card. Occasionally i would give him cash so not to look like the sugar mama.

His teeth began to bother him and we went to the dentist. Again no money for co-pay. I got him to apply for Care Credit so he could get a root canal and a cap. We went to the doctor for a check up and again no money for copay. Then the eye doctor the same thing. I asked him does he ever get money from his paycheck? He would conveniently ignore the question. Another tact was that if I gave him something and we had a fight I would raise the fact he never paid for anything. His response was he did not like things thrown under his nose. Amazing letting me pay his way and I could not say anything to get a dime out of him. I had many fights and he enjoyed it. Reasons to break up and make up.

A year ago June he tormented me to go car shopping. I knew better I knew he thought I was so stupid I would co-sign for a car. I learned he had two repos, his last girlfriend bought the car he was driving and later learned she paid $9000.00 for it. He only paid back $1500 and she gave him the title to get him back. I was able to get him a car on his own volition by filling out the paperwork. It was not a great deal but he got a new car with the trade in. His ex was suffering as I was as they were together seven years. I believe he continued his contact with her this last year and lied and lied. I also learned he was in contact with another woman he went with before the last one.

Last Christmas he drove himself to my home and he basically live free here with the exception of a few jobs he did. Poorly mind you. He made me fire my lawn people after 11 years because he insisted I had something go on with one of them. This was laughable. He caused me to buy lawn equipment to the tune of nearly another $1,000 and said he would cut the lawn and save me money. Guess who did the lawn? That’s right yours truly.

I bought him clothes, shoes, and just about anything he needed. He smoked like a fiend and always needed to stop and get cigarettes so stupid me began buying cartons.

Then after owning the car for six months he began complaining about the car and he needed a different car. I knew he was so upside down that there was no way they would take a trade. He tortured me so and then his new tact was that his son needed a car so he could get a job (33) loser married to a 49 year old bigger loser. So now the trade was off the table. He began going to dealerships and when they saw he had the other car in his name they would turn him down. In one dealership he went walking with the salesman all over the parking lot. They tried to to film flam me/him offering one car at the same price as a car that was a leftover because they had so many incentives. Then they bring us into the office where the guy mentions me co-signing. My stomach began to turn. But then they were not even giving the car in the showroom but the leftover. He then asked if I owned my own home and then I went into action. I told them they were film flaming us and walked out. Oh my sociopath came outside and I should have gotten an academy award for my performance and got the hell out of there. Months went by and we went to dealership after dealership and he was wearing me down. Finally I got him a car but it was a lease in my name making it my car that he swore he would pay for insurance included. He made two payments since April. By September while at his son’s house I went into the garage to find a new car and the old car in the driveway. I immediately knew what was going to happen next. His son gave him the car to give me up and go back home. He swore to his wife he was never coming back to me. He stalked me and even though he was blocked he would use pay phones and coworkers phones to contact me. He began manipulating me once again and move back in and his wife was upset according to him.

He and his wife are two con people and I would equate them to gypsies. I think the daughter in law is very clever too. She bought me lunch one day to reciprocate for my kindnesses to her children. I had no business getting involved with the family. The children call me Tia and she claims to rely on me because her English is so bad. I think I was the reason why she and her husband were able to move out of the house and buy a house one hour away from that crazy house.

I bought Christmas gifts for the kids last year when they were all living together and I bought him gifts. This year I vowed I would buy him nothing as he never bought me anything except flower twice I believe with my own money.

It is doubtful I can gain anything back because he is so clever he keeps just under the radar. But, his young son is another story. I believe he took that Chevy and chopped it up and sold it for parts because the daughter in law told me he was going to put it in a storage unit. I said if that was the case it is a federal offense punishable by jail and he already is on parole for wielding a gun at his now wife’s daughter. They got married after he was arrested and it is my understanding the judge was pissed.

This last time he came back was to con me into paying for a washer and dryer because his son and daughter in law took the washer and dryer and they have been living without one since JUNE. i played along and after two day his personality changed and again was being ugly to me. I called and cancelled the deal and block him from both phones. He had the nerve to ask why did I do that. Well he acted like he was moving back here an then I said I was cooking dinner an no show. I had the feeling with his personality what was going on. I did not cook and I had already cancelled the deal.

I swore to myself he would never ever come back into this house again and I don’t want anything to do with him.

Wow. All I can say is the legal system is not legal at all, it’s corrupt. And it appears many lawyers will do anything for money without conscience. As if it’s not enough to be married to a controlling narcissist… then the smear campaigns after you try to leave. Does it even stop when the kids turn 18? Mine are 11, 13 and 15…. separated for 3 years and he’s still trying to control everything….. Hopeinhealing, you are one strong woman. Thank you for posting your story, it gives me some hope that I can do this. My ex husband says this: “Sometimes you have to hurt people to teach them. God gives us this example in the Bible. When his chosen people disobey him, he kills entire villages, women and children included.” This was his response to me when I called him on his militant parenting style, using threats to control the kids. Sociopath? He sees the old testament stories as “parenting advice from God.” Scary. That’s my ex and the father of my 3 children that I am supposed to say good things about. Ugg.

What kind of attorney am I looking for to help me with my sociopath?

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