Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
There is something tragic about this, JAH. It’s easier to hate them when they don’t think anything is wrong with them. When they have some idea they’re just “not right” but can’t change, it’s tragic. I think mine knew he was a bad person, too.
Im right in the middle of my anger stage!!! I finally got there and isnt it so ironic that you always find out things too late? I put up with three physical assaults, broken back, drug down a hundred foot driveway with her car, and a black eye which she worked the system to put ME in jail and I was still right there believing her when she said she loved me!!!!! Oh how she made me question myself, maybe I was the one who wasnt understanding? Oh my goodness, what a slap in the face this has been to me!!! And the aftermath, is even worse. My s made herself seem successful by taking a job I provided the lead for and working her way up very fast. She is very respected in her job, but no one sees how she is playing it to the hilt. So they are capable of “success” its just the low life way they achieve it that makes my skin crawl. That is what gets me the most and makes me very incompetent in my thinking! Forget all the lies, forget all the infidelity, forget anything else that she did that made my mouth drop open, it is the picture that she left of me to her friends and colleagues that is a demon for me now. There are two things about me that will die with me and that is my honesty and integrity. She compromised them both! Three weeks ago when I finally found the courage to go NO contact and mean it this time fate would intervene. I talked to a woman that my S had introduced her and her husband to me last summer. My S had worked with the husband of the couple when she lived in another state and I met her online and moved her to be with me “and get her out of her despair of the bad relationship she told me she was in” I invited them down a couple of times to go boating? The first time they came down it was all fun and games. The second time they came down, the wife got so drunk she was so sick the next day on the boat and I felt so bad for her, her husband and my S were all laughs and such, but there was uneasiness in the air for me. After the wknd i asked my S if she had slept with this guy? Of course she ademantely denied it!
Well after fate intervened and I talked to this guys wife just a couple day ago I not only found out that my S had slept with her husband but had been trying to talk them into a three way. Then the wife went on to explain that my S had told them I was abusive to her and I was draining her money yada yada yada!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! This kills me the most. People thinking I am this awful person my S has made me out to be. And my efforts only get shut down by a system my S has honed for yrs. When I found all this out, my strength went out the window……I called my S and when she said hello, I said “I want to know the truth, if you want to lie just hang up” She hung up…. and then my phone rings agan,(I answer) with music playing in the background and the lyrics are something to the effect of “your a piece of shit”. I was crazy at that point. so I decided I would “Fix” her. So I text three friends of hers(that were supposedly my friends) and spilled the beans about my S to “tell the truth” When am I gonna learn that the network of people she involved me in is her network? I had a voice mail from my S this morning saying she was going to get a restraining order on me for harrassment and threatening. This is why NO CONTACT is so important!!!!! Im gonna have to learn to live with the fact that these people are evil and put my pride aside until i am expunged from the feelings they left me with. I have to realize that there are people who are gonna think bad about me because of the words of my S. They were like me…..believing and all ears open until it is proven different. I want karma to happen now! Im not a very good subject when it comes to patience in this aspect. I used to watch shows like Snapped and True Crime Stories and didnt understand how people would be pushed to the brink of the criminal acts. I feel like I am a victim that should be worthy of an episode to tell my story!!! I hate anger but it is my best friend right now
The anger stage….yes I went through that too, and was shocked at what I contemplated! But my body served me well. Any time I thought too much about actually making any kind of contact or putting in place anything against him I instantly got diarrhea, I kid you not! My body let me know….don’t have anything more to do with that poison. You can’t win with them except through NC. And Stargazer, thinking back to my anger, which wasn’t that long ago, I would have never thought I could feel real pity toward him. I guess it is pity that I feel. I just feel, what a waste. What a total, total waste of his brain and talent. And how very tragic how many lives he has hurt, mostly deeply hurt, in his lifetime. Those are the people I REALLY pity. And hope that they find healing.
anetsu:
Like you, I am a true crime buff. I used to especially love Ann Rule’s books — the murderer is always a sociopath. After getting involved with one, let’s just say that I’ve had my fill of sociopaths for quite awhile.
When I read about how your ex threw you and that couple together, my skin crawled. Not over anything you did, but because my ex used to throw me and his ex together — just for the his own jollies I now see.
I can relate to how it kills you to see how she is trashing you. They are masters at playing the victim. Hell, until I figured out S was a professional victim, I was a knight on a white horse rescuing mine — over and over and over again.
I finally threw in the towel and realized that I need to find new friends. I’m not going to change their minds about how badly I treated S. Maybe they’ll figure it out for themselves, maybe not. Not my problem.
As uncomfortable as prolonged anger is, anger is necessary at this step of the process. I’ve learned that without it, I kept on beating myself up rather than acknowledging what was so terrible — that S used me, played me, lied to me, cheated on me.
Once I focused on the anger I finally realized I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I did. The anger also gave me the strength to take care of some unfinished financial business with S.
Yesterday I realized that the business with S is coming to a close. I also realized that I’m tired of feeling angry all the time. Besides, since I lost my job this week I’ve got more important things to focus on than that little piss-ant.
As for getting the truth out of your S, fuhgeddaboutit. Not going to happen. Ditto the friends. Stay NC. And stay angry. It will get you through the first phase. It does get better, believe it or not.
Anetsu. Ugh. I really sucks to have to walk away from your entire circle of friends. This is part of the damage they inflict. It’s truly horrible. I haven’t really found an “end” to the anger stage because every time I get a new piece of information, anger gets stirred up again over the injustice of what he’s done.
I have been emailed the army to find out what his punishment was. They have been giving me evasive answers, which leads me to believe they just let him go with maybe a slap on the wrist. This is after months of me tying up my time and emotions by being a key witness in his fraud investigation. I feel like I have also been used by the army, and they don’t even have the courtesy of telling me what happened, after they “promised” they would several times. Maybe the whole organization is sociopathic.
Star, Do you know that it has all been resolved? Perhaps there is a lag time between decisions and actual consequences or release of info.
I don’t know – just a guess.
Pb, it is totally possible that he hasn’t yet been punished. He also may have hired an attorney and got off with no charges. Or he may be in appeal. I will probably never know. The army captain now regards me as a pest and has blocked me from emailing him. They were wining and dining me when they wanted my sworn statement. Literally, I was invited to a military dinner.
Anyway, I’m now in the thick of more PTSD symptoms. I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing and now feel anxious. I think it will just take a long time for this to go away.
Justabouthealed,
I also get the runs when I’m around toxic people. They don’t have to be toxic in the sense of being bad people. Sometimes it happens around people who are nice people but very loud and hyper.
Stargazer, I’m guessing the PTSD was triggered by your friends saying they are going after him to expose his lies about the snakes? I swear, the least little contact, even “one degree” away is enough to trigger stuff!
Hope things calm down for you soon. You know it keeps getting better, but like the ocean, sometimes a new big wave comes in, just when you thought the tide was about out.
LOL! The only thing good I got from the P, is if I feel constipated, I can think of him for about five minutes and that takes care of it! HAHAHAHAHA!!! For some of us, our bodies and our minds are very connected.
Thanks, JAH. LOL about the constipation. I do believe detoxifying from negative energy has a physical release component as well. So I’m not really sure why I am having anxiety right now. I imagine it will take me a while to process this one, because I just feel blocked up.