This past Monday, February 13, The Oprah Winfrey Show aired a story called Casanova Conman. It profiled Eric Cooper of the Houston, Texas area, who allegedly married or became engaged to nine women in 10 years. Five of the women appeared on the show.
Between 1994 and 2004, Cooper married Melissa, Kimberly, April, Paula, another April, Jennifer and Krystal. All the marriages happened quickly, and at least two were allegedly bigamous. He also became engaged to Brandy and Tonya. He has three daughters, and a child on the way, all with different women.
So how did Cooper convince so many women to say “yes”? He told them he was in the Navy, or a Navy pilot, or a Navy SEAL, and showed up for dates wearing his dress whites. He was a smooth talker, and romanced each woman with, “You’re everything I want in a woman.” Or, “You’re the only one who really knows me and can understand me.” Or—drum roll, please—”You complete me.”
Cooper played on their sympathy. He told them his mother died when he was only two years old, he was raised in a foster home, and his foster father abused him. Melissa, his first wife, said on the show that he told her “he wanted a baby so bad,” and “he wanted to be the father that he never had.”
Honeymoon over
Once the couples married, however, everything changed. “One day he would be sweet and loving, then all of a sudden he’d blow up,” Melissa said. And according to Krystal, “The night we got married, for no reason, he switched and said, ‘That’s it. We’re getting a divorce.'”
Then money started disappearing. April, Cooper’s fifth wife, alleged that he stole four checks from her great-grandmother. Tonya said Cooper took her debit card. And Cooper allegedly transferred money out of Krystal’s parents’ bank accounts.
Finally, he was physically abusive. Brandy said pulled a gun on her, and then turned the gun towards himself. Krystal said when Cooper lost his temper, he blamed it on the military. Except there was one problem—Cooper wasn’t in the military.
Cooper, who was in jail for tampering with a government document when the show was taped, would not do an on-camera interview. But he denied all wrongdoing to the Houston Chronicle, claiming to be the victim of scorned women.
The newspaper article pointed out that while Cooper’s mother did die while he was young, he was never in foster care. Cooper also had a history of conning people besides the women on the show.
So what is it about Eric Cooper? He lied profusely and brazenly. He pretended to be in the Navy when he wasn’t. He had a series of casual relationships, even though they were marriages. He made ultimate use of the pity play. He stole money. He was violent. And he blamed others for his problems.
In my opinion, the guy is a classic sociopath.
The expert view
Did Oprah Winfrey ever mention that the guy was a sociopath? No. All she said was that people need to listen to the voice inside them that’s whispering, “something’s not right.”
Dr. Robin Smith, the psychologist who appeared on the show, also voiced no opinion about Cooper. In fact, Dr. Robin, as she is called, came very close to blaming the victims for what happened to them.
“It is not uncommon for women to be seduced by lies and fantasies,” Dr. Robin said. “A piece of it is how needy and how desperate we are, as women, to feel good, to feel worthy, to feel pretty.
“People can sniff out when we’re weak, and they come in like vultures,” she continued. “Now we can blame them—and there is some blame that needs to be put there—but the other piece of it is, as a woman, I want to learn that I don’t want to be so needy and weak and vulnerable that you can sniff when to come in and swoop down and destroy my life.”
Did you get the reference to Cooper? “There is some blame that needs to be put there.” That’s all she said.
Vultures and vulnerabilities
Now, Dr. Robin later stated that women are conditioned to feel insufficient unless they have a man. I agree with that—society puts incredible pressure on women to get “hooked up.” Consequently, it’s rare for a single woman to be happy while alone, which means most single women have vulnerability around this issue.
The key is that not all men are going to “sniff out when we’re weak ” and propose marriage within a few weeks of meeting. But a sociopath will.
And a sociopath will not let up. Cooper wooed these women relentlessly. Heck, he even wooed their parents. Brandy said that on Christmas Eve, Cooper got down on his knee before her entire family and proposed. Krystal said he took her—and her parents—shopping for houses. Normal guys don’t do that unless they’re serious.
Education is the answer
So how do you protect yourself from being conned? The answer is education. You need to understand what a sociopath is, how many of them are out there, and how to spot the symptoms. If you have an awareness that these predators exist, at least when you hear that voice inside saying something is wrong, you’ll know what it’s talking about. Analyzing your vulnerabilities can come later.
In my opinion, more than “some” of the blame needs to be placed on Cooper. And instead of focusing on the women’s “vulnerabilities”—hey, they were all young and single—The Oprah Winfrey Show could have educated millions of people about the danger of sociopaths. Sadly, it was a missed opportunity.
Rosa
It really has nothing to do with the mental state of the women or men who are conned by sociopaths.
Based on what I see on the news/talk shows, the psychological abilities of the psychopath are GROSSLY UNDERESTIMATED & NEVER DISCUSSED.
Unless you have been “up close and personal” with one, you have NO IDEA.
You might THINK YOU KNOW, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Every single time, the news anchor/talk show host, focuses on the victim instead of the predator. They should be talking about the psychopath and his stunning ability to manipulate.
Maybe Tilly is right. Maybe there is a reason no one on television wants to “go there” on the subject of psychopathy. Hmmmm.
neveragain
PERFECT DONNA, PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you sent this to Oprah. Let’s buy a billboard!
PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
akitameg
Thank you Donna. I was so put off by the episode that I don’t even write or talk about it. Thanks for having the courage to do so. I had wish for a moment while watching that show that Oprah herself had experienced a con man like ours– but– guess what? She does not make a good victim does she. That is not our fault. It is not our fault there are con men out there anymore that it is our fault that there are child molesters, rapists and murderers.
I am not well tonite. This is my lowest. I am seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow. Back to the drawing board.\
the sickest thing you guys is that– I must be insan now b/c I become jealous when I think of my ex with a woman. Someone suggested to me that now that my conman has inherited millions he could have any woman– even prostitutes. I felt sick and faint and jealous. why would I be jealous of a woman who has a sociopath?
Maybe b/c she will have what I thought I had. The ecstasy and fantasy and killer sex( and now I made him an even better lover. Damn me!). I was with mine when he lied and said he was a poor photographer. MIne is now loaded at 39.
When he was on the make with me he was so NURTURING AND SOOOOO ATTENTIVE. Fixing things for me– downloading sheet music so I could play it on piano and not pay for it–professional photos for my demos and stuff.
Some woman will now get all that. And the killer looks and great sex and penis and green eyes and sense of humor. And you guys- it is like he is two people. The guy I fell for is deep and way emotional and reads bedtimes stories to his daughter with diferent voices.
sometimes I literally want to die over this– hence– I am off to a shrink tomorrw. What if this never goes away? Why would I still long and miss this man–the person he was before?
I ammmmmmm so angry and sad and scared and feel hopeless. I am also forcing myelf this mon and tues to go stay with my two best friends and fam. He is an Episcal priest and she works in the church too. They can pray with me. That is the only hope I see. God and miracles.
Has anyone else been jealous of their Ted Bundys? Why?
thanks
akitameg
sorry for all my typos and that was supposed to be
Episcopal priest.
Tilly
No-one that I know watches Oprah anymore, except to laugh at her Narcissism. She is definitely a narcissist, but I don’t think she is quite a psychopath (that tiny bit of “reptilian-crocodileness” that is just over the line really matters when separating these two…one is incapable of caring, the other lives to hurt, humiliate and destroy…although her “husband” is probably one of the few that know and he was paid off when he threatened to tell the true story). She is a brilliant actress and has got all the right words and looks down pat.
neveragain
akitameg: I was there. It doesn’t help when they are megamillionaires. But in my case, I had first fallen for him when he was 15, NOT rich…and guess what, it hurt just as much when he dumped me then. I obviously didn’t get over thinking he was “still wonderful”….because I fell for the con again 40 years later. I don’t know if it will be true for you, but what happened for me was the psychiatrist and therapists helped me see even the “good” was bad. It was all a con. All of it. Today I can honestly say there is NOTHING about him that appeals to me. As to why we feel that way about our Ted Bundy’s is …I think anyway….that we haven’t yet seen that the good is all part of the con too. The action may be sweet, but the intent behind it is all about them. Every time.
Rosa
Tilly:
You are hilarious!!
The Narcissist really comes out when Oprah starts talking about her school for girls in Africa.
Stedman (the stud-man boyfriend) has always been silent.
The rumor here in the States is that Oprah is having a relationahip with her best friend, Gayle King.
I don’t really buy it, though.
neveragain
And akitameg…. the richest person truly is the one who GIVES the most. A truly powerful person works to empower others. A truly wealthy person works to help others out of poverty. When I was hurting, that seemed like a lot of BS. I know realize I have riches and joys beyond anything he will ever experience…..and he knows it too and was determined to bring me down because of it. It will get better. It will. It will.
neveragain
Oprah…the red dress at the ball with everyone else required to wear black and white. That made me kinda wonder….
Rosa
Akitameg:
You are doing the right thing. THERE IS COMFORT IN PRAYER.
God will strengthen you. HE will straighten your path, and ease your burden.
Stay strong.