Almost seven years ago, Darlene Ellison’s life was turned upside-down when her husband was arrested as an “inner circle” member of NAMBLA—the North American Man-Boy Love Association. She had no idea what he was doing.
Read How Dorothy Sandusky could have been duped, on TheDailyBeast.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
skylar
Katy, your daughter loved you during her childhood, right?
And pets love us.
You aren’t alone. There are many people who finally realize that they were never loved. And then there are those who never realize it. Or else they choose not to know it.
Real love is scarce, Katy. It’s only the media that makes it seem like holidays are so joyous for everyone. They aren’t.
That’s why the spath is trying to contact me. I was supposed to commit suicide and he’s hoping he can take me there for the holiday season.
KatyDid
No, daughter did not love me during her childhood. And I was too stupid to notice b/c when you have never been loved, you don’t think it abnormal until someone points it out to you. And no, pets don’t really “love” us. that’s anthropomorphism. Pets are dependent. I am the alpha. She submits. She does not love. I LOVE her. Easy care dog, soft fur, nice and warm on these cold nights.
I know I am not the only one who is unloved. But that’s not a comforting thought either. It’s just the way things are. I am merely acknowledging it’s hard and not pretending it’s not. Like everyone else, I’ll get through it. And HEY, it’s a whole lot better than when I was living with my husband! No more “accidents” where I closely missed being killed, and no more encouragement to commit suicide. So sim to your spath..
Near
Katydid: My puppies love me and I them, no two ways about it! You take your logic and science elsewhere! Besides, you are loved as well! I hope… 🙁 Well, everybody here loves you! ^_^
*huggies*
sharing the journey
Katydid
Before my experience with the p I felt loving and loved. But to deal with the last 4 years I had to turn my heart to stone.
But now that the danger is past a bit I have to find a way back to that person I was.
I would give anything right now to experience even just a little bit of joy.
I am glad I posted as I have been reading Lovefraud for the last 4 years and I see hope for my own recovery. It is now time for me to start healing.
And our pets do love us and it is unconditional–I can say anything to my dog and he just looks at me with such love. I now have to learn to let it in again.
Been burned in the love department is horrible–especially when you thought it was real and that you would be together forever.
But there was a time when I was in tune with real love–and I hope that comes back.
Peace
xxx
skylar
Katy,
you are so wrong. Pets love us. Don’t ever think otherwise.
You must really have a hard time understanding love, because pets love us, Katy, many of them will die for their owners and for their own offspring. call it what you will, but it is love. They aren’t genetically linked to us, that’s what makes them superior.
I don’t know about your daughter. maybe she was not capable. Genes are hard to overcome. We have to work on our Karma, I guess.
sharing the journey
Skylar
I have been reading your posts it feels like since forever. I have much in common with your experience with your P. I read somewhere that you were an INTP on the Myers Briggs. I am an INFP.
Peace
xxx
Stargazer
Our animals can absolutely love us. I’ve had cats for nearly 45 years, and I have numerous stories of the bond and love I’ve shared with my cats. My remaining cat, Destructo, is like a daughter. She was born on my bed 18-1/2 years ago, and I honestly don’t think she could live without me. I can’t say my snakes “love” me, but I have seen evidence of at very least a trust and familiarity, and I’ve seen a few instances that could not be described as anything other than affection or bonding. I can see how people anthropomorphize snakes, but not cats. I think even when people anthropomorphize, it has to do with projecting the love that is inside of them, which is still a form of love.
I think that sometimes what we feel coming back from others (people or animals) is often a projection of our own mental state – either a lack or abundance of love. I have noticed for myself that if I extend caring toward someone, it will often come back to me, even if I sometimes have to make the effort.
Ox Drover
KatyDid,
To FEEL “unloved” or that you have never had “love” must be a very lonely perception. I can think of times in my life when I felt friendless, alone, etc. unloved, etc. like after my husband died, but I think it was more the PERCEPTION and the FEELING that no one cared, or that I was “unloved” than an actual reality.
What is “love” anyway? It is more than just a squishy feeling, I think…it is an ACTION VERB, of people caring for other people, not just that romantic “love” that the media portrays. A friend is “love” and a pet is “love” and yes, they respond to us like the alpha in a pack, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t LOVE. It is more than just instinct.
Love can also be SELF LOVE, self caring. In fact, I think too many people look for “love” outside themselves because they don’t have that self love and because of that feel empty. Love in our lives doesn’t just depend either on those that love us, but on those that WE love as well. So, Katy, my dear, get out and LOVE SOMEONE ELSE….and LOVE KATY! God bless.
sharing the journey
Katydid
In the aftermath of my battle with Evil I felt I had lost everything I loved.
In reality I only lost him and his side of the family in which case I was never really that close to anyway.
I kept everything else including my kids.
In thinking–the only real profound love I lost was for myself and my innocence. I was happy when I loved myself. Oxy’s right.
My frame of mind at this point in recovery is that to risk love is to risk loss.
That makes me scared.
My son has a t shirt that says on the front in bold letters FREE HUGS. He is very reserved–but he has found a way to get that human connection that we all need without saying a word.
In my mind–Genius.
Love and peace
xxx
Ox Drover
Littlewhitehorse,
You know I have been reading several books about the IMPORTANCE OF TOUCH in our lives.
Oxytocin is a hormone/chemical that is released by several things, and one of those things is TOUCH on our skin.
Baby animals of various kinds will die without touch, and it has been proven that even baby HUMANS will “fail to thrive” and/or die without cuddling and TOUCH….there are lots of ways that we can have TOUCH and one of them is actually self stroking or petting or being petted by animals (and yes, animals DO “pet” us as well! My son’s cat is a perfect example of that!) Here lately the cat has her “nose out of joint” because my son brought home a stray dog that now sleeps with him, and the cat, who formerly slept with him and was “his” cat now feels “deprived” so she comes to me and “pets” me and rubs up on me which she did not do before, in fact, she actually didn’t like me much at all, but now, she has decided that being petted is more important than being snooty! LOL
Last night after my son had gone to bed (the cat chooses not to sleep with him now that the dog does) she climbed up in my lap and I was petting on her, and it felt so good, so calming for us both I think. She is the absolute cleanest cat I’ve ever known, never even one particle of dust in HER HAIR! LOL And while I realize that she is very narcissistic (aren’t ALL CATS? LOL) None the less, I enjoyed stroking her and being stroked BY her. I “felt loved” as it were.
Hugs and association with living things, being touched and touching, and interaction with others is important to human health. I think that is one reason that prisoners dread “solitary confinement” so much, it is the ULTIMATE punishment. Though my Psychopathic son Patrick says he actually LIKES it, I think he lies…she sure loves to have an “audience” for his posturing and I can’t imagine that without an audience that he is satisfied very much. He seems to be like the trolls that came through here the other day. HE WANTS ATTENTION. To be noticed.