Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
ox and lily…yall can be about as funny as it gets….and you both write frequently what i know and feel, but am too lazy to write…..im getting better tho….anyway ox, i know exactly what you mean about those little miracles…when things couldnt get worse, how they fall into place when you are on your last breath…now that cannot be anything but divine intervention, not just the luck of the universe…it has happenned too many times, but only when near the very end…. and lily i like the way you say you knew, but were to stubborn to accept….our gut knew, but our mind was playing the “what if ” game with our heart………no matter what we are all soooooo much better off……ok hang on, im first into the trampoline thingy
FREE Thanks for that post, that thought, it is a nice way to start my day, you are so right……..!
I have been making alot of progress, and someday I will look back on this time in my life and be thankful that I made changes in my self. To accept my responsibility in the lie. Intimate relationship’s have always been difficult for me. I have been looking for fulfilment through other people. And with low self esteem and feeling’s of unworthyness I have settled for less than I deserve. I look at my life as a victim. Not deserving the best. I had accepted I would always be single as far as finding a soulmate. I have gone through life accepting my circumstance’s, my emptiness, my lonliness. Have always focused my love on my children and pet’s and my home. Then the boogerman just moved in and destroyed my false contentment. The boogerman has opened my eye’s to the fact that I do have a very good life. I see why he wanted it. I have so much to be thankfull for. I have lived a good life, am a great father, a good and trusted employee. Have a few wonderful friend’s. I have compassion, a good sense of humour, I am loyal and respected by many. Thank you Boogerman for showing me that I have been blessed and I have a rich and full life, and thank’s too you Boogerman I am going to appreciate what I have and work on my self esteem and know that I am worthy and I don’t ever have to settle for less. I am everything you wanted Boogerman. I am……………. that good person you saw as a target. Thank you boogerman for now I see why you took my soul and tried to make it yours, you did not win boogerman, because good always win’s over evil….
wow henry…they want what we have….because we have so much….so much love…..thank you we do deserve only the best
henry – i think one of the signs that our self esteem is growing is when we become empowered enough to help others…you helped me tonight. thanks.
Free – i have some info that i want to post on deprogramming from the stockholm syndrome – i know where it is, but i have to get it and i don’t have time right now. i will get it though and post – i totally need it myself.
keep an eye out. i’ll get is as soon as i get some time. these two days have been busy.
I just want to say it is absolutely FANTASTIC to have found this site and to know that someone UNDERSTANDS what these P’s do to your head. I have spent ages trying to figure out what makes these people tick and it is just beyond me that “humans” can behave like they do and feel NOTHING! I just want to say thanks so much to you all for helping me deal with my situation. You have to have lived it to understand and friends and family just say, get over it now and put it behind you, but it is not like a normal breakup. It really is head stuff and i have never met anybody like this in my life before.
I am constantly focusing on his (P) illusion and telling myself he was not real, it was all a lie. I need to see (my) illusion of what I wanted him to be. I cannot totally discredit three year’s of my life. It was real, it happened. I can’t undo the fact that even though he is who and what he is, I did love him. Don’t we all have illusion’s of love and happiness? I don’t want to erase the part’s of him that I loved. I have accepted the fact that I was used, manipulated and lied too. I know he is evil and I never want to have contact with him again. But when (I) love someone it is real, it was real, it wasn’t a lie on my part. So i guess I have to forgive him because I will never forget him. This is the insanity, i was in love with an illusion? How can I let go of the love that I had for him that was real. Because I am real. sorry guys having a bad few days here…..i think it was him showing up here last sunday…………..
Henry,
Yes your love was real, and yes, the fantasy that you loved wasn’t real.
I truly loved my son, and I truly loved my mother, but you know, I think I am over that now…as I realized what they are, that my love was NOT returned, that they betrayed me, used me, one tried to killme, and the other one didn’t really care, as long as she could protect him from the consequences.
How can I “LOVE” the REALITY. I loved the fantasy, but I don’t love the reality. NOW that the fantasy is gone, all I have is the reality, and I don’t love the reality. Make any sense?
I am no longer holding on to the fantasy. Sure it seemed real, but I KNOW now it wasn’t real. Not even close. So how can I CONTINUE TO LOVE AND PINE FOR a fantasy that never was?
It was very painful to let go of that love for the unreal fantasy, to accept that the reality is the TRUTH, and the truth is not pretty, but it is REAL. How can I love someone who is real and who hates my guts? Does it matter that they gave birth to me, or I gave birth to them? NO!
In the sense that God commands me to “love my enemies” I can act in a non hostile way, and the best way for me to be non-hostile is to STAY NO CONTACT. I can “forgive those that tresspass against you” by getting the bitterness out of my own heart, for my OWN GOOD. They don’t care whether I forgive them or not. Getting them out of my soul helps only me.
The time will come Henry that though your love for your fantasy was real, it will die a “natural” death as you heal. Love, even true love, does not always last forever, no matter how horribly betrayed we are. Even true love can be MURDERED if it is stabbed enough times by the beloved.
Have a better day my friend. (((hugs))))
Henry, You ask some good questions here which is a prompt for further thought. Yes, I believe that many relationships have an element of dysfunction to a greater or lesser degree. Those relationships where there is a stronger element of denial, will contain a stronger element of illusion. Some of us have ‘blindspots’ to parts of ourselves and parts of the ‘beloved’. How many of us here just wished we could get our love back – we feel so foolish. When I think about myself, I probably opened up more and gave more of myself, but I always felt on a deeper level that in a sense I was practicing. If think back to a book I have on codependency It mentions that when we are with someone is who is retarded in someway emotionally – that that gives us a sense of licence to let loose as it were. Because in a way some of us feel more nervous about letting loose in a genuine intimate relationship and that has to be the key to how we orientate ourselves and draw ourselves towards particular relationships and what our nervousness is really about. For some of us it is the difficulty around receiving, we are givers, which puts us in a control situation, until we meet someone, who just takes takes takes. Food for thought! Hope you are well. I enjoyed my break, got 5 days of sun on the beaches in the south of UK.
right on beverly …there are so many layers to this i keep learning more….i never thought of givers as being in control and therefore less”nervous”