Yesterday, Lovefraud had an intruder. I saw this guy’s first couple of posts, which struck me as odd, but not necessarily offensive. I decided to keep an eye on him.
Before long, however, several longtime Lovefraud contributors began attacking this individual. I thought the attacks were unwarranted.
We have had occasions in the past when people started accusing newcomers of being sociopaths. I think this is a very dangerous thing to do based on a few posts that may sound different from what we generally see here.
Meaning is missing
Experts have found that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication comes from nonverbal cues—tone of voice, gestures, posture. That means when the primary form of communication is via words on a computer monitor, 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning is missing.
So how can we be sure of a person’s intentions? Not everyone is an expressive writer—some people may be stiff and formal. And not everyone may speak (and write) English as a first language.
Furthermore, Lovefraud.com is not a closed, invitation-only forum. It is open to the public, so it is quite possible that we have readers who are not victims, or former victims, of sociopaths. People who have been lucky enough not to have experienced the assault of a sociopath have a very different perspective from those of us who have been there. They may wonder, in writing, what all the bellyaching is about. That doesn’t mean they are sociopaths.
We also may have people who jump into a conversation without much of an introduction. There is no prerequisite that people tell their stories before participating in the Lovefraud Blog. Someone may just want to make an observation or pose a question. The post may sound different from what we generally see. That doesn’t make him or her a sociopath.
Jumping to conclusions is not helpful. In one situation, a person was attacked in what I believe was simply a case of mistaken identity.
Negative intentions
Now, it does turn out that everyone who sensed negative intentions on the part of yesterday’s intruder was right. Checking the IP address, I found that it was the same guy who showed up a few days ago. He actually posted on another forum, where predators apparently compare notes, that he hacked into his girlfriend’s computer and found references to Lovefraud. He then invited all his cronies to launch an attack on this blog.
A few Lovefraud contributors did write to me to express concerns, which I appreciate. I was watching this individual. But I admit that he began to show his true colors after I was away from the computer, and I didn’t react quickly. Now, however, I have deleted all his posts.
Personal attacks are not tolerated
The policy at Lovefraud is that personal attacks against other bloggers are not tolerated. I ask everyone, even long-time contributors who suspect a predator, to observe this policy.
So when you believe that someone is here to cause trouble, please do not engage. Do not react. Do not take the bait. Because when we do, we just feed the beast, and the entire Lovefraud conversation degenerates.
It’s important for us to be listening to our intuition. But when we get messages that something is amiss, what should we do? In the real world, we advocate No Contact. I believe we should do the same on Lovefraud.
Remember, they’re looking for a reaction. If we don’t give it, most of them just go away.
Regarding someones comment (I’ve been quickly going thru the last posts, as I missed this whole P blogger incident here).
YOU BETCHA the P’s frequent this site- at least in reading our posts!!!Maybe not so much in active blogging- but
A post I made in May 2009 (I believe) WAS COPIED verbatum on the sociopathicworld.com site from the editor P himself. Comments were left regarding what I had said. Some were pretty deragatory. The editor at the end of my post replied: Aww Sabrina, Cant we be friends?? Then others were making fun and in some replies made jokes about them (paraphrasing here) “eating babies” for lunch- in poking fun at us for staying the hell away from dysfunctionals such as them.
Correction Sociopathworld.com May 25, 09 was the quote from my blog here copied onto their site- It call us an anti-sociopath site, with a picture saying “down with sociopaths” besides the caption!
Ahw, Sabrina, this makes my skin shiver and crawl. I hoped that most don’t know that they are THAT. How can a person live with themselves knowing that they are THAT? It was I who raised the question. i have to reread Kathy’s posts about the Grief and Overcoming process, because I don’t recall Paranoia being one of them, yet I suffer from it now real bad. Glad you weren’t kept from posting. I have become a lot more cautious lately. Hope it’ll pass.
If you go to that site, in keeping with their arrogance, grandiose sense of self, entitement, and COMPLETE lack of empathy for all others you will see disgusting depictions of what they really feel. Playing games with others lives IS what they feel compelled to do. If anyone is EVER in denial about what their X P is really about- OR worse, FEEL that pity for their pathetic waste of human flesh (sorry so blunt), Go there for a true heads up on what is real in their sad world of tricks and cons.Im sorry to have “lost that loving feeling” for my X N/P and others like him. I leave God to deal with their black souls!!!! (guess this one may end up on the site as well!!!lol)
As I have blogged before, the bible warns us in MANY passages (including Psalms, and Ephesians to name a few) about staying AWAY from evil people on earth that are set out to cause strive wherever they go. I never realized until recently how that is LITERAL and the bible does have all the wisdom we need to avoid evil and truly LIVE with joy unspeakable.
I did visit it once. It was sickening. But, I did wonder if they were Real P’s. They sounded more like adolescent troublemakers. I could be wrong, perhaps, but in reality could not stand the few seconds I gave to read the “crap”.
Though, frankly, an evil thought of finding a P to deal with my P keeps creeping in.
Re your last post: If only they came with a tag.
Sabrina, you are so right, there is even a DESCRIPTION (can’t remember the book, chapter and verse but there is a thread here on it) that describes to a Tee a female psychopath.
St. Paul land Jesus himself advised us to “not even eat with them” (evil people who will not repent) and that is GOOD advice and I think actually it is a description of NC.
“Evil companions corrupt good morals” and that is another true one too….staying away from them, or any person who choses to be EVIL is a good idea! (((hugs))))
Rosa,
‘But, it feels really good when someone is agreeing with you 100% of the time, and repeating everything you say right back to you, just with different semantics.
They are not all going to come on here with a vengeance, throwing insults and outrageous lies.
I hope we all know that these individuals can be really charming, and intelligent. Just because someone comes on with good chit-chat, or facts and figures in tow, does NOT make them any less morally/emotionally vacant.
These are the “props” they will use. Please do not be mesmerized by the sideshow.’
A lot of the time when new people arrive, there IS a lot of mirroring and agreement that goes on, when I first came here and still now, I read what people have written and it strikes a chord so I quote, agree and comment. I hope no one thinks I am a ‘mole’. But sometimes there ARE ‘inconsistancies’ that ‘jump out at you’ but no ‘abuse’ and it makes you wonder… like you said, give these people enough rope and they will hang themselves…
( i would like you to have my e-mail address Rosa, there is something I would like to talk to you about privately, gain some understanding on – is that agreeable, no worries if its not)
Much love x
Rosa:
I am totally with you 100% on what you are seeing. I got as close to it as I was game to at the time, (without getting hurt). i.e. When they were the “desie and marie team” (Rosa !! that was the funniest thing I have heard in ten years Rosa! I roared with laughter at that one!! They heard me all over this huge building when you came up with THAT! lol!!! It was such a great RELEASE for me too!!). It was SOOO good for me when we had elton john between just you and me….a precious moment i will revel in forever.
But i am not “going to go there” with the other/s. The one you are mentioning is a long haul and I can’t maintain it yet.
Mainly because i am chicken shit. And whilst you taught me to King hit and follow through with an upper cut,( which I might add we did pretty amazingly yesterday), don’t forget that i can’t do a whole three minutes in the ring yet. I am just too unfit. I will have to do some aerobic training and lose a few kilos before i can go the distance. I can’t maintain it like you can….YET!
But I can see them as fast as you now, and thankyou for teaching me that!!
Kathleen,
I love you reading my mind…you are SPOT on! ( And you know while I am in the anger stage I will tell you quickly enough if your NOT ! lol! It was so great that we were talking about my anger issues right before elton john came on! ! Talk about having to LEARN FAST!! For a while there I thought Donna had put elton on, on purpose! I’m Serious!
But really Kathy, I can’t thank you enough, without you and Rosa, I really might never have come back, as its early days and a long history for me.
I am not at the stage where I can post personally to Donna and other people that I havn’t met yet on this topic. It is healthier for me right now to have NO TRUST (except of course,my son). I also worry it will get “political” and I am too paranoid for that. So I can’t thank you enough.
Oxy :
I know we will always be on the same team, because if we are not, one of us will be dead!! lol!!ROTFLW.. whatever it is!!!!
So lets keep our revolvers in our pretty handbags until the next round. As we both know that there WILL be one! And you and me and Rosa gotta stay on the same team or the three of us will kill each other! xoxoxox ((((((HUGS)))))))xoxoxxo
(BTW Where is “carriesguns?” I want to ask her if i can steal her name..no, on 2nd thoughts i won’t do that.).