Almost seven years ago, Darlene Ellison’s life was turned upside-down when her husband was arrested as an “inner circle” member of NAMBLA—the North American Man-Boy Love Association. She had no idea what he was doing.
Read How Dorothy Sandusky could have been duped, on TheDailyBeast.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
@KatyDid ”“
“The LONLIEST time of my life was when I lived with my birth family and it was BITTERLY horribly lonely when I lived with my husband. Even though I am not loved, I am not lonely anymore and the fact is I keep finding joy and good people to share it with.”
So very sad and so very where I was also at. Hang on to the joy and to the good people. The rest will follow. X.
“Katy, who has found happiness is possible even when unloved.”
“”take it from someone who has NEVER had someone love them: while “loving myself, God Loves me, Jesus loves me, cyber psuedo named people love me, etc.” is all okay, it is NOT the same nor a substitute or a replacement for the human need to physically connect to another who loves, whether it’s a child’s hug, or a step fathers smile, or a beloved’s embrace. and that dif is esp poignant at certain moments of the year.”
Dear girl ”“ as one of the cyber pseudo named people who love you, I invite you to ask Donna to give you my email address. Then you will have my real name and identity and (as long as you are not easily scared”) I will even email you photograph so that you know what I look like, so that I am real. Up to you. No pressure.
“I too sometimes think I have brain damage. Likely that is what I am processing now. How to undo a lifetime of cruelty when what was pronounced about me is verified as true over and over, that people who are physically in my life only pretend to care about me out of politeness or duty?”
You undo it slowly; the same way it was done. Over many years. No easy way, but at least there ARE ways.
“At this time of year, I am facing my worst rejection ever, I must process an in-my-face-rejection from the one person I sacrificed and endured the spath for, the one I poured my love and devotion and support into. My reward for giving such love is complete and utter contempt.”
So sad for you babe. Hold on okay? Passing time and positive steps to recovery will ease the pain eventually. No easy fix : (
“People who evoke karma: Are you saying I deserve to be unloved? Christians say the same thing, that God blesses the deserving. That makes NO sense to me b/c I watch people FLOCK to my husband and they LOVE and adore him, yet he’s is fully spath so why would an spath deserve love while someone who gives love does not?”
As much as I am loathe to correct you, real Christians don’t say the same thing: to be a “Christian” means to follow the teachings of “Christ”, who said (amongst other things), “Five sparrows sell for two coins of value, do they not? Yet not one of them goes forgotten before God. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Have no fear; you are worth more than many sparrows” and, “”your Father who is in the heavens”makes his sun shine on wicked people and good and makes it rain upon righteous people and unrighteous.”
“I am NOT depressed but this is a sad conundrum that I think many endure, that through no fault of their own, life has left them stranded. It seems like the losses just go on and on.”
I didn’t think that I was depressed either: I thought that depressed looked like: sad, gloomy, listless, unmotivated, unable to laugh or work or play. I repeatedly told my doctors for the past 4 years that I was ANXIOUS, yes; that I was WORRIED, yes; that I clearly had PTSD, yes; but that because I could still joke and laugh and smile and work (until I got really sick last year) and plan for the future, that I could not possibly have PTSD.
Turns out that I was wrong ”“ sometimes depression does not LOOK the way we have come to expect it to look; sometimes it LOOKS like I did. Please reconsider whether this might not also be the case with you and see a good doctor about treatment.
@skylar –
“I didn’t connect all the dots until after I left him. How could I imagine what lay behind that mask? Even today, it’s surreal. “
I am STILL to this day, connecting dots. I think it’s a process that is likely to go on for many years ”“ their webs are just soooooooooo tangled and complicated that to begin to unpick them is to commit to a long-term project.
Even after 4 years of intense research and detective work, whilst typing up the final draft for my trial Affidavit (written evidence) for Monday’s trial, I was STILL finding entries on bank account statements and on telephone bills that were either penny-droppers (explaining something) or else Pandora-boxes (raising new mysteries and ills). Being appalled and disgusted aside, the abnormal deviant psychology behind all of this fascinates (and repels) me.
“That’s why the spath is trying to contact me. I was supposed to commit suicide and he’s hoping he can take me there for the holiday season. “
Just don’t, okay? We will not be amused if you do. We shall be VERY cross indeed! x
“the correct answer is: “his facade.—
Ah yes! The good ole “white picket fence” is what I call it. Been there, done that. Twice. Not because I’m silly but because I didn’t KNOW what I was dealing with. Now I do.
Talk about back with a vengeance……sorry peeps. Will let someone else have a turn for a bit : ) xx
She is in denial and the very fact that his lawyer admits Sandusky showered with boys and and “rough housed” with them naked where me “may” have touched their private parts, a crime in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, strongly implies he is guilty of more serious crimes.
Dear aussiegirl
Many many thanks for your post and the way that you took it apart and reflected on what I said. It helped me imensley.
Between all of you I gained more support than I have gained from all of the authorities I have approached over the last four years.
From my vantage point four years out–I can see that he planned this attack. A total hidden life was revealed and I am still connecting these dots. With me dead or commited to a hospital–he would have had full access to my children. Horror.
Also– I have to dissect a fake past-all twenty two years of it. Hundreds of children passed through my home. The kids and their friends–sleepovers etc. Horror.
I never had a dad growing up–so I didn’t fully understand their need in a family. I had friends who had confided in me that their dad’s had been this way and it always made me a bit wary. I used to tell the children growing up that it was not always the stranger who was the danger but that dad’s and mum’s could hurt children too. I would say this in front of him–thinking that he was supporting my stance. If you have nothing to hide–then you have nothing to fear was my thoughts.
That’s why what happened too me caused such a shock. I felt that I had covered all bases and it was the one thing I felt totally secure about.
Aussiegirl–I am very concerned about what is happening to you. He has killed one of your precious pets and I don’t like the sound of this one bit. Have you police support. I know you feel that you are one step ahead–but I don’t have faith in this anymore. Mine studied me. He knew exactly how I would react. Please, please be careful.
Don’t leave us hanging–come back and let us know that you are ok. Please.
I will be praying for you.
Peace and Love
xxx
Aussiegirl.
Thank you for coming back with a vengeance girl!!! I have thought about your kind words of support today “….your poor heart and brain are trying to make sense of what happened”
Helped me immensely too. So thank you and bless you!!
Dear Aussiegirl!
Glad you are BACK WITH A VENGEANCE, been missing your chirpy comments for a while!
Just checking in, as kindly requested : )
The weekend passed without event, much to my surprise. I had already (over the course of 6 days since he killed my hen Blance by holding her down with an aluminium bar until she was almost decapitated) moved the photograph albums to a safe house, moved my pet sheep to a friend’s property, drove 140km+ to relocate a bunny, a galah and 2 pet ducks, hid another duck at another friend’s place and released 3 wild “teenage” ducks that I had hand-reared (I do a bit of wildlife rehabitation) onto another friend’s dam at their farm.
I have another 8 pets to shuffle slowly around this week but could not do it all in a flurry or all at once because I know that sometimes, he will be watching, and I must keep things here looking as normal as possible. For this reason, most of my pets will stay here with me, as bait. I can’t afford to let it break my heart as it once would have done – I have to stay focussed and pay attention to the game now. I am extraordinarily calm.
We (police and I) do not believe that I am in any imminent danger – I am the prize at the end of the game. Unless something happens to change the game or to escalate the situation, I am relatively safe for the time being. If he kills me, where’s the fun for him of taking my animals out one at a time or burning down the house? I must be left alone until he grows tired of playing the game he is currently engaged in; based on his history, he should stay stuck in this for sometime, as he did with the other games I have seen him play before now.
I am not alone here – I have a friend with me and he has plastered the yard with motion detection security; the cameras go up today. And I have 2 big dogs who I know would die for me. Sadly, I do expect that at least one of them will before we catch him. We are working with the police on trapping him by having him think that nobody suspects it was him (or someone he sent) on Monday. That way he will stay in this game and not start another just now. He finds it difficult to do 2 things at once, so hopefully will stay predictable to a degree.
So I whistle when I take out my bin (trash can) and I potter calmly around my garden and I talk to my dogs happily, the way I always talk to them; if he’s watching or listening, he will think that I don’t know – but I do.
I made posters with his photographs, photographs and number plates of any vehicles he might be driving etc. and handed these out to immediate neighbours and to people spread out over town who I can trust and who – by virtue of their work or their home location – have a good chance of spotting him if he tries to sneak into town.
The police are well informed, very aware of his capacity for harm and completely supportive. I saw them drive by my house twice one day last week, and I was only home that day for a few hours.
I will NOT live my life in fear the way that I was living it 4 years ago. Since the trial last week, where my home was made safe from any further attempt by him to grab it from me, I have reached a point where I know that all he has left to play with now is my life and my immediate property and pets. Rather than freaking out about it, this has made me feel the most secure I have felt in years. This is where he must come to get me – and this is where I am safest because so many people are watching out for me here. The neighbours either side of me are 2 burly men in each house. If he comes repeatedly, he will establish patterns and routes and behaviours that others will notice on my behalf. That is how he will be caught. I know this in my heart. x
Hey there Oxy! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not sure how much time I will have for LF but when I do, I will check in here.
Still lots to organise here at home, so quite busy even with court case over.
Going to have one hell of a bonfire with the shiat I don’t need to keep as evidence anymore; don’t panic, I will keep all 5 fat files of my trial documents and evidence and will only burn the financial stuff that was not used in the case; the stuff that served no purpose but that I hung onto “just in case”. I WON’T be burning any of the “crazy man” proof”….one never knows when one may need to use that stuff again ; )
Yea, Aussiegirl, I’ve got a ton of stuff (evidence of psychopathy), and keep some of it in a FIRE SAFE so that even in the event the house were blown away or burned, the evidence is safe.
You might also keep copies at another off site location so that in the event that something happened to your place that it would still be safe.
Can’t ever be TOO CAREFUL I think.
I’m glad that you are feeling strong though, and glad that you are not living in terror, but caution and preparedness.
Preparation is like insurance….you hope you don’t need it, but it is a good feeling to know that you have it…just in case you DO need it.
I love my animals too, but like you, I knew if I moved the dogs before I was safely away (the ones that lived outside in kennels or the Great Pyranees guard dog that roamed the place) that he would KNOW I was gone and the jig would be up as we say here.
Fortunately I didn’t lose them to him, though, that summer was tough…I lost my 32 year old horse that had to be put down, my 14 year old Shitzu and the old Pyr as well, so was tough for me that year with lots of losses. PUT YOURSELF FIRST before anything or any one! That’s a tough one when you love your critters and I know you do…but I also know you are a pragmatic woman as well! TOWANDA!!!! STAY STRONG! (((hugs)))