Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
I believe too that in the end, sociopaths will come up on the short end of the stick. I mean logically when someone puts so little to no effort into any relationship albeit a business, sociality and family (there own children) what can be expected but the real and present reality of a relationship that functions on very little investment if it functions at all. I believe that like themselves, all of their relationships are dysfunctional, empty and void of any real emotional ties. People who are once trusted, no longer will be. People who gave them love, understanding and compassion will dry up and quit on them. Even if they are in a relationship it will be void of any true love and understanding. Like anything else on this planet if no growth occurs the thing will just die. In short I really don’t worry or hope that the truth of what happens in the past will reveal itself and reality “hits” home. Because I know it will. You see, reality itself demands it own price. One that each of us must in the end pay. How many children, parents and businessperson just one day tell themselves, “God, I can’t take it anymore and I am done with this person!” You see that I believe the pools (money, love and emotional needs) for these people start to dry up. It then become harder and harder for them to lie, manipulate and control others to receive that which they need so much. This course of natural process would also explain why many of them get worst as they age. Manic depression becomes the norm. A lifetime of denial leaves them with “hazy” thoughts and memory. These same people wake up each day believing that the world has turn against them, which it has! We all wait for some type of “pay off” from our investments. If we invest in love, we receive love. If we invest strong emotional bonds, then we will reap a strong emotional bond with our love ones. If we invest in understanding and compassion we then benefit from that investment as well. Like any good and wise investment all we need know is to invest on something that can and will reap a reward. So putting our time and effort into a strong solid relationship will of course reap the best return!
my Psychopathic father sought after money, power and “glory” his entire life—he eventually got all of those things on a national level–but when he died, there was only one of his four children that would have anything to do with him, he no longer had the admiration of anyone. His family of cousins all thought he was a psychopath and wouldn’t even speak to him, his arrogance and ranting and raving had lost him the respect of just about everyone.
He died a pitiful old man, filled with hate for everyone, with only one of his kids there—who actually is just like him I hear, haven’t seen my half brother since he was a kid, and only talked to him once as an adult. My P-bio father was a brilliant man in several fields, and yet his arrogance and hate filled thinking kept him always angry and dissatisfied. It was a tremendous drain of energy I am sure for him to try to keep up his facade that was so important to him. He made no bones about despising others who were “inferior” to him, and yet, at the same time, he craved their addoration like a junkie craves drugs—and when he got it, he desipsed it even more.
Yea, I think in the end even the ones that acheive their own definition of “success” find it a hollow “victory”–you can’t take a U-haul to the graveyard. In the end the ONLY thing that really lives after us is what we have DONE in our lives, and most of the time what they have done is to sow discord, pain, discontent, and chaos. That’s not much of a legacy.
I doubt if there was one sincere tear shed over my P-bio-father’s death or anyone with the exception of my one half brother who felt any sense of loss (if even he did).
James and OxDrover, you are both so correct. I am watching my ex investing himself (what little shallowness there is to invest!) in a couple of stepchildren of his new wife. These pre-teens HAVE a father who is very much involved with them. My ex is trying to invent another image of the Perfect Family that he never had the inclination to do with his own children. In the meantime, his own kids (who are INCREDIBLE adults now) see him as the jerk he really always was.
My ex is almost 62 years old and he thinks by playing Daddy to a couple of faux children, he can create the “real” life he threw away when he had the chance with his own family. My kids see exactly what he is doing, and it disgusts them.
With idiots like this, EVERYTHING is an illusion and an attempt to create a kind of Fantasyland of their own making. They don’t really CARE that in private there is chaos and despair if to the world they can pull off looking like Mr. Nice Guy. Anyone and everything will be sacrificed, if necessary, in order to uphold that public image they so need however that might look. For one of them it might be the Power Image, for another it might be the Successful Businessman image, for another it might be Mr. Sensitive…….it is not the particular image of success they crave but that somehow, some way, they get the adoration they believe they deserve even if it means throwing people who love them under a bus.
My ex-sociopath does not fit my mold of successful. When I started dating him I felt like I was “slumming it”. But I thought it was fun to not date for money but instead for love (that is the last time I do that:) He ended up saving a little money during the course of our relationship due to my encouragement. But, his impulsive behavior has put him financially in the can again.
How does one measure success? So many I know, use dollars and cents to measure it. I like God’s words in Timothy that says, “godliness with contentment is great gain”. I don’t know a lot of contented people. I find contentment in the simple pleasures of life. To some, I’m not a success. But I want to have my treasure, my success, in heavenly places and not in earthly vessels. But that’s what works for me. I think if more of these men, who have such lofty ideals, but expect someone else to work out the details, would come down from their ivory towers and join the real world, they would be a success. I see lots who want to own the company, but not work for it. They keep striving, but get nowhere. And everyone they meet is a stepping stone, but they hurt their progress by hurting the ones who want to help. It’s a mixed up journey, because they live in a very chaotic state of mind. There’s no way any one could follow their line of thinking. They don’t do things in order. Or if they are a success by society’s standard, they think they are infallible. That’s when the truth of their living is revealed. What’s done in the dark will come to light.
I’ve known some who think they are successful if they score. Shallow successes, but one never the less. Maybe some think they are a success if they scammed and got away with it, time and time again. Some get invited into the “inner circle” and feel they have arrived. Name dropping and trying to be a part. I think if they ever find their true identity, recognize what they’ve done and admit it, they will be a success.
Bird,
Funny you should say you felt like you were “slumming it”. I too could say I was “slumming it”; sleeping on the sofa bed and then a futon mattress on the floor because he had no furniture. But he was trying to get back on his feet and paying child support; I was in love, so who cared – we were together! Yeah – right!
He “appeared” successful to others; plane – boat; toys that I paid for. I remember how smug he would get when people would ask him about the plane when we would fly in somewhere, because it had floats on it (could land on water or land). Little did they know that he did not pay for it.
These “toys” were used to impress the other women, and then he would ask to borrow money from them. If one was paying close attention – that does not make sense. Wonder what he told them after they were taken away. He sure doesn’t have anything now to impress the ladies but lawsuits and bankruptcy. All he owns are his clothes and some misc. items – no car, no house. He has less now, then what he had 8 years ago. I don’t call that successful.
EMJ,
“possession is 9/10s of the law”—and I guess if you “possess” something no matter WHO paid for it or how much you owe, you can feel like a “big shot”—but not forever! It’s all about the ‘impression” and the “mask” not about reality, but for that moment they feel like a BIG shot and ohhhhh does that feel good. They don’t have to think about the REALITY of the fact that they don’t own anything, that they scammed it from someone else, but it does’t make any difference to those that are “impressed” by status, money or toys!
It’s like two little kids under the porch playing “show me yours” YUK!
My P-father was the perfect example of an unsuccessful psychopath.
He died in prison where he had been for 15+ years not surrounded by people who could have loved him deeply, but by strangers and enemies.
So sad and tragic.
my ex s p is trying to be a good partner to some girl who looks exactly like me, dont know if shes waking up its been going about 5 months now? i hope and say all the time i want him to get his pain and share of un happiness. it may be coming as he came into my work unexpected the other day sniffing around, strange behaviour if your in a happy relationship? he insists its still going strong. who knows. i hope she dumps him and realises. but he is so good at acting like the great boyfriend maybe she will never know or isnt perceptive. me im still trying to find what makes me happy, i would love a normal partner and family, keep hoping and praying. it all seems rosy for him though. there must be things she finds strange about him like weird phone calls at odd times, i dont call him though i am sure other woman do. he tries so hard to cover things up hes good at it, but sometimes the tiniest thing would stick in my mind a clue for certain then i would find out in the end. i hope she does too. poor girl. he wants a normal relationship and family so much i know for sure, but does he deserve this, i dont think so .come on karma. also in regards to sluming it with them mine had nothing when i met him he was living in share house with his uncles and wasnt happy there only owned his bedroom furniture, no car, and only worked casual. no wonder he found life with me attractive i had myown place and lived comfortable. he eventually got a real fulltime job with my encouragement only. now he still doesnt own much he has a place he is renting and a bit more furniture still no car though. wonder what the new girl thinks she sounds like she has a good job, go figure. very interesting isnt it. thanks
I was married to what one might consider a “successful” sociopath for 16 years. He was an F-18 pilot in the navy when I met him and now he is a Captain for a major airline. By all societal accounts he is a success. I left him almost two years ago because I found a man who is amazing and we fell in love. That gave me the strength to leave the bad relationship (lying, isolating me, cheating on me – lots of flight attendants, telling all his friends and our neighbors I was “crazy”, etc…) I had tried to divorce him two years prior but somehow he reeled me back in – with fear I believe. Everyone thought he was so great and how could I want to divorce such a perfect man? I had NO support, even from my family. When I told him I wanted a divorce the first words out of his mouth weren’t, “Oh my God” or “Please lets work it out” or ” I love you, Please don’t leave me” they were “I will destroy you!” He has done his best to do that. I left the divorce with only the minimum state mandated child support and 50% of the meager assets he had acquired. His 401K had about 1/2 of what other pilots of his tenure had in theirs. Where is all the money? He has manipulated my poor boys to the point where one of them barely speaks to me at the age of 15, the other has become disrespectful. Although he told them that he had cheated on me – they blame me for leaving. He only told them to head me of at the pass before I told them. The lies were unending. I too could write a book. I felt crazy. Well, I’m not crazy and most of my suspicions have since been confirmed. He is an intelligent and clever man but he possesses no soul. He is willing to try and destroy the mother of his children after I was a faithful stay at home mother for all those years. He is to the outside world A SUCCESS. He is to me a demon. There are successful sociopaths. They are charming, intelligent, have many friends and great professions. They leave in their wake nothing but devastation and will never be blamed or punished for it because they make their victims out to be the wrongdoers. My most persistent unanswerable question is: why do so many people believe thrier lies?