Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
henry –
i am hoping if i pull out your quote you will realize what you said:
I get anxious when this new guy is around, I am not sure why, he has a shady past and no friend’s, but his company and conversation is good.
If I knew you were going to step on a snake, I would grab your arm and pull you back.
I am hoping you feel my hand on your arm. Your anxiety is your good sense telling you to stay away. You can see the red flags, but you are letting your loneliness and feelings of desperation override your good sense.
Please skip the pool and cookout. It’s not worth it. They say after a pathological relationship, don’t date for at least a year.
That is how long it takes to recover enough so it doesn’t happen to you again.
You have taken some baby steps out of this, don’t go back. Hang in there.
Our radar is up Free.
Put it this way Henry, if there was a new guy pursuing me…for our first dates I WOULD NOT host him at my home at the pool and cook him dinner.
He would have to woo me. He would have to impress me. He would have to wine and dine ME.
I am a prize. I am valuable.
You know what? This is going to sound weird, but a book I read long ago might help you – it’s called “Why Men Love Bitches” – by bitches the author means Babe In Total Control Of Herself.
The author explains why if we treat ourselves like a valuable prize, others will too.
Give the candy store away one jujubee at a time. This guy is slithering in under the fence.
If he is serious about a relationship with you, he will show you by having respect for you. If you nix the pool party and he disappears – that will tell you a lot.
See how far he’s willing to go to win a valuable prize like you.
I haven’t been anywhere since March. I am healing with my son. We play Clue. We walk our dog. We go to the movies. We make banana bread.
We have a real life. We are healing. It takes a while. Don’t rush it, you don’t want to get an infection in the wound you already have.
YES it is a red flag!!!!! thanks gang, I am going to go rent a few movies and just hang out with me and the three dog’s and slick
Also Henry,
we can regain a little self respect by turning down a relationship as well.
it feels good to be able to say no, I am not a desperate loser.
I have respect for myself and am displaying it right now.
YEA Henry!
Make some banana bread and add a real banana to the mix and some mini chocolate chips.
Good movie treat! My son’s fav Indiana Jones movie is the temple of doom – Actually it is a great battle against mind control –
it’s a great victory over it!
ok, so no Indiana Jones this weekend? We’ll go another time.
We can hang out with the dogs together. I’ve got to brush and wash them. Are you going to be doing that?
I bet Slick is happy!
And if you want something not goofy but funny, try Space Cowboys with Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, James Garner….it’s too funny!
Henry! That is hilarious! You dug up the lilies? I love it. Hey, if it reminds you of that Bad Man, then dig them up. Being with him was a kind of death wasn’t it? Now is time for rebirth! NO MORE LILIES FOR YOU!
Lilygirl,
What great advice. Someone from my past just popped up on the radar and he keeps wanting to come over at night and cuddle. Uh… No. Then he wants to come over and cuddle in the morning. NO NO NO. I keep aksing, “Where is my damn date?!” Okay, well, I don’t say it like that but I might if he doesn’t get it.
It’s hard though because I am a cozy kind of person and I do love to cuddle on the couch but I know I need boundaries with this. I am not looking for cuddler of the day or cuddler of the week. Come on now!
As we get older, these guys get so lazy and they want to get down to business right away. What if I don’t want to? I have been down that road. No thank you!
It has been years since I “dated” a man that took me on “dates.” Although, the Bad Man did take me to do lots of fun things.. he had his needs for excitement being the disordered being that he was. Oh well.
Here’s a question to you intelligent ones here. When the Bible talks of forgiveness, it says to forgive the one who sinned against us. What would you call a sin against us? How would one sin against us? I could see cheating, lying etc., but the games and such that so many play with our minds and feelings, would these be classified as sins and if so, what kind of sin. I’ll use me as an example. My husband really turned against me not too long after we got married. I think it all turned to hate of sorts in him for me. I could see the hate as a sin against me, but he doesn’t acknowledge it as such. How do I know he sinned against me, so what do I forgive him for? I know you’re not my counselor, but I value the opinions of those here.
I would say, too, Henry, to really guard yourself with this man. We just had a murder here in our little town a couple of weeks ago. There were two gay men who met and had a meal together and all that went with it. They fought over sex and the one pushed the other to the ground and beat his head on a barn ramp and left him there, went to bed, got up the next morning and casually went to work. I don’t think they knew each other very long. Now the one is gone. How well do we know someone? You sound like a fun person and being with you should be fulfilling. I spend more time with me than anyone does, and even though I get lonely, especially for my children, I manage to pass the time. If I can’t be with the ones I want, I don’t want to be with just anyone to fill the space. Too bad we all don’t live in close proximity. Now that sounds like fun. Like minded. One in spirit.
Hi Apt/Mgr
What a profound question.
I looked up “sin” and came up with this for a starter.
“Jesus refers to the commandments in several verses and condenses them into two general commands:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the great general commandment that Jesus took from the book of Deuteronomy 6:5. And a second is like unto it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Technically, this is a biggie. Your husband didn’t love you as he loved himself. If he did, he wouldn’t have treated you with such hate in his heart. And you’re more than a “neighbor,” you’re his wife.
What about the vows he made to you in front of God? To love and cherish until death do you part? That’s not happening. I’m not sure that’s a technical sin though and I know that’s what you’re looking for.
I’ll keep looking…