With all the uproar over Arnold Schwarzenegger and his “love child,” our friend Ann over at WomenExplode.com just wrote about her own experience of a cheating husband.
Read I can relate with Maria Shriver ”¦ at WomenExplode.com.
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Stargazer
*may have*??? I would count on it. This guy does not sound capable of any sort of love or commitment.
A married man who is cheating for ANY reason is flawed to begin with. It doesn’t matter if he is a spath or not.
Louise
Stargazer:
Yep, totally…they are flawed normal or not.
Stargazer
I don’t understand why they have to test us, though. I was about 99.9% over the guy in Costa Rica. When he didn’t contact me there, I let go. Then when I came back and saw the self-centered email from him that he wanted me to call HIM while I was down there (he couldn’t be bothered to call me), it put the nail in the coffin. I don’t know why he had to call me at 2:30 am last weekend to twist the knife around. I didn’t need to know the details of who he was with and for how long. Naturally, I’m gonna do the math. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? What is WRONG with most men? I just don’t get it.
KatyDid
Face it NoLaRn,
YOU were good, that’s why he wanted you, he TARGETED you. But HE was pretty spotty and no, they don’t change their spots. (another Myth, that a “good” woman is needed to save the wayward man. Truth is, such a man is an emotional Vampire on a “good” woman, using her to blame for HIS carp.)
One of the myths my husband spread. Ya know that one, if the wife would take good care of her man, he’d never be unfaithful or leave her. So I was blamed for his cheating. Doncha love it? One woman got in my face and said he loved her, they had a grand passion, b/c SHE was different than a bitch like me. I straightened my spine, and said YOU may be different BUT HE’s NOT. ps He didn’t love her. He dropped her the SAME day she told me about them being together.
ElizabethBennett
Katy-you are right about that. It’s his loss but he’s not a loss for me. I will never let anyone disrespect me again.
ElizabethBennett
Star-btw, while you were out boozin it up at the pool I gotta tell you that I came to a major decision. I think you told me that one day I would stop reaching for someone. I have decided to go NC with Ms. I Have A Great Big Stick Up My Butt next door. I am tired of obsessing over something that is not a good thing for me. I believe that it does NO good to try to psychoanalyze her anymore and I think that she is just a self important bitch-more than she is spathy or schizo. I’m over the drama.
KatyDid
NoLaRn
I didn’t say that lightly. You get so hard on yourself. What you don’t seem to realize is that he targeted you b/c you are a GOOD person. That’s one of your appeals. It hurts when I read you self hating for what you were manipulated into by this self absorbed THING (not human in the sense I define a human.)
hens
nola – i think nc with her is a great idea…you have stopped obsessing about the x spathman and you know in time you will stop with her..start obsessing about nola, she needs all your attention until you get her in a better place – then find somebody worth your attention.
Stargazer
heh heh boozin it up…..LOL I had one chocolate margarita – I’m a total lightweight, though! I like your decision, nolarn. And you know, it doesn’t have to be so black and white. If you just get busy with your life, she just won’t seem so important. You will still be able to chat with her without getting lost in your fantasies. You won’t even have to go NC. But if it helps you to go NC, do it, do it!!!! I support you no matter what.
ElizabethBennett
Katy-thanks I really appreciate that. The self hatred though goes a lot deeper than him though. It’s shame from my rape that I held in for so long. I am trying to deal with that in counseling. When we got together he made that shame go away for awhile but when he left, it came back 10x worse than before. Because then I had something else to be ashamed of-being with a married man.