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Sociopaths as aliens

Perhaps the hardest thing to comprehend, and accept, about sociopaths is just how different they are from the rest of us.

I’ve spoken to hundreds of people who have tangled with sociopaths. Even when the mask has not only slipped, but shattered, even when they know the truth about what the sociopath has been doing all along, they still ask,

“But how could he do it?”
“He kept telling me how much he loved me; how could he cheat like that?”
“He said we were soul mates; how can he just up and leave?”
“How can he be so cold and calculating?”
“How can he look me right in the eye and lie?”
(Substitute “she” for “he” as necessary.)

Then, the people I talk to start making statements like the following:

“I would never think of taking someone’s money.”
“I would never intentionally hurt someone.”
“If I said something like that, I couldn’t sleep at night.”
“I would never tell someone that I loved them if I didn’t mean it.”

So here is the most important lesson to learn about sociopaths: You cannot interpret their behavior in the same way you interpret your own behavior.

Sociopaths are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They have a personality disorder, and this disorder reaches to the core of their beings. Here’s what this means:

  1. Sociopaths cannot feel empathetic connections with other people.
  2. Sociopaths do not have the ability to love.
  3. Sociopaths are interested only in power, control and sex.
  4. Sociopaths’ main motivation is to win.
  5. Anything that comes out of a sociopath’s mouth could be a lie.
  6. Sociopaths have no conscience.

You could think of them as aliens. I’m not saying that they literally are aliens (although there are people who believe that). But sociopaths are missing the characteristics, traits and abilities that make us truly human.

For most of us, this realization is a shock to the system. They look just like the rest of us. They appear to be so normal, talented, fun and exciting. They keep proclaiming their love. It’s so hard to believe that they are simply acting. It’s all a charade, a mirage.

What do you do with this information? You accept it. Sociopaths are what they are, and once they are adults, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. So far, there is no therapy, no magic pill, that will give them the ability to feel care and concern for others, or internalize a sense of right and wrong.

All we can do is know that they exist, learn the warning signs, and when we see them, run as fast as we can.


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64 Comments on "Sociopaths as aliens"

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Donna, this is terrific and thank you for posting it.

Coming to the point of “acceptance” and “recognition” is where I found the greatest hurdles to leap over.

A while back, I said that I wasn’t interested in knowing “how or why” the exspath accomplished his betrayals – it’s only important for me to know that he did. I still hold fast to this belief: whatever label sticks to him, whatever his assessment might be, however he became the way he is, and how he could perpetrate the things that he did are all 100% unimportant to me, personally.

Once again, I read what I need to precisely when I need to read it.

Brightest blessings

To clarify about why the things that I mentioned are “unimportant” refers to me healing myself. Knowing the answers to those issues will not alter my healing processes. Sure, it would be great to define all of those things, but even the experts can’t come to a reasonable and concise agreement on ANY of them. So, my trying to sort them out is a distraction from what I need to be working on for myself. 🙂

Truthspeak, I totally understand what you’re trying to say. A spath is a spath because he is a spath. When Midas (nicknamed Killing Fields, although his killing fields days seem to be over with his arthritis), the cat of my parents, catches a bird I don’t wonder about the why either. Not that it ever prevented me from scaring a bird away before he could catch it though 😉

When I lived in Norway, I had a tough time initially learning the language. I used to think, “That’s not good English.”

This went on for a while until one day I realized, “So what? It may not be good English, but it’s good Norwegian. It could be good Russian and bad Japanese or vice versa. That isn’t the point. The point is if this is good Norwegian, then this is the way I should be saying it.”

We personalize too much. We need to be objective. Just observers and taking things as they are not as we think they should be or how we would do something.

I’m very fortunate that my profession requires me to do that constantly. Analysis is a huge part of my job. I’ve analyzed analyzing to become better at what I do. I’m still learning how to be better at what I do, that will never end, I don’t think.

I need to be very careful because if I personalize something, i.e., get it wrong by being too subjective, then in some cases, somebody might literally die due to a faulty product or I could be out of a job by sending the bosses down the wrong path and costing them a lot of money.

The company depends on my objectivity. Not in a bad way, they don’t care about me or my personal feelings except to know that I am accurate, reliable, and adhere to their policies and objectives.

I have a function to do. It isn’t about G1S. I even say that nowadays, i.e., this isn’t about me. Nobody cares about me. It’s about what is happening and how it affects the company. That approach has diffused tension many times because people know that I am not challenging them personally. It’s not about them, either.

I’ve come to realize that if I left that job tomorrow, the only thing that would be gone is me, meaning that the job function and its requirements will still be there. Knowing that makes my job much easier because I don’t have to agonize over things. It’s “what does the company want/need?” not, “Oh gee, G1S, would you ever do that? Would you ever think that way?”

If I don’t know what to think, then I ask for clarification from my boss. “Do you need this, are you looking for X, or is there something else that I don’t know about yet?” No, “you/they didn’t tell me” or “why don’t people keep me in the loop?”

I feel like Detective Friday from that TV show (whatever it was called.) “Just the facts, ma’am.”

It makes life so much easier for everyone, and I get to leave my job at the office when I go home at night.

G15 i agree.

I sort of got an idea about how people “see” (and think) differently a few years before my husband died. He had a partial plate that was loose and because there was no tooth in the back to attach it to it flooped, so he used some of that pink “goop” to hold it in place and every night when he cleaned his teeth the took it out and brushed it off, and the pink goop stuck to the sink like concrete when it dried

I nagged and nagged at him to clean out the goop when it was wet so I didn’t have to chissel it off the sink when it was hard and dry.

Finally, he said “Honey,, I can’t SEE it, I am COLOR BLIND….” and I realized that what was plain as day to ME was invisible to him. (boy,, did I feel bad)

But I think that just as my husband was blind to color that I icould SEE, the psychopaths are “blind” to emotions that we can feel, yet we tend to think that like us they can ‘see” because we can “see” but it is not true.

They may not be aliens, but their brains and emotions don’t work like ours and we need to realize that they don’t.

While a wolf cub that has been raised among people may be somewhat “tame” it is STILL a wild animal and is NOT a dog, it may look like a dog, but it isn’t a dog. The same with a psychopath, just like the “pet” wolf may appear to be a dog, the psychopath may appear to be bonded, but it isn’t. A psychopath can’t be trusted any more than the pet wolf or pet cougar can be.

Years before I knew what a spath was, I said to my spath-Sister, “Spath-sis, You are so much more selfish than I am. I need to learn to be more selfish. How do you do it?”

I wasn’t joking, I was serious. I was asking her how she thinks.

She said, “I don’t know Skylar, I’ve always been selfish, that’s just the way I am.”

Recently, I was contemplating that I am still treating bad people with kindness — even though I’m very aware of spaths. It’s not that I’m not aware of what I’m doing. It’s just what I want to do. And the words “It’s just the way I am,” popped into my head.

I’m the exact opposite of my spath-sis. It’s just the way I am.

I could change my behavior. Maybe I should, but I don’t really want to.

It’s the same with spaths, it just “feels” right for them to be selfish. Seems alien to me.

I don’t know if they’re aliens, but I don’t think they qualify as human.

I am almost finished Donna’s book and usually look here a couple of times each week to read posts and keep my strength up!
I have been brought up as a Catholic although after the traumas I have been through, I am questioning this. The other day I had a very good discussion with a Jewish friend of mine about our spathy parents, family members and work colleagues etc. We both came to the conclusion that these ‘people-aliens spaths’ and their presence in the world-make it very hard for us to believe that there is a God.

Donna
Very good article, they may not be alien’s from outer space but they are alien, different, they lack the 6 thing’s you stated. So I would say they are alien to us. Not everyone can see this however, it’s only because we were encountered by an alien that we recognize what they are lacking. It is eery. I so remember the way my x spath slept, it looked unnatural, almost distorted..when I first noticed this, chills ran up and down my spine and I thought to myself “what is he”.
So recently I went out to the clubs, I do that about twice a year to remind myself why I dont go out. But I did run into the “victim” he left for me AND the “victim he left me for”..and so me make’s three. Hmmm, I am not happy to be in that group of three, makes one wonder just actually how many people this alien has abducted in his life time so far.
No magic pill but perhaps a bitter pill?

Thanks Donna for sharing your thoughts. You always have a way of making us feel better, somehow.

Personally, “I” think they ARE aliens.
I haven’t figured out, yet, though, if they are alien beings or demonic, evil beings. I guess it doesn’t really matter which they are, what they ARE is toxic. They rape the body and the soul and mind and take whatever they want from people who are good and kind and trusting and walk away laughing in mockery.

There isn’t a magic pill to help them.
No amount of praying; no begging; no pleading.
They don’t make logic like we do. They are all about themselves.

All we CAN do is accept the way it is and say:
“You know what? I am not going to spend the rest of my life living like this. I just am not. I am taking MY LIFE back.” And, then doing it.
Lock, stock and barrel.

It’s a difficult and long journey, filled with much pain and suffering that is unimaginable, but at least we are still alive and breathing and still have the ability to build something out of what’s left.

This PPATH felt VERY alien to me. Still does. So much so it sends shivers up my spine to this very moment.
I have never met evilness which is that ugly, so up close, live and in person and I have met a lot of ugly and evil in my life.

Sorry hens about your realization.
Somehow I know what you are feeling.
I felt the same way when I found out there were EIGHT and all of them older and very wealthy.

He is a phisher, online and shops and trolls for where the spoils are the greatest and then plunges right in.

I just don’t want to hear anymore.
I gave up uncovering seedy truths the past couple of years and finding out everything I needed to know. I just want it away from me and over with. I refuse to participate in the drama any longer. NC 1,000%, from me, and eternally.

With that being said, I received my daily stalking today.
Which always goes to ::block:: and never responded to.
Some day, “IT” will go away…hopefully, under it’s own power and won’t need any help. hehehehe

Thanks again, Donna, excellent article.
Like a ‘band-aid’ on my soul.

Dupey

Thank you Donna for another great article and to all who posted for providing me with a much needed reality check following a day of great emotional struggle.

Be well

~New

I lost a decade of my life attempting to live as if one of these types of people was normal.

I treated her as if she was telling the truth.

I treated her as if she had a conscience.

I treated her as if she was trustworthy — as if she had a sense of right and wrong.

Didn’t work.

The hardest part, for me, was the lack of any kind of feelings about atrocious behavior. She could intentionally deceive with eyes wide open while professing “love” and literally sleep like a baby.

It was so confusing attempting to rationally comprehend that type of personality, that sort of “thinking.”

Then I realized she wasn’t human in the normal sense. And every time I forgot that and attempted to treat her like a normal human being, she chewed me to pieces again — and slept like a baby again.

I do not plan to ever speak to her again. And I now know very well the signs of such a creature and shall avoid them like the plague they are.

AMEN 10YearSurvivor!
I lost ten years myself and almost my life on more than one ocassion. AMEN!

Run far and fast…fast as you can lest the demon devour you…

Dupey

I have lost 6 years of my life to a sociopath. And I will be tied to this alien through a child we have together. Frustrating because I can not just walk away. I will get to catch a break when he goes to federal prison for a few years for fraud. Oh, I wish I could run far and fast! Small breaks are good!

Dupey, very well said in your 7/16 post. It is what it is.

I’m seeking out therapy again as my adult son still lives with his Dad and occasionally has female friends sleep over only doors away from this person who has very little impulse control. Definitely need input from a professional on this one – just don’t know what to do and I doubt being direct with my son would have any impact. He hasn’t seen (or consciously acknowledged) what lives beneath his father’s mask yet.

Be well.

~New

Fabulous summary of understanding! When my oldest daughter’s mother was four months pregnant I came to a realization. I had only known her for 7 months but a shift occurred in me and I have not been the same since. I went to her and said ” You know C( ), ” No Basis”. I had realized that all along that I had a basis for conversation that was unconsciously based in thinking she was rational. I must say that my failure to properly interpret the behavoir of a person, expecially to those to whom I was attracted, was a result of having had two parents who were of the same affect. My father went to his grave hating me because I gained recovery and stopped being his victim. He had been the pentultimate sociopath as is my oldest daughter’s mother.

10yearsuvivor,

I lost a decade to one also. How I want those ten years back. I fell in love with her and like you treated her like a human being, what a wasted gift. I wish I knew about psychopaths 15 years ago. I am grateful that I refused to marry her and I refused her access to my finances. She did enough damage to my emotions. However, her daughter is a good person being terrible exploited by her mother. I had said on more than one occassion how can you treat your daughter like this. I now understand how she could do it. I want to reach out to the daughter to let her know about psycopaths without telling her I think her mother is one. Should I do this?

Hi New Beginning: congrats on going to counseling. It helps keep me ‘grounded’. I was held prisoner by this demon for the past five years and every single kindness or caring I had was used and abused and manipulated. It is what it is. There is no amount of anything that is going to change it. It just IS what it is and “I” am what “I” am. FINISHED with the roadshow. Completely.

I am sorry for your ‘touchy’ situation.
I hope you will be able to resolve it in counseling.
I will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.

This is all just an ‘enigma’ to me but that is or was the intent. To take and to destroy. Leave no witnesses.
Yep, well, guess what? THERE IS ONE, or two, or three, et al…

I told “IT” one time, that he better hope that he doesn’t end up with his face on a milk carton someday or brought to one of those ‘dysfunctional bring it out in the open’ shows you see on television. EIGHT WOMEN all together, confronting “IT”, live and on national television. “IT’s” response was: “I can’t think of anything more exciting…to have all those women talking about ME at the same time. If we went on Oprah, I could probably sweet talk HER into bed too before the show started.”

A piece of garbage and it deserves NO sympathy.
It is a PREDATOR. Just like a lion foraging in the jungle. Just like the shark, swimming in tranquil shore waters…
Nothing changes that. NOTHING.

You just don’t walk where the lions do and you stop swimming in the shore waters.

Dupey

Divorced from Gaslighter

Shanamarie: Why can’t you relocate to a different part of the country just after your ex starts serving time in prison? Generally, a judge would be inclined to allow a geographic move if the other spouse is in prison and paying no support and the move would be a “step up” financially for you and the child.

I’ve been rationalizing the sociopaths and pedofiles I’ve known this way for some time now. Some people just don’t have it. Moving forward, I’m defintely looking for people who have enough empathy to “romantically pair bond”. I’ve been talking to a shrink. I finally just asked her if it works like this…

Psychopaht -> sociopath… Pedofiles, Narcasists, Sex Addicts…. Then you hit the normal part of the bell curve… Somewhere in there you reach an empathic threshold, at that point you get the capactiy to pair bond, then romantically pair bond or “fall in love”. From there thing deepen as you go to the other end of the bell curve.

My therapist said basically that’s how it goes.

Fill your life with people with empathy and babies and puppies. They’re safe and will help you heal from the sociopath.

The thing about sociopathy is that it IS a spectrum disorder. Many other monsters have sociopathic “traits” A pure sociopath is a wirling dervish. The other ones are a lot trickier to spot.

A side note. The guy that played the android in the recent movie “Prometheus” PERFECT sociopath. The android doesn’t have emotions … or does he? He has some simple ones. Just like a sociopath.

Alien or not, I have to be very, very cautious, now. My experiences are coming to some sense of closure, soon, but the aftermath will need management for a long, long time.

I must also be extremely careful of non-romantic spaths – seeing me as newly exited, these people will assume that I’m easy and vulnerable.

UGH….TRUST ISSUES!!! They’re bad….but, they’re also good….

Divorced from Gaslighter

Tinker, did you specifically ask your shrink what EXACTLY causes pedophilia? Other than the fact that child sexual abuse victims are somewhat more likely to become predators, I have never seen any real explanation for what else might lead people in this direction.

I do realize that some sociopaths are more or less “pan-sexual” and will take advantage of whatever sexual opportunity presents itself.

I had an alien experience yesterday. I was talking to a younger man, small talk etc. And then I noticed a very familiar look on his face as he was boasting about his accomplishment’s. And making excuses for his failure’s. His eye’s began to squint and he had frown lines on his forehead. He was almost argumentative and I had only know him maybe ten minute’s. His look, his body language, his demeanor was so recognizable. I have seen that exact same look on somebody else, I had to look hard to make sure it wasn’t that somebody else. And then as the chill’s ran up and down my spine I realized it was another freaking alien ~!

OMG hens………..hahahahahaha
I see them all the time too now.

Like, look at this local story:

http://www.pe.com/local-news/riverside-county/corona/corona-headlines-index/20120717-corona-church-pastor-charged-with-kidnapping.ece

They are frickin’ everywhere!
I think I am moving to a remote part of the mountains…

(((huggles hens)))

Dupester

Dupey,
omg! wtf? they are everywhere! and getting away with murder because the sheep let them. What kind of mother would do bring her kid to a spath for discipline? There needs to be an IQ and an EQ test before peeps can reproduce.

Of course then I wouldn’t be born…
oh well.

Hens,
Good work! you spotted a spath!
They aren’t all so easy to spot but once you get the hang of it, it’s easy as pie! Keep up the good work.

They are every where, it is so hard, I have gotten pretty educated by this site, that I have kind of become cold, when some guy start all the maze of words in ther process of impressing me or other women, they are truly to recognizable, if we know ABCD, stare, word games, very few phrases to boast themselves.

Sp use very few phrases to show off love and attention. It is kind of funny, when sp came back after his 8 months of absence and started his courtship with me life he just met me. He started using same phrases with me like he first time I met him, but I was paying very close attention to what is he saying, knowing what he really did after that, and guess he did it again, took off……

So please recognize these aliens and stay away from them…

skylar: so close to home. UGH! It’s scarey.
It’s almost like a cult; isn’t it? Seems that way.
You can look at the guy and his ‘minions’ and tell there is something very SLIMEY about them; can’t you?

I do believe they are everywhere.
Do we need the silver bullets yet?

“Mommy” needs to have her butt kicked in, too, the way I see it, but these ppaths can be very convincing, you know. I never used to understand that ‘sheep like attitude’ until I just escaped it. I can’t ‘judge’ nor ‘criticize’ it anymore because I know how easily the mind can be controlled…except NOBODY would EVER get me to hurt my own children. My own flesh and blood. They might get away with abusing me, through my stupid compassion, but NEVER those I love. NEVER. This woman needs her butt kicked for doing that to her own child.

Hope I never run into her at a grocery store.

(((skylar)))

Dupey

Hi henns,

I also think I recognise them nowdays. It is something to do with the eyes, they often do this squint thing while they are smiling or trying to mimic emotion. I have seen this especially in the female ones. And I have often also experienced that they say something that slighly unsettles you almost the first day they meet you. This is often very subtle but it is done to test your reaction to a slight. They want to find out how receptive you are to manipulation.

Hello everyone, and thanks for the article. They are aliens. I learned this when I watched the YouTube videos describing them as such by ‘Thomas Sheridan. It helped me to not take it personally. I highly recommend watching them. I’ve never met someone with so much accuracy,research, insight and wisdom about S’s than he. You won’t regret watching him. I was the best use of my time for watching hours of his videos. Once, I realized that they are aliens it finally made sense to me and my recovery process went up a hundred fold.

What I wonder is since these S’s don’t have empathy or remorse for anything or anybody, then how do they get the karma coming to them if they care about no one.

Any thoughts?

Thedoorisclosed, my personal belief with regard to Karma is that it is a Universal Event that has nothing to do with being human, exacting “justice,” or anything else that can be defined in mortal, human terms.

“Karma” is that force/energy that keeps all things in the Universe in “balance.” Sort of like a Black Hole….it sucks in material and spits it out to be reclaimed by the Universe to either reconstruct new stars, planets, or the building blocks of Life.

I have no control over Karma – nobody does. It’s just “A Thing” that we can’t predict. Just my 2 cents…

Divorced from Gaslighter

thedoorisclosed: I’m not sure that “karma” works 100% of the time, at least in this lifetime, although lots of rotten people DO seem to get their just desserts eventually.

For 80 to 90% of these people, they are rotten at managing money, and at hanging onto jobs or careers, so they are often in very bad financial shape by age 50 or so. It just gets harder and harder to explain all the previous job changes, periods of unemployment, etc. to both potential employers and to prospective new girlfriends. At age 30 you can convince others of your tremendous potential, even if you are driving an old car and living in your parents’ basement. At age 60, the boyish good looks are gone, and people just naturally demand a lot more information about why a former Navy Seal with a genius IQ, etc., is needing to borrow money to pay his rent or car payment.

Without the aura of success that a good income provides, they have increasing trouble finding the type of girlfriend that they would like to have. They nearly always have poor to nonexistent relationships with their adult children, so I would say that the Golden Years are generally not so golden for them. They end up with expensive tastes and no money, which is a combination that in and of itself leads to deep discontentment, and S/Ps are the most discontented people on earth to start with.

If you live in a big city and end up in the hospital with serious medical issues, and no one to advocate for you, the staff may put you on an official or unofficial Do Not Resusitate list, and it is common knowledge that even 2nd and 3rd rate nursing homes often take pretty good care of the residents who have relatives who make frequent surprise appearances. So behaving badly to people your whole life CAN have some real world consequences at the end.

I wouldn’t put much energy into trying to keep track of your ex to see if his life is falling apart. It may take a long time for Karma to catch up with him, and it is possible that he will manage to live out a full life of conning others for fun and profit. Some of the craftier ones do seem to find a caring woman with money to take care of them as they start to develop medical issues associated with old age.

I remember reading an interview with an old lady in a retirement community who said that the widowed men in the community would “play the field” with the newly arriving younger and more attractive widows until such time as they started having significant health issues, at which time they would “fall in love” and marry a young, well-to-do, Christian caretaker types living in the community. The old lady said she tried to warn the younger widows moving in to consider enjoying the freedom of widowhood, and not getting involved with the aging bachelors, but that her success had been limited.

When I’ve considered how “lucky” sociopaths are, I’ve also wondered if they ever get their comeuppance. It took me a really long time to figure out an explanation that would satisfy my grieving heart.

Lions are sociopaths–as are other solitary predators. If a child crawls into the lion enclosure at a zoo and is killed, does this mean that God did not love the child or the parents? No. Of course not. Do we destroy all lions because they don’t have empathy? No, we understand their nature and behave respectively and appropriately around them. Nor do we blame Karma, the Universe or God for natural events, disease, tragedy. We are learning to identify and do this with the human ‘lions’ we encounter, aren’t we?

Reasoning further, I’ve decided that sociopaths are part of an evolutionary throw-back of human nature. Civilization works when we have empathy for our children and strangers, honoring rules and behavior that supports the group.

For me, I found it comforting not to look for justice in the way that I think it should be delivered. If they don’t have consciences, how can they be held eternally responsible? Here though, we have laws and social rules. We can at least hold them responsible in this life.

In addition, they’re already in hell. They can’t ever know love, or joy, and some part of them knows it. That makes for a very tormented soul.

Maybe someday, as our culture becomes more aware of this problem, there will be a medical cure, and we will think of it as a birth defect that can be treated. It’s really only been in the last one hundred years that we’ve been codifying this behavior.

Thanks for your well-thought out insights. My ex S lives on the same street as I and since I have made No Contact for months now, God has blessed me without ever seeing him around. It seems as though he fell off the face of the planet. But, no, I don’t “check up on”, so to speak, in the least, of how his life is going. We worked very closely for a year together at the same place, and I don’t keep in contact with any of my old co-workers either. I know no one who knows him. Praise God. After working there for a year I got layed off for the most bogus of reasons, now I understand God’s infinite wisdom. The S was an amazing, helpful co-worker, but when I got to know him after I was layed off, I discovered very, very slowly the monster within. I couldn’t come to terms with the person who I had deep feeling for for a year was a monster inside. I thought the guy was a pure saint while working together as his passion for helping to change others’ lives was something I had never witnessed in my life. I used to call him the “Oprah” of our neighborhood and workplace. It took months of terrible, awful suffering to figure out he was deranged and highly dangerous until I stumbled upon, Thomas Sheridan’s, YouTube videos on S’s. He said that they typically can hide behind the facade of a saint and a mission-oriented individual so they won’t be found out, as this is their worst fear. Thomas Sheridan calls them reptilians, shape shifters, non-humanoids, petrie dishes, a new breed of subhumans termed “homo psychopaths” and that they are purely mad and insane. He said the best way to get your revenge is no contact ever again. they detest being ignored.

Suzie, I disagree that lions are sociopaths simply because they are predatory. Lions show extreme emotional connection with their cubs and a fierce devotion to their prides. Lions hunt to live, reproduce, and feed their offspring. They do not target the weak, sick, or old because it’s a choice – they do it strictly out of necessity. Lions do not “know” the difference between herbivores and carnivores. Theirs is an existence based strictly upon INSTINCTS.

Humans, on the other hand, “hunt” and target people for their own entertainment and cruel purposes, and NOT to survive, reproduce, and feed their offspring. Sociopaths harm people because they CAN – theirs is a CHOICE of behaviors.

There have been sociopaths within the human condition since mankind walked upright and scrawled on cave walls. Sociopaths ARE a part of the human condition. However, there has apparently been an escalation in the number of sociopaths that walk around in everyday life – not serial murderers, but garden-variety predators that use, abuse, and discard other human beings at their whims.

My belief is that our culture and society has BRED this behavior. Everything is tolerated, everything is excused, and the WRONG focus is being given to bad behaviors, such as sports heroes, reality show stars, and other media programming that REWARDS bad behaviors with cash and celebrity.

Truth Speak:

I agree Sociopaths harm because they can and there are more and more S’s in the world now due to all the children they have from various women, a new generation is emerging. Sadly.

And yes, they choose to harm.

thedoorisclosed: You may not be too far off in your comment about there being more P’s and S’s in the world now due to all the children that have come down through the ages, from various women. I do believe a new and different type of society and/or personality is emerging. Although there have been WRETCHES since the beginning of time, I am sure, I think the ugliness of our world is affecting people and making them more and more numb. It’s very sad. Changing of the times.

But what time we do have is OURS and not theirs.
We have to make it that way because we deserve more in this life.

Yes, THEY CHOOSE TO HARM.

Dupey

In northwest Alaska, kunlangeta “might be applied to a man who, for example, repeatedly lies and cheats and steals things and does not go hunting, and, when the other men are out of the village, takes sexual advantage of many women.” The Inuits tacitly assume that kunlangeta is irremediable. And so, according to Murphy, the traditional Inuit approach to such a man was to insist he go hunting, and then, in the absence of witnesses, push him off the edge of the ice.”
”• Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

And what happened to THAT justice system?
Seems like that would be great for ppaths/spaths…

That’s exactly how THEY act…
wait until the huntsmen leave the village and then act like a demon…surely they are somewhat suspicious that their behavior is going to land them in trouble. But, they don’t care. A few days partying is worth the punishment; hm?

THAT is the logic they use.
I have seen it; heard it and tried to reason with it and there is NO REASONING with twisted logic.

I think the Inuits may have been onto something…

Oh WOW.

I thought we were to have zero contact.

I entered this blog. I saw that “IS he lying to you” box. I wondered if the rules had changed. I thought what the heck? I haven’t had contact with Jim in two years and I still really hate him. I typed in his email addy. Well, his picture popped up. His new name is Jim Strange.

I pat myself on the back. Good for me for leaving that strange man.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I

Dupey

The sociopath lives in a survival of the fitest state of mind, eat or be eaten, just like lion’s they look really adorable until they eat you. I dont think karma affect’s them one way or the other. To them we are the one with the problem. They justify and rationalyze every bad thing they do. I doubt they know they are lying or care if they do. It’s just normal survival to them.
No contact is your only weapon and ultimate salvation. To attempt to try and make them understand what they have done, what they are is futile. What they are is a life lesson to those of us that needed it.

oh yes hens: you are right, to them WE are the one’s with the problem. They do: they justify and rationalize everything they do but it’s twisted if you listen to it. It doesn’t make sense at all. THEY LIE when telling the truth would serve them better. I don’t think half the time they even KNOW what they say or do. That’s what makes them dangerous and with the violent ones, like the one I have had stalking me: the only way to insure your safety is just to cut it off, nice, clean, crisp and with CONVICTION.

I don’t care anymore as long as it is away from me.
I have seen evil now and I know what it looks like.
I don’t live ‘that way’ and I am not. I am sorry but their ‘sickness’ is not an excuse nor justification to do the horrid and ugly things they do. If any of us acted like that, wouldn’t WE be held accountable?

NO CONTACT “IS” your only weapon and utlimate salvation. No, they are not going to be ‘saved’ until THEY recognize THEY have a problem and deal with it, just like all the rest of us have to do in REAL LIFE. That isn’t something we can ‘wish’ away; ‘pray’ away; we can’t take them by the hand and make them get help or treatment. They are always going to be the way they are. The only thing we CAN do is get it away from us and keep it away from us. OUR HEARTS LIE TO US. We have to look at all this with some logic too. If I hadn’t of been using logic, I really do think he would have gotten away with murdering me, just because HE COULD.

They are a ‘life lesson’ alright and that’s putting it mildly.
I am starting to do real good. Had a great day today, without dramarama. Peaceful and nice. I love it that way.

Have a good night hens…

Dupey
xxoo

As opposed to “alien” or not of this earth, I’ve always thought of the psychopathic individual and/or the narcissistic pd individual as being “pre-human”: being somewhere lower on the evolutionary scale than human beings; perhaps at the shark, monitor lizard, or crocodile level.

All the shark or the crocodile is about is surviving/winning. The crocs that survive to adulthood do so by being good at avoiding being eaten by larger crocs, and by cannibalizing their smaller, slower sibs and cousins. Their adult strategy for obtaining food is to patiently wait for a good opportunity, then attack, drown and devour their prey. The successful croc then perhaps indulges an urge to reproduce. Then the croc settles back in with just their eyes and nostrils showing above the muddy water, and waits patiently for the next antelope to timidly approach the watering hole.

Psychopaths and those with npd are operating at that level, seems to me. Monitor lizards will sometimes even wander back to their own nest and devour their own eggs and hatchlings, if they’re hungry enough. No unconditional love and nurturing for the offspring of the monitor lizard or the npd or the ‘spath; instead the offspring might be an appetizer.

So, for me ‘spaths are like bipedal, human-shaped, intelligent crocodiles. They learn to mimic normal human social behaviors, but its only serves as camouflage for them. They’re just waiting for you to become comfortable with them and develop trust in them, then they’ll get you.

-Babs

Babs: RIGHT ON!
I have been saying the same thing and so far you are the only one who ‘gets this’. They are just basic, general, predatorial ‘beings’ with no sense of remorse. They are ‘survivors’ and I heard that explanation over and over again from x ppath, when I would ask for an explanation of some drastic action on his behalf: “I am only trying to survive.” BINGO!

Thanks for your validation this morning.
You have made my weekend brighter with a concurring explanation. Especially the last line:

“They’re just waiting for you to become comfortable with them and develop trust in them, then they’ll get you.”

How true is that?! They get you all cozy and snuggled up to them JUST BEFORE THEY SHOVE YOU FROM THE CLIFF!
And when they do, they do so with glee.

Dupey

There is something so sickeningly sad about this. I look at the SP in my life as he tells me how much he loves me (I am currently arranging my escape) and it is gut wrenching to see this tormented, empty being who I do now believe is actually incapable of experiencing real love. This facade I lost my heart (and home, savings career and health) to who is so weak and out of control of his own life. Everything he touches turns to dust. He leaves a trail of devastation and broken lives and it just seems so unnecessary. 10 days ago I was on the brink of ending my life, isolated, on the other side of the world from family and close friends and totally dependent financially on this man who had shattered my life and who was acting more and more erratically as he (obvious now) prepared to discard me and focus on his next victim. And yet I feel luckier than him, through the kindness of the universe I have discovered that I am not alone, I have many people who love and care for me and will help and support me through this (even though it is so, so hard to admit to have been so gullible and stupid). I will survive and somehow be strong and happy again. He has nothing that is real and never will have. Are they alien or defective humans? Who knows, but what a sorry, pitiful waste of a life

Hello lookingforhope,

I hope you find yourself in a better place than ten days ago? To reach the depths of despair when one considers ending the pain and suffering for good is not a place I want to ever find myself in again. My heart goes out to you.

Really glad you found this wonderful site, keep reading, keep learning and you keep hoping my dear. Are they defective human beings? I don’t know but I totally agree with the waste of life. All my ex has done is wreak misery and destruction. Not just to me I hasten to add. Yeh a waste of life…….someone else could have had that life. Someone with a terminal illness or a child that lost it’s life because no organ donor could be found.

Babs…you have a gifted ability for definition! Your description would create a powerful image on a warning poster. I feel tempted to create an artwork that includes your monster…just might have to follow thru.

Tinker, you’re right about pets. “Real” people need to express love. My affection is shared with the dog. Without the dog, I’d be very lonely.

Most descriptive lists of warning signs seem to include at least one or two statements that don’t apply to my slag…leaving me to think that maybe there’s hope…perhaps he’s actually a “real” person who merely has a couple of faults…maybe I just need to state things differently for him to “get” where I’m coming from…maybe I need to change what I’m doing so that he will understand…maybe it’s my fault that he ignores my pain…yada, yada.

This article’s list describes my slag…everything without exception! The first step to sanity is to understand that there is nothing that I can do to change a slag. He’s like a scorpion…make any move that threatens his fake veneer and he’ll swiftly sting you.

Wow! This “alien” article and its descriptive list is well worth the read for anyone questioning the dynamics of their relationships.

Hi there. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. I thought I was clear of the sociopaths in my life. Not that I have found another one, but I just keep moving into these horrible relationships with horrible people when I thought they were something they weren’t. I was fooled, again. I just got “dumped” again, as he so eloquently stated; “Don’t forget I dumped YOU, so-n-so!”
Anyway, he moved out in June, but we kept trying to make it work. Ive been telling him for the past two years of our relationship that I think he has a drinking problem”he drank every single day, and would cause fights to leave, (instead of working on anything with me), and would then sometimes go find drugs. So after he moved out, he said he was going to get sober. I thought he figured out that he had a problem and that is why our relationship was falling apart. For 2 months, he didn’t drink, and neither did I. I would stay home with him every night and we’d make dinner, go to the gym, watch movies…I thought we were on the road to finally making it work. Then one day, out of nowhere, he said he was just not happy anymore and didn’t want to see me anymore. Said he had to ’do this on his own if things could ever be good for us again.” I asked if he wanted to see other people, but he said he just wanted to be alone, and he was “not out to do what I obviously wanted to do.” And he ’didn’t care what I did anymore.’ I kept texting and calling and trying. I couldn’t understand why he would push someone that loves him out of his life. How he could just walk away from our wonderful life together?? He would tell me he still loved me, but then tell me to go away? It was crazymaking, in the least. So I started to see a therapist. She said “you can’t win and you can’t compete against an alcoholic/drug addict.” But I still tried. I couldn’t let go of the life I thought was so amazing and everything I wanted.
So about a week ago he said he wouldn’t respond to me anymore. And he didn’t. Until last Friday when I saw him and his new gf walking hand-in-hand down the street. (He parks his car one block from my apartment which is downtown where I live, and he also works”small town). UGH. He was taking her home with him. I mean, they were holding hands! Already???? We just talked about a week ago and he said perhaps we could go to ! We started fighting and he said-“you psycho! I dumped you two months ago!!” Was this just to smooth things over with her?? So how long have they been dating?? Ummmm, it was definitely not 2 months ago! We were trying to be sober two months ago and works things out! Then he said he wanted to be alone! But he said he still loved me! How can this be?? I should have known”

As time went on in our relationship, I began to realize how much of an alcoholic, drug addict he was”and I often turned my head. But I didn’t realize how much of a liar he was until now. He has been cheating on me since before he moved out. He is a liar and a cheat. He doesn’t care or regret what life he just walked away from, or how he just devastated me. He obviously wasn’t working on this relationship or trying to make anything better like I was. Yes, I understand that this is an issue for Al-anon, but the point is that I have gone from one horrible sociopath to the next and now onto a lying-cheating drug addict & alcoholic. Is there something wrong with me? I obviously have issues with trusting my own self and paying attention to red flags and keeping my boundaries, but that shouldn’t be such a problem if these horrible people weren’t just so”horrible! I thought I finally found someone I was going to spend my life with. How could I have been so wrong, AGAIN???

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