One of the good things about the conviction of Jerry Sandusky on almost all counts related to molesting 10 boys was that his lame personality disorder defense did not fly.
Histrionic personality disorder? Huh? That was the prevailing reaction when defense attorneys claimed that the former Penn State assistant football coach wrote those “creepy” letters because he suffers from histrionic personality disorder.
Several experts in personality disorders were quoted in news reports stating that even if Sandusky does have histrionic personality disorder, it would not be an excuse for the molestation.
Why not?
It’s quite simple: Most people with personality disorders are not delusional. Those with antisocial, borderline, narcissistic and yes, histrionic personality disorders are not “hearing voices” or out of touch with reality. (By the way, the American Psychiatric Association is in the process of revising its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Histrionic personality disorder isn’t even included in the new version.)
Over and over, Lovefraud readers tell me about outrageous deceit, manipulation and conscienceless behavior in their own interactions with personality-disordered individuals. Here is the common denominator: Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing. They just feel entitled to do what they want, and do not care who gets hurt in the process.
I was worried about the introduction of “personality disorder” as a defense in a criminal trial. Because it was permitted in the Sandusky case, would it open the door for all the defense attorneys in the country to blame their clients’ crimes on personality disorders? This would be a serious problem, because researchers estimate that 47 percent of male and 21 percent of female prison inmates have antisocial personality disorder.
For the most part, people with personality disorders are quite capable of making choices about their behavior. They know the difference between right and wrong, although they may have no emotional investment in doing what is right. They can follow society’s rules and laws when it suits their purpose.
Jerry Sandusky was convicted. I hope this continues to mean that when these disordered people commit crimes, they won’t be able to get off by claiming the psychological equivalent of, “the devil made me do it.”
Hilary,
we don’t need more examples, the ones you provided are CLASSIC! LOL.(caps for emphasis and acronym)
WTF?
(caps for emphasis and acronym)
Harmonious cacophony. I don’t even know where to begin.
1. Could it be that he is using an oxymoron to create cognitive dissonance in the listener? Knowing that cacophony cannot be harmonious, we are left perplexed as to what that would sound like. While you’re busy thinking about that, you won’t notice some other blatant lie.
2. Maybe it’s a tell? To spaths, chaos is wonderful and cacophony sounds harmonious. He’s telling you he’s a spath.
3. He knows the words but not the music. He has heard oxymorons which create a paradoxical truth and he figures he could make one up and you would feel profoundly affected by the “truth” in his gibberish. *sigh* All he has communicated is how profoundly tone deaf he is to words and their meaning. It slimes me just to contemplate being so lacking in being, so hollow and vacuous. You said he’s educated? it boggles the mind.
4. It’s not an oxymoron, he’s just a moron.
Maybe it’s a weaving together of all of these, as layers in his flawed thinking: He wants to confuddle and confuse you, while telling you he’s a spath and thinks you’ll be impressed by his moronic choice of words because he is deaf to the meaning of words.
I feel slimed. Just knowing someone who thinks that way is out in the world, slimes me.
Hilary and Sky, Absolutely.
Yeah, “harmonious cacophany”, the, “din”. Contradictory terms, all over the place. It’s like he’s trying to impress, by being poetic, but is giving himself away because the point of poetry is to create a feeling in the reader or listener. His goal is to seduce with a feeling of calm, comfort, safety and love, but the feeling he leaves you with is the typicle, WTF? of having an interchange with a spath.
I see it here, sometimes. I don’t want anyone who is currently posting to think I am talking about them, but, not too long ago, we had a poster who continually said, “it’s just awful”. Over and over again. He said, “I feel gutted.”
This was all a reaction to being NCed. I had a difficult time putting my finger on it. But, I knew he knew the words but not the music. He really had very little emotion behind what he was saying, and I just felt manipulated.
Kim,
the contradictory terms create a feeling in the reader alright… a feeling of dissonance. like a musical score that leaves you unsettled.
I think that poster you referred to, went away when he realized we were all just studying him. I think it was you who uttered the words that revealed that the king was naked. Then he left.
BTW, did you know that the word, Oxymoron comes from the Greek,
Oxy = Sharp, plus Moron = Dull ?
Now we know why we call OxDrover, Oxy. She’s sharp!
Whirlwind,
Actually, I think what may be happening is that the nightmares are part of the process of you releasing the residual emotional tension and pain from your relationship.
I once had a minor car accident in which I was rear-ended. It was a rainy night, a car in front of me stopped at a red light, I stopped, and in the rear view mirror, I saw headlights coming up behind me, and I knew the car wasn’t going to stop. He hit me.
For months, I had all this tension and fear in the back of my body just about every time I drove, worried about getting rear-ended again. Then one night, I had a really vivid dream of the accident. I literally felt the impact of the car again – and all the tension left my body.
This, of course, was just a not-too-serious accident, nothing like your involvement with the sociopath. But that’s how we release the emotional trauma, by becoming aware of it again and feeling it. I think the nightmares may actually be the memories and trauma being released from deep within you, part of the cleansing process. Maybe if you look at it that way, it will help you.
Donna,
I think that is a great observation. The most painful moments in the relationshit with the spath surfaced in nightmares for me, like a triggered memory where I relived the whole thing. I would wake and feel the pain and of course had my whole nightrest disturbed (and then overslept which was one of the reasons I lost my teaching position then), but though painful it helped me at least know what deep scars I needed to work on and get healed. It’s just that I had these nightmares in the first month, rather than a long period after. But the nightmares did have the function for me that you described, Donna.
I know that the nightmares are going to follow – I went through this, before, when I left the first exspath. Over, and over, I would experience the violent abuses and rapes in nightmares. I would wake up yelling and fighting. One night, it was another rape and he had me pinned down and he was telling me what he was going to do to me. In this vivid dream, I was suddenly physically strong and threw him off of me and had HIM pinned. In this dream, I told him that he would never touch me, again, spat in his face, and woke up in a sweat. It was years before I ever had another dream about him, and they haven’t been violent, since.
Once this second exspath situation is settled, the nightmares will begin, and I’m not looking forward to them. I know, academically, that these terrifying dreams are my mind’s attempt to purge my psyche of these experiences and put them into their proper perspective. I do, however, look forward to the dream that will finally put an end to the purging process.
Show of virtual hands: how many survivors experienced nightmares during their recovery?
Yes, slimed and WTF? That’s exactly my reaction. But I’m glad, on some level, that I have his written words. They’re there. He can’t change them or deny them or warp them like he did so much of what he said verbally. They’re a concrete reminder of what he is. I taught college-level English, but didn’t realize until the end of both spath “relationships” that there were clues in the diction all along.
I believe that I did have nightmares, but I don’t remember them. I slept only in short bursts, and I’d always wake up suddenly and with a feeling of overwhelming fear and anxiety. I was desperate for a sound, peaceful sleep, and I knew that the PTSD I was experiencing during the day was heightened by weeks without sleep. I went to the doctor at my local walk-in clinic for help. As embarrassed as I was, I gave him the brief story of why I was at the end of my rope and asked for a prescription so that I could sleep. I was met with manipulation and condescension–and then given what amounted to a placebo prescription. That night, while on the phone with a dear friend from high school who is also a doctor in another state, I was told that I’d exhibited drug-seeking behavior and, after all the crying and insomnia, probably looked strung out. I keep getting the bill from that doctor, for all the unnecessary tests he did that he assured me would be covered by my insurance, and am waiting for my anger toward him to subside before I confront him about his behavior. I can’t imagine how many of us survive these awful encounters only to be met with disbelief and further manipulation and condescension from those from whom we seek help.
It’s amazing, though, how we’re sometimes able to find strength through our dreams, as Truthspeak articulates. The mind is extraordinarily powerful, and I’m thankful for sites like this that not only support members emotionally but offer knowledge and paths to personal growth.
And yes, he’s educated. Still upset that he didn’t get into Harvard and had to suffer through the 12th best liberal arts education in the country.
Hilary, ugh – the victim-blame is infuriating, and it can be so demeaning and humiliating.
I believe that this is why I so strongly urge survivors of socipathic entanglements to seek counseling through their local domestic violence agencies. What we have all experienced was, on some level, abuse and/or violence. And, whether it’s a domestic partner, family member, or co-worker, it’s all abusive.
The intelligent sociopath is frightful – they use their education to their best manipulative advantages, and it’s sickening. A friend of mine who has a degree in psychology was taken in by a spath professor and got herself out of it before it went too far – thank goodness. But, at one point, she was outraged at the fact that this was an “educated man” and that it had been so difficult to see any indications that he was spath. My feeling is that any arena where there is power and control is a venue for spaths to operate. What better power is there than a make-or-break position of authority with regard to a student’s success or failure? With one stroke of a pen, a student’s years of effort can be dashed, along with their hopes and dreams of a career. What could be more powerful than that, aside from being a Judge?
Tzzzzzzzz…..so glad that you are out, Hilary. So very, very glad for you.
I’ve noticed your advocacy of such, Truthspeak, and it’s brilliant. Thank you. It’s so important to spread the word about where victims can go to heal and learn–and to go from victim to survivor.
Nick was a classic snake in a suit, always striving for more power, more money, more of everything. He makes six figures as a biotech consultant in the health care field–and although he can’t seem to keep a job for more than a couple of years, one company after another keeps not only hiring him but promoting him. Right now, he’s employed by a company that publicly prides itself on innovation, values, and quality of life! Ha! I read somewhere that the health care industry is overrun with sociopaths, which probably shouldn’t be surprising.
A spath professor would be incredibly dangerous to his students, both as professor and predator. It’s natural to admire our “teachers” in life, so he’s positioned perfectly for the strike. Ugh.
Thanks for your kind words. I remind myself every day to be grateful that I’m out, grateful that I’m no longer confused, and grateful to his other woman for putting herself in the line of fire, however unintentionally, and sparing me more pain. I’m glad your friend is out, and that we’re all here doing the work to protect ourselves, too!