By | October 18, 2010 36 Comments

Police seek con man Dwayne Keith Gardner

Police in Alpharetta, Georgia, have asked the public for assistance in tracking down Dwayne Keith Gardner, who has a history of conning women. Here’s a report from Fox TV in Atlanta:

Police say Dwayne Keith Gardner travels the southeast claiming to be an attorney for an NFL team, a former navy seal or a retired naval officer. He targets single older women by conning the women into lending him large sums of money.

Gardner also steals physical items from his victims. After committing the theft, he flees the area, say police.

Authorities have issued an arrest warrant for felony theft against Gardner. Gardner is believed to be in the Metro Atlanta region. Police believe there are other victims of his crimes who have not come forward. Police are asking anyone who has been a victim of this activity to come forward to file a police report.

If anyone knows the location of Dwayne Keith Gardner, they are urged to contact the Alpharetta Dept. of Public Safety’s tip line at 678-297-6307.

I was pleasantly surprised to see this news item. In fact, I was shocked. In the five years that I’ve been running Lovefraud, I’ve never seen the police actually try to locate someone who goes around taking money from women. Usually, the authorities can’t be bothered with sweetheart scams.

But this man has left a trail of destruction all over the country. Five different complaints are filed on the Ripoff Report website about Dwayne Keith Gardner, aka DeAndre Roche. Here are excerpts:

May 10, 2007
Woman from El Paso, Texas

Dwayne Keith Gardner or DeAndre Roche claims to have a trust fund, to be an attorney/sports & entertainment agent, retired baseball player (Devil Rays, Rangers, Padres), former Navy SEAL, says he is of Creole decent, born in Paris, France (actually born in New Jersey). He’ll say his mother Isabella, a federal judge and his sister Joy, a doctor, were murdered November 2001 and case not solved. Out of all this only the name Dwayne Gardner is true.

He married me in September 2004 and by late October moved us to San Antonio, TX where he claimed to be opening a restaurant and a hotel. All he did while there was set up women to send him money and rip off “employees” from Georgia whom he’d promised employment in Texas.

He corresponded with a “business partner” in Las Vegas and told her I was a cousin’s ex-wife he was helping out ”¦ In December 2004 he left for Las Vegas again on business, I later learned he married his business partner although he was already married to me. ”¦ I searched his so called private papers there were letters from other “wives” in Florida, Louisiana, and Tennessee, in addition to several photos of women in varying stages of undress, these I destroyed. After leaving San Antonio I learned he was wanted on a felony arrest warrant by the Chattanooga, TN authorities.

Report #248132

March 13, 2008
Elaine of Charlotte, North Carolina

Dwayne Gardner and I were married August 22, 2004 ”¦ He had claimed after we were married that we were going to purchase this home, to which he had me going out and checking out home. He then found a brand new home with a price ticket of $1,357,800. Dwayne never once gave up a dime, saying the money would come from the family trust funds.

After a few weeks of Dwayne’s promises I finaly told the builder to forget it. Cause Dwayne would disappear. And then reappear, claiming he had to go to Vegas for client relationship dealing.

Now finding that not only was he married to me that August, but got married again that following month to someone else ”¦ Now seeing this report on him and the woman to whom he had married prior to me, and now finding that he is currently locked up in Tennessee.

Report #317755

December 30, 2008
Angie from New York, New York

This man will do and say anything to get a woman, any woman to marry him. Ladies, he will say he has never been married (a lie), that he is an attorney and his client list includes past and present sports stars (lie), that he is a retired baseball player (lie), that he was once a Navy SEAL (lie) that he manages existing and up and coming musical talent (lie) and that he has a multi million dollar trust fund at his disposal (lie).

If he picks you up in a vehicle you can be sure that it is not his, most likely it belongs to his latest “wife”. This man has no income of his own and no desire to. He will be perfectly happy to spend yours or anyone else whom he is able to convice that he is handiling some sort of legal work for them.

Early on in your courship he will take you on a tour of high end homes for sale and will actually negotiate a contract to “purchase” one. He’ll tell the real estate agent that his “lawyers” will wire the full purchase amount to an escrow account within 3-5 days of the buyer submitting a signed contract; of course this never happens. He finds some reason to “back out ” of the deal and promises to purchase a more suitable home.

He’ll do the same with car dealerships. He picks out a luxury vehicle for himself and his new wife. The dealer writes up the purchase agreements and patiently waits for the money to be wired within 3-5 days. Again the deal falls through. In the mean time you find yourself supporting him and yourself; this guy likes to eat and he likes his meals on the high end (salmon steak, talapia, sirloin, rib roast etc.)
Report #406209

April 27, 2009
Angeline, in Miami, Florida

This man contacted me on an online dating site. He left me his phone number and asked me to call and talk to him. During our conversation he said he was an attorney who handled clients in professional sports and the entertainment and music industry. He seemed very nice over the phone so I agreed to meet. He showed up driving a late model SUV. After about a 3o minute conversation his cell phone rang and said he had to leave as a client needed to see him.

A couple of days later he picked me up and asked me to accompany him as he shopped for a new house for himself as he was new to the area. I was blown away by the homes he was considering, very high-end real estate. At one property he met with the agent and made an offer to pay the full asking price, filled out all the necessary paperwork and promised to wire the funds to an account. A day or two later he took me along as he searched for an other vehicle saying that he had decided to give his current one to a relative. On the way home he asked me to marry him. When I asked why he was in such a rush he said he knew that I was the one for him and he did not want to wait any longer.

To make a long story short; the SUV he was driving when I first met him was not his but belonged to the woman with whom he was living and she was the one who called him during our first meeting not a client. The luxury house he was buying was all a sham, he never followed through with the deal.

He has done all this so many times in the past and will continue to do this for as long as he can get away with it. He has been behind bars for the past 2 1/2 years and is anxious to get started again.

Report #447024

June 2, 2009
Scammed Realtor in St. Petersburg, Florida

Dwayne Gardner was at work in the St Pete area during mid June 2009. He was looking at high end homes and put a “cash” offer in on one. Problem is, he just couldn’t get the money out of his Grandfather’s estate. “The damn lawyers and accountant kept jerking him around.”

This is the guy who scammed me. I had to be the guy to tell his latest “wife,” whom I had been in contact with, that she had been defrauded. Also confirmed with his previous “wife” that he was a con man.

Report #457665

September 1, 2009
Mobile County Alabama

Dwayne Keith Gardner, 46 of Hudson, Florida, and a 52-year-old woman from Slidell, Louisiana.

Public record for marriages

So now, a year after the most recent marriage that I could find, the police are after Dwayne Keith Gardner. I hope they find him.

More importantly, I hope this means that police will start to take cases of  bigamy and marriage fraud seriously.

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Ox Drover

Well, he seemed to be consistent in his con—driving someone else’s nice vehicle made him look “good” so he “house shopped” –or pretended to —is more correct, in high end houses making his new dates think he was a rich catch for them.

All they had to do was to marry this guy who thought they were so wonderful and then”in 3 to 5 days the trust fund would pay off” and they would have the life style and the man of their dreams.

Maybe since there are multiple women scammed with essentially the SAME story that there will be a PATTERN of criminal behavior. Maybe they could get him under RICCO,

Thanks for an interesting article, Donna.

super chic

Good article, I don’t remember seeing anything like this before. I never wanted to go to the police to try to get back the money I loaned… figured they would laugh me out of the station… even Judge Judy yells at women who loan men money. Why did I think I was responsible for everyone elses problems? I don’t think that way anymore.


I love the exposure and mug shot because my spath was the exact opposite. He enjoyed making more money than I did because it gave him another reason to belittle me. He spoke of getting married but I wouldn’t dare and he left it at that. My spath was too proud to drive my car and not have his own. He no doubt cheated on me but he enjoyed the fact that women may seek him and want his money so that he could belittle, beat, and shame them. Both monsters but different bite!

Ox Drover

Dear Chic,

I dont know why I thought it was my responsibility to fix everyone else’s problems either (read: give them money) but I did.

Interestingly I found a tape last night when I was going through a box of tapes (shows how out dated my music collection is) to put on to listen to as I went to sleep and I came across a tape labeled in son C’s printing “aug 1992 P-brother” which would have been a few months after P-son was arrested for the murder in January 92.

It was about 15 minutes of a taped phone conversation between son C and P-son who had called collect from jail to talk to my husband and me, and son C told him we weren’t home and talked to him for a while.

The conversation was unremarkable until toward the end when P-son started bragging about how he was going to get out soon (on bail I assume) and how he didn’t need any commissary money because he would be out in a few days and he would probably come up and see us, he had FRIENDS that would help him, and as soon as he got out on bail he was going start making $400 per day working for some “moving company”–son C questions him on how working labor for a moving company would pay that kind of wages and he back peddles a bit.

Then he starts in on what pieces of carp my husband and I are because we had just bought an airplane for $120,000 and wouldn’t give him the “sweat off their balls”—son C said, “yes, they bought a plane for a business investment but it wasn’t that much” So P-son goes, “Oh, well whatever….they don’t give me anything”

I hadn’t ever listened to that tape, or if I did I didn’t remember it, but it was interesting listening to it, the Sense of ENTITLEMENT he showed, the sense of GRANDIOSITY, the LACK of SHAME for being in jail awaiting trial for murder. The other thing I noticed too, was that the sound of his voice, the sounds of their voices, didn’t bother me. Which in a way is amazing to me that it didn’t.

Turned out to be just an interesting example of how the psychopathic mind works. Nothing personal.

super chic

Oxy, yes that is very interesting, I would love to come across a tape like that. P just waved you and your husband off by saying “oh, well whatever… they don’t give me anything” probably saying that after a lifetime of you giving and giving. I’m glad you are out of the fog and have taught people like me what these people are really like… and how I can get out and stay out of the fog.

I think the fact that hearing their voices and not being upset is a testament to how far you have come along in your healing. You have peace and contentment now. You have accepted reality and come to terms with it and have created a life for yourself that you are happy with. God Bless

Ox Drover

Dear Chic,

Yea, it was kind of a surprise to find it in among those old tapes I hadn’t even looked at in years. If I ever listened to it before I don’t remember doing so.

Yea, he was so mad that my husband and I had made a business investment instead of sending the money to him to pay his bail. I’m not sure how much his bail would have been but I am sure tens of thousands of dollars.

Funny too that he had had the opportunity the FIRST time he got out of prison to come home, but he had “punished” me by not coming home…and I realize now that if he had come home it would have been me that was murdered not her. He told me the reason he didn’t come home was he knew “if I got in trouble with the law you’d turn me in.” I told him “you got that right”

I think actually now that that comment was more of a threat than anything. He still is angry that I turned him in when he was 17 and I caught him with a bunch of stolen stuff. The girl he killed had turned him in to the law so in his mind the killing was JUSTIFIED. I still can’t get my head completely around that concept, but that’s what it was.

Listening to the tape and NOT getting a big adrenaline rush was sort of eye opening for me, and does confirm my feelings that I am farther down the road toward healing than I had even thought. Mostly what Ii feel for him now is more disgust like the guy that the above article is about. Pure disgust.

I hope that other people have learned from my experiences that they CAN heal no matter how badly they think they have been damaged. I thought that there was NO WAY I could quit hurting. NO way that the pain would ever let up, much less go away. That feeling that it won’t ever be any better is part of what holds us back I think.

If I had only one thing to say to someone newly escaped from a predator psychopath it would be THE PAIN WON’T LAST FOREVER!


Again this reminds me of Jim.

He is a hoarder and he is a thief.

His house is a trash can where he has to walk on garbage. He doesn’t even have a pathway. It is wall to wall garbage, bottles of pee, and who knows what other unmentionables are in the mix.

Then he is a thief. He steals but it becomes a part of his hoard. He leaves it outside to rot in his yard. It doesn’t make sense. The only theft he uses is the money he cons out of people.


Oh Oxy…..I bet he’s getting nothing but ‘butter balls to lick’ in prison!

How about the exagerations….they believe themselves too…..their prices quotes, their time reflections…..the only thing they don’t exagerate is age!

The spath used to exagerate how long we had lived in this area… it was an award or somehting…..
I didn’ notice it at first…..then when I startted paying attention, it bugged me but I kept quiet….THEN….the exagerateions doubled…..we have been in yada land for 20 years.
I started trying to remember when we moved here……Um, NOT 20 years at that point….I HAND”T EVEN BEEN OUT OF HS FOR 20 YEARS!
At my 20th reuniion a few years back, he was telling people we’d lived here for 25 years…..DID ANYONE COCK AN EYE AT THAT ONE?
My highschool is 550 miles from here…..
He did the same thing about how long we were married…..and I know for a fact that he really did know…..because the day after our divorce he was caught on tape telling a friend of mine (along with threats)…..WE WERE MARRIED FOR 19 years and 1 DAY!

It clouded my reality also……..I let it!

Ox Drover

Dear EB,

He was 17 when he was first arrested, out for a few months, arrested at age 18 and did 2 years, got out at age 20, stayed out a few months, went back to prison at age 20 for MURDER, and “turned 21 in prison….”

so essentially he has never had any relationships but he tells other convicts he killed someone who murdered his “wife”—rather than killing a defenseless 17 yr old girl—and he also wrote on his intake papers that he had a “BS in Computer Science”–wonder when he got that….let’s see, dropped out of HS his senior year, went to jail/prison out for a few months, and back to prison—must have been a CRASH COURSE!

Sure, he’s smart—no doubt about that! Even the major that found his cell phone inside an electric razor (he can weld with a wire and a #2 pencil) said “he’s an electronic genius, isn’t he?” YEP!!!!

Heck, he got his GED when he was in jail awaiting trial for murder—so when did he get his BS? The only degree he has is a BS in BS, or maybe he has a masters degree inm BS by now! LOL

Yea, they doooo have a hard time keeping their “truths” straight! LOL

Ox Drover

Dear Jeannie,

I have an “ex” friend who is that kind of hoarder/thief! Stole anything that wasn’t nailed down even though she didn’t need or want it…just a klepto!


Oxy….that is SOOOO spathspeak!
A BS in yadayada…….

That’s just as good as…..the car isn’t ‘running’.
That’s what spath told a judge when he tried to take my car….
Well…..he said it to allow peeps to assume his car was broken down or in the shop….
No…..his car wasn’t running because the KEY WASN”T IN THE IGNITION!



On a lighter note – today a parrot flew out of the sky and landed on my shoulder and said hello. I wanted to keep him but it is obviously someone’s precious pet. I took it to animal rescue and they will keep him and hopefully it’s owner will call, or it will be adopted. I hope I did the right thing. It was so pretty and didn’t crap on me, I hope he finds his home.


Hens….I say…..put your name in for first dibs if no one claims it…..whenever something doesn’t crap on you…..KEEP IT!

What a cool experience for you. Yes darlen….you did the right thing!

Ox Drover

Hey Hens, WOW!

WHat kind of a parrot!? Maybe you can adopt him if his owner doesn’t show up! I love my parrot!!! They are soooo smart!!! I’m glad you were there for him to find! He is obviously a smart bird if he came to you!

Yea, EB what got me was When I caught her STEALING from me, I FELT GUILTY FOR CONFRONTING HER because I didn’t want to UPSET her! LOL ROTFLMAO

And I kept giving her chances and chances, and pretending it didn’t happen! What a DUNCE I WAS! But no more! I can’t even imagine being such a dunce any more, but at the time, it was soooo painful to confront her! God forbid I hurt her freaking feelings!

I wish I had put HER cell phone in the microwave for 8 seconds Henry! LOL


I’d do the same thing…..NOT NOW THOUGH!

I HATE it when people put us in that position.

OH my!


It was a Conner’s Parrot? thats what the gal at the rescue called it..not sure Ox – bright lime green with yellow breast..I dont think my weiner’s would be good house mate’s with a parrot , specially when I am gone sometimes 10 or more ours a day, it needs more attention than I can give it..but Dang It I feel guilty for not changing my life to adjust to it’s,, I had one parrot here for three years and it damn bout killed me….and then I come home this evening and my oldest weiner Harley couldnt find his way back in the house, he has been going blind I know but this evening I saw fear in his eyes as I picked him up to carry him in – Ok so I lost it – the big ugly cry – and then last week the earth shook and exploded like nothing I have ever heard or felt before..I feel really connected to something if that makes sense – I just to fricken sensitive – I want to fix everybody and everything and I just cant…guess life is happening and I am feeling it again – thats good –

Ox Drover

Dear Henry,

The earth shaking is disconcerting believe me. I was 8 mo preg in Feb. 1971 when the big one hit LA. It is scary to hear the earth roar and feel it move. So you are not by yourself in that upsetting you. OK. We have confidence in the ground under our feet and when that moves it freaks us out.

I understand about you being upset that your doggie is going blind and at his being frightened ab out it. As for the bird, you don’t have to give them 24/7 attention. Mine talks to me and if I’m gone I leave a radio or TV on for noise for him. I figured he would be freaked when I moved him into the small cage in the RV when we ran, but he adjusted just fine. He is in a big cage about 3 ft diameter and about 6 ft. high black iron. The little cage I figured he would freak out (they don’t like change) but he adjusted just fine and then fine back into his big cage.

He’s part of the family though! He messes with the cat too, he has about 5-6 different cat calls and she isn’t sure to this day what is going on with the weird cat in the cage! You can say “here kitty kitty” and he will meow. If you ask him “can you bark?” he will bark in a phony bark, but he also does real dog barks and has different ones. Rings the phone, does the microwave and other sounds and phrases. He talks in my husband’s voice, but it is degrading more as time goes on and he doesn’t hear Hubby’s voice to reinforce his imitation but you can still hear the words.

I hope your puppy does okay, but it is okay to cry and have the big snot slobbering cry over your baby. Believe me I still miss the collie something fierce and my friend offered me a pup that is a niece or nephew of my dog, but I just can’t. He also has a niece who is about 4-5 months old that is a doll and reminds me so much in the face of my dog it hurts, but we love them and it is okay to cry! Hell, I’m crying wid ya! ((((hugs)))))

Anyway, I’m glad you were there for the bird! Hopefully he will get back home. He belongs to a guy I’ll bet.


it does sound good hens – no fin, but good. i been crying too – think a lot of it is the drugs in my case, but it feels good to feel enormity and compassion.



Hi Onestprs..Ya know I wasn’t expecting my sob’s with Harley today, it just washed over me and I realized I had been avoiding the truth about his sight. but it was a release for me – like OK so we will accept this challenge together my friend and I will be there for you…but what I am really experiencing is life without thought’s of the X intertwinded..I have moved on, as simple as it sound’s to do that it wasn’t…but I am there – dare I say just me again? Hugs to ev1 tonite please look up at the moon tonight to get my cyber hugz… u 2 EB..


Crying is good. It’s a good release….don’tcha just feel good after a good cry.

Hens…..I hope the baby does better.

One…I’m glad your heading in the ‘mend’ direction……are you working or off work?


I was stoking my fire earlier tonight…..and I looked up at this bright light…..shining right in through my high windows. And there it was, in all it’s glory…..the moon.
I thought of the ‘moon crew’, and i wished you all well.
I will check it out again when I lay down in my bed tonight and get my hug from you then.
Night night darlen…..


hugs from me too.
I know how it feels to have empathy for your pets. But we have to be strong for both ourselves and them. They CAN feel our emotions. When we are scared, it scares them. and if he can’t see, that’s even scarier. You are the tough guy from now on. Be there for him.


Dearest hens,Sending you the BIGGEST humungous HUGG!Tomorow will bea bettr day, darling! Your little dog will be OK! My toy Poodle was totally blind fora couple of years before she died,but she got around pretty good!
Dont forget they navigate by smell also, and as long as our around, shell be fine. Hope Criket is better by now too!
Luv ya, babe!!
Mama Gem.XXXXto the Moon and back!!!

Ox Drover

Dear Henry,

(((harley)))) BTW how IS Cricket’s leg after the snake bite!?

I went outside and found 4 horses in my yard—don’t have any idea whose they are. Thought they might be crazy Bob’s but went over there and they weren’t his, so not sure whose they are…one of them is in horrible shape though and so I am going to have to track down the humane society. It needs to be put down. The three healthier ones ran back across the cattle guard and out to a neighbors.

I went over to crazy bob’s and he tried to act like nothing was wrong or that I hadn’t spoken to him in 5+ years, but I kept the conversation about the horses ONLY and “are they yours or not!”

Yes or NO, I don’t have time for any other discussion. If they are not yours then that’s all I wanted to know—and actually I am not sure if they are his or not. He couldn’t find his horses but never gave me an answer about if they were his or not. I left.

He drove over here and wanted to talk more. I walked into the house and said if you think they are not your horses then I will call the sheriff’s office. He still didn’t know if they were his or not. He does have 4 horses that color.

I can’t believe anyone can be that DENSE and stupid! If you recall he is the one who sued me for $50K because the plane crash traumatized HIM so badly. Poor baby.

Ox Drover

Well, I found out who the horses belonged to (another neighbor) and funny thing was Crazy Bob knew whose they were all the time, that is the reason I couldn’t get a yes or no answer out of him.

The neighbor was home this time when I went there to check with him, and he said Czy. Bob had come over and notified him that his horses were out and that I had been by asking about whose they were. The neighbor asked him why he hadn’t told me whose they were? He said “Oh, it wasn’t any of my business” LOL DUH?? Still don’t know what all that was about! LOL

There is no accounting for how they think. Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top I don’t think.


I’ve found things in my yard…..NONE of them being horses!!!

(or paint cans for that matter!).

Ox Drover

This isn’t the first time I’ve found horses. CB’s pigs and goats used to roam the neighborhood at will…and another neighbor’s cows (that guy didn’t bother to feed his cows so a fence won’t stop a hungry cow) so I’ve had more than one “come to Jesus meeting” with neighbors about them LETTING livestock roam—anyone can have one get out once in a while and that’s a different story. My horse got in heat and jumped the cattle guard a month or two back and went over to the neighbor’s gelding to pay a visit, and the neighbor put my mare back in and his wife called me. That’s just being a good neighbor. I would have been a good neighbor about that to CB even…but when he ALLOWED his stock to run out all the time I did tell him I would shoot them if he didn’t keep them up, so he kept them up from then on—or at least tried to. I can understand and tolerate someone who feeds their stock and tries to keep them in.

What I DON’T understand is why he “appeared” so friendly, while withholding information that he KNEW WHOSE THEY WERE (and BTW he HATES the guy whose stock they were so it isn’t like he was protecting a “friend or something.” head shaking here!

Then after I left his place when he wouldn’t give me a yes or no answer, he followed me over here to continue the “conversation”?? WTF was THAT all about? Still couldn’t get an answer out of him and didn’t want to listen to what he had to tell me on “how I should handle it,” LOL so I went inside and waved him off.

Not so much irritated as just have a WTF? feeling–but why am I wondering why a psychopath, and an ADHD one at that, does anything? LOL Maybe it is a head injury from his 5,000 parachute jumps when he was in the CIA,FBI and NAVY SEALS! LOL ROTFLMAO Yea,s he was in the same group with James Montgomery, Donna’s X husband! LOL ROTFLMAO CB even faked a VERY fake “scottish” or “Auzzie” accent when he first moved here–so thick you could have buttered pancakes with it, but so obviously PHONY it would make you puke! LOL I asked him where he grew up and he said “Little Rock, Arkansas” and I asked him “why do you talk like that? ” he said “Well, my NAME IS SCOTTISH!” LOL ROTFLMA choke snort snarf!


That is a really interesting story Oxy.
It was obvious that he is a P, just because he had the AUDACITY to sue you for having your husband die on his land. i would have countersued for having his land crash into your husband’s plane!
Now that we have established that he is a P, (AUDACIOUS behavior is a REDFLAG) we can look at the other REDFLAGS and be more certain that we are interpreting them correctly.
The one red flag that I am becoming aware of is CONFUSION.
I’m starting to understand that when I feel confused and “bothered” by someone’s behavior. When it keeps going around in my mind because I don’t get it. That means I’VE BEEN SLIMED! Yep. A narcissist has been in my presence and left slug-like marks on my brain.
Recently, I was listening to a man, Tim, talk about an older couple who asked him to help him sell their 2000 toyota camry with only 20,000 miles on it. They offered him $100 to find a buyer, but he politely declined payment saying, “aw, you don’t have to.” The matter was left at that. Then Tim found a buyer, the two partys met and agreed on a price, but the older couple didn’t bother to pay Tim and now they seem to be avoiding him. The situation itself doesn’t raise any flags, but Tim’s reaction to the situation tells me that he was slimed. It bothered him enough to ruminate on it and mention it to his friend (I was listening). It took me a day to realize that he was slimed.
That WTF?-feeling means you’ve been slimed. You aren’t wondering, you’re just feeling slimed. In “why is it always about you?” Sandy Hotchkiss, talks about it and how hard it is to get that feeling off of you.
I also believe that he “appeared” so friendly because that is part of the repertoire. They use the same old bag of tricks and the attempt at charm is step one – even when its inappropriate. Lastly, they will try to BOND with your neighbors by sharing a “secret”. that’s why he wouldn’t tell you whose horse it was. He was hoping that the neighbor would appreciate the loyalty and keep the secret with him.
The bad news is that CB seems to still be gunning for you or he wouldn’t be going thru these ridiculous charades. The good news is that he sounds like he’s as dumb as bricks.

Ox Drover

Dear Skylar,

He is NOT the brightest bulb in the lamp that is for sure! I embarrassed him profoundly in the deposition (where my lawyer asked him questions in front of his lawyer under oath) I had primed my attorney to ask some EMBARRASSING questions because I knew the attorney for him was his cousin and his cousin didn’t know all the STUPID things he had done.

So my attorney asked several questions like “Sir, on DAte XYZ did you tell Mr. john Jones that you worked for the FBI, CIA, and were a NAVY SEAL?” Of course his cousin KNEW he hadn’t been any of those things. And he knew his cousin knew that wasn’t so,, so he was totally EMBARRASSED. His eyes got as BIG AS SAUCERS! LOL He almost choked on his tongue because he was under oath and he figured by the questions we had people who would testify that he had. He actually had said those things to those people (we named several) but we just made up the dates because we figured he couldn’t remember the dates either!!! LOL

There was a whole list of embarrassing things he had said and done that my attorney asked him about and just RUINED his presentation of being this poor guy who just needed money to get over the DEVASTATION he had suffered from my husband’s plane crashing that day.

After that day his attorney sent a letter to my attorney offering to drop the amount from $50K to $15K and my attorney sent a letter back saying, “Sir, there is not a jury in the state of Arkansas that would give your client a SINGLE DOLLAR for his damages, considering what that family has lost.” That was the END of the suit! Actually I think any jury would have LYNCHED him on the way out of the court house in this county! LOL

It just shows though that they have NO CONCEPT of how others feel about the gall for him to SUE my husband’s estate (actually me) for HIS “EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.” In fact, he even denied he did it when confronted by a neighbor and said, “I didn’t file it, I just talked to my lawyer and HE filed it.” (like the lawyer just filed it without his knowledge or consent! Like WTF? Lawyers just go around filing that kind of suit at random. LOL)

The papers were served on me 1-2 days before the 1 yr anniversary of my husband’s death and came unexpectedly so I literally just FELL OUT on my front porch and the poor little deputy who served them almost felt like he had kicked some poor sick dog or something. I have felt sorry for that young man ever since that day, bless his heart!

Your friend Tim’s “ah, you don’t have to do that” is the kind of politeness that the SELFISH people will take advantage of. If he said anything they would say “WELL, you SAID you didn’t want anything—we offered, but you SAID you didn’t want anything.”

That is the gaslighting way they twist things around—of course he may have said it, but if they had any CLASS they would have made him take more than the $100 in any case. I hope the check bounces. LOL

Yea, well that creep across the road left the county for several years. Actually I think he left because he thought it wasn’t safe after what he did filing the law suit. I literally had a couple of people OFFER TO KILL HIM, and one I know was serious as cancer. He’s been back a year or so though now but I haven’t talked to him and none of the other neighbors converse with him either.

But I wasn’t about to let horses wander loose on the roads because of the danger to traffic and I would even help HIM get his horses caught up if they were loose. The man who owned the horses had caught up my mare one night when she went hunting a “boy friend”—it’s just the RIGHT thing to do. For the horse’s sake if not for the owner’s.

Divorced from Gaslighter

I’m starting to feel sorry for the guys who actually ARE Navy Seals. I wonder if girls laugh at them when they say it.


Oxy, I’m glad you won that stupid court case. Sometimes I think you attract as many P’s as I do! I guess that’s how it goes when the genes are in your family.
LOL, LF girls will laugh.

I have another story that I would love to get feedback on from anyone who has input.
Two women were talking in a coffee shop and I overheard one say that she takes care of a special needs girl who becomes abusive to anyone that begins to show love for her. The girl is 10 years old. I piped up and told her that she is describing a narcissistic personality disorder. We talked for a bit, she described some of the girl’s behavior. Controlling, emotional outbursts, etc… nothing we all haven’t seen here. BUT in a 10 year old? And only to people who show her love? OMG. I wish I could remember better what her special needs were. It was like autism, I think. But not quite. She had a need to control her environment. I wish I had listened better.

We’ve all experienced exactly this behavior but in adults so we assume it is calculated. Could they be doing things without understanding? BTW, the girl was adopted and I got the impression it was from Mexico, but didn’t ask.


sky – perhaps it was Aspergers, and perhaps she has a dual diagnosis. be careful about this – a lot of behaviors may look similar on the outside, and not be the same on the inside.

People with Aspergers get very overwhlemed with ANY social interactions (and people who care for us ten to want more from us, and try to give us more). their relationships to their own emotions and to the emotions of others is different also – but I think that’s where the similarity ends; i don’t think in any way that someone with Aspergers is put together like someone who is n.

You do hear about people cross referencing n/p/s/ with Aspergers – wondering if/ what the connections are. We had a someone on here for a while who said they had Aspergers, who was always comparing spath to Asp. (hmmm, for whatever THAT’s worth. maybe I should say, pretended to be the aspergeric husband of someone who really is autistic. i don’t know the whole truth of that story. my gut told me it was a ‘story’. The research I did about them turned up some curious facts and connections and a lot things that were inconsistent to what was being posted and. my bullshit detector was flashing mightily)

Ox Drover


Sometimes “psychopathic traits” although it is not called that before age 18, will show up early at 10 or so, but the MULTIPLE DIAGNOSIS problem is more likely a combination of any number of different things. ADHD can be BAD at that age, and or bi-polar and any number of other things!!! I’m just not sure what is going on.

With the social situation now in this country most young women who are preg before marriage etc. do not give up their babies, and it so happens that the higher number of “healthy” expecially white babies in this country up for adoption come from very disordered genetic backgrounds so there is a high rate of “disordered” situations in children available for adoption. It has been a higher than average percentage for a LONG time but especially since “normal” young women or families don’t give up infants very often now unless there is something else going on.

Even when it was “noticed” that there was a high rate of disordered or out of control young adults from among the adoptees all kinds of excuses were made for this phenom from “they feel unloved because their birth mother gave them up” and all this kind of carp! At that time no one wanted to admit that a child was NOT a blank slate at birth upon which environment wrote all. Of course now, we know that genetics AND environment both play roles in what we become.

Also ADHD and BI-polar tend to be fairly common in people who are also psychopathic as well, and so while any one of those three problems is or can be bad in itself, to put all three into one individual might be to create a BOMB!

I have professionally worked with a few kids who were 6-10 that were out of control, hyperactive and with all the signs of a budding psychopath, and totally fearless of any consequences whatsoever. They would not seek affectionor praise or respond to it. They were very scary individuals to me.

I rermember the little boy that his adoptive mom from Tennessee sent back to Russia. I think he was 10 or 12,, and I can see him as one of those children. I feel sorry for the adoptive mother feeling she was forced to do what she did, but at the same time, it is sad that these children are born in to a world in which it seems they cannot adjust except with violence.

Dear One, there is no way we can “vet” posters here for their sincerity or truthfulness except sometimes it becomes apparant when they “act out” violently with words—name calling etc. We just more or less have to accept people for what they are, all the while realizing that they may not be that. There are deliberate trolls who come here from time to time, and usually they are easily spottable and given the potted plant treatment and they go away.

Go back and find that article Dr. Leedom wrote that started off with a letter from a BPD who was involved with a psychopaath….many times the “loser” of a gasoline and fire relationship (2 disordered people involved with each other)—comes here and presents as a “victim.”

At what point are they less of a victim than we were/are?

The psychopath who is bested in a situation will present as a victim, lying to the next victim s/he picks telling them what horrible people WE were—and we feel like they victimized us so we tell our next relationship what a psychopath our last relationship was. Who is truthful? Where is the shade of gray? Which of us is black, which of us is white?

More questions than answers.

Ox Drover

Dear Divorced from Gaslighter,

ROTFLMAO that’s a good one! Glad to have another good humor on board! Welcome!!!

I’m not sure I would want to date a REAL navy seal, either…I’m finding that guys who are too much into hardship and real danger are too high fliers in other ways as well. Risk taking to the max has its own kind of problems.

Divorced from Gaslighter

Hey, Ox Drover — It IS funny when you start to see a pattern develop, and it does seem as though every bigamist whose story has been told in the media over the past few years has told at least one of his multiple wives that he was currently or formerly a member of the Delta Force or the Navy Seals.

And I agree that the “extreme sports” type of guys generally have to live life on the edge to feel as though they are alive. Endless moves, multiple affairs, overspending, etc. For the typical woman who wants to have a cottage with a picket fence, they make the worst possible husbands, even if they are not actually sociopaths.

Ox Drover

Dear Divorced,

My husband was a professional pilot and lived a life of adventure, and to some extent I have also done a lot of adventurous things, but I’ve got the “picket fence” (actually barbed wire) LOL part too, and he and I enjoyed being here on the old family farm…he built himself a little airport and had plenty of guys to “play with” and I had my critters and plenty of folks to “play with” too, so we had a great time settled down in the boonies. A few months before he died he told one of our hired hands that the 12 years (at that time) that we had been here had been the happiest of his life!

So even the high fliers can settle down and be very content, but for the most part, you’re right I think! My husband wasn’t into unnecessary risk at all so was maybe an exception most of them I think. BTW he was NOT in Delta Force or the Navy Seals, and he turned down a BIG salary as a civilian helicopter pilot in Viet Nam–said he wasn’t ever going to fly anywhere people were shooting at you if he had a choice, not for any amount of money! LOL

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