Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
Lilygirl,
You really hit a nail with what you said. I’ve thought so much on the subject of forgiveness and googled it, asked others, because I just couldn’t get back the fuzzy feeling where my husband is concerned and also this “friend” who really did a number on me, but turned it all around to make it look like it was all my idea.
Never one time, was I asked to forgive. I was told a very generic, half hearted, “I’m sorry”, but not once did he say please forgive me for ______. Because of that, I just couldn’t go back to the way it was, because the way it was, was phony. I read an article by a minister where he said there’s no where in the Bible that says we forget. We forgive and that’s for us, but forgiveness for others, to me isn’t a license to keep doing what they did, any more than our seeking God’s forgiveness gives us a right to keep sinning.
You really posed a lot of questions that I’d like to see some prominent minister answer. How can we completely forgive someone of their transgressions against us, when they refuse to acknowledge what they did, and we know, but they deny it. I’ve heard, I’ll say I’m sorry, but I don’t know what I did. How can one ever relate to someone who can’t see what they did, but we are so hurt and dismayed by their words? If the shoe were on their foot, would they feel the hurt they inflicted on us?
I’ve finally come to the place in my life, that when someone really does a number on me, I stop them right there, and won’t give them the chance to do it again. If I get stood up once, they won’t have the opportunity to try the same thing again. I sometimes despair of having someone of my own to relate to, other than my children and all of the ones here. Here it’s like, finally there are real people who know of the anguish of being taken in by another. How does one forgive that and grieve, to the point where we have a complete healing? Just when I think I have, something, such as what you wrote, will strike a cord in me, and I start wondering if I even did the forgiveness right. But as I said, no one has ever asked me to forgive them. In so doing, they are recognizing their part in the debacle. It hasn’t happened and it’s so hard for me to totally move on. I see the one person and all that he did comes flooding back and he just acts like we are best buds.
How does one completely dissolve the intense hurt caused by this person who claimed all this love and attention? Will it finally go away at death, theirs or mine? Does talking about it make it better or worse? I know for me, I could have fallen into my husband’s arms, had he just asked for forgiveness. As it stands, he just sweeps it under the rug and we go our separate ways, and he’s doing all the things he did prior to me, but doesn’t give me a thought or care. Does it all mean there is no forgiveness there or would we be in limbo? Or maybe it doesn’t even matter.
I think of you, too, OxDrover, and how your parent and child turned so badly against you. And how so many more have had their husbands just walk away without a backward glance. How does one just forgive that and go on? I wish there were an easy solution.
I like what you said, Lilygirl. That forgiveness is for the truly repentant. Psalm 51:17 says the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. If someone would come to me with those kinds of feelings, there’s no way I could turn them away. But in my case all I got was a brief and simple I’m sorry and I’ll make it up to you. I’m still waiting and nothing has happened that has my name on it.
When my husband, after 30 years, finally came forth and called our life a financial ruin, due to me, even though we never had money, I wrote him a letter. I told him that if investing in our children was a ruin then I’m guilty. I told him they didn’t exist before he and I, and it was our God given duty to see to it they got their start in life. If we didn’t do it, who would? I said a whole lot more and told him I’d get out of his life and he could have it all back. It went three weeks before he responded to that letter. He half heartedly stopped me as I was going out the door, and said I don’t want you to leave. It took him 3 weeks to come to that. Why not immediately? I wasn’t in his heart. He didn’t care about my welfare, only his. So plans have been set in motion to sell the house and divorce. He’s never beat a path to my door. I wasn’t even worth fighting for. How do I forgive all that? Letting go I guess is forgiveness. As I said , he never asked for forgiveness, just said he was sorry.
Hi Henry
I just had a thought. What if you don’t think of the cat as his anymore…what if you just start thinking of her as yours? Play with her, indulge her, let her snuggle up to you if she wants. If you actively make the choice that she’s yours now, his association will take back seat.
Just a thought…
Apt/Mgr
I’ve struggled with forgiveness, too, because God wants it and haven’t found any way that has really worked for me. It’s a constant struggle and a constant prayer for me.
Here’s something from the Luke 17:3 site that was a little helpful in reframing my view: Forgiveness: It’s not what you think”
http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548&PID=466805
“…forgiveness and the requirement to forgive are not necessarily what we have been led to believe they are by our abusers and their enablers, or by others who are either misinformed or trying to deceive us. In the Bible, we are told to forgive as the Lord forgave us.(Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32) The Lord forgives us when we repent. (Ezekiel 33:10-20, Isaiah 55:6-7, Jeremiah 6:16-30 & 26:3, Luke 13:3 & 5, Acts 3:19) He does NOT forgive those who are ‘stiff-necked’ , refuse to repent, and intend to continue in their sinful ways, and he does not expect us to, either. By forgiving unremorseful evildoers, we are depriving them of the opportunity to repent and transform their lives.
In Luke 17:3, Jesus tells us very clearly that we are to forgive someone who sins against us IF he repents. God does not want us to continue to be abused, in fact, we are told to shun evildoers ( Some examples are Psalm 37:9, Psalm 119:115, Matthew 18:17, Titus 3:10-11, 1 Corinthians 5:1-5. See the article “No Forgiveness For The Unrepentant” under this heading on the left menu for more). But if there is true repentance (see Helpful Definitions), the Lord does want us to forgive.”
I’m still trying to “proof’ that against other scriptures…but it’s good to have in my arsenal.
Okay, how’s this for a thought…how many of us has seen this happen:
A child hurts another for whatever reason and the parent runs up drags the kid over to the hurt kid and forces the child to say they are sorry.
The dragged kid apologizes. The hurt kid is supposed to forgive and everyone stands there with their eyes demanding that he forget how hurt he is and then accept the apology as though he has just been given a gift – even when there is no sincerity whatsoever.
But no one explains to the child why he is apologizing. The child just learns and learns and learns that no matter what he does to hurt someone, just say I’m sorry and the person is supposed to forgive you.
If the person doesn’t forgive, well, then they are the meanie.
I see it all the time and it drives me crazy.
Or how about the “I’m sorry you feel that way,” apology. HUH? Oh, that’s where I’m wrong for feeling that way. It’s me who is wrong, not the person who actually imposed the crime upon me. HUH?
I get that a lot. I used to fall for it. Not anymore.
Kathy Krajco wrote a lot on this subject, I took another look and found my FAVORITE analogy. It helps me tons when I try to reconcile my “unwillingness to forgive.” See if it might help you too:
On forgiveness
These are just my thoughts on it. I present them as an alternative to what blows in the prevailing wind on the subject.
I present them for those victimized by malignant narcissists to examine not to swallow whole as the gospel according to some authority figure. In fact, I don’t know whether I am an authority figure or not, but I certainly am no authority.
And nobody has any authority over what goes into someone else’s head.
How about a parable? Let’s say that I steal $10 from you. You come to me and say, “You stole $10 from me. Give it back.” I tell you that you’re crazy. I deny the offense. What are you going to do about it?
Let’s say that your response is to say, “I forgive you.”
Now let’s get real. What are we to think of you for that?
The first thing people think is, “RED ALERT probably a false accusation.”
In other words, we suspect that your “forgiveness” heaps the insult of fraud upon the injury of calumny. Adding insult to injury is an outrage, extreme perversity, the Sin of Sodom.
The other possibility is that you have no power to assert your right to justice and that your so-called forgiveness is but a deceptive way to avoid admitting that.
In itself, your powerlessness in the situation is nothing reprehensible, but what does it make of your forgiveness? If it is forced forgiveness, it is extortion.
If it is phony forgiveness, it is fraud under duress, of course, but fraud nonetheless. Either way, it’s not legitimate forgiveness and no more valid than a false confession.
Indeed, doing this adulterates your forgiveness. What an awful thing to do to such a precious thing as forgiveness!
If I really have stolen from you, why I should I desire such cheap forgiveness as yours? It certainly isn’t worth the pain of coming clean.
And, if you are so holy, you should not want to discourage me from doing that. In short, your scot-free forgiveness especially if it’s only to save face is understandable perhaps, but not honorable. Because it’s not genuine.
So, this little story would never happen, because your “forgiveness” is bogus, and everybody knows it.
In fact, it marks you as indelibly as Cain’s answer to the question Where is thy brother? So, that’s the real world in the material sphere of action. Why should it be different in the moral sphere of action?
Note that our ancient philosophy, as expressed in the Hebrew, Christian, and Islamic scriptures, uses the same terminology for moral forgiveness as for the forgiveness of a financial debt. Why? Because they are the same thing in different spheres of action.
The parable shows why there is no such thing as the forgiveness of a whole debt. Only some portion of it.
In real life, nobody forgives the entire amount of a debt! Some is always repaid before the balance is forgiven. If it weren’t, the bank would call the FBI.
That’s why you always pay at least $1 for that vehicle your father gave/sold you, don’t you? That’s the difference between forgiveness and stealing or extortion. That $1 acknowledges the debt/gift. The rest is mercy.
If we turn to the ancient Hebrew, Christian and Islamic writings, we see that the God of Abraham’s forgiveness is legitimate, too. He does not forgive the unrepentant.
To the contrary, he threatens them with fire and brimstone if they do not repent. Are his devotees not to emulate him?
I think that Catholic theology is the most detailed and precise on this point, though I do not see how secretly revealing my misdeed to a third party in an anonymous confessional amounts to a real confession and how paying that third party whatever he charges me for a penance releases me from my debt to YOU.
Nonetheless, there is much common sense here that is taken for granted by the theologians of all Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
I neither accept nor reject notion that, if you believe in God, I owe him something too, as the father of us both. But that would be a separate transaction in a different offense the one against him in my theft from YOU.
At worst, I am disobeying his rules and causing him some grief in the harm done to YOU. So, I don’t see how a just God could be satisfied if YOU ain’t.
If I don’t have to make amends to YOU, he is just be profiteering on sin that harms only YOU. Only when the debt is material, such as through the theft of money, do the Catholic authorities require restitution.
Otherwise they seem to see no harm done to the human victim. I do. That is why I here deal with my debt to YOU and leave my debt to any God for others to argue about.
This theory says that I owe you your $10 plus a penalty for stealing it from you. Let’s say that a fair penalty is another $10. So I owe you $20.
Why the penalty? Because I wasn’t born yesterday! If there is no penalty, the most I can loose is the $10 I stole. Then the bottom line is that I owe zero. So, I have no reason not to try again tomorrow.
Unless I’m a complete idiot, I will keep trying to steal $10 dollars from you until I eventually get away with it. It’s kinda like free gambling.
Now, how do I relieve myself of this $20 debt to you? Catholic/Protestant doctrine neatly breaks my obligation down into four distinct acts:
· Confession: I must own/acknowledge what I have done.
· Contrition: I must show remorse for it. Thus I acknowledge that what I did was WRONG.
· Penance: I must acknowledge my obligation to pay you $10 + $10 = $20. That’s the amount of the theft plus a penalty for theft. In other words, I must amend the damage and pay a penalty to boot.
· Firm Purpose of Amendment: I must show that I am determined to never steal from you again.
Your reaction? You are overjoyed! You appreciate what I have done by considering my means and showing mercy. You say, “Thank you! Just pay me $15 and we are even.”
That’s why they call it “reconciliation.”
In other words, merciful you forgives a portion of my debt. Which is exactly what the God of Abraham does in “remitting sin.”
If people are required to be fools who forgive the whole thing, I am idiot if I don’t shed crocodile tears before the judge at my sentencing.
Indeed, Christian theology says the Unforgivable Sin is the unrepented sin, the unacknowledged sin. Yet the winds of political correctness would have us let that slip our minds.
The malignant narcissist is a master at cheating on repentance. Even if his other 99 dodges fail, he must be compelled by a serious and credible threat to take even the first step (Confession).
Then he acts as though that’s all that’s required of him and makes you feel mean if you are not satisfied. Thus conned, you forgive him.
After further abuse and humiliation, you are not so easy. Again compelled by a serious and credible threat, he finds it necessary to take the first two steps (Confession and Contrition).
Again he acts as though that’s all that’s required of him and makes you feel mean if you are not satisfied. Thus conned, you forgive him some more.
After further abuse and humiliation, you are not so easy. Yet again compelled by a serious and credible threat, he finds it necessary to take the first two steps plus a fraction of the third.
That is, he pays no penalty for devaluing you: he merely takes back a smidgen of that devaluation and makes you feel mean if you are not satisfied.
He may even think you’re so stupid that you feel he has made amends by apologizing to you in private for what he said about you in public.
And so on. He never gets to Step Four: A Firm Purpose of Amendment.
Oh, he may say he won’t do it again, but he offers nothing as a sign of good faith. That is, he gives no guarantee or assurances. You just have to take this pathological liar at his changeable word.
A narcissist is a slippery fish who characterizes your remembering anything he did yesterday as “digging back into the past.”
He thus makes you the guilty party by answering your grievance with the accusation that you are guilty of “not putting it behind you” and are committing the sin of not forgiving.
It’s a Catch-22. (Catch-22 is the bottom level of Nether Hell in Dante’s Inferno).
I doubt it was the good guys who made up this stupid rule. If Christians are to remember what happened to Jesus 2,000 years ago, shouldn’t they remember what happened themselves and others yesterday?
What’s more, the narcissist’s crime is a crime in progress. That’s because it is either ongoing abuse or slander and calumny that ruins the rest of a person’s life.
It is as impossible to forgive a crime in progress as it is to forgive a crime in advance. Purporting to do so amounts to saying that it is no crime = it is okay to be doing this to someone.
Did you ever notice that “Thank you” is the first thing out of a person’s mouth when someone who has offended them sincerely repents? There’s a reason for that.
In my own experience, forgiveness is something I long to give. In fact, I strongly suspect that those who “find it hard to forgive” have nothing to forgive.
In other words, I suspect that they are narcissists. My greatest grievance against the narcissists in my life is that they won’t let me forgive them.
It’s sad, but the way I deal with it is by just writing them off. That is much worse than hate. That is for those unworthy of hate.
But don’t expect your narcissist to understand that. His emotions are like the irrational weather. Mother is all good when she’s there and all bad when she’s not.
He gets mad at a cat for hanging around his bird feeder, because he somehow views it as sinning and deserving punishment. He cannot understand that the cat is just being a cat.
But we can understand that, and we can understand that a narcissist is just being a narcissist. No need to get mad about it.
This is not to say that narcissistic abuse does not outrage powerful emotions in us. But they diminish over time and leave nothing. Not hate, just NOTHING.
However you decide to handle your desire to forgive a narcissist, keep this in mind:
Your mind is The Garden. Not wide-open spaces. A garden is cultivated, surrounded by a fence or wall, and has a gate. You are the gardener and the gatekeeper.
If you know what’s good for you, you will assume your right/responsibility to decide what enters, exits, and grows there.
-Kathy Krajco, a hero.
eyesopened,
I really do like all who are here! It’s so good to express doubts and griefs and not be judged. It’s been so long coming in my life, to actually talk with anyone who totally understood. Could it be because we are the ones who choose to dig beneath the surface to find out what God really does have in store for us? I really don’t know. All I know is in my grief throughout the years of my marriage, it was my seeking solace from God that brought me comfort. So is it the purpose of these misguided ones to drive us closer to God? But what is our purpose for them?
Could it be, too, that those who hurt us, really don’t think they did anything that was necessary to seek forgiveness for, so a simple I’m sorry should just erase the whole debacle and we’ll just tiptoe through the tulips again? I just can’t do that. In my case, my husband missed the whole concept of husband/wife. He acted out so much after our children were born, that I always felt like I was raising him. A minister friend told me that his actions indicated that he did want a mother. I didn’t know this till we were married for 20+yrs and just didn’t know what to do about it.
How can those who don’t see, won’t see, be made to see, if they choose to see it only their way? That’s how confused I’ve been in my relationships. I thought for a long time, if the sex were great, the rest should follow. WRONG!!! How can they take the sex act, set it aside, and treat their significant other like she doesn’t exist other than for sex? Why can’t they see that?
I go be-bopping along, singing a merry tune, when suddenly I realize I am all alone, and that brings about the thought as to why I’m alone, then all the memories come flooding back, and I’m in a funk again. Momentarily I forgot. And at times I remember I forgot to remember. Then I replay all the happenings again, and wonder, did I really forgive him? I just can’t warm up to him, simply because he dismissed all I did in the name of love and called it financial ruin. I think I’m back to square one. Le Sigh!!
Eyes opened . I am a animal lover, have 3 dog’s that sleep with me. I have thought of placing an ad (free cat to good home) but I don’t want to put her in the hands of a stranger that mite abuse her. I feed her twice a day and scratch her on the head, I would never be mean to her. I will keep her for now, if a chance of a (good) home comes up she is gone, and yeah I mite get attached at sometime in the future. When I asked for help to rename her it was my sick humour I guess. If she is going to remind me of him I think she deserve’s a name that will remind me of him and something on the evil side doesn’t mean I will ever mistreat her. Just a name that will sum up what he is all about. next subject, I have found comfort in this website, so many screennames that I feel a connection with, I feel you and relate with you. BUT as a gay man, a gay dysfunctional man, I want you all to know that being homosexual was never a choice for me, it is just who I am. And being who I am I have empathy for women as well as men, although I am very masculine and would never stand out in a crowd I do have some empathy for women. I relate with women more so than straight or gay men. Actually most straight men bore me. I am a little on the dramactic side I guess. But over the past few month’s I am learning why I have always felt like a victim of my circumstance’s, because I have been a victim all my life. I was conditioned by my mother who is definatley a (N) and possibly a physcopath. I am seeing how and why I attract predator’s into my life. I am working hard to pull myself up out of the pit (one more time). I am a good person, I am a bright lite, I am very talented in many ways. I have had like so many of you here alot of obstacles in my way. I am fighting hard to rebuild my life, no longer do I have ignorance to blame thing’s on. I am educating myself to the realities I have been ignorant about. I am not stupid, I just didn’t know why bad thing’s kept happening to me. I am numbed by my action’s over the past 3 years. I knew it was all a big lie, I could see on his face that he would rather be anywhere than with me. I tried so many time’s to rid myself of him, I was scared of him, I knew he was sick in the head. But I kept taking him back because he was homeless and I didnt want him to lose his job, the only thing he had. I knew when I got him fixed, a car, a drivers license he would leave. I know he lied and lied and lied. But I became attached or used to the nitemare. I doubt I will ever see him again and I dont want too. But I am numb, I have lost my joy, my zest, my passion. Before he was dumped into my life I had passion for my children, my grandchildren, I had passion for my home, my beautiful acerage, I could work in the gardens and on outside project’s until the sun went down. Now I just feel numb. I am hoping the zoloft will help me, and thanks for those who took the time to read this……..
This is so true, and actually is another piece of the puzzle Kathy writes about, forgiving ourselves. It’s funny how we rush to forgive others, but not ourselves.
I’ll post what Kathy wrote below:
Forgiving the one who deserves forgiveness
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have.
The same things can damage it that damage your other human relations. The deal-breaker is betrayal.
Have you ever felt betrayed? If so, then you know that it is the blackest feeling a human being can have.
It is devastating. It is what makes people want to just turn their face to the wall and die.
Because it shows what you and your suffering mean (are worth) to your betrayer = nothing.
Betrayal severs any human relationship. It puts the betrayed through Hell.
Just think what this means in terms of your relationship with yourself. If you betray yourself to abuse and humiliation, that betrayal severs your relationship with yourself.
How can this be? Easily. We are composite beings. We are a combination of true inner self and ego. The ego views us as others do, because it’s wholly concerned with how we look to others.
It’s that little voice in the head that takes the viewpoint of bystanders and berates you in the second person, by saying such things as, “Why can’t you hit a stupid backhand in? You are pathetic! Here you are, choking again in a big match!”
That’s you (if you’re a tennis player having a bad tennis day) talking to you. But why aren’t you saying, “Why can’t I hit a stupid backhand in? I am pathetic! Here I am, choking again in a big match!”
Answer: You address yourself as “you” instead of “I” to distance yourself from yourself. Because you don’t like yourself at the moment and are disowning yourself, relating to yourself as though talking to a different person.
See what’s happening to your relationship with yourself? You’re not on your side, are you?
This happens to everyone, and it should serve as a strong warning of how easily our composite personality can breakdown, split.
Don’t go there. Never, never, never betray yourself to bad treatment. You sin against yourself when you do, and the act will destroy your relationship with yourself.
Unfortunately, if you are the victim of a narcissist, it is safe to say that you have already done so.
THIS is what threatens the victim’s mental health. You have allowed yourself to be used, ab-used. You see that for what it is bending over for it, laying down for it. No matter how blessed people say that is, you know it’s not.
You know it is abject. It makes you feel like a worm. You are profoundly ashamed of it.
And very, very angry with yourself.
You hate yourself for it, no matter how hard you work to repress awareness of that to live in denial of it.
So, you have committed an offense against yourself (your human dignity). You can never be friends with yourself until you make peace with yourself.
Do it. Repair that relationship with yourself. The fruit of forgiveness is reconciliation (ask any theologian).
1. Admit that you have allowed the narcissist to abuse you.
2. Admit that it was wrong to do so, though be fair with yourself and consider the reasons why you were driven to do so.
3. Be sorry that you betrayed yourself to abuse.
4. Make whatever amends are possible and appropriate.
5. Most important, repent = promise to never betray yourself again.
You may recognize those as the 5 formal steps of repentance. They make you forgivable. They allow reconciliation to take place.
Indeed, how can you be reconciled with any offender who doesn’t at least stop offending and give you some assurance that he won’t keep right on doing it? It is absurd to think that you can.
And the people who like to bind up this big burden of forgiving to put on the victim are often doing it in the name of religion.
But if they knew two things about their religion, they wouldn’t say that. No theologian worth his or salt would say that you must forgive an ongoing offense.
How can forgiving an ongoing offense reconcile you with a person who is attacking you or stealing from you in some way?
What, pray tell, do these holier-than-thous think “reconciliation” is? Just another non-thing, I suppose, vaguely supposed to suggest some sentiment they can lie about having in their foggy heads.
But even that is crazy, because no sane person can have anything but hostility toward anyone in the act of harming them.
And just because it’s 3AM and the narcissist is sound asleep, unable to offend at the moment, doesn’t mean that a state of war doesn’t presently exist between you.
What he did yesterday counts. What he has always done and never promised to stop doing counts. He must stop doing it before he can become forgivable.
“Forgive and forget” is a line penned in Hell, not Heaven.
It is absurd to think you can have any but a hostile relationship with someone offending you in any way, especially when they have refused to stop it.
If the offender stops doing it, you can be friends again. But only if he stops doing it.
You don’t have to be friendly to people attacking you or stealing from you. It’s called the human right to self-preservation, self-defense.
It’s a Law of Nature. The very idea that you should like and be nice to someone doing things hostile to you is bizarre and absurd.
To the contrary: You anti-like people like that = you stay away from them. You build walls between yourself and people like that.
You answer their attacks to make their attacks cost them dearly, so as to deter future aggression that you might live in peace instead of under constant attack by them. This is just common sense.
And it holds just as true in your relationship with yourself as in your relationship with others.
To be reconciled with yourself, you must say, “I betrayed myself to abuse in the past, but I will never do so again, so I am no longer a doormat to be ashamed of.”
Be on your side.
Take those 5 steps to repair your relationship with yourself especially the last one in which you establish a firm purpose of amendment to never betray yourself to abuse again.
Now you are forgivable. So, forgive yourself. Embrace yourself.
You are the one who deserves and needs your forgiveness. And chances are that you are the only one who deserves and wants it.
Henry
What three fun or comforting things can you do this weekend?
I would like to go see the new Indiana Jones movie. A guy that I have met recently want’s to come hang out by the pool and cook out. We may go to the movie together. I get anxious when this new guy is around, I am not sure why, he has a shady past and no friend’s, but his company and conversation is good. I need to spend some time with my two grandson’s, maybe a trip to the Zoo this sunday…….thank you eyesopened —– free I have thrown away everything that remind’s me of him, I even dug up the Lillie’s he planted by the gate. I am going to re- name the cat Slick…….Lillygirl, thanks for that post-I do need to forgive myself, that is what I am having the most trouble with……………
Henry,
That’s great…I’ll go to the movie with you! I’ve never seen an Indiana Jones movie before…and I’m sure it’s playing around here. We can let each other know what we think about it afterward. Anybody else want to go?
Oh, and….Slick? Very cute!