Many people commenting on this blog have expressed the hope that sociopaths/psychopaths will pay in this lifetime for their evil deeds. Well, I am writing to tell you that if this is your wish, statistics are in your favor. You likely just need to wait it out because psychopathy is associated with life failure, as I will explain.
In a recent study, Psychopathic personality traits and life-success, Dr. Simone Ullrich and colleagues examined relationship success and life success in more than 300 men, they have followed for many years, these men are now 48 years old. In their study, psychopathy was not associated with success in any of life’s domains. When they examined symptoms of psychopathy the interpersonal domain (being charming and manipulative) was not related to ”˜”˜status and wealth” or ”˜”˜successful intimate relationships”. Impulsiveness and antisocial behavior reduced ”˜”˜status and wealth.” The authors state “ It is concluded that psychopathic traits do not contribute to a successful life and that the findings cast doubt on the existence of the successful psychopath.”
You may be asking, What about all the “successful psychopaths” we hear about? First of all, I believe that these are a very tiny minority. Remember that the disorder sociopathy or psychopathy is a group of impairments that I relate to an inability to love, poor impulse control and deficient moral reasoning. Confusion arises because some narcissistic individuals have impaired ability to love accompanied by grandiosity, but their impulse control and moral reasoning are not as impaired. These individuals may achieve some life success (Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol 21(6), Dec 2007. pp. 657-663). So if a person is unable to love and grandiose but not excessively impulsive or immoral, that individual may achieve some career success. But still an inability to love prevents any real relationship success.
So now you can move on. Fate and Karma will get that psychopath/sociopath. You can go about your life working as I do, on trying to love more and live better.
Star: I’m claiming the name Imp-ASS, since that’s what I feel I’ve come to. Maybe I’ll get to being “Over the P-ASS,” but not yet. BTW, in this neighborhood the “P-ASSes” include “Loveland P-ASS.” I’m a bit afraid of that one.
I forgot to clarify that I am referring to the point in the relationship that I was aware he was treating me god awful, and I stayed by him, with him, along side him, tried and true.
Make no mistake I dont feel an S has many good qualities at all. But he definitely had the ability to be selfish ( i do not) to set boundaries (I did not) to say no (rarely did I) to do what he wants when he wants (I always did for others first….etc….
Rune, I laughed so hard over imp-ASS. I’m still ROFL’ing!!!! Does that mean you live in Colorado? If you do, I have to meet you some time. I’m in CO also.
I claiming the name Bad-Ass! Its the only place I could ever get away with it because everyone who knows me would ROTFL!!!!!! Gonna go call my sister and tell her I have a new nickname for dealing with any S/P’s who cross my path!!! TOWANDA (sp?) lol
Star: Somebody asked me today if I was high, but I said I don’t inhale. Actually I’m just a little more than a mile high. We might even get to have a REAL cup of tea!
Learnthelesson: I think there is something to be said for us givers and empaths about being selfish and having good boundaries. Just as an example, there is a woman at work I have known for 7 years. We have spent a lot of time together. I’ve taken her for several lunches, she took me to the zoo, I’ve had her over for parties, we chum around at work–her office is right near mine. I tend to chum around with everyone at work who is sociable because I am a fun-loving and sociable person. However, in the past 6 months, I’m seeing signs that she is not really what I would call a friend. Some of her behaviors and comments have bothered me. I have tried to talk to her and tried to let them go. At this point I feel I need to now learn how to be a “bitch” and just say “what can I do for you?” when she’s standing in the doorway to my office, in a very matter-of-fact tone. And to not share so much information with her. This is very hard for me to do. I see others doing this all the time. I don’t seem to really have an inner bitch. But I’m going to figure out how to get one and to use it.
Rune, I think we are neighbors! I call LOVEFRAUD GATHERING!
Dear Learn-ED the lesson,
OH, BOY DID YOU EVER LEARN THE LESSON! BRAVO!!!! TOWANDA!!!!
That is the lesson for sure. No one is all “bad” even the Ps, they have charm and talents just like the rest of us. Those talents are not bad, it is HOW THEY CHOOSE TO USE THEM THAT MAKES THEM BAD.
I have a gun. My gun is not “bad” it is a TOOL, and it can be used for a GOOD purpose or a BAD purpose, but the gun itself is neither bad nor good. I have a hammer, it is not a good hammer or a bad hammer, it can be (just like the gun) used for a good purpose or a bad purpose.
I have a pen and some ink and paper, those are neither bad nor good, but can be USED for good or bad purposes.
Talents are the same way, they can be used for good or bad purposes. I have the talent to “convince people” of many things, I am a good sales person—I can also use that same talent for BAD purposes as well as good purposes.
My P-son is a very bright, charming man…he could have used his talents and intellect for many good purposes, but he CHOSE to use it for bad purposes (by my moral compass anyway). It doesn’t negate that he has talents that COULD be admirable if used for good. Or that he is not “smart.”
We also have talents, we have things about us that ARE, neither “good nor bad” but we can chose to USE THEM for our own benefit or for others benefits, or we can chose to “bury” those talents and not use them at all. Or we can use them for bad purposes.
My egg donor is a wonderful financial manager, she managed her finances so well that she is “well off” now and she started out as poor as a church mouse. That is a talent Bernie Madoff also had. I learned from my egg donor how to manage my fianances and I am at least “solvent” and I have taught my kids the things I learned about financial management. How they choose to use that knowlede (talent) is up to them.
Sometimes people get caught up in a situation that they couldn’t prevent and lose their assets, or they make bad decisions or someone steals from them. Plenty of people here are in that shape. But NOW, today, each of us has new choices to make and we can use our knowledge, assets, talents, etc. for our benefit or our continued downfall.
Learn–in my living history group we often pick up nick names according to what we demonstrate–my nick name used to be the “ox lady” because if someone couldn’t remember my name they would refer to me by that nick name and “everyone knew the Ox Lady” so it became my nick name, one of the wits in the group has changed my nick name to “The BAD ASS WOMAN” and, of course, everyone still knows who they are talking about. LOL ROTF!!!! One year when I took the dogs and the goats to demo dog herding I was the “goat woman.”
I’m glad SOMEBODY is learning lessons. lol. I’m learning nothing. I will go work out now. I hope you all have a relaxing and peaceful S-free evening.
Ox – I didnt know how to PROTECT myself. OR maybe its that I didnt want to admit I was taken for a ride by someone I truly gave my love and friendship too. More than any other in my life. Im 41, I can count on one hand the number of serious relationships Ive had (all long-term ones) by all accounts they were S-Free. When they stopped growing we went separate ways. Still in touch with my x’s parents, and my highschool sweetheart found me on classmates.com. If there was one thing they said about me, it was that I had a tendency to be needy (thats fair) I have unresolved fear of abandonment…But with the S – he knew he had a way of hurting me (disappearing, lying, cheating, reappearing, apologizing, piling on the attention, disappearing, needing, taking — never giving… you name it… you know the S -Drill. But I spun, spiraled hooped it, loop-de-looped it. I was either trying to catch up or run away all the while being like the running man STANDING STILL. It was such a vicious cycle – I couldnt protect myself – get out – let alone stay out. I loved, I gave love. I gave unconditional love. But I DID NOT EXPERIENCE LOVE with him. I experienced Lovefraud. I didnt know how to or CHOOSE TO protect myself. I was somebody I dont ever want to be again – but I want to love again, receive love, and experience it. I will as long as Im open to the possibility and honest to myself about the one Im with..