Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
Star,
“Red” beans are a kind of kidney beans, but you can also use “pinto” beans or any kind of colored bean except black. I use the pinto (they are brown and white but cook up brown) a lot cause that is what we have a lot of here.
yea, an iron skillet is a powerful weapon! In my living history group we have a contest called a “skillet toss” and the one who filings a 10 inch skillet the longest distance wins. I have never been able to throw it really far, but I can sure wave one well! ha ha Sometimes a bully will respond to a defensive threat! Sometimes it makes them more determined to “get you” so it just depends on the person. I love my skillets and big iron bean pots. They never wear out, are really the ultimate “non-stick” if you know how to “season” them, and somehow I think the food tastes better in them.
I hope things work out on your reptile site, but Star, if they don’t, that’s just collateral damage and it isn’t the end of the world. Lots of us lose friends and family over these monsters, and just like my cousin’s 50th birthday party this coming Friday, I am not going to be able to go because “my egg donor” is going and I do not want to have a scene with her, so I won’t be able to go…OH, WELL…..that’s the price I have to pay for taking care of myself. It is WELL WORTH it to have my “egg donor” out of my life. I wish it wasn’t like that, but you know what…that’s the way it is…and I can’t change it, so I’m determined not to grieve over it any more….to accept it and keep on going. I’m not going to waste more time on things I cannot change. LIke a guy I worked for once used to say “some days is magic, and some days is tragic” and so I’m going to concentrate on the magic ones! (((hugs)))))
Oxy: Speaking of Red beans. I received this in my e-mail again, just the other day.
God’s pharmacy
God first made the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish… all before making a human.
He made and provided what we’d need before we were born.
These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We’re such slow learners.
God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye.
Science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red.
The heart has four chambers and is red.
Research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart.
Each grape looks like a blood cell and research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength.
Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium.
If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs
Research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. How profound is this?
It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow.
Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges ,Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body’s cells. Today’s research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
Peace.
Wini, I think there’s a typo in this list. Sodium is actually bad for bones, causing leaching of calcium. I think they meant calcium. The foods mentioned are high in calcium, not sodium. And rhubarb probably shouldn’t be on this list at all, because its calcium comes in oxalate form, which can have paradoxical negative effects on calcium metabolism.
I’m not looking to continue this discussion of food here. I just wanted to clarify that point.
Oxy, I think you deserve the gold commemorative skillet for all your good work here on LF. As it turns out, my friends are up for the task of trying to expose the sociopath on the website. It may not work in keeping him off or getting him banned, but personally, it will be very satisfying if it does. Also, it will open the door for me to discuss this with site members at a later time down the road. I am not ready to leave there just yet. I joined “meetup.com” as someone here recommended. There were 47 animal meetup groups in my town. They were all for dog owners. There was not a single snake site. Snake people are heard to find and very precious when I find them. So I’m not giving up my reptile site just yet without a fight.
Dear Star,
Yea, there aren’t that many “snake lovers” but there are some, why don’t you check with some pet stores that sell snakes and see if they know of any. My son has several friends who have snakes and I used to know a bunch when I was in the wild life photography (we used mostly captive snakes to film) as well as imported them from Mexico, South America and Africa.
Maybe you could START a group!
I don’t know, Oxy, I feel very disempowered not being able to go on the site and tell the truth. I feel like I need to go back at some point and just say what happened. But I’m not strong enough. My friends are clearing the way for me by exposing him without implicating me (his most evil deed–defrauding the army–doesn’t even involve me). However, it is true that as days go by, I feel less and less addicted to the site. It is very sad to be letting go, but this is the nature of relationships that are not nurtured….they fizzle and die. After a few months, I will probably lose the desire to go back all together. It will make life as a snake mom a little tougher on me and not as fun. I feel the whole point of sending letters to Congress about the S is to be able to some day return to that forum. Otherwise, why break the nc? Having the army send me perfunctory updates begrudgingly keeps him in my mind. As long as he’s out of sight, he’s out of mind, and I don’t care what happens to him. I just want him out of my life. I have no need to sit here beside the scenes and twist knives into him. Whether or not the army lets him go this time is irrelevant. Even if he goes to prison, he will go on to con someone else. Nothing I do can change the trajectory of his life. I can maybe only interrupt it for a short time.
I know I was feeling quite depressed since the S appeared on the site. But when one of my friends there told me he had confronted the S on a lie on the S’s own thread, I actually felt encouraged, like I’d had some small victory. I realized the depression I feel is disempowerment because I am afraid of him and I’m still letting him control me. I let him force me off the site. I have not really made the decision to “leave the site.” There’s a difference. The difference is that it’s not coming from my own free will choice. I just don’t feel like walking away yet. I’m guessing in a few weeks/months, I won’t care any more. This is only one of a few injustices I’m battling right now. Every time I have a small victory I feel a piece of stuck energy in my throat dislodge where I swallowed my power and stifled my own voice.
I am also fighting my HOA on a plumbing issue that I definitely am in the right on. I will probably have to take them to court on it. I have never gone to court in my life. I have been extremely angry toward the HOA, and that anger has been eating away at me too. Tonight I have settled into a more laid back attitude. I will continue to stand up for myself and fight the battle because it is the right thing to do, not just for myself but for all the other homeowners here getting screwed over by the HOA. But not because I can’t shake the anger. It does eventually fade. Because it’s just the right thing to do.
I’m also fighting a fraudulent charge on my credit card and a battle with Citimortgage. I think this is a test of my strength and ability to stand up for myself. I usually just cower in the face of adversity. But circumstances have forced me to stand and fight. So I will do it and prove to myself that I can, that I won’t be beaten down by the evil around me. There is a lesson here for me. The lesson is that some things are worth fighting for. I have never cared enough about much of anything to fight for it. Today I got a summons for jury duty. Instead of my usual groaning and hoping to get out of it, my attitude was, “great! I hope I get picked for a jury and I hope I can send a sociopath to prison!” I feel like that character in “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.” I’m coming out of a fog but looking around and seeing all the thorns in the roses. I have rarely had the guts to stand up to anyone. Now I am doing it all the time. Guess that’s what I’m meant to do right now. I hope that some day my life can be about more than fighting. I look forward to a time when I can stop fighting and just be.
This is a gift the sociopath gave me — the gift of learning how to fight. I just absolutely refuse to lay down and die and let him defeat me. I will turn him into my greatest teacher. He will teach me how to be strong beyond my wildest dreams. If I have to keep giving stuff up because of him, then he will teach me who I am without those things.
Sorry, I’m rambling. Needed to talk I guess.
Do you think it’s ever possible to be grateful for the sociopath for making me who I am today? For teaching me to stand up for myself? I mean, if you can stand up to a sociopath, you can stand up to anyone, right?
stargazer: I have had that same question myself. I am looking for the blessing in this situation and have found myself thinking I should be thankful, but I still want my money back! You do sound strong, and yeah, if we can stand up to a sociopath… we can stand up to anyone, I like that!
Stargazer and Shabbychic2: I look at people and immediately think “how ridiculous their complaints or concerns are”. Knowing, they haven’t a clue to what has happened to the people on this blog. Every thing they complain about seems so superficial unless of course they are saying something positive or fun … but I can’t concentrate, nor do I give them any ear time on running by their average, run of the mill complaints (I’m shaking my head here).
Maybe it’s a faze that I have to work out.
I don’t know.
Peace.
Of course you want your money back! And I want my reptile forum back. We’ve had so much taken away from us. For me there is only peace when I decide to let go of it. Then I have made the decision, and it gives me my power back. I am not quite there with letting go of the reptile site yet. I think it’s possible to fight for what you want but let go of the emotional charge around it. This is what I am working on, letting go of all the anger and fear. That is really what my PTSD symptoms are. If I can be calm and relaxed and not upset and agitated, I can make better decisions, whatever those decisions are. I’m not feeling angry at the S any more for reappearing on my site. But I know logically that it would be bad news to be in a community where he hangs out, not even because of my history with him, but because of how destructive he is.