Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
I’m not so sure that these are such a tiny minority because I think there is an untold amount that go undetected and unreported in varying degree. But I certainly do ascribe to the belief they are their own worst enemy. And without recognizing that the path of destruction that follows them is of their own making, without change that is also their future destiny where only more of the same also lies ahead in their empty search for futility.
As you’ve said before Dr. Leedom, we all have to make choices and whether we realize it or not, we are or will be at some point, responsible for them.
It’s very satisfying to read this report. For many years I was eaten up with wishing for the S to get his comeuppance. I eventually learned that I must let go of this as it was impeding my recovery. I did let go and I was able to forge ahead with rebuilding my life.
Still, every now and then I wondered if the time would ever come when he got what he deserves. I still hear about him occasionally, through the grapevine and recently I heard he had been sacked from yet another job and is about to lose his home. He will of course get another job at some point but it must be getting increasingly difficult. He is now in his mid 40’s and only ever holds down a job for a maximum of 7 or 8 months before he’s sussed. This time span is getting shorter and shorter with each job. The girlfriends are not lasting as long either.
I have a son with the S and every now and again the S turns up here and makes life difficult (to say the least). But I can feel the end coming. He s definitely getting worse and worse and I just know that before long he’s going to end up in prison. That is the day I will hold the mother of all parties. The day I can stop looking over my shoulder.
Are they “successes”? By whose definition of “success?” I think sometimes THEY think they are a “success” if you define the word by their idea of “winning” or “getting what they want” becaue they don’t see “failure’ the way we do either, they see prison as a “temporary” set back or as my son seems to do, seeings it as an “opportunity” to continually hone his skills and have a constant stream of small successes in putting one over on the guards or another convict, or getting someone to feel sorry for him and send him money.
I know several professional people that I would consider psychopaths by anyone’s definition and some of them are internationally famous for their work. Their personal lives suck, and they abuse wives and girlfriends unmercifully, but they consider themselves “successful” and people on the “outside” would look at them and think they were. I see politicians that I consider their behavior psychopathic, like the ex governor of NY and he was considered a “success” until recently, though those closest to him knew him to be ruthless and vindictive.
I do agree that many of them don’t acheive “success” like WE would define it, but I think sometimes even though they “lose” by our standards of “success” and go to prison or are publicly shamed, have no lasting relationships, etc. that they see themselves as “successful” or only “temporarily” inconvenienced because some one else did something mean to them. Heads they win, tails, we lose. If that is the way you keep score then, yea, they are all “winners”— but if that’s being a winner, I don’wanna be one!
Aside from my own personal experience, my job position, puts me in contact with lots of different people, all with a story to tell. Some of them would probably be labeled sociopath. Lots of men who are womanizers. Alcoholics, drug addicts, all walks of life. I’ve observed many of them over the course of the years, as some of them return. Several come to mind, and now, after all their years of chasing women, drinking, loose living, giving no thought to establishing something for the future, they return, bodies rebelling, looks gone, no money, no woman, no one to grow old with and share the rest of their life. They are now too old to be of much use as far as sex is concerned, and they are miserable. They have chosen their own end by the way they lived. I tried over the course of the time I knew them to tell them they all started at the wrong end. They spent their time in satisfying their flesh, and now the candle is burnt out and the spark is gone. Lots of poor choices, but they hurt a lot of women along the way. They are receiving their reward. They are alone.
I agree that what a sociopath considers being successful is far different from what a “normal” person would think.
To a sociopath manipulating a person to do what they want or buy them what they want would be a success. They are getting what they want.
I don’t think that a sociopath looks at the big picture. I don’t think that they look far into the future. It is all about them and what they can get from whoever their current target is at the moment.
Mine was juggling several women at once, but didn’t have a solid relationship with any of them. He used them to get things that he wanted and managed to juggle more than one relationship at a time.
I don’t see any of this as being successful in life or otherwise. Momentary pleasures would never be enough for most of us. We have values and a conscience which prevents us from using others for personal gain.
It would be nice to see the sociopaths be punished somehow for their misdeeds, but perhaps their lives are their punishment.
I am pleased to read of this research. I don’t like seeing the term “successful psychopath” as this is an oxymoron.
My ex-P is “successful” at work, but that’s only because he makes a lot of money, is able to manipulate those that work for him, and stays in a position for no longer than 2-3 years (at which point he is found out, either for his lack of ability or for his “inappropriate” relations with women that work for him).
Now, if people see that as “success”, then that’s their choice, but any non-P would not think of this as success.
He does have the “status and wealth” right now, but he is losing the status very quickly, and the wealth will be right behind it. He is making a bad reputation for himself and constantly has to run from his mistakes.
I firmly believe that in the end he will have nothing and no one. This is not success. Perhaps if there are “successful psychopaths”, the facade of success is only temporary.
I wonder if anti socials are lead by their ego into creating facades of status and wealth to reinforce and feed their ego energy of grandioseness. Others see the implications of these kinds of actions as being ultimately empty because we know that in the long term these will not bring personal fulfillment
Hi Everyone. You have to read Alexander Lowen’s book “Narcissism, Denial of the True Self” to get a comprehension of what you are dealing with of any of the anti-social personalities. Lowen. himself, is a Narcissist. He provides several of his patient’s profiles in the book to explain what we are dealing with. At the end, he states there is no cure for their condition. A condition of “a life devoid of emotion is beyond your imagination” or something along that line of thinking (I no longer have the book … I kept buying it and giving it away to friends as one by one, they too had a anti-social personality come into their space. So as you work through your anger and frustration and bitterness to what an anti-social personality is and the damage they left in their wake … remember this as you are healing … yes, the pain we experience do to these personalities are almost unbearable … and yes, they derailed our lives … and yes, they should have this or that happen in their lives … yes, yes, yes, we all agree …. but listen to me as I explain this theory to you … I’d rather feel the pain they left me … then to never FEEL anything at all, EVER, for the rest of my life. They are the walking dead, devoid of happiness, devoid of pleasure, devoid of pain, devoid of any of the precious emotions we are too feel. Zombies … walking zombies. That’s why Jesus told us to send out love to every one. Because we don’t know what any one is dealing with … we aren’t one of those that are DEVOID of emotions. Peace, Love and all of God’s good qualities to everyone. Remember, Jesus left us PEACE, he left us the holy spirit. The holy spirit remains within us … all of us, even the anti-socials of the world … you just have to remember to go silent, clear your mind, you will be with the holy spirit.
It’s funny to find this post here today right after I heard that the sociopath who has almost destroyed my life is being very successful in his career and with his girlfriend – the poor official one, not the slut who he hides from everyone else.
My mother’s friend who knows my story very well has told me about her sister who was deceived by a sociopath when she was young and caused huge harm on her. He was a very well-known man in their small town in the northeast of Brazil and everyone loved him. He had a very violent death when he was looking both sides to cross a street and a bus chopped off his head. I don’t think she meant to relief me when she told me that, she even seemed to be sorry for him, but I’m sure her sister might have felt that that was some kind of justice life has prepared.
Now, whenever I’m sad about his success in life I think of this story, to remember that divine justice is real. I know it’s odd, but it really helps me to have an example like this, despite all the sociopaths we see everyday being successful in their careers and seducing everyone around them.
I think a lot of this has to do with your definition of “successful”. To the world, my ex looks like a successful man-of-the-church. He has books published and out there on Leadership and Transformation, he is asked to speak at seminars and direct choral workshops, he travels around the country meeting witht he biggies in the field.
Maybe, in the eyes of the world, that is success, and on some level it IS. But his personal life – the place where we all really LIVE – is a mess. Two failed marriages, 3 grown children who only spend time with him out of guilt, a third marriage that (from what I hear) is already losing its luster, and a boat-load of former friends and associates who think he is a real jerk.
So what is success?? We can define it in terms of the way the world sees him, or we can go to the heart of success – the love of good and true friends and families. In the former, yes, he is a success, but the latter?? i am sure glad I am me.
Honey