By Ox Drover
Many of us here remember the pain of laboring in childbirth; we thought it was so painful we couldn’t endure any more without dying. Yet, even in that all-encompassing pain that wracked our bodies and our minds, in the back of our minds we knew we were giving birth to a New Life, and we were hopeful. We knew, too, that though we were giving birth to New Life, that it would not be an independent soul. We knew that New Life would require our tender nurturing to help it grow for many years.
I see our pain in recovering from the devastation of our experiences with a psychopath in a similar light to the pain of labor and childbirth, and caring for that New Life. I see that we are giving birth to a New Life, but this time, the New Life is within us, not separate from us.
Just as we had to labor with giving birth to our child, and just as that child was not capable at birth of caring for itself, we have the pain of the labor, and after the labor is over, even though we are still sore, we must nurture and care for New Life, which at first needs our total attention.
As the New Life, so fragile and delicate at first, requires us to completely care for her, and sometimes cries in a colic of her own that we don’t know how to comfort, nevertheless, we must continue to care for that infant New Life within ourselves. We must nurture this New Life and teach her as she grows to care for herself, to watch out for her own safety. In the mean time, we must watch out for the safety of New Life, keeping it away from the psychopath with No Contact. Even if she cries for contact, we must protect her from herself and her desires for things that are not good for her.
We must nurture and feed the New Life, and reassure her that she will grow and accomplish the things that she would like to do. So she can learn to walk upright in dignity and self-esteem, we teach her that when she falls and bumps her knee, she can still get up. We must teach her how to set boundaries and require respectful treatment from those around her. We also teach her how to love and trust others, but with reasonable caution about whom to love and trust. We must teach New Life not to trust blindly, because there are those in this world who will try to use and abuse her, but in spite of that, there are those who will love her tenderly. New Life must learn to spot the red flags of abuse and to avoid them, even in those people that she loves.
Teaching New Life so many things that she needs to know to keep herself safe from danger, and yet experience the wondrous joy of this world, will require much of our time for a while. Because at first New Life is so fragile, so inclined to hurt herself by approaching danger, we must monitor her continually, but as New Life continues to grow stronger and wiser each day, she accomplishes new heights in learning and growth.
New Life moves from anger and fear into reasonable trust and caution. New Life learns to smile and then to laugh and experience joy. New Life learns to love with total abandon, but not to let go of her healthy boundaries. New Life learns that she is worthy of love and respect. New Life learns discrimination and learns to reject those that would hurt her from within her circle of trust.
Then one day we realize that New Life, within us, is us. We learn that the fragile creature of New Life becomes out life! Becomes us. We are free from the pain and the trauma of the old us and have become the New Us, the wiser, the stronger, with confidence in ourselves to keep ourselves safe, and pointed to the future with a New Life.
Jim in Indiana USA
ONE
britneyhammer
Thank you, learnthelesson- I feel like I am starting over again after a year of this “friends sh_ _.” I’m crying so much I can hardly see the keyboard. It’s GOT to be over this time, it’s just GOT to. I want to live.
learnthelesson
CRS, PC, ROFLMA, TOWANDA/O… But IAD (Internet Addiction Disorder is real and true…I just googled it!!! Who knew!!!! As with anything in life, I guess anything is possible!
Luckily not experiencing any of the signs and symptoms (at least not directly related to finding/posting at LF)…loss of sleep, anxiety when not online, isolation from family and peer groups, loss of work, and periods of deep depression!!
But yet another thing to keep in mind! Everything in moderation! Guess I cant stay here forever…but at least until Im ready to fly completely solo again!!! And then I will stop in from time to time to make sure Im staying on the right path and that everyone else manages to as well!!
Learn something new every day! Unbelievable!!!
learnthelesson
Dear Britney,
Starting over again – is all that matters. Wanting to is the first step. Im so sorry for your pain, and tears…but they are also healing things too. You will be ok, surround yourself with all the positive support you can. You will get through this…because you want to. Hang in there. Id pass you my box of kleenex, but I used it all last night. (((hugs to you))))
sabrina
Nomore & Witsend; thankyou for your responses, really lifts my spirts. I appreciate your concern and advice so much.
I know you have been thru alot- the death of your husband,Witsend. Glad you are here in a safe healing place.
JIM- I pictured you guys in the car making jokes, great for your daughter to see the lighter side, laughter is paramount in healing.
My x n/p had his own stash of candy in a nightstand, & was selfish in allowing my 6yr old girl to have any of it. When he was gone, I told my daughter Now you can have ALL the candy. She replied, laughing “Yea he can’t have the Candy OR the Nightstand”!
NOmore- Since you said God is helping you hold it together, giving grace and comfort. I must say this. (I don’t ever want to push my beliefs on those not in a place to receive)but I sense that you are, so here goes:
You also said :I am not a strong person” , I am Just a weak isolated… I say to that BULLCRAP!
Never give in to what the world may be sayin, our own emotions lie (by sayin we aren’t good enuf, strong enuf, etc.,
As believers in God, forgiven of ALL our sins, thru Him -We are More than a Conqueror ( Romans 8 37) We are ambassadors of the kingdom. We represent.We represent.We represent. MANY scriptures back this UP.
God has given us authority over the Devil- (in James) RESIST the Devil and HE WILL FLEE from you. We have “favor” thru Him.
(please don’t think I know all this by memory-I am at my bible now-not tryin to be all “preachey” BUt this is important.I have to keep it close to keep my head on straight! )
You already know this, Take authority over Satan and his lies.
Proverbs 18 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue. He shall have whatsoever he says ..Mark 11 23.
Use words carefully as they change our destiny.
If you believe, all things are possible-mark 9 23.
I could go on and on, BUt point is that we walk in the light, we may be persecuted, but we are NOT FORSAKEN.
Jim in Indiana USA
TWO THREE….learnEDthelesson….you’ll have to keep track of your own posts…100 is a lot…and I’ve still got all my fingers and toes.
Is there a local Lovefraud weather site in here? I might go outside….
Yes, there’s internet addiction….I’m trying to get out through the USB port….
Somebody keep track of ltl’s posts…I’m going out to find a life…school board meeting tonight…wonder if there’s any tickets left….see some old friends hope they have CRS…LOL
TOWANDO!
Ntmare
New Life? Has to start someday, Seems like i’m keeping myself stuck in this bad one. NC dosen’t seem to last more than a week. Keep reading they like to win, Don’t know what she’s winning from me except my penis, Not to sound crass. My only purpose since her mask peeled away.
Seems i’m making a study of her now to see how much bad I can say or do and she’ll just keep comming at me like nothing was ever said. You can’t even insult them it’s amazing. She’ll say I love You I can’t love her anymore I just say thanks and thats good enough for her i guess.
I think i’m becomming imune to the cold and emptiness that she is. You realy do get stuck on that perfect love they fake you out with. They are truely lost souls but there happy, Karma never comes there way. About all of them with their cell phones texting away, What goes around will maybe chop there fingers off . there life would be over lol. Hows that for karma?
learnthelesson
Ntmare…
Dont give it to her!!!
Dont make a study of her…make a bee line for the door…She aint gonna go anywhere as long as you keep providing her any kind of supply!
Why settle for cold and emptiness…
Karma… it comes their way…once you get out and stay out! And that would be great karma for the non-stop cellphone to explode in hand!! LOL
Make the NC last more than a week. Just commit to it..Stick to it! You deserve better! Good luck…
Ox Drover
Dear Ntmare,
NC is totally under YOUR CONTROL, and you are the one who sets it or dumps it….we don’t have to let them con theirselves back into our lives or our beds if we don’t want them to be there. It may be difficult to say NO, but when you are ready to say NO, you WILL say NO.
Once we SEE what they are, it is up to us to take control of ourselves and our lives. That’s the hardest part. (at least for me) because I had to give up the fantasy. Now, sticking with NC is EASY because I truly don’t want to see them, interact with them, or listen to more lies.
kindheart48
No MOre, i was wondering if they have something like a womens shelter in your area to help you with all the support you need to take care of yourself. Just wondering. kh