Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
Hi there Henry. Yep, Henry, I am rested and tanned. Alot of us, came here, like broken people, too stunned and hurt to comprehend what actually hit us. Many of us were physically and emotionally shattered, but isnt it wonderful, how the healing unfolds before your very eyes. Good days, bad days, better than all bad days, thats healing in progress. Glad to hear that you are better and you are sounding better, not so lame. He left me with a bad lower back too, but hey ho, we just have to get on with life. It would be fun to meet everyone wouldnt it?!
Lilygirl, YOu ARE as strong as I am, you are just not as aware of your strength as I am “most” of the time—I too fall off the “wagon” and feel weak (remember last week!!!) There are pit falls for me in the road to healing just like there are for you.
Henry dear I am glad that I am your hero, I feel honored, but every one here on this blog in my estimation is heroic, because we have done what it takes to get away from the Ps. That takes bravery and courage.
Courage and bravery are NOT “not being afraid,” courage and bravery are BEING AFRAID and doing WHAT IS RIGHT ANYWAY.
You had the courage to tell your Bad man to hit the road. I had the courage to tell my mom, “I don’t trust you because you are a liar” Aloha had the courage to tell her Bad Man, NO MORE, Beverly had the courage to —–and on and on and on.
EACH of us should get a “purple heart” for being wounded and a “congressional medal of honor” for keeping on fighting to survive even though we were gravely wounded. If this group of people are not all heroes I don’t know where one is.
Donna and Liane Leedom, and EVERY PERSON on here. We all reach out to touch each other with caring, support and concern and to help each other through the “rough patches” to support and cheer each other on. To make suggestions and give our points of view. We don’t all agree, but everyone is agreeable…how great is THAT!!!
BTW Henry, keep in mind that WE ARE ENGAGED, so be careful hugging all the women! I might get jealous! LOL
OXY my dear…. I think we (all) would have a special hug reserved just for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made me laugh, I will never forget that we are engaged, you haven’t seen me propose to anyone else have ya?? Every body have a great Independence Day, I am going to buy (one HUGE) fire cracker and at 11pm tomorrow nite, way out here in the country by myself I am going ignite that one symbol of my Independence and freedom and celebrate the fact that I have found my spirit. I am back!!!!!!!!!!!
My ex views himself as successful (Yeah…successful at getting people to think he’s successful).
He works in the Film industry. He’s a Foreman. He makes what most would consider a pretty comfortable living. He likes to talk about how important he is at work and all the things he does for other people. To outsiders he dotes on his adopted daughter. He is often described as a man who would “give you the shirt off his back”
But really…
He brags about being associated with the Hells Angels at one time – kinda like an explosives and firearms expert, he’s done time for something violent and received a pardon for it (he would never tell me what he did or how long he was in jail for).
Married at 16 and had three sons, made a fortune – supposedly millions, in the oil fields and doing crime, blew it all.
The first wife supposedly loved him and he left her. He doesn’t talk about her and has never had a bad word to say about her except that she took his sons away, and he supposedly spent 50 grand trying to get access. He says he gave up and never saw his sons again. They’re all about 30 now, and the oldest called him out of the blue a couple of years ago. N didn’t want anything to do with reconnecting.
Meanwhile, at 28 he married his second wife who he insists chased him. They were unable to have children, so they adopted his best friends grand daughter at the 14 year point. He had invested quite a bit in this marriage, his entire facade rested on his ability to appear able to maintain a normal relationship and a normal life…but he couldn’t. It was falling apart. His life long drinking was getting worse and it wasn’t keeping the demons down anymore. He started the smear campaign on her with all their friends and family, her family, even people at his work (myself included)!
She had a new b/f and was moving on, and he was mad as Hell about it.
She left him, took her half of the house, and in doing so, unleashed a hellion waiting to explode…
She had the nerve to find another man, to leave him, to ruin his picture he’d painted, and to take 300 grand with her – well, that was too much for him, she had publicly humiliated him in refusing to put up with his crap anymore…He went over the edge.
And guess who was standing right there?!
Now, he’s only been divorced for less than two years (they were separated for over a year before that). He’s run his credit up impressing as many as eight different women and his daughter, refinanced his house three times and now has to sell it (he says he tired of taking care of it, or that I bankrupted him – depending on who he’s talking to)…Including his wife, there are now three of us who know what he is, or at least that something isn’t right, and there will only be more.
Like I said before, the bodies will start to pile up at some point. His image of success is killing him. He’s getting old and has to keep a half dozen women on the go for his supply. He has to be the big spender because he’s the big movie guy with the big rented truck.
Pretty soon he’ll be nothing more than an old wrinkly drunk in a rental unit, with nothing to offer anyone but a mouth full of lies, a fist full of Calis, and a line of credit.
Here’s to success!
Dear PB,
The funny thing about the Ps and “success” is that they ALL think they are successful, even my P son who has been in prison since adulthood thinks of himself as “SUCCESSFUL” and to be admired—DUH????? He is so “successful” and knows just how everything should be done—if he is so smart, why is he in prison? It doesn’t keep him from thinking of himself as a success story though! Talk about delusion. They are all deluded into thinking they are successful.
You are right abot how he will wind up, but the funny thing is, he will STILL Consider himself a “success.” Even when he is in an “old wino’s shelter” sleeping on a cot, he will still be a “winner” in his own mind.
Mine seems quite successful. He has been on pension with the army for probably a few years without actually having to work (due to him faking a disability). His pension comfortably supports his wife and child and a very expensive reptile hobby that most reptile enthusiasts only dream of. For whatever reason, the army believes he is guilty of malingering but they don’t seem to be taking any steps to punish him. It is likely that they will just lower his rank but still discharge him with a decent lifetime pension because they don’t want the political repercussions of sending an Iraqi vet to prison. He is very smooth at playing women and seems to get whatever he wants. I don’t plan to follow his life and career to see if fate ever catches up to him. As long as he stays out of my life, that’s all I care about.
Lilygirl and apt/mgr– Before ever finding lovefraud, I remember using the word “emotional rape” to describe what had my sp had done to me. I remember wishing I could trade in the devastation for what he had done to me for physical rape– because that would have been so much easier. I wish all forms of emotional abuse and manipulation would become more public and discussed in hopes of preventing some of it or making people more aware of its existence. Just like physical rape, emotional rape is committed to have power and domination over the victim. During the lowest points after the last and worst betrayal he committed, it was and is so hard knowing that he was and is probably just fine, or even doing wonderful with the “pleasure” he achieved from hurting me. Being a good person has not made my life easy. I am alone, i don’t have a lot of support. But if I am really honest with myself would I want to be him rather than myself??
Dr Leedom, I think you have stated that narcs and psychopaths….they are all on a continuum, if I understood correctly. Perhaps the “Thomas Crown” type P have some high intelligence going for them that helps mitigate the impulse control , that is, they are more able to see when impulses are not in their best interest. But when they can get away with something, watch out. The P I was involved with had the smarts to be a highly paid pathologist and own the labs….but what an interesting medical choice. Not upset by poking around in dead bodies, okay with peering in microscopes for much of the day, doesn’t mind delivering bad news about types of cancer found, etc. Plus married money. Cheats on her but ever so carefully….cause the money matters! Mega millionaire, buys the love of his kids. But he said he feels empty inside and I can believe it so that is some justice I suppose.
How ironic that he is a pathologist. Cannot see his own pathology.
LOL!
However, he is intelligent and knows something is wrong, in his saner moments. He actually told me he thinks he has a personality disorder, but he thought borderline, because you are right, he CANNOT see his arrogance, sense of entitlement, he doesn’t realize his experience of “emotions” or “love” or even lovemaking are very, very abnormal, he doesn’t get how he is completely controlled by his need to control, he doesn’t get that he is hugely, wrongfully exploitive, and on and on.
But he can be perfectly calm and untroubled by the worst things a pathologist sees and does….cause he just doesn’t feel what a normal person would feel.