Almost seven years ago, Darlene Ellison’s life was turned upside-down when her husband was arrested as an “inner circle” member of NAMBLA—the North American Man-Boy Love Association. She had no idea what he was doing.
Read How Dorothy Sandusky could have been duped, on TheDailyBeast.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
There are a lot of “reasons” people like or dislike one sexual practice or another, so I don’t think that there is a “blanket” cause or effect in people’s preference or dislike for oral sex or “missionary” position sex.
Certainly not all children who are abused become abusers, though some do. Some people who were never abused as children ALSO become abusers as teenagers or adults.
Small children engage in sexual play and touching in what I think is probably a normal curiosity phase, which might now be classified as “sexual assault” or “abuse” if this were discovered.
Frankly, when I was about five, two friends and I played a game of “doctor” which was actually “you show me yours, and I’ll show you mine” and my friend and her little brother pulled down their pants and I pulled down mine and we looked. I really dont’ think this event scarred me for life. LOL Since I had no siblings I had never seen any other person naked or with their pants down and I was quite curious what other people’s bodies looked like.
Sex was not a subject talked about in our family, even in a reproductive sense. I knew from an early age that babies were made in a woman’s belly, but I had NO idea how they started to grow or that a sexual act of any kind more than Kissing and hugging was even possible, much less actually done. Believe it or not I was 13 when I was informed very matter of factly that human babies were “made the same way cows and horses” were made. END of the conversation. No Q & A period.
On the other hand, I worked with a man-sized and physically mature 12 year old boy in an inpatient facility who had had full on sexual intercourse with a three very young children, of both sexes, and I doubt that this experience was healthy for those young children (ages 5-8).
Our children in the US mature physically at an earlier rate many times than in the past due to a better nutrition, so that a child may reach puberty pretty early. Other kids may be slower in reaching maturity even though given adequate nutrition.
In doing sports physicals and examining many youngsters of both sexes I have seen that some 12 and 13 year old girls and boys are completely physically mature and quite capable of physically mature sexual intercourse….probably complete with the hormonal urges to do so even at that young age, if not the mental maturity to engage in sexual intercourse in our society.
Kids reaching physical maturity at an age in which we as a society forbid them to engage in activities that their hormones are encouraging them to do so, and then socially repressing their urges until the magical age of X Y or Z, can only I think pushy this activity into the dark realms of them being vulnerable to pedophiles.
I just read an article yesterday about how rampant abuse is among child actors whose parents and other handlers “hush up” the abuse to keep the money flowing. I don’t doubt this at all.
When a young person is vulnerable to a mentor, or a parent, and an adult knows about this abuse and does not say anything, or even worse, hushes it up, like the Penn State scandal and many others, I cry for these children, and the pain that is brought into their lives to satisfy the perverted lusts of some adult. I also am enraged that any adult would knowingly cover up such a thing “for the greater good of the football team.” Or any other “greater good.”
Four years ago my kind, loving husband of twenty two years dropped his mask and revealed himself as having paedophile and incest fantasies regarding our two daughters and son.
It was a sudden attack in which he destabilised me with abuse and then raped me repeatedly calling me by my children’s names and also as food.
Knowing that he had revealed too much he tried to convince me to commit suicide. Running on Shock, fear and adrenaline I drove him out of my home and ran for help from the authorities.
Finding it difficult at the time to articulate my horror but focused on the importance of his revelations my assigned psychiatrist (yes I came under the suspicion of being psychotic) enlisted social services and the child protection to investigate. After a short enquiry they dropped the case as there was nothing on him. I pointed out that ”“that doesn’t mean anything and that it only means he hasn’t been caught. They agreed. End of story.
Traumatised and suffering from PTSD I refused point blank to allow my youngest who was then only nine to stay over with him for a year. Social services then contacted me to tell me that I HAVE to let her stay with her dad at least once a week. Since then I have allowed it to happen but I lie every three months when I send him an email saying that child protection are still watching her and that she has had the all clear.
After I got rid of him the smear campaign and stalking started. I was in a really bad place mentally as I had just had the biggest fight of my life with true evil. I was suddenly on my own and I could barely keep my head up with the battering I took. I was struggling financially to take care of my children and I and was hyper alert to danger from him.
Under severe stress I protected my kids every way possible that I could think of. The system let me down and I suffer every day with flashbacks. My life blew up in my face and every memory that I have is corrupted when I think of him with my children.
Only now am I getting taken seriously about the rape and abuse and that is because it took this length of time to see that his behaviour is abnormal. No one wanted to know and I carried this burden by myself.
For the last six months since turning fifty I have been making myself ill worrying about who is going to protect them if I die. I had a terrible conflict inside. If I tell my two oldest children what happened it could harm them. If I don’t tell them and I am not here there P dad could do what he wanted with them and they wouldn’t know what hit them. I chose to tell them. Now at last all three are safe, as the two oldest have promised to carry on my fight and take care of my youngest if anything happens to me.
Surprisingly they took it well. It explained all my bizarre behaviour back then. Not letting my youngest stay with him. My no contact policy etc
So Alpha—sorry to burst your self righteous bubble—but we all don’t choose this. I would die for my children. This man is good. He wears his mask well and I never suspected a thing. Everyone, including myself bought into his image as the solid family man and provider.
I hope my story helps others like myself who were blindsided by a psychopath and found it difficult to get believed—even when there were children at risk.
Peace
Thank you, little white horse, your story is horrible, but I know is true, not only for you, but for other women and children who have lived this HORRIBLE NIGHT MARE OF ABUSE… Thank you so much for sharing this story.
Thanks Ox Drover.
What keeps me sane is that he worked out the fantasies on me. It could have been my children coming to me telling me that he abused them. As it stands–they are all safe and well adjusted.
Thank God
Peace
xxx
littlewhitehorse
Seems bizarre for me to write this but it’s true: you are one of the lucky ones. You found out from HIM, not from your kids after they endured years of abuse. AND your kids are also lucky b/c YOU their mom BELIEVED what you learned and protected them. Stuns me when women try to find explanations instead of protecting the kids FIRST. As you learned, this is BIG time crazy making drama. As the child of a pedophile, it’s really hard to live knowing what happened was no big deal b/c somehow I am so defective that only good or pretty kids deserve to be saved. I can’t seem to get that truth erased. But what I can say is that I am also a mom that would die for my kid and would have fried for her too. I know better than to trust legal justice when dealing with pedos.
Bless you, I am SOOO happy for your kids to have you as their mom.
Littlewhitehorse ~
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it was not easy for you to do.
And as Katy said, bless you indeed for being a protector of your precious children.
You know, even though they are protected from the physical sexual predation from the psychopathic pedophile, it still must be hurtful to be the CHILD OF A PSYCHOPATH….because all of us want a parent that is loving and that we can look up to and respect.
While my P sperm donor was a first class violent psychopath and my beloved step father was a wonderful man, still, I wanted to get to know my “father” and to love and respect him. I was so vulnerable and he used that vulnerability to use and abuse me and it left scars on my psyche forever that I have worked hard to heal, and though I have “healed” them, I still remember that longing to love my “father” and the pain in finding out he was what he was—a psychopath, evil, an abuser, a user, and heartless. Little white horse, I am so glad though that your kids at least have ONE good parent, it is so important. My step father was my “one good parent” and I thank God every day for that wonderful, kind, caring and loving man that He sent into my life.
Littlewhitehorse,
thanks for sharing that story. I agree that not all of us knew we were with a pedophile. I didn’t connect all the dots until after I left him. How could I imagine what lay behind that mask? Even today, it’s surreal.
Oh Katydid
Your not defective–he is and it is a big deal. I am an adult and it nearly knocked me into asylum. When it is a threat to your child you don’t look for prettiness or goodness.
When you see your own child is that how you judge their salvagability. NO
Katydid–If you were mine–I would have believed you instantly just as you would do yours. Your horrific experience will provide protection for your child.
Take care–but I don’t think that I did anything that you wouldn’t do too under the same circumstances. Thats why I posted. For the mums like you.
And yes–through the fog of PTSD–I do recognise that I am one of the lucky ones.
Peace
xxx
OxDrover
That’s what I meant about the conflict I had. Tell the kids what he is really like and harm their image of him or keep quiet and say nothing and let them be unprotected if anything happened to me
As I said–I chose to tell them and it worked out good. I have also told them that I would arrange counselling if they needed it. But so far they seem fine and have adjusted to the news.
Thank you all of you for listening and giving me support. It has been a hard journey as it is a very isolating experience.
Peace
xxx