Almost seven years ago, Darlene Ellison’s life was turned upside-down when her husband was arrested as an “inner circle” member of NAMBLA—the North American Man-Boy Love Association. She had no idea what he was doing.
Read How Dorothy Sandusky could have been duped, on TheDailyBeast.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Ox Drover
Dear Littlewhitehorse,
Thanks for recommending that book, I have a copy of it and it is a very good book.
The concept of self love, and especially from a family of alcoholics, is difficult when we have been raised to not value ourselves.
Though by the time I came along, only one member of my family actually DRANK alcohol, my egg donor’s brother, but the “culture” of the alcoholic family, the enabling, the punishing, the demeaning of, etc. it was all there. It went back for generations and generations…
It is difficult to over come this “programming” but it can be done….one day at a time! Thanks for recommending this nice little book….it is a GREAT ONE!!! Al anon is also helpful for some who have grown up in that culture!
Ox Drover
Another one outed
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071922/College-baseball-coach-sent-girl-14-naked-picture-arranged-meet-sex.html
Yesterday the principal of an Arkansas High school was also caught in one of these stings on line.
No matter how many are caught there will be 1,000 for each one caught!
The damage they do not only to the children they target but to their own wives and families…each of these men/women (and there ARE women predators! See “female offenders” blog) has parents, many children and spouses, brothers and sisters who are damaged by their crimes.
skylar
She KNOWS.
At first I didn’t think she did but her words betray her:
She does exactly what my spath does when his mask is slipping, she changed the subject to “all the good things he has done.” As if those things are proof that he’s a good guy.
My spath would watch my face for any sign that I didn’t approve of what he was telling me. If he saw that, he would bring up a kitty he saved or a bird he rescued.
They’re all the same. Dottie is a spath too. I thought it was strange that she would try to use the Penn State swimming pool after the incident. I would be ashamed to show my face, but she is shameless AND entitled.
Hopeforjoy
Skylar,
It sure seems like she knows or, at the very least, she turned the other cheek and can’t logically believe Jerry would be capable of such atrocities.
When I heard Sandusky declare his innocence, I was so sickened. Somewhat surprised but not really, because they honestly think they can get away with it. Sandusky is an evil man.
skylar
Hi Hopeforjoy,
It’s good to hear from you again. I’m glad things are going well.
I keep hearing that he is “innocent”. He says he’s innocent, his lawyer says he’s innocent. But they don’t say he didn’t do it.
All spaths change the meaning of words and all the Man Boy Love pedophiles think it’s an innocent thing for a man to have sex with a little boy. That’s why he keeps saying he’s innocent. Just like Clinton said he did not have sex with that woman because he changed to definition of sex to not include oral. Sicko.
Ox Drover
Sky, I think it was Joe’s wife, not Sandusky’s wife that tried to use the pool, the article (I can’t find it now) said she was 84, the Sandusky’s are younger than that, in their mid-to-late 60s.
I agree that Mrs. Sandusky’s agreement that he is “innocent” and all the “good he has done” is denial, but I’m not sure she truly “knew” or heard or saw anything. If she did, I think she has “explained it away” with some excuse about why the boy was crying out. Sometimes things are just TOO painful for us to accept and that’s what denial is all about. Denial keeps us from DOING anything though, or taking action. Short term it might even be beneficial to us (like when someone died) and we go “Oh, no, it can’t be” until we can grasp that it is true, it did happen. LONG term, it keeps us from taking action too….and is NOT beneficial and is much harder to grasp that it is true. Mrs. Sandusky may also be embroiled in the long term denial.
At this point, I can’t judge her state of mind, could also be a trauma bond, my guess is the man was at least emotionally distant or abusive to her.
Coach Fine’s wife KNEW though, for sure, and did nothing, she even felt sorry for HERSELF that he wasn’t interested in her sexually and had sex with one of his victims, after the kid turned 18 of course. SHE should go to jail for not reporting it….at least she is forever shamed in the eye of the world, but I doubt that she has any personal shame over it. I think she is just as bad as her husband.
callmeathena
Sky, “all the good things he has done”, lol!
It was the same thing that happened with my spath. He got remarried. His wife (whom he lied to and abused) had to say why she wanted to remarry him. She said, “he was so kind to strangers”. LOL!
skylar
LOL! Athena,
the correct answer is: “his facade.”
😛
callmeathena
Yes, that is it!
I just watched a movie about spaths (I’m on a roll – I think I’m on movie #10 on this topic)…..it’s called THE VANISHING. It was from 1988. In this particular movie the man is married with two children. There are all sorts of red flags, and tells, and yet they are all clueless.
In all these movies I’m watching, everything we talk about on this site is there.
Beards
Tells
Facades
Deceit
Sexual perversion
Sometimes the sysemizing/organizing/math type thinking
Lack of empathy
Impulsiveness
When I was involved with a spath – when you were involved with a spath – when KatyDid was involved with a spath – we all felt like we were in isolation, somehow the bad behavior and hatred and whatever else was ABOUT US. These movies are showing me so clearly that it’s NOT US. And we’re NOT NUTS.
Athena
aussiegirl
@Littlewhitehorse ”“
“” we all don’t choose this. I would die for my children. This man is good. He wears his mask well and I never suspected a thing. Everyone, including myself bought into his image as the solid family man and provider.”
Thank you for that post. I was about to say exactly that same thing for exactly the same reasons to exactly that same poster.
“I hope my story helps others like myself who were blindsided by a psychopath and found it difficult to get believed—even when there were children at risk.”
Blindsided. There is a reason the word exists ”“ the reason is because it can happen, even when you are a well-informed, intelligent and reasonably cautious person. Some interesting extended dictionary meanings of the word “blind”:
– without control or preparation (what could prepare us for spathdom?)
– relying on instruments for information (the spaths are our instruments)
– without having been seen beforehand (or else we might have known, right?)
– to deprive of good sense, reason or judgement (we would need to have had those qualities to begin with, in order to be deprived of them, yes?)
– to darken, conceal (well ”“ you can’t see something that’s concealed, can you?)
– any obstruction or hindrance to sight, light or air (wow. And wow again)
– a person or thing that serves to deceive or conceal the truth
– a screen of brush or undergrowth in which hunters hide to shoot their quarry (are chills running up and down your spine like they are mine?)
Blind-sided. Yep. That was us all right.
“”through the fog of PTSD”“I do recognise that I am one of the lucky ones.”
Me too. Even while I wait at home this weekend, with my precious pets and myself as bait for the strike I feel must come soon; he came here 6 days ago and killed the first of my pets in what I believe will be only the beginning of the end game. Yet I still feel lucky. I KNOW what the game is now and I KNOW how to play it too. And I am one jump ahead of him this time. In a very odd way, the showdown that looms is almost a relief to me. I am confident that he will come unstuck with his arrogance and that he will be caught soon.
“I sometimes think that I have brain damage”“yet i can clearly digest what is being said.”
Yes we do. Every one of us. The natty thing about brains, though, is that if we treat them right and care for them properly, many parts of them can actually re-grow and re-attach themselves to the other parts of our brains. I already feel mine doing this. If you had asked me just one year ago whether I thought that I would ever feel as good as I do today, or whether I would ever be able to think quickly again or to stay calm under pressure or to focus on what was necessary, I would have smiled you a sad and wistful smile and told you , ’I doubt it. I think some things are gone from me forever now.” I would have been wrong.
“Anyway”“things can only get better.”
See ”“ you already know it. Stick with this statement because it is not only the TRUTH but it will be your guiding light as it was mine.
“”rape has done something to me that sometimes I doubt I will ever recover from. Also the crazymaking and confusion”
This too can pass for you. I promise. I also was raped. I am recovered. Take heart.
“ If only I could rid myself of the panic and anxiety disorder and disasociation induced by anxiety.”
All in time dear one, all in time. x